The Transition from Girlfriend to (eek) Wife

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Mistery on Wednesday, September 1, 2010 and has 27 replies.
To all who have been/are married, how does this work? Was there a noticeable difference? Aaargh! Part of me doesn't want to be a wife. What is pervading my head? Oh, yeah, this mental image.

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Hmm...well if you've lived together prior to, there's not that much of a difference. At least there wasn't for me. Makes the transition much easier. I highly recommend it.
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Agree with Siren. I made the flip seamlessly. From girlfriend to wife seemed a natural segue to me. And now for the cliche advice portion of our show. Never stop talking to your man. Too many bury little issues that grow like weeds underneath the surface, choking the life from things. So always lay that crap right out on the table and hash it out. smile
And congratulations!! I wish you much joy and happiness in your life.
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Yeah the mental image is a bitch.... But may I suggest a mental image on another kind Winking Sure makes me wanna be a married man!

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That's a very nice image. smile
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Posted by venusianbull
That's a very nice image. smile


Indeed! I am so not settling for less Winking
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Well, I think our transition was made easier by the fact we had been together for 7 years before we got married. So, not a whole lot changed. We had been cohabitating for 5 years, bought our own house, two dogs and a cat, shared income, etc.
I think it can be more difficult when the unknown overtakes the known. So, I guess it depends on how "together" you two really are; how much is shared. This is why I believe it's important to live together before marriage. You really don't know a person until you live with them and see their face every single day.
I agree with VB that there's no sense in burying what you are needing/wanting/feeling. Communication is number 1.
Good luck! It's an interesting road Winking
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Posted by enfant_terrible
Posted by venusianbull
That's a very nice image. smile


Indeed! I am so not settling for less Winking
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Nor should you. Winking
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ramfish! I missed you lady! smile Yayyyyyy!
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Posted by venusianbull
ramfish! I missed you lady! smile Yayyyyyy!


Hey sweet thing...I've missed you too! Hope all is well with you and your family smile
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Well as it can be lovely lady. smile My son is the Incredible Hulk now, way bigger than his momma with a *gasp* mustache. One more year of this then off to high school with him. Big girl will be transferring to a different college this autumn, unbelievable. I hope things are well on your end too. smile
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Posted by enfant_terrible
Yeah the mental image is a bitch.... But may I suggest a mental image on another kind Winking Sure makes me wanna be a married man!




whoaaaaaa, another madmen fan Big Grin
yeah, betty is a bitch! i hated her before but now, i so totally don't like her. i don't know how a fraud, cheat and absentee father becomes more sympathetic than his wife but yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, they so totally were able to achieve it because i so totally want one of those guys to haul off and give her a 1950's, melodramatic SMACK!
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Posted by CappyLuv30
Oh and can I just say ironing has to be the worst chore in the entire world!!!!!!!!


LOL! There are a lot of casual wear things you can just throw in the dryer with a hot, wet towel. DONE! Winking
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Posted by scorpio_chic
Posted by Eleni

yes there was for me..even though we'd been together for a long time and had lived together...he changed
it was more of a psychological thing on his part...he literally assumed he owned me



This is what scares me. As much as I always post on here about wanting to get married & have children, I'm so intimidated by it. I'm afraid that the man will change. That he'll start treating me badly or trying to 'run' me. If I was married & legally bound to someone, I wouldn't feel free to leave if he started mistreating me. There's freedom in relationships to leave when you are being mistreated or taken for granted. But in marriage, it seems like you're kinda just stuck in the mud. Like it could either be really great, or really bad.
My sister just got married a year ago.. I felt like she married too soon but it was part of her '5 year plan'. Now she has everything that she said she wanted 5 years ago, but her new husband belittles her sometimes and talks to her like she's a child. I feel suffocated just thinking about not being able to leave an unhappy situation.
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^^^^Yes, this is exactly what I'm afraid of. I've never been married before (neither has he) so I'm used to leaving fast if things get bad. Never lived with him or any other guy more than weeks at a time. So, how this will all go down plus moving to the U.K. and leaving my family behind. We'll go back & forth but still, it's hard to leave everything & everyone you know. I don't mind being domestic; love to cook, will clean. Iron? NO! That's why God invented cotton/poly.
I won't miss McDonald's (maybe taco bell), gah, do they have Taco Bell in England? Tongue
I am confident in our relationship and our ability to communicate. Thanks VB for emphasizing that.
Aaaah, what we do for love!
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Posted by enfant_terrible
Yeah the mental image is a bitch.... But may I suggest a mental image on another kind Winking Sure makes me wanna be a married man!



Yes, a much better image (without the fag in hand) but the marriage sucks. I'll never be the woman in rollers, let myself go physically. For me mostly but for him too.
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Indeed. smile What doesn't one do for love? Winking
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Posted by venusianbull
Well as it can be lovely lady. smile My son is the Incredible Hulk now, way bigger than his momma with a *gasp* mustache. One more year of this then off to high school with him. Big girl will be transferring to a different college this autumn, unbelievable. I hope things are well on your end too. smile


Things are quite well...not sure if you saw, but we are expecting. I'm 5 months today. It was hell, but much better now.
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Gosh ladies...I'm sad that some of you were/are treated so poorly by your husbands. I never thought I got too lucky (LOL)with mine, but maybe I did. He's the same ole jackass as he ever was Winking
I actually think he starting taking things a bit more seriously once we wed. Now, we do have a TON of issues, but I never felt like he changed in a negative way.
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Posted by ramfishtwins
Posted by venusianbull
Well as it can be lovely lady. smile My son is the Incredible Hulk now, way bigger than his momma with a *gasp* mustache. One more year of this then off to high school with him. Big girl will be transferring to a different college this autumn, unbelievable. I hope things are well on your end too. smile


Things are quite well...not sure if you saw, but we are expecting. I'm 5 months today. It was hell, but much better now.
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*smiles huge* I did see that, but thought you might like to keep your news on Aries board, yours to pass out at will. I am so thrilled for you all. Isn't morning/noon/night sickness a joy? Erm, not. Tongue
Should be smooth sailing until the last month, when that impatience to meet the little one is strongly at the fore. Make that Bull of yours give you loads of nice belly rubs with good oil. And give that peanut a smooch for me.
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Posted by CappyLuv30
Posted by ramfishtwins
Gosh ladies...I'm sad that some of you were/are treated so poorly by your husbands. I never thought I got too lucky (LOL)with mine, but maybe I did. He's the same ole jackass as he ever was
I actually think he starting taking things a bit more seriously once we wed. Now, we do have a TON of issues, but I never felt like he changed in a negative way.



Well maybe that's the secret to a happy marriage.....putting up with each other out of love even if you're a jackass LOL God knows I'm no picnic but nobody's perfect Winking
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You got that right, sister! That's exactly it, you see. You either learn how to accept each other for who you are or you don't and move on. That's why the divorce rate is so high. People don't have much tollerance anymore. I know I don't have much of it and have contemplated leaving on several occastions. I guess it comes back to loving the big lug. I've spent 11 years of my life with him and am now having his child. We are pretty much opposites, but have always been. I can't imagine being in a situation where he just changes because we have a "piece of paper". That seems odd to me.
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Posted by Beetleguese
From my experience it's the women that change first after marriage, start trying to change me and changing themselves. Not caring as much about looking as sexy as they did before, worried about mundane worldly matters and just generally losing the magic and settling into a routine. Taking things for granted I guess, marriage takes work it's one of, if not the the most important things we will do in our lives and yet most of us do very little to maintain the relationship and keep it as it was in the beginning; which is what attracted the couple together in the first place.
To be sure I was just as complicit in letting things spiral out of control in my relationships, although it is difficult to perform surgery without the patient's cooperationsmile


This is why I think it's so important to live together for AT LEAST a year beforehand. Nothing wrong with a long engagement. And the old saying is true...you don't really know anyone until you live with them. Tongue
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Posted by seavixen2
Madmen fan here!!!


Likewise! Last week's episode was great...still thinking about it. You know it's an amazing show when you still think about an episode days later smile
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Yeah, 'Mad Men' rules!
Posted by caligula
yeah, betty is a bitch! i hated her before but now, i so totally don't like her. i don't know how a fraud, cheat and absentee father becomes more sympathetic than his wife but yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, they so totally were able to achieve it because i so totally want one of those guys to haul off and give her a 1950's, melodramatic SMACK!


You think Betty is a bitch??? How come? I think she's fabulicious! You can imagine it was extremely painful to watch her beg her husband for sex while he's out giving it away to other women... when he should be giving it to her! She's the one who tru?y deserves it Winking Then again, I have a thing for sexually frustrated housewives...


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Did you have doubts about marrying either one, BG, after living together? Or did they mask the "real" them the whole time? People can do that, too. I can't imagine. Seems like it would be very tough to keep up a facade when you're sharing the same space with someone everyday, but not impossible.
I don't really think people change that much...it's more that they hide who they truly are. And some are really good at it.
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LOL! Well, good!
All relationships serve a purpose. Especially, the bad ones - that's where you learn the most. A fast-forward button would still be nice occasionally, though. Winking
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Aye, or one lovely Gypsy woman to lay it all down for you in screaming neon letters 4' high. Big Grin
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Hey Gorgeous! I was wondering where you be. Winking
lol Unfortunately, I'm usually the gypsy woman for everyone else. I read the Tarot. Too bad it doesn't work so hot when you try to read yourself. Tongue
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