to all the Loser Dads

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweethearts on Thursday, December 22, 2011 and has 17 replies.
Mine just died last night. I had laid him to rest in my mind more than 5 years prior but I struggled with it most of my life.
He wanted forgiveness and he knew he had messed up... unfortunately too little too late for 3 of his 4 children. When I told my own children this morning one of them cried which bought a single tear to my eye because she hadn't known him well but she was picked as his favourite.
If you have children whether you are with the mother or not, it's time to step up and be a REAL DAD. Too many of you make bullshit excuses why you aren't their for your children and when you are old and start to realise what you have done it can be all too late as it was with me and my brothers. In the meantime, we the children suffer a good deal from Abandonment issues! It messes with our relationships if we don't get a handle on it quickly.
I'm not going to the funeral, I would if it was easy to get to, especially this time of year. Not sure why, apart from the fact that he was my father. He had a new family, and I'm curious to know what they thought of him. He was a typical cold Army man....guess the cold has rubbed off on me.
But anyway Father, I hope for the most of it you were satisfied with your life and yes, I did abandon you as you did we...
And I do wish you to Rest in Peace
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Our thoughts are riding with you hon.
Sad for the little ones to lose their poppa at Christmas - they may be too young to understand the intricacies of the situation.
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such a sad story.
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Should perhaps try to attend the funeral, for your own sake, if not his. We take funerals for granted, but they do provide a sense of peace/closure, whereas not atteding can leave us with incredible guilt...no matter what we tell ourselves in justification of not attending. Closure is important, and funerals offer us that.

Just a thought, as I can relate to some degree.
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I'm not lost anymore...I don't need answers, I'm at peace with it all.
This was my private funeral, thanks for those that cared to come.
He is at rest smile
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Wow!!! Did I hit a soft spot with the ferocious 69er???
lmao, I'm a frequent reader ;P
thanks for your input...isn't it funny how some of us can break the cycle....I fall off the wagon ALOT!!!
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It's the middle of the night now...I wake up and start crying, yes, been drinking
it hits me that I'm all alone....my bf has chosen to celebrate Xmas with his mates. Only received one text from him after I told him, asking if I was alright. Of course I was at the time...
Not sure how I feel about that? Am I about to over react??
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Posted by sweethearts
....my bf has chosen to celebrate Xmas with his mates. Only received one text from him after I told him, asking if I was alright.





How odd

It's Christmas and your boyfriend has chosen to spend it with you excluded?

I'm not going to give you my sympathasies because they aren't warranted. People have no idea how to cope with death, they just have an automated response, and never take the whole picture into consideration.
You're not in mourning, so why would anyone say they are sorrow for a loss you're not experiencing?
Did you ever go with your mother to see him last month? (or was it in Oct) .. anyway, she was pressuring you to escort her because she couldn't go it alone to see him on his deathbed ... and you had reservations about going.
did you go?

I'm more upset here about the boyfriend, and you being ok with being abandoned on Christmas by the man who is supposed to love you .... don't you see a pattern here?
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* sympathies
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He was sick late last October, i went to see him in January when I was in the same country. No not with mum. He bounced and went home not long after I had visited but was quite well when I went anyway. I last spoke to him on father's Day, for no reason I decided to call but I never left my new contact details as I didn't want him calling whenever he wanted.
I also don't feel a loss as such but I think the tears are just all the emotions and all the thoughts and coming to terms with it all being over...
but also because I went through it alone, he didn't care enough to be here or contact me, I'm very aware that his actions are speaking volumes right now!
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3rd opinion would be helpful!! F**k I'm a Libra and you both make sense in what you are saying, it's already gone around in my head...
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by sweethearts
He was sick late last October, i went to see him in January when I was in the same country.



wow, that was a year ago? Damn, it seems like it was a month ago !

Posted by sweethearts
I think the tears are just all the emotions and all the thoughts and coming to terms with it all being over...



I'll bet you if you really search yourself, you're going to find that your tears are more geared towards feeling slighted by your boyfriend than your dad ... because you severed the cord with your dad years ago.
But, even still .... it is your boyfriends place to be emotionally supportive of you, even if support isn't really needed by you. His place is still there with you. And I bet you'd find those tears are based around the realization that you don't have a boyfriend within the terms you thought you did.

Posted by sweethearts
I went through it alone, he didn't care enough to be here or contact me, I'm very aware that his actions are speaking volumes right now!



I know you are aware, and that is why I admire you so much. You aren't oblivious, nor ignorant to truths.
If at a time like this, he has become a liability, rather than an asset to you, then you know what that means .... hit the road jack.
click to expand
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Damn it .. I keep messing up the quotes Crying
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I'm sorry for your loss
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She didn't suffer a loss

Damn, doesn't anybody actually pay attention ...... or do you just go around with automated responses
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Thanks I do appreciate your thoughts but P knows, the only real loss was when I was 5 years old. Hence the title loser dad's!
I was sent pics of his funeral and people that attended and nothing really. He had a new family, he is their loss, they looked sad and obviously knew a man I never did. The last of his own immediate family, an Aunt attended and I will make sure I see her when I go home again in January. I feel for her being the last sibling.
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Thanks Ladyscorp smile Much appreciated
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