What did it take for you to...

CHANGE?

We all know someone whom we desperately wanted to change, but no matter how much we begged, kicked & threw ultimatums, change never happened

We have all been asked/told to change by our loved ones but didn't in the moment.

But then, there comes in a point in everybody's life when change magically happens!

WHAT DID IT TAKE FOR YOU/ANOTHER PERSON TO CHANGE?

For some, it takes these things to change:
1. losing a loved one (death)
2. A huge shift in finances (either a severe decrease in income or an extreme increase in income)
3. Being sick & tired of being sick & tired
4. Losing the love of their life
5. Giving their life back over to Christ/becoming more religious)
6. The constant/consistent influence of platonic friends telling you to change
7. A random stranger who knows nothing about you telling you to change (it's amazing how things can go in 1 ear & out the other if we keep hearing the same things from the people closest to us but if some random person gives you the same advice, BOOM a lightbulb goes off!)
8. Therapy/Counseling
9. Having children
10. Getting ill
11. Karma (Ending up with someone else who has the same flaws you had, thus now you know how it feels, but it took for you to get a taste of your OWN medicine first)
12. Ultimatums
13. Research (I learned alot about myself & how I'm perceived by others simply by researching Aquarians. Once I realized how we negatively come off in certain ways, I changed certain behaviors/reactions)
14. Jail
15. Years & too many failed relationships later (at some point, a person starts to realize that the problem is THEM)
16. Too many people, strangers & some close associates, telling you the same thing (As the saying goes, if 50,000 people are all saying the same thing(s) about you, there must be some truth to it)
17. Overcoming an addiction (and therefore changing certain mentalities or behaviors that came with the territory of that addiction)

I'm curious....what did it take for YOU or someone you know/love to change??

For alot of people, this is the MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION!

It's like why won't they change? And if they do change, what will/did it take? And why wasn't my constant pleading for them to change, enough?

Please SHARE!!

Yes, so true...we change all the time because of the experiences we go through. Change for me happens when I am not entirely happy with myself or I feel I can better myself. I am constantly aware of the way I can act to others and if I feel I am not liking the person I am hearing...I will make a mind adjustment to correct or work on that part of me that I don't like...but it does take work and you have to be conscious of it and want to be a better person to change..

Posted by geminicandle
It will never work, imo.

People don't change and I as hell not gonna change for anyone!
Be who you are from the get go...
Trust me, some guy outthere will dig you no matter what.

And if he doesn't? Time to say bye.

People do change! And all the time! Change never happens in the exact moment someone asks you to but eventually most people will change.

If your partner didn't change for you that doesn't mean that they haven't/won't change down the road when they're with someone else. But an ex would never know b/c well, they're no longer in that person's life

Why do we as a society say that a person asking us to change is always a bad thing? Why is that request associated with 'control' or 'they don't truly love you if they want you to change?'

The reason we have friends, family & companions is b/c it's healthy AND necessary to have others in our lives to not only have good times with but to keep us in line when we get out of line.

How we perceive yourself is not always how others perceive you

Plus, there's a difference b/w changing who you ARE vs. changing what you DO. Major difference!

If someone is asking you to change a certain life style , habit, behavior, etc. that is destructive to self, others or both, & you refuse to change simply to prove a point that 'no one can change me' you miss out on personal growth that way

Being 100% self-taught is not wise. Sometimes people ask you to change b/c they see that it's best for you & everyone involved, even if you yourself can't always see it yet.

Sometimes a person asks/wants you to change simply b/c they care & love you enough

I'm a very self-aware type of person so what's made me change was when I realized that too many of my goals weren't being reached...whether it be my goals in relationships or whatever

If all of your relationships failed in the past & if most of your ex's at some point in time pointed out the same deal breaking flaw within you, you'd be wise to change simply b/c you have more to gain by doing so than lose!

There are alot of good people out there who won't ever get the credit for being good simply b/c they are too stubborn to change. Their flaws keep outshining their good traits.

I remember meeting a guy's mother once & she pulled me to the side & told me that her son had a major flaw. When I asked him about it, I was extremely turned off & decided to cut our dating short when he admitted that almost everybody in his life had asked him to change. The way he talked about refusing to change with conviction scared me b/c if a person STILL refuses to change after they've lost everything AND everyone important to them, now THAT'S when it's time to run! And I did!

Posted by krysrenee7
CHANGE?

We all know someone whom we desperately wanted to change, but no matter how much we begged, kicked & threw ultimatums, change never happened

We have all been asked/told to change by our loved ones but didn't in the moment.

But then, there comes in a point in everybody's life when change magically happens!

WHAT DID IT TAKE FOR YOU/ANOTHER PERSON TO CHANGE?

For some, it takes these things to change:
1. losing a loved one (death)
2. A huge shift in finances (either a severe decrease in income or an extreme increase in income)
3. Being sick & tired of being sick & tired
4. Losing the love of their life
5. Giving their life back over to Christ/becoming more religious)
6. The constant/consistent influence of platonic friends telling you to change
7. A random stranger who knows nothing about you telling you to change (it's amazing how things can go in 1 ear & out the other if we keep hearing the same things from the people closest to us but if some random person gives you the same advice, BOOM a lightbulb goes off!)
8. Therapy/Counseling
9. Having children
10. Getting ill
11. Karma (Ending up with someone else who has the same flaws you had, thus now you know how it feels, but it took for you to get a taste of your OWN medicine first)
12. Ultimatums
13. Research (I learned alot about myself & how I'm perceived by others simply by researching Aquarians. Once I realized how we negatively come off in certain ways, I changed certain behaviors/reactions)
14. Jail
15. Years & too many failed relationships later (at some point, a person starts to realize that the problem is THEM)
16. Too many people, strangers & some close associates, telling you the same thing (As the saying goes, if 50,000 people are all saying the same thing(s) about you, there must be some truth to it)
17. Overcoming an addiction (and therefore changing certain mentalities or behaviors that came with the territory of that addiction)

I'm curious....what did it take... ??

Two of the above-- and definitely for my youngest brother.

He's a Taurus, so it had to be pretty powerful-- it didn't hurt to have his CAP mother & LEO sister doing some of the pushing, either. 🙂

I think some of those things have the power to effect a "psychic change"-- it completely alters our perception of reality.

Which can be a very good thing. 🙂

I have made a major change a few years ago when I decided to go to uni again and start law-school. From that moment on my life has gradually begun to change.

Atm I'm going thru a major change again, having cut off an 18 year relationship and trying to find my way in life again. What made me cut the relationship and change it though? No idea really, I guess it was a slow process of never being truly happy, always having this restlessness while being with my ex-partner, the constant nagging, the slowly suffocating feeling of not having a bond and just not being an item anymore, or maybe never were. But what made me really cut the thread? I guess starting to talk about it to a few friends and then starting to see a budhist life coach and really speaking out loud about what I wanted and not wanted and about my fears (and I still have a few issues as some of you on here might already know). The fact that I could hear myself say all these thoughts made me finally go for the change.

You forgot to mention more "good reasons".

I met the love of my Life and all changed, my friends did not recognize me.

In few words, I can conquer the world now.

I have children too, but not a dramatic change for me, I want them, I love them, its predictable.

Posted by starlover
i dont think you can have children and not change at all, can you??

If you never even acknowledge emotionally/financially that you have a child, why would anything in you change?!

There are def. people out here who continue living their lives unchanged or worse after having kids.

B/c of the added financial, emotional, physical, & psychological changes kids bring to your life, some people react to these stressors negatively & start using 'stress relievers' like sex, drugs, pills, infidelity, porn, or flat out abandon of their responsibilities

The goal is for children to be 'blessings' & inspire GOOD change, but sadly too often the change isn't good. The proof is in how many fatherless/motherless children there are. The proof is in how many homes got even more toxic once kids got involved SMH

My biggest changes have been because of love. Love for my daughter, family, friends, even two guys in there somewhere and MYSELF.

However, I think a lot of changes have been influenced by this one also:

3.Being sick & tired of being sick & tired.

There came times when I was tired of being used/ abused/ hurt by others and myself. Tired of allowing myself to deal with situations that were more unhealthy than helpful.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by starlover
i dont think you can have children and not change at all, can you??

If you never even acknowledge emotionally/financially that you have a child, why would anything in you change?!

There are def. people out here who continue living their lives unchanged or worse after having kids.

B/c of the added financial, emotional, physical, & psychological changes kids bring to your life, some people react to these stressors negatively & start using 'stress relievers' like sex, drugs, pills, infidelity, porn, or flat out abandon of their responsibilities

The goal is for children to be 'blessings' & inspire GOOD change, but sadly too often the change isn't good. The proof is in how many fatherless/motherless children there are. The proof is in how many homes got even more toxic once kids got involved SMH

click to expand

If it wasn't for my daughter I would have stayed in an abusive relationship with her dad. I would have eventually left, but I left sooner to spare her