Tortured Soul, looking for feedback - Part Two

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by LiveLifeLove on Sunday, June 9, 2013 and has 8 replies.
I kept her memory warm in my heart. Thinking of her sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. At night, she would enter my thoughts, and I felt like I could "feel" her thinking of me, and true or not it made me feel close to her. A year and a half went by this way. I no longer needed the dentist, so I never went back, but she was always on my mind. I have never had such a feel about anyone before. I have been married 25 years, and also had several year or more relationships before, but this one is/was different, very different. Thoughts and feelings of this person being my "soul mate" would come into my mind for no reason, and I never had thoughts like that about any like this before.
So my first birthday passes of me not seeing her, and my second comes up (April 2013) and my b-day card arrives from dental office, and this time, it is decorated with smiley faces and the text is a crazy spiral along the whole card and she wishes me well but it has a different tone, she is more playful and stuff and it makes me feel really good.We shared a love for cool music and so I thought I would do something nice since her card appeared to be a reaching out to connect after almost two years.
I picked up a thank-you card, and a thumbdrive and I copied a bunch of new music I had been listening to since last we talked, and I went by the dentist after hours on my way home and left the card at the office door.
She called that next day and I did not get the call but the voicemail was so warm and friendly I almost cried. She said "Thank-you Sooo much for the card, Oh My God, I miss you so much, its unbelievable..." She then said " I want to let you know, I have been a giddy, giddy, person all day today, I just want to let you know that. I hope you are awesome, and well, call me back."
I got the voicemail, and called, but it was late and it went to vm also, and I left short vm telling her how happy I was to hear from her.
Since April 17th, I have texted her a few times, and she responds, and we talk about hanging out, but she said it had to wait, as she was going to florida for a week, but after she gets back on the 9th, it will be awesome! (with usual smilies and stuff in the text).
So, I am wondering, on the eve of her getting back from florida (she said she gets back on June 9th, tomorrow) what had happened? Had she been thinking about me for the past two years, and longing for me, the same as I was for her?
Why did she shut it down to begin with? My instinct tells me her
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Continue you're story in the comment box. You don't need to keep making more threads. Delete the other.
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I know you haven't finished yet but to be honest, if your marriage was over you would have ended it within those two years. You are infatuated by this younger woman and perhaps bored with your own existence but you've proven that you're not prepared to let your wife go and end that relationship unless you have the safety net of the other woman. Stop all contact with the girl and focus on your wife..maybe you should seek counseling. Breaking up a family especially at your age will devastate everyone and you'll more than likely lose your children and friends..think about that and whether it would be worth it!
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Posted by sweethearts
I know you haven't finished yet but to be honest, if your marriage was over you would have ended it within those two years. You are infatuated by this younger woman and perhaps bored with your own existence but you've proven that you're not prepared to let your wife go and end that relationship unless you have the safety net of the other woman. Stop all contact with the girl and focus on your wife..maybe you should seek counseling. Breaking up a family especially at your age will devastate everyone and you'll more than likely lose your children and friends..think about that and whether it would be worth it!


I know I focused on this young girl without addressing my marriage in the story, but my wife and I have talked of divorce for 15 years now. She is usually the initiator, saying it has been long over and if she had enough to move she would, and now she is working and making money and talks about finally having money to live on her own. We are together because we have always been decent friends, but we have not been lovers for 10 years now. That is long over. We have two kids in 20's still trying to find their way out of the nest, and if they had, I would have absolutely just move on. I apologize for not providing any back story about the marriage, but it is no longer a marriage for quite some time.
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Yes I understand that but you are still in it and haven't made the break. And when you do leave it, take some time out for yourself. Youass going to need it, your family will have repercussions from this split and bringing in a third party will only create problems for her and them. She will be their scapegoat...do you want that for her and yourself if you decide to build a life together? It will add a huge amount of pressure on a new relationship and the old.
I can also bet that your wife knows nothing of this other woman. and when she finds out the Shit will hit the fan!! Especially being a young pretty girl. A woman scorned!
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Posted by sweethearts
Yes I understand that but you are still in it and haven't made the break. And when you do leave it, take some time out for yourself. Youass going to need it, your family will have repercussions from this split and bringing in a third party will only create problems for her and them. She will be their scapegoat...do you want that for her and yourself if you decide to build a life together? It will add a huge amount of pressure on a new relationship and the old.
I can also bet that your wife knows nothing of this other woman. and when she finds out the Shit will hit the fan!! Especially being a young pretty girl. A woman scorned!


I understand all that you are saying, and I thank-you for saying it. I cherish my kids, but they are in their 20s now and my daughter has told me a couple times she does not know why I stay, that she is abusive and mean and my daughter says I deserve to be happy, so I think she is pretty well adjusted.
I know the butter will explode, but I cannot avoid pursuing this if she tells me the feelings are mutual. I really do like what you are warning me about, and I want to tell you thank-you. And also, for not judging me to negatively in your feedback. I did this knowing I might have quite a few heavy duty responses to this as it might strike a raw nerve with some people, and I am actually pleased to see I have gotten some very even toned, creative criticism and not judgments. I think if I got a bunch of negatives, I would have just closed the browser and never returned, but I was really curious to crowdsource the opinions of others on this.
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Not here to judge, was married myself for near 20 years and left and thought it was without repercussions because I managed to leave and keep it amicable. But the children still suffered. Given they were younger. Follow your heart, life is too short but do the dating and financing, don't jump all in. Take time to get to know each other first.
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That was romancing haha not financing...damn phones!
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