This happens all the time...but why?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweethearts on Sunday, December 8, 2013 and has 27 replies.
A large group of us travelled up to watch our friend fight in the UFC this weekend. Event was held an hours travel from our homes and we have had our tickets for 2 months. Many of us booked rooms at the hotel where the fighters were all staying so we could enjoy the after party and not drink drive.
I offered to give a male friend a lift to the event and asked if he was staying, he had said no and also his wife wasn't coming along for a couple of reasons but we organised me taking him there with her in the conversation. She and I workout together once a week. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't make it home that night, I told him he should let his wife know and that between all of us staying, there will be room somewhere for him to sleep. His intentions were to come back to the hotel and meet a few fighters and then catch the last train home...
Never happened, his phone went flat and he didn't have his charger. We were all enjoying ourselves meeting all the stars and drinking with them. I told him around 9.30 to text or ring his wife from my phone to let her know he wasn't going to make it back. He actually ended up texting my daughter the message by mistake, he'd had a few to drink, I found it the next morning. So she went to bed not hearing from him and waking to no news until around 9.30am when I discovered his text mistake and told him to text again and then later to ring to let her know we were on our way back. She of course was angry/annoyed. My gf and I decided to go into his house with him when we dropped him off as we knew he would be in trouble and also to ease her mind of anything going on between me him or my gf or anyone else there that night Clearly she was annoyed as I have been on occasion when something like this had happened with my ex, either a very late homecoming with no news of where they are or who with or spending the whole night out and everything that goes through a woman's head when this happens.
My thoughts are... this could have been avoided if he had been honest with himself and her. I knew he wasn't going to make it home, once in the company of meeting with people that you idolise and being able to party with them, you don't end the night until your ready to sleep! If it hadn't crossed his own mind then it should have when I mentioned it to him weeks before and said he probably wouldn't end up going home and that he'd find a bed for the night.
But it happens all the time where men don't say what they know will likely happen
I offered to give a male friend a lift to the event and asked if he was staying, he had said no and also his wife wasn't coming along for a couple of reasons but we organised me taking him there with her in the conversation. She and I workout together once a week. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't make it home that night, I told him he should let his wife know and that between all of us staying, there will be room somewhere for him to sleep. His intentions were to come back to the hotel and meet a few fighters and then catch the last train home...
Never happened, his phone went flat and he didn't have his charger. We were all enjoying ourselves meeting all the stars and drinking with them. I told him around 9.30 to text or ring his wife from my phone to let her know he wasn't going to make it back. He actually ended up texting my daughter the message by mistake, he'd had a few to drink, I found it the next morning. So she went to bed not hearing from him and waking to no news until around 9.30am when I discovered his text mistake and told him to text again and then later to ring to let her know we were on our way back. She of course was angry/annoyed. My gf and I decided to go into his house with him when we dropped him off as we knew he would be in trouble and also to ease her mind of anything going on between me him or my gf or anyone else there that night Clearly she was annoyed as I have been on occasion when something like this had happened with my ex, either a very late homecoming with no news of where they are or who with or spending the whole night out and everything that goes through a woman's head when this happens.
My thoughts are... this could have been avoided if he had been honest with himself and her. I knew he wasn't going to make it home, once in the company of meeting with people that you idolise and being able to party with them, you don't end the night until your ready to sleep! If it hadn't crossed his own mind then it should have when I mentioned it to him weeks before and said he probably wouldn't end up going home and that he'd find a bed for the night.
But it happens all the time where men don't say what they know will likely happen
What possesses anyone to go see two people beat eachother senseless for pure amusement? I'm sorry, off-topic... but I just don't get it.
He didn't take care of anything, at all, did he? ... not a phone charger, not a ride, not a room, not talk to his wife .. nothing.
Good thing you were there to babysit him ... otherwise, he might have had to take some responsibility on his own, for himself.
You question why men are thoughtless ... just after conveying that you did all his thinking for him.
There's ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ your answer.
It's just a lack of consideration. And an especial lack of consideration for how choosing not to do 1 tiny thing can lead to consequences in a relationship
He's probably done that before & she probably got over it eventually. So he figures what the hell, since I'm gonna get the heat anyway, might as well just do what I want.
If she would've been unhappy even if he'd communicated with her then technically, are his actions or lack of really sparing her from feeling frustrated with him? Not really.
He's still in the wrong though. All he had to do was make the 2 second effort to communicate. And if he's a stand-up guy w/o hidden motives & is trustworthy, then it's up to HER to trust him when he's away. And if she can't, that's HER problem, not his b/c he shouldn't stop his life just b/c she has trust issues. But he F'd himself the minute he gave her something to b***tch about
He's probably done that before & she probably got over it eventually. So he figures what the hell, since I'm gonna get the heat anyway, might as well just do what I want.
If she would've been unhappy even if he'd communicated with her then technically, are his actions or lack of really sparing her from feeling frustrated with him? Not really.
He's still in the wrong though. All he had to do was make the 2 second effort to communicate. And if he's a stand-up guy w/o hidden motives & is trustworthy, then it's up to HER to trust him when he's away. And if she can't, that's HER problem, not his b/c he shouldn't stop his life just b/c she has trust issues. But he F'd himself the minute he gave her something to b***tch about
He really is a stand up guy but yes I did too much thinking for him.
I've seen scenarios like this happen before. It happened at least once in my marriage and happens all the time with others. I just don't get it, but maybe it is that they feel it's easier to do the crime before the time than cop it weeks before going out and having fun.
@ enfant: Not something I thought I'd get into until I went along one day to watch my friend fight and I do enjoy it...the last fight was vicious and nail bitting and I felt real dirty after because I enjoyed it!
I've seen scenarios like this happen before. It happened at least once in my marriage and happens all the time with others. I just don't get it, but maybe it is that they feel it's easier to do the crime before the time than cop it weeks before going out and having fun.
@ enfant: Not something I thought I'd get into until I went along one day to watch my friend fight and I do enjoy it...the last fight was vicious and nail bitting and I felt real dirty after because I enjoyed it!
Posted by sweethearts
.... and happens all the time with others.
I don't know any person in a relationship that this happens to.
I know people who severed all relations with irresponsible partners ... but, nobody who lives within this, as you have implied.
If a person tolerates this kind of disrespect ... then the problem becomes the enabler. A person will only treat you as you allow it.
Again .... I know a lot of people young and old, and everywhere inbetween and I don't know one single person who is partnered with a person of this kind of behavior.
Not the exact incident but guys fail to inform their partners of a night out that they know is going to be bigger than they let on. I've seen it all the time where partners either don't come home or have crawled in at ungodly hours.
Well P-Angel, you are just 1 person in a world full of billions. Just b/c you haven't saw/experienced something doesn't mean that others haven't, nor does it mean that specific cases don't exist just b/c YOU haven't seen it yet
You can't minimize the fact that this is a scenario that is all too common & is a reality for many many people. Whether or not the people in these situations should put up with it is a different story.
But if someone is telling you that they have experienced something that you may not have experienced for yourself (yet), your argument about not knowing anybody in this situation doesn't make sense. To think otherwise is to imply that these cases/scenarios must not exist just b/c you can't relate to it.
There is an entire world full of people who are experiencing & can relate to waaaaaaaay more than you've ever seen for yourself. Sometimes you're lucky that you can relate & other times it's very unfortunate that you can't.
You can't minimize the fact that this is a scenario that is all too common & is a reality for many many people. Whether or not the people in these situations should put up with it is a different story.
But if someone is telling you that they have experienced something that you may not have experienced for yourself (yet), your argument about not knowing anybody in this situation doesn't make sense. To think otherwise is to imply that these cases/scenarios must not exist just b/c you can't relate to it.
There is an entire world full of people who are experiencing & can relate to waaaaaaaay more than you've ever seen for yourself. Sometimes you're lucky that you can relate & other times it's very unfortunate that you can't.
Posted by sweethearts
I've seen it all the time where partners either don't come home or have crawled in at ungodly hours.
It's very odd to see something like this all the time ... maybe you should re-evaluate your company, because for that to be an "all the time" occurrence is not normal.
Back to topic .. now the picture becomes clearer - it appears that there's a band of these men out there who don't have to own themselves, because there's women who find it so acceptable that they take care of the duties that the men don't give a fuck enough about to bother with.
If it's acceptable to women that men do this, and will even take care of life for them .... then it is no longer the man's problem because he lives within the relating terms that have been established.
Now that you have explained ... I'd say that the men aren't doing anything wrong. What they do is perfectly acceptable, considering the females blow it off because it's happens often.
Sweethearts, the big picture/problem is that he chose to put himself in a situation that clearly indicates a lack of consideration for the other's feelings. He may do this to his wife all the time b/c there are no real consequences for his actions when he does that. Getting mad for 1 day, but then taking him back & never requiring that he fix that specific issue is NOT considered facing real consequences.
There is such a thing as a dominant doormat. It's when a person convinces themselves that they are sticking up for themselves since they can scream, complain, shout & argue about something that is really bothering them, but yet fail to realize that the best way to teach others how to treat them is to show them better than they can tell them.
If her husband can stand a few moments of an attitude & 1 small argument from his wife, knowing that she'll just be over it in a couple of days, that explains why he's had no incentive to change his behavior during those situations
His wife is still his wife lol so that tells me that he is still doing it, not b/c he's an evil person, but b/c she allows it. And that's human nature. We do things that others allow us to get away with
To be fair, some people don't consider this 1 time occasional lack of consideration to be a deal breaker. Some women chalk it up to men being "men" or people being "people," gripe about it for 2 seconds & then let it go. That is rational considering the fact that deals shouldn't be broken if there is no perceived deal breaker present.
However, the woman who considers this a deal breaker the 1st or even the 3rd time it happens, is being just as rational by leaving the guy or feeling different about the relationship. Why? B/c deal breaking means deal-breaker! Which means it's over if this happens once OR more than once. If she perceives it to be a deal breaker, then she's only screwing herself & giving him no incentive to change if she refuses to act on (cut ties) the minute a deal breaker has happened.
So it all depends. I can understand why some people would consider this deal breaking or the straw that leads to other problems in the relationship. However, I can also understand why some people would consider this small & let it roll off their backs (mainly when their partner does everything else right)
There is such a thing as a dominant doormat. It's when a person convinces themselves that they are sticking up for themselves since they can scream, complain, shout & argue about something that is really bothering them, but yet fail to realize that the best way to teach others how to treat them is to show them better than they can tell them.
If her husband can stand a few moments of an attitude & 1 small argument from his wife, knowing that she'll just be over it in a couple of days, that explains why he's had no incentive to change his behavior during those situations
His wife is still his wife lol so that tells me that he is still doing it, not b/c he's an evil person, but b/c she allows it. And that's human nature. We do things that others allow us to get away with
To be fair, some people don't consider this 1 time occasional lack of consideration to be a deal breaker. Some women chalk it up to men being "men" or people being "people," gripe about it for 2 seconds & then let it go. That is rational considering the fact that deals shouldn't be broken if there is no perceived deal breaker present.
However, the woman who considers this a deal breaker the 1st or even the 3rd time it happens, is being just as rational by leaving the guy or feeling different about the relationship. Why? B/c deal breaking means deal-breaker! Which means it's over if this happens once OR more than once. If she perceives it to be a deal breaker, then she's only screwing herself & giving him no incentive to change if she refuses to act on (cut ties) the minute a deal breaker has happened.
So it all depends. I can understand why some people would consider this deal breaking or the straw that leads to other problems in the relationship. However, I can also understand why some people would consider this small & let it roll off their backs (mainly when their partner does everything else right)
Posted by P-Angel
You question why men are thoughtless ... just after conveying that you did all his thinking for him.
There's ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ your answer.
This. +2
The guy in question is THOUGHTLESS, didn't even think about his wife AT ALL. You kept telling him to call his wife how many times?
Maybe his wife got ANGRY because she's thinking all kinds of terrible things and it isn't always about "sex with other women at the club" blah blah...it's not. It's mostly what if he got into an accident? Always, people think right away sexing it up with other people, and just maybe there's the more crucial part: that he ended up in the hospital or worse, killed.
If she didnt trust him, and KNOWS he's a two-timer, well she's angry anyway. And the anger will always be there.
Maybe he didnt WANT to check in. Maybe hes tired of her shit.
Posted by DMV
Maybe he didnt WANT to check in. Maybe hes tired of her shit.
Lol
To be fair, some people don't consider this 1 time occasional lack of consideration to be a deal breaker. Some women chalk it up to men being "men" or people being "people," gripe about it for 2 seconds & then let it go. That is rational considering the fact that deals shouldn't be broken if there is no perceived deal breaker present.
THIS^^^^ right here. In my near 20 year marriage, this is the way I took it. It didn't happen often and there were consequences after the fact and I know woman that go out and blow a sum of money on themselves as entitlement, or others that would go tit for tat!
Maybe you do live in a completely different world P, but I've seen or heard about it from friends of friends time and time again. I don't analyse each scenario. I just remember clearly how I felt when my ex did it to me...in fact the time I clearly remember I did have to pick him up at the hospital with our first 8 month old baby, he wrote off the company car after the Xmas party and smashed himself up trying to flee the scene!!!
There was a mixed feeling of feeling sorry for him when I saw how smashed up he was to being relieved that he survived to being angry that he would not think at all and of course this dragged on through a court case and consequence from the company. It didn't however break us at that point.
This was him just being young and dumb!!
THIS^^^^ right here. In my near 20 year marriage, this is the way I took it. It didn't happen often and there were consequences after the fact and I know woman that go out and blow a sum of money on themselves as entitlement, or others that would go tit for tat!
Maybe you do live in a completely different world P, but I've seen or heard about it from friends of friends time and time again. I don't analyse each scenario. I just remember clearly how I felt when my ex did it to me...in fact the time I clearly remember I did have to pick him up at the hospital with our first 8 month old baby, he wrote off the company car after the Xmas party and smashed himself up trying to flee the scene!!!
There was a mixed feeling of feeling sorry for him when I saw how smashed up he was to being relieved that he survived to being angry that he would not think at all and of course this dragged on through a court case and consequence from the company. It didn't however break us at that point.
This was him just being young and dumb!!
I didn't say that I don't know people who are chucklefucks and do shit like that ... I said I don't know any who continue the relationship one second beyond that incident.
I am talking about people with dignity, who walk away immediately .... you are talking about people who overlook it so that they are able to continue being in an unhappy relationship.
I'm unclear why you even ask this, tbh ... because it appears as though you believe this to normal. So, if it's normal, then what's the beef?
I know what happened in my situation and everything I went through...my point is with this particular one and probably many others, why would they not come clean and say what is more than likely to happen when they know they won't be home at the normal respectable hour.
If they are honest with themselves and their partners then it would avoid a lot of ducking and diving the next day/week. I'm talking about long term relationships here, with children or completely committed.
Sometimes you are so tunnelled visioned, failing to live up to your partners expectations completely and you feel like they have to walk away. We do all make mistakes and I'm sure you have forgiven your own husbands many a times and he yours without walking away because they are few and far between and at the end of the day the relationship is worth it!
If they are honest with themselves and their partners then it would avoid a lot of ducking and diving the next day/week. I'm talking about long term relationships here, with children or completely committed.
Sometimes you are so tunnelled visioned, failing to live up to your partners expectations completely and you feel like they have to walk away. We do all make mistakes and I'm sure you have forgiven your own husbands many a times and he yours without walking away because they are few and far between and at the end of the day the relationship is worth it!
Posted by sweethearts
.... why would they not come clean and say what is more than likely to happen when they know they won't be home at the normal respectable hour.
If they are honest with themselves and their partners then it would avoid a lot of ducking and diving the next day/week.
You say, "If they are honest ....", as if this is an automatic given, so it should be the reason why the man comes clean, without actually applying it.
There's no "if" to it. The man is not honest, and instead of the woman realizing it, she baffles herself with bullshit about false intentions on her part, then heads off to go buy herself new shoes to distract herself from the fact that she enables him.
I still don't get this.
You describe a situation in where you hovered over this man like a mother hen and then ask why he didn't take care of himself ... and then when it's talked about, you still ask this question, as if you aren't putting two and two together.
Men act like that because .... they can. Like it was said - there are no consequences.
It's not normal, Sweethearts .... maybe you should consider experiencing other social circles to see for yourself that it's NOT customary for women to turn blind eyes to men disrespecting them.
It's very normal in my world as I have seen it on different occasions since I was a teenager for 30 years. Perhaps it is my social circle, which is mostly surrounded by sportsmen.
You also call it being a mother hen, I call it being a friend, I offered him a lift when he said he wasn't sure how he was getting into town and told him later that chances are he wouldn't make it home and should consider staying. On the night I also told him to text/call his wife when his phone went flat (this out of respect for my friend, his wife) this all because I could clearly see the troubles about to start.
I don't believe that this happens all the time with him but after seeing her reaction, I see that she wore the pants in this relationship and wonder if this is the reason it was easier for him to do it this way.
You also call it being a mother hen, I call it being a friend, I offered him a lift when he said he wasn't sure how he was getting into town and told him later that chances are he wouldn't make it home and should consider staying. On the night I also told him to text/call his wife when his phone went flat (this out of respect for my friend, his wife) this all because I could clearly see the troubles about to start.
I don't believe that this happens all the time with him but after seeing her reaction, I see that she wore the pants in this relationship and wonder if this is the reason it was easier for him to do it this way.
^^ if his phone went dead, there's always your phone.
Sounds like he enjoys women caretaking to him.
Sounds like he enjoys women caretaking to him.
He did use my phone that night and texted my daughter instead of his wife...drunken state. He used my phone the next day to text and call her to let her know we were coming home.
Now wait a minute!....
We have all been inconsiderate at least once in life. We've all lied at least once in our lives. Would it be fair for someone to call you a liar as a whole all b/c of an isolated incident? NO. According to your theory P-Angel, since you've lied before 5 years ago, it's fair for the person you lied to to call you a liar over all. After all, if you lied, you're a liar. So technically you're a liar since you've been human before. Doesn't sound so fair when YOU are on the receiving end of your own theory
If your husband has lied to you once or has done something inconsiderate but yet otherwise is an awesome mate, I'm sure you wouldn't want a bunch of bitter, stale, unforgiving peasants in your ear saying, "Get rid of him! He's a liar!! Who cares that he was only inconsiderate twice in 30 years, that still makes him an inconsiderate person as a whole!!!" I'm sure you'd laugh at them
We've all made mistakes and done things that others weren't quite happy with. If it's unfair for someone to use that isolated incident to sum up your entire character as a whole, then we must be fair & not do the same to others.
You have to take into account this guy's character as a whole, the state of the relationship when the mistake happened & the depth of the mistake. This guy had an inconsiderate moment. Maybe he's had 3 or 4 within a 10 year span. If he's only made 4 mistakes in 10 years, that changes things.
Sure there are probably other issues going on in the relationship & sure this man is probably not perfect, but again, we're trying to judge this man/the relationship as a whole based on 1 moment & 1 side of the story. That's unfair
And I agree with sweethearts,everything that may bother 1 person may be considered a petty argument to someone else. Neither are in the wrong though. I'm sure there are plenty of things that we consider pet peeves that others think we're silly/petty for having. If his woman doesn't consider it a deal breaker, then she shouldn't be reacting as if he did something deal breaking. Clearly she doesn't consider his moment to be deal breaking b/c she's still around & still putting up with it
People pick their battles. That's how it should be. What 1 couple may argue about endlessly, another couple may only "discuss" but then move on from. If they're near a breakup all b/c of a missed call then I can only imagine how petty/miserable their relationship will be when either of them actually does something bigg
We have all been inconsiderate at least once in life. We've all lied at least once in our lives. Would it be fair for someone to call you a liar as a whole all b/c of an isolated incident? NO. According to your theory P-Angel, since you've lied before 5 years ago, it's fair for the person you lied to to call you a liar over all. After all, if you lied, you're a liar. So technically you're a liar since you've been human before. Doesn't sound so fair when YOU are on the receiving end of your own theory
If your husband has lied to you once or has done something inconsiderate but yet otherwise is an awesome mate, I'm sure you wouldn't want a bunch of bitter, stale, unforgiving peasants in your ear saying, "Get rid of him! He's a liar!! Who cares that he was only inconsiderate twice in 30 years, that still makes him an inconsiderate person as a whole!!!" I'm sure you'd laugh at them
We've all made mistakes and done things that others weren't quite happy with. If it's unfair for someone to use that isolated incident to sum up your entire character as a whole, then we must be fair & not do the same to others.
You have to take into account this guy's character as a whole, the state of the relationship when the mistake happened & the depth of the mistake. This guy had an inconsiderate moment. Maybe he's had 3 or 4 within a 10 year span. If he's only made 4 mistakes in 10 years, that changes things.
Sure there are probably other issues going on in the relationship & sure this man is probably not perfect, but again, we're trying to judge this man/the relationship as a whole based on 1 moment & 1 side of the story. That's unfair
And I agree with sweethearts,everything that may bother 1 person may be considered a petty argument to someone else. Neither are in the wrong though. I'm sure there are plenty of things that we consider pet peeves that others think we're silly/petty for having. If his woman doesn't consider it a deal breaker, then she shouldn't be reacting as if he did something deal breaking. Clearly she doesn't consider his moment to be deal breaking b/c she's still around & still putting up with it
People pick their battles. That's how it should be. What 1 couple may argue about endlessly, another couple may only "discuss" but then move on from. If they're near a breakup all b/c of a missed call then I can only imagine how petty/miserable their relationship will be when either of them actually does something bigg
People pick their battles. That's how it should be. What 1 couple may argue about endlessly, another couple may only "discuss" but then move on from. If they're near a breakup all b/c of a missed call then I can only imagine how petty/miserable their relationship will be when either of them actually does something bigger than that! There's nothing wrong with picking your battles!
Picking your battles doesn't mean you're a doormat, that your man is an azzhole or that your relationship isn't a good one. It just means that you go into knowing that if you end up together for 40 years that your partner is most likely to do something stupid/inconsiderate & since that is very likely, you learn ahead of time what battles/flaws are worth fighting for. The couples who know how to pick their battles without completely assassinating the character of the person who made a mistake stay together a lot longer!!!!!!!
Picking your battles doesn't mean you're a doormat, that your man is an azzhole or that your relationship isn't a good one. It just means that you go into knowing that if you end up together for 40 years that your partner is most likely to do something stupid/inconsiderate & since that is very likely, you learn ahead of time what battles/flaws are worth fighting for. The couples who know how to pick their battles without completely assassinating the character of the person who made a mistake stay together a lot longer!!!!!!!
Posted by P-AngelPosted by sweethearts
I've seen it all the time where partners either don't come home or have crawled in at ungodly hours.
It's very odd to see something like this all the time ... maybe you should re-evaluate your company, because for that to be an "all the time" occurrence is not normal.
Back to topic .. now the picture becomes clearer - it appears that there's a band of these men out there who don't have to own themselves, because there's women who find it so acceptable that they take care of the duties that the men don't give a fuck enough about to bother with.
If it's acceptable to women that men do this, and will even take care of life for them .... then it is no longer the man's problem because he lives within the relating terms that have been established.
Now that you have explained ... I'd say that the men aren't doing anything wrong. What they do is perfectly acceptable, considering the females blow it off because it's happens often.click to expand
I absolutely agree with P, there's something really wrong with this man. Or those men who are terribly inconsiderate.
and why are y'all throwing people's PAST mistakes in their faces IF that's what happened. This is about the inconsiderate men running about drunken in the middle of the night not giving a crap about their wives.
Yeah but you guys are assuming that this about him terribly upsets his wife.
It's all about perception. A man isn't considered "inconsiderate" if he chooses not to call his wife..a wife that wouldn't even be upset if she hadn't heard from her husband for a day! lol
I, like Sweethearts know plenty of people who would not be terribly bothered by this situation.
Everybody's expectations for communication are different. I know plenty of women who not only don't expect to hear from their husbands but don't want to hear from their husbands when their man is having an off day or having his time with his friends. B/c the expectation of communication is not there, the guy is not technically wrong for not calling his wife while he's out with his friends!
It's kind of like the people who say, "call me when you make it home." They feel their friend or partner is being inconsiderate when they get home & don't call. But someone like me doesn't need that confirmation from my friends or husband, so if I don't get a "Honey I'm home," call, I'm not offended! And if I'm not offended, then technically my friends/husband have done nothing wrong!!
All we're saying is that while it's understandable that some may start to question the relationship if being inconsiderate becomes a cycle/habit/problem, it's also just as understandable that some people consider these things to be "small" things & when it's time to pick their battles, they choose not to make this one a battle. BOTH make sense
It's all about perception. A man isn't considered "inconsiderate" if he chooses not to call his wife..a wife that wouldn't even be upset if she hadn't heard from her husband for a day! lol
I, like Sweethearts know plenty of people who would not be terribly bothered by this situation.
Everybody's expectations for communication are different. I know plenty of women who not only don't expect to hear from their husbands but don't want to hear from their husbands when their man is having an off day or having his time with his friends. B/c the expectation of communication is not there, the guy is not technically wrong for not calling his wife while he's out with his friends!
It's kind of like the people who say, "call me when you make it home." They feel their friend or partner is being inconsiderate when they get home & don't call. But someone like me doesn't need that confirmation from my friends or husband, so if I don't get a "Honey I'm home," call, I'm not offended! And if I'm not offended, then technically my friends/husband have done nothing wrong!!
All we're saying is that while it's understandable that some may start to question the relationship if being inconsiderate becomes a cycle/habit/problem, it's also just as understandable that some people consider these things to be "small" things & when it's time to pick their battles, they choose not to make this one a battle. BOTH make sense
well if he's/they are an alcoholic....
then it's completely DIFFERENT. Ohhh wayyyyy different. Than say a man who isnt an alcoholic.
y'know when i was with my ex husband (Here we go with the ex...)
he always told me where he was going and when he was NOT coming home. He'd tell me, I'm not coming till tomorrow maybe so don't expect me. If I come stumbling in the middle the night, then i'm home. But don't expect me.
well, he's an ex.
but at least he was considerate even if he is an alcoholic.
then it's completely DIFFERENT. Ohhh wayyyyy different. Than say a man who isnt an alcoholic.
y'know when i was with my ex husband (Here we go with the ex...)
he always told me where he was going and when he was NOT coming home. He'd tell me, I'm not coming till tomorrow maybe so don't expect me. If I come stumbling in the middle the night, then i'm home. But don't expect me.
well, he's an ex.
but at least he was considerate even if he is an alcoholic.
The man is not an alcoholic and as far as I know this was a one off. He was having fun got caught up in the moment was too far from home to easily get back and went with it...I could see it was going to happen because I have seen it before or maybe I'm just good at looking into the future.
They are fine too by the way, she was definitely annoyed when we got back, us going in may have helped ease her mind and they invited me for dinner the next day with one of the US fighters Clint Hester, my new friend
I can't believe no one apart from Kry has seen this..maybe not coming home all night but showing up extremely late or not turning up when they were suppose to because something better (in their eyes) popped up and they chose to stay and take the rap. It does happen all the time, it is a choice and it seems that it is easier to take the punishment after the fact than be upfront in the beginning and say, hey I probably won't make it because this is happening and I really want to be there...
They are fine too by the way, she was definitely annoyed when we got back, us going in may have helped ease her mind and they invited me for dinner the next day with one of the US fighters Clint Hester, my new friend
I can't believe no one apart from Kry has seen this..maybe not coming home all night but showing up extremely late or not turning up when they were suppose to because something better (in their eyes) popped up and they chose to stay and take the rap. It does happen all the time, it is a choice and it seems that it is easier to take the punishment after the fact than be upfront in the beginning and say, hey I probably won't make it because this is happening and I really want to be there...
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