Damnata
@Damnata
15 Years25,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 252 · Posts: 36419 · Topics: 473
Understanding VS Loving
I??d even argue that when we first fall for someone, we do so without really understanding him or her as an individual. We allow ourselves to fill in the gaps with our imaginations, creating a person in our minds who doesn't actually exist.
It takes time to get to know someone and then understand that person. Hell, sometimes we know someone and still aren't able to understand him or her. Understanding isn't knowledge alone. Understanding is knowing and being able to relate — it's being able to comprehend the logic that is behind the actions of the individual.
It's understanding the thought process the person goes through. It's basically knowing the way he or she thinks and why he or she thinks that way. You can understand someone without loving him or her, but when you understand and love a person it's because you can relate to that person in some way.
This is the connection that we feel with the people that we have loved for an extended period of time. Time is necessary for understanding and loving an individual. The reason many relationships fail is that, with time, we either feel that we aren't able to understand the person we love or that we aren't able to love what we understand about that person.
What's the trick? The trick is finding the ideal candidate. You can't force yourself to love a person and you can't force yourself to continue loving him or her once you get to know that person extremely well and understand him or her deeply. With knowledge and understanding comes a price: We often don't like what we come to know and understand. This is why people fall out of love. This is where all the drama within a relationship originates from.
We don't understand why the information we are coming across doesn't match up with what we thought we knew about the person we love. Knowledge doesn't always lead to understanding and without understanding, you won't be able to love someone indefinitely.
Sooner or later, you will come to recognize the shallowness of your relationship for what it is and you??ll be forced to make a difficult decision: either continue lying to yourself or accept the facts and move on."
Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why-being-loved-is-not-the-same-as-being-understood/<BR>
It takes time to get to know someone and then understand that person. Hell, sometimes we know someone and still aren't able to understand him or her. Understanding isn't knowledge alone. Understanding is knowing and being able to relate — it's being able to comprehend the logic that is behind the actions of the individual.
It's understanding the thought process the person goes through. It's basically knowing the way he or she thinks and why he or she thinks that way. You can understand someone without loving him or her, but when you understand and love a person it's because you can relate to that person in some way.
This is the connection that we feel with the people that we have loved for an extended period of time. Time is necessary for understanding and loving an individual. The reason many relationships fail is that, with time, we either feel that we aren't able to understand the person we love or that we aren't able to love what we understand about that person.
What's the trick? The trick is finding the ideal candidate. You can't force yourself to love a person and you can't force yourself to continue loving him or her once you get to know that person extremely well and understand him or her deeply. With knowledge and understanding comes a price: We often don't like what we come to know and understand. This is why people fall out of love. This is where all the drama within a relationship originates from.
We don't understand why the information we are coming across doesn't match up with what we thought we knew about the person we love. Knowledge doesn't always lead to understanding and without understanding, you won't be able to love someone indefinitely.
Sooner or later, you will come to recognize the shallowness of your relationship for what it is and you??ll be forced to make a difficult decision: either continue lying to yourself or accept the facts and move on."
Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why-being-loved-is-not-the-same-as-being-understood/<BR>
I liked a lot of the points this article made so I thought I'd share 🙂
Posted by strudel
Both sound useless save for knowing that it is a universal thing that people want to be loved and understood. To me it is about value and worth. Are you worth understanding and loving? This is why some people have no takers they dunno how to attract people willing to understand and love them.
See, the problem I have with this statement is that it implies someone has to prove themselves to you before you, the almight other party in this equation..deem them to be worth investing into. If the other person also has this mindset, things go nowhere fast.
On the other hand someone if someone who wants the other person to prove themselves as worthy runs into someone with an open heart..I wonder if they could bend the expectations a little.
The way I come from..I will be my genuine self, hope you will be your genuine self (until I see you're not..but I don't go looking for this) and everything that happens from that point on will either flow or it won't. Oh, the joys of being mutable 😄
Posted by duchessedenemours
That's why I like to understand people before I love them. Doesn't always work like that in real life tho.
I'm into understanding people by default since I like meeting a lot of them. Loving them..I can do that without understanding..only with accepting them for who they are. However, down the line if we clash constantly in communication..then maybe I shouldn't go there before I understand what they're on about.
I know I can't help myself with pursuing a vibe I find lovely but I won't hold it against that person if they aren't who say they are. Lesson learned. It's almost as if it's not even about the other person at all at the beginning but more about whatever is going on between us.
I've always said there are 3 entities in a relationship (I read this somewhere): Him, Her and The Thing (what they create, what their relationship is)
The thing that gets me is how people become resentful fast, as if you deceive them when you never did. You cannot deceive someone because it's not an action on your part, it's the expectation they have of you that deceives them when it clashes with reality.
Not on a high horse here, I also see people with pink glasses on at the beginning but I do my best to just go with it and not get pissed off if they aren't who I thought they were. In the end, we still had some nice memories even if things went south. Nice delusional memories lol.
Not on a high horse here, I also see people with pink glasses on at the beginning but I do my best to just go with it and not get pissed off if they aren't who I thought they were. In the end, we still had some nice memories even if things went south. Nice delusional memories lol.
Posted by strudel
Well u twisted my words lmaoooo!
I also do not seek to be understood. Loved sure but i don't completely trust your reasons at first glance.
Can you trust someone who says they love you but have no clue what you're on about? Not short term..long term.
Because if they never make an effort to, I'd see that as you being more into being adored than welcoming a true meeting of individuals.
I'm in a real philosophical mood today lol
What happens if you run into someone who also expects you to prove yourself? Do you chuck it down to incompatibility and don't make a try to meet half way? Someone has to take a chance, right?
Posted by strudel
Both sound useless save for knowing that it is a universal thing that people want to be loved and understood. To me it is about value and worth. Are you worth understanding and loving?
What do you mean by 'worth'? How do you deem someone worthy to be understood and loved? Does it depend on how much you love that person and how much you're willing to take the time and effort to understand them?
Posted by strudel
Well if it is long term they're going to find out anyway. I am going to test you. It is a power struggle.
I do prefer to be adored but i don't like stupid women either.
What if someone you're truly fond of says the same thing? Waits for you to prove yourself?
Or you never invest anything until they first "submit" in a way?
Trying to grasp your mindset, more words would help, lazy Taurus.
I didn't brought up bimbos either 😛
Posted by strudelPosted by DamnataPosted by strudel
Well if it is long term they're going to find out anyway. I am going to test you. It is a power struggle.
I do prefer to be adored but i don't like stupid women either.
What if someone you're truly fond of says the same thing? Waits for you to prove yourself?
Or you never invest anything until they first "submit" in a way?
Trying to grasp your mindset, more words would help, lazy Taurus.
I didn't brought up bimbos either 😛
If u troll me good enough with mystery i'm puppy like. That is me tho. Scorp mars not taurus. Give up d i am complex!click to expand
Honest question: Do I seem mysterious?
I 100% think I am not but I've been told my randomness makes me mysterious because people don't know what to expect? More than one time I heard that.
Posted by strudel
y r u asking someone from the internet? 😄
YOU ARE INSTANTANEOUSLY CHUMMY. 😛
I am pretty much the same in real life. With sharing stories and stuff that is.
I keep trying to get my Aries friend to make an account. She is so ditsy and completely lacks patience so she just lurks and reads.
*waves at roxana*
Posted by strudel
i think i had bad boy appeal IRL. here ppl just think i'm some dorky north korean lulz!
is she cute? *waves at roxana* 😄
she says she is.
she's with a leo though so you'll have to live vicariously through your moon.
Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Damnata there are literally too many things in your article and posts that I relate to a 100% .
So I'll just +1 this thread.
#LazyFishSyndrome
Damn lazy mutables.
I think I will go off this article and write my thoughts down in Word..another Virgo essay on human emotion. It is almost funny.
I agree.
Understanding & loving both produce the same results though: You still cherish them even when you disagree & even when they're on your last nerves.
The difference for me is that there are a lot of things I understand, but don't necessarily agree with. If a guy has issues with his past that keep showing up in the present, I may disagree with his mentality or his actions as a result of his mentality, but when you know their story, you can at least understand it.
I understand why some people do certain things b/c there's always a reasoning behind everything (rational or not), but that doesn't mean I love that person.
I see how you can understand someone you don't love, but I also see how some people can't love someone they don't understand.
Understanding & loving both produce the same results though: You still cherish them even when you disagree & even when they're on your last nerves.
The difference for me is that there are a lot of things I understand, but don't necessarily agree with. If a guy has issues with his past that keep showing up in the present, I may disagree with his mentality or his actions as a result of his mentality, but when you know their story, you can at least understand it.
I understand why some people do certain things b/c there's always a reasoning behind everything (rational or not), but that doesn't mean I love that person.
I see how you can understand someone you don't love, but I also see how some people can't love someone they don't understand.
Posted by virg_goki
Being quite cynical by nature, I do not fall in love/love people I know too well. I see through the good too fast and get disillusioned very quickly, turning into disappointment.
What if those people are actually good? To choose not to go for someone who's good to you and who blends well with you sounds like insanity to me.
It also sounds like Virgo sabotage act. Took my dad 44 years to figure this out.
I'm aiming to understand people. Along the way I'm sure I'll love at least a few of them. Yes, you can love without understanding but to me it'd be a short-lived, shallow love more liking to an infatuation or obsession than love. Communication is the key to understanding and since people are getting worse at communicating it's no surprise we suck at understanding each other.
You're not supposed to love or be loved by everyone, and while understanding may be a unrealistic goal too; I think it a better one. Understanding a problem is the only real way to fix it too.
You're not supposed to love or be loved by everyone, and while understanding may be a unrealistic goal too; I think it a better one. Understanding a problem is the only real way to fix it too.
Posted by virg_goki
It gets even worse when said person is so unnerved by their own character.
^^^This is wisdom. Wow
I agree. If you're blind to yourself and not self-aware about your own inner workings, not how you relate to me..I'm out.
Posted by LibraSid
Communication is the key to understanding and since people are getting worse at communicating it's no surprise we suck at understanding each other.
It's so weird man. We developped language as a means to get along and to communicate and now we are devolving. I really worry for younger kids these days because if left unattended in their fantasy worlds, they are prone to delusion and sociopathy.
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Most people assume that those whom they love, they understand and that those who love them, understand them as well. The problem is that this is not always the case. Understanding and knowing someone is very tricky. People aren't static beings — their personalities change over time.
Knowing someone takes a lot of work, just as does love. However, the more compatible individuals are, the more they will get to know and understand each other and the deeper they will fall for each other. The issue is that sometimes the more you get to know someone, the less you love what you see.
Do we need to understand people in order to love them? I don't believe so. I understand that many individuals believe love to be some magical, otherworldly, spiritual experience. And sure, it is — sort of. But, in reality, love exists where everything else we experience exists: in our brains. Your brain is where you process information.
It's where you experience the things around you, where you experience the way you feel, and where you experience love. Is there some tangible force that draws people together that we call love? Science says no. The reason I am bringing this up is to show that it is possible to be in love — or to believe that you are in love — with a person that you know absolutely nothing about. It's fathomable that a person could fall in love with someone that is putting on a persona completely different from who they really are as individuals. Many people make a living doing so.
You can love someone whom you believe you know, whom you believe you understand, even when in reality you know nothing about that person. Because we are so keen on falling in love, we allow ourselves to be blind to the truth — it feels better that way. This is not to say that loving someone you don't know and don't understand is common, but if loving someone you don't understand even the least bit is possible then loving someone you don't understand completely is certainly possible.