Uh oh. Relationship drama.

Posted by P-Angel
My husband read this and asked me ... does this Candeh woman want to be the girlfriend? because she sounds jealous.



Seriously .... what is it about you and wanting to control this girl .. this is the second thread you've made about not liking that this woman wants to spend her free time with her partner.


What's the real truth here?

Posted by P-Angel
It's probably due to you not having someone .... if you had a boyfriend to whom wanted to come over and be with you everyday .... you would be singing a different song, Candeh.


what you should probably do is tell the roommate to go look for other arrangements ... because there's no way for you to be able to be happy in this situation, so long as this girl wants to have the right to make her own decisions about who she loves.


Problem solved.

Posted by P-Angel
"We made that rule before the school year started when we first moved in. She knows she can bring her girlfriend over anytime she wants, but staying the night is where the problems arise; especially when she gets really comfortable and making a mess; and then it feels like we're all involved in this relationship because the space is so small."



Candeh, you are reverting back to that ^^^^ and overlooking what I'm trying to point out to you. That complaint above was the point of your first thread, that this girl was over too much and making a mess and you all didn't like her and wanted to know what to do about it. You wanted her away from your home so much ... so the rule was put into place.

The rule about only two nights a week ... so now it's a new outcome. Now in this new thread your complaint is about your friend being away from home the past two nights and how are you suppose to proceed now?

You don't want her to be with her girlfriend ... the sooner you admit that truth, the easier it would be to face this reality.

You don't want her there, so this rule was put in place .... now your friend doesnt' want to come home and so this thread come into existence because you cant' figure out why she doesnt' want to hang out with you.



The answer is simple ... because you pushed her away by shunning her girlfriend because you don't like her partner choice.

You can put up all the smoke and mirrors you want ... the proof lies in the pudding ... you put rules on her and now she's stays away from home to with her girl.


I cannot understand how you cannot see this? Is your need for power and control so excessive that you cannot see who you are stepping on?


She's allowed to spend nights out of the house ... you aren't her parent.

Posted by P-Angel
Well, I truly hope you get this ... because one day you are going to be wearing her shoes .... you are going to WANT to be with your partner 24/7, and in so doing, you will also want your friends to comprehend that it doesn't mean you like them less.

Posted by krysrenee7
Even though P-angel completely disgusts me! (cough)...I sort of agree with what he/she said to an extent. Your roomate is still young. She's in those stages where she wants to be around her partner all the time. In her eyes, she may not see it as her abandoning or taking away from the friendship she has with you guys. She's just spending her time (mainly on her companion) just like alot of other people do when they "think" they're in love. It always sucks for the outside family members/friends b/c of course you guys can see things clearly, but the person/couple on the inside never sees it that way.

Although it would suck for the friendship to be ruined over all of this unnecessary drama, you can't really worry about that either. As long as you guys keep being her friends & being open arms of support for her, there should be NO reason for the friendship to fail. And if her girlfriend ever did want to isolate her from you guys, I'm sure she's already tried that trick by now, & as you can see, it didn't really work.

So just keep going on about your business. It sounds like the relationship she's got with this other girl period is what's causing all this turmoil but unfortunately, that's a battle you guys will lose every time b/c your roomate is not ready to see it yet. She's not ready to step outside of the love blinders she's got on. It's a phase alot of people have to go through & sadly, some even have to lose all of their friends before they finally "get it."

Some people completely isolate/abandon their friends the minute they get into relationships. Their intent was never to do so but the reality though is that 1/2 broken friendships are usually what's left/the result. And unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about it.

At least her girlfriend is away from you guys. That's 1 less worry. I know it's easier said than done when people say, "Oh who cares, forget about it" and hey, to be honest, I'd have to seriously question your loyalty to her if you could see her going downhill at such a fast pace & yet you not be concerned. Problem is, you've got to keep your level of concernment to a medium level. If you take this stuff too personal, yes you will push her away but then again if you don't take it serious enough, they'll take advantage of that fact & purposely start abusing the rules you guys set for the house.

Just let it go. Try not to tak

Posted by krysrenee7

Even though P-angel completely disgusts me! (cough)...

Posted by PandorasBox
I dont think that its because Candeh doesnt want her friend to be w/ her gf, or because shes jealous, or because she wants to be her parent... The chick should cleanup after herself, and not to hold her to any standards or w/e but I make sure to never leave a mess at anyone else's home if Im visiting. thats just plain rude and disgusting. i mean if you wanna be a pig at your own place thats your problem but when there are other people sharin space? she should be ashamed and i bet her mom would not be very proud of havin such a slob for a daughter.

id be pissed too if someone came in here like a flowergirl but throwin her waste and makin a mess because we all know that shit doesnt get picked up magically by itself and it causes friction to other people who had nothin to do w/ it.

Posted by Candeh15
Okay, so I posted once about one of my roommates and her girlfriend, whom we don't exactly like. Well, in the past few weeks, the girlfriend had been coming over more often and even staying the night consecutive nights when we made the rule that we are only allowed guests two nights a week that can stay over. So, my aries roommate told our virgo roommate the other night that her girlfriend can't stay over anymore unless it's two nights like we agreed upon. Since then, we haven't seen our roommate in like two days; we knew the other night she was staying at her girlfriend's house, but today and tonight, we literally haven't seen her all day; nor have we heard from her. Obviously she is a big girl and can handles her own, but goodness. How do we go about this now?

Posted by P-Angel
Suggestion to you ....



If you decide that you want to like the woman she loves, because you want the best for her happiness ..... you might just find that your friend wants to spend time with you.

Try it .... what can you lose that would hurt worse than the possibility of losing a close friend?


You might just find that it feels good to want what's best for her = being intimately loved.

Posted by sweethearts
@ Kry, I've seen you say a few times that you had blocked P— Did you unblock her?

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by sweethearts
@ Kry, I've seen you say a few times that you had blocked P— Did you unblock her?

No. Back then, she got on my last nerves & I don't have any reason to believe that he/she has changed one bit, so yes P Angel is still blocked on my end.


I think what it all boils down to is this: We can all sit here all day & over-analyze this whole situation. Truth is, it is what it is. Everyone in this situation is going about things in the best way they know how. Everyone's different methods/ways for which they go about handling things may clash but at the end of the day, what you see is what you get.

There could be 1 million things Cand is doing wrong & there could be another 1 million things her roomate & girlfriend are doing wrong and/or things they could all be doing better. BUT, as long as the friendship is still there & as long as you still have access to her, that's all that matters.

A person cannot change what they refuse to acknowledge. And no matter how much someone else's decision(s) annoy us, we will only drive ourselves crazy trying to change something or "wish" before the people with the real power are even ready to.

Cand...you have very valid concerns. You're like the average friend or family member or parent, etc. who can't really get a full night's worth of sleep b/c your loved one isn't in the healthiest relationship/situation. Of course, sometimes you might take things a little too personal & you might be harping on things you can't & won't ever be able to control, BUT you do have valid concerns, so don't start 2nd guessing yourself. How you feel is how you feel. How you perceive things is how you perceive things. It's not about changing how you feel; it's about ACCEPTING what is!

After awhile, you just have to accept what is. There are 1 million "What ifs" & "I wish's" here but you'll all drive yourself nuts trying to harp on something neither of you can control...well atleast not for right now. Just keep doing you. Just HOPE & assume that your friend will come back to planet earth one day soon & hopefully before it's too late. In the meantime, just keep being her support system & accept things as they are

click to expand

Posted by Candeh15

But as long as they are together, we can try to be more genial so that we can be with our roommate more.

Posted by DapperDon
You're supposed to keep the genes dominant by marrying your own. That's the whole point here and probably why you're friend's dad was not happy with her dating black men. People don't think about what that does to their kids who don't know if they're white or black. They will never fit in. And pure breads are just worth more. You're supposed to keep traditions and cultures too and when you have kids outside your nationality you just make a mut, and a mess. People don't think about what that does on the larger scale, they just think, "Oh well, not in my lifetime will it be a problem."

But that's wrong. Do you know why Muslims and Arabs are going to take over? It ain't because of their bombs, it's because of their babies.

White people (Scotish, British, German, Irish) have an average of 1 kid.

Italians have an average of 2-3 kids.

Black people have 4 kids

Puerto Ricans have 4 kids

Muslims have more than 6 on average.




And that's exactly why they're going to take over.

Posted by DapperDon
You're supposed to keep the genes dominant by marrying your own. That's the whole point here and probably why you're friend's dad was not happy with her dating black men. People don't think about what that does to their kids who don't know if they're white or black. They will never fit in. And pure breads are just worth more. You're supposed to keep traditions and cultures too and when you have kids outside your nationality you just make a mut, and a mess. People don't think about what that does on the larger scale, they just think, "Oh well, not in my lifetime will it be a problem."

But that's wrong. Do you know why Muslims and Arabs are going to take over? It ain't because of their bombs, it's because of their babies.

White people (Scotish, British, German, Irish) have an average of 1 kid.

Italians have an average of 2-3 kids.

Black people have 4 kids

Puerto Ricans have 4 kids

Muslims have more than 6 on average.

And that's exactly why they're going to take over.