There's no such thing as...

"It just happened"
OR
"1 thing led to the next"

I cringe every time I hear someone justifying their wrongdoing(w) with these lines!

There's also no such thing as another woman coming in & "taking" or "stealing" your man! If a man strays, it's b/c he wanted to (well unless someone pointed a gun at his head & made him!). Someone that was truly yours can't be taken from you to begin with. The mistress/other woman doesn't take anything; she comes in & further encourages what your man was ALREADY thinking (his foot was ALREADY half way in & out of the door).

Another line I hate hearing? "It's human nature! It's human nature to....(insert wrongdoing here). So if that's the case then that means I should ALWAYS expect for you to cheat or betray me. And I should always expect for you to betray b/c you'll ALWAYS be "human" right? Righttttttt.

There's no such a thing as "It just happend!"

There's actually alot of thought AND energy that goes into cheating. It's not just "1 of those things that just falls into your lap."

-Your pants didn't unzip themselves!
-The condom didn't put itself on
-The door didn't open itself
-The phone/text didn't answer itself
-99% of the time, there's NOT a gun pointed at your head forcing you to do it
-Someone riding you like a f'ing bull doesn't "just happen."

And if cheating IS human nature (meaning it's an UNcontrollable urge) then how come you can magically/coincidentally/conveinantly control that urge when a 90yr old cougar hits on you OR when someone you're not attracted to hits on you? What's the problem!?! If it's uncontrollable, all your mistresses wouldn't conveinantly be drop dead gorgeous!

My point is, betraying someone is a CHOICE. It's a DECISION. A dumb one, I may add. But nonetheless, it's something that you decided was worth it in the moment. Finding out later that you regretted that decision does NOT change the fact that in the MOMENT, betraying that person was EXACTLY what you wanted AND thought you'd get away with.

Pushing their wrongdoing and blame off onto the other person. Projecting. Ever notice the cheaters are the ones most suspicious about the other person?

I agree with you krys, a cheater is a cheater bottom line. Of course there is thought and planning. You don't randomly fall onto or into someones genitals. Just another bullshit excuse to cover bullshit behavior.

Posted by venusianbull
I agree with you krys, a cheater is a cheater bottom line. Of course there is thought and planning. You don't randomly fall onto or into someones genitals. Just another bullshit excuse to cover bullshit behavior.

Hmph. I asked this question to an ex that cheated on me years ago. I said, "Oh really, so if it 'just happend' that means I oughta get used to the aspect & possiblity of your pants sometimes unzipping themselves & someone's cooch falling into your lap? If you call that 'human nature' then that means it will happen again--after all, you'll always be 'human' won't ya?"

His response? SILENCE! lol

And what's so funny is that 99.999% of the people who use those lines would NOT wanna hear it if the tables were turned. Smh smh

LOL YUP! I got that from my ex as well "It wasn't something I planned." 'OH RILLY?!' says I. "You planned to hang out with her, you planned to make time for her away from your family and you most DEFINITELY planned on screwing her." I mean, pardon me, that sounds like some forethought to me. As well as the choice TO or NOT. Like you, I was met with silence, a very long and uncomfortable one. HA! And too right, what's done once will be done again. NOPE, a cheater is a cheater. Agree with you on that score.

Posted by QLIbraMale
There's no such a thing as "It just happend!"-----I strongly disagree with this statement. sometimes connections run deeper than lust or love. I recall few times I was slow dancing with this girl than we somehow started kissing on dance floor I never met her in my life lol.

No offense but if you don't have any control over where your lips & hands go, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Relationships absolutely DO require 2 people who can exerise self-control & discpline.

Sure, the "moment" itself can creep up on you & that's not something you can control, BUT what you DECIDE (b/c yes it IS a decision that you make, even if it's a split second decision) is on you & is something that you absolutely CAN control.

Not every crush or lustful situation is long & drawn out...that I agree with. BUT whether you're in a situation where lust hits you over time OR in a split second, we ALL have the choice to decide whether or not to give in to the moment. It's still a decision that we make.

I bet a 500 pound bald guy sneaked up on you at the club like ole girl did, you wouldv'e DEFINETELY exercised your right to say NO & backed away!...Just further proves that you have self-control. You just choose not to exericise it in the moment, which is still NOT a valid excuse when it's time to explain yourself to your partner

"A man is only as faithful as his options" - Chris Rock.

hahaha!

Seriously though, I think that there are two types of cheating.
Cheater cheating. (for sport, it will happen again and again, because it's fun to them, because they justify it,etc)
and
Reaction Cheating. (a woman is beaten or abused, finds solace in a gentle man willing to comfort her and it leads somewhere. A man has had enough of his emasculating demanding and overbearing insulting wife.. he seeks greener pastures)

They both are committing wrong acts and to most both types are unforgivable but if you ever find yourself in the situation of participant B and feel driven to escape your hell or prison in someone offering sanctuary.. you might tread lighter on this thread...

EVERYONE I am sure is against it, and everyone would never want to be cheated on but DON'T get the pitch forks for the wrong do-ers. Please be willing to acknowledge in SOME cases (certainly not the majority) there are TWO participants in a spouse/GF/BF who cheats. The one doing the cheating and the one who drove them to it.

I had a friend. Dave F. He was VERY (say was because I haven't seen in 20 years)HOT, like Brad Pitt hot... and he got laid CONSTANTLY and he had some really nice women that he crapped all over and would make CERTAIN he'd cheat on them..
It was like a degrading thing for him.. sort of like how some men need to do sexually degrading things to women for their kicks..

So there are those who cheat for sport and if they met a stepford wive that met their every need... they'd cheat..

but don't lump those who might not be totally alone in the act (responsibility wise) into the "BURN EM ALIVE!!" category..

Sorry it's the Virgo in me to empathize.. not that I've been there personally but I can certainly wear their shoes and understand it's not 100% black or 100% white 100% of the time.