Keres
@Keres
9 YearsCancer
Comments: 0 · Posts: 243 · Topics: 16
What do you think I should do?
Oh, I forgot to mention he was in a relationship before me with someone for 2-3 years, but she was a psychotic nightmare. He deleted all of her photos on fb, but still has every photo of his Baby Mama on there.
Of course he has our photos posted as well, but this example further illustrates that he's still holding on to her.
Of course he has our photos posted as well, but this example further illustrates that he's still holding on to her.
Whats his sun, moon, mars, venus, and mercury?
Posted by LadyNeptuneCancer sun
Whats his sun, moon, mars, venus, and mercury?
Virgo moon
Gemini Mars
Leo Venus and Mercury
They pursued me. I had no interest in either one. They both wooed me, and I had no idea this was a fact because in their pursuits they both gave me their all. It was after the relationship began I noticed these behaviors.
Every relationship (or attempt at one) before these two was just me being young and stupid.
Every relationship (or attempt at one) before these two was just me being young and stupid.
Posted by KeresCancer's have a hard time letting past relationships go. X's that by infinity if the chicks given them children.Posted by LadyNeptuneCancer sun
Whats his sun, moon, mars, venus, and mercury?
Virgo moon
Gemini Mars
Leo Venus and Mercuryclick to expand
Posted by KeresThat's true of every relationship.
It was after the relationship began I noticed these behaviors.
I've never been one to search for love, I guess, but rather let it come to me. Everyone says I'm choosing the same men because they display similar behaviors, but the truth is every man in my life has been vastly different from the others. The only common factor is myself.
I'm scared. I've been hurt so many times - every time - and I don't want to go through it again. I told my bf as much before we got together. He made me believe this time would be different, and in many ways it has been, except for this one thing.
Like I said, I'm trying to be reasonable and not let it bother me. I can control my actions, and I have been, but I can't control how I feel.
I'm scared. I've been hurt so many times - every time - and I don't want to go through it again. I told my bf as much before we got together. He made me believe this time would be different, and in many ways it has been, except for this one thing.
Like I said, I'm trying to be reasonable and not let it bother me. I can control my actions, and I have been, but I can't control how I feel.
Posted by starloverThere aren't any though.
A man that has children and a mother to those children will have a bond with them for all of his life...
I would find yourself an available man
Posted by KeresI'm not a jealous person but having 2 different baby daddies or mama's is too much. What if you get prego now he has 3 baby mommas or daddies all different. It's hard choices we sacrifice for love. I wouldn't like that too much. Maybe one kid by one person, then if accidents or something happens where you got prego. It's 2 different people and it's okay as long as guy show he's interested in the kids life and yours. Just have to ask what you need.
Oh, I forgot to mention he was in a relationship before me with someone for 2-3 years, but she was a psychotic nightmare. He deleted all of her photos on fb, but still has every photo of his Baby Mama on there.
Of course he has our photos posted as well, but this example further illustrates that he's still holding on to her.
I don't go after too much, if you search it does mean that your desperate and I am not.
I let it come to me naturally. I have that presence or aura about me. One time I did that and it wasn't met to be too many red flags to overlook.
I have approached the person to hang out and was put on a pedestal. I kept everything up front and honest. But nope.
Good for you star wish you luck.
I let it come to me naturally. I have that presence or aura about me. One time I did that and it wasn't met to be too many red flags to overlook.
I have approached the person to hang out and was put on a pedestal. I kept everything up front and honest. But nope.
Good for you star wish you luck.
Posted by Keres
1. I can always tell when she's on the other end of the conversation by the look on his face.
2. He doesn't only contact her about the children. He contacts her all the time, about any detail of his life he wants to share with her.
3. For those who don't know my story, my last relationship was 15 months of hell because I fell in love with someone who wasn't over his Baby Mama
1. You've put imagined feelings to a look on his face, and that's absurb. That was the first indication to me that you are over-exaggerating, likely for the sole purpose of having something to be suspicious about.
So what ... that he enjoys talking to her. That has nothing to do with you, but, you're making that about you when it doesn't belong.
2. And here's a prime example of you embellishing the situation, so that you have something undesireable to cling to, so you can perpetuate your unsavory feelings. Because the real truth is .. unless you are privy to their every conversation, you have no clue what details he talks to her about.
But, you add this in here so that you can further slant our perception into believing that he's doing something against you. And it's just utter bullshit.
3. There was no reason to add this information about your last relationship ..... except for the purposes of proving to your viewing audience that you are carrying baggage of hurt and expecting him to cater to it, to suit you.
There's no other reason for you tell us about how hurt you were and then compare it to this.
Basically ... here's the deal: You're damaged, and don't know it, so you think it's him. There isn't anything in your testimony which even remotely suggests that he is into her, and not you ... but, you make a mountain out of it anyway, and even embellish the truth to drive your point.
The only problem I can see from your testimony is you not being over your emotional trauma.
Funny how you attempt to prove that he's not over her ... and then your words describe you are the one not over your past.
Posted by tizianiHow am I not taking responsibility? I said I'm having these feelings, explained how I'm rationalizing the situation so my emotions don't turn it into something it isn't, and asking others for another P.O.V.
It's because you're the common factor that we suggested as much.
Otherwise it might always be "just one more thing" than they need to change. No one said suppress your feelings, just try to take full responsibility for them rather than asking him or anyone else to. Purely because it's less of a headache for you in the long run.
I recognized I'm the common factor, but what am I supposed to do differently? I didn't search for these partners - they came to me. They didn't display any worrisome behaviors until I was already emotionally invested and in the relationship. I'm not the one creating the patterns, so what can I do to change them?
Posted by starloverRead my original post again and you'll find I not only recognize that fact, but that's not the problem. The problem is his ex has moved on, and he's in a new relationship where he's happy, but he's still trying to maintain a close relationship with her, because even after she cheated on him - twice - and took his kids away and moved across the country to start her life over again without him, he still isn't over her.
A man that has children and a mother to those children will have a bond with them for all of his life...
I would find yourself an available man
I said I'm still friends with my ex-husband for the sake of our daughter, but I'm over that relationship and have no more feelings for him. He's like family, but I'm not actively trying to have a romantic closeness with him.
Posted by starloverAgain, how? I'm not creating the pattern, and I'm not aware of any problematic behaviors until it's too late. They're not going to show that side of themselves during their pursuit of the new object of their affection.Posted by tiziani+ 1
I think you have to ask yourself what makes you pursue your attraction to men with similar life circumstances to stir up these feelings within you.
Try and heal this patternclick to expand
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428Posted by KeresI'm not a jealous person but having 2 different baby daddies or mama's is too much. What if you get prego now he has 3 baby mommas or daddies all different. It's hard choices we sacrifice for love. I wouldn't like that too much. Maybe one kid by one person, then if accidents or something happens where you got prego. It's 2 different people and it's okay as long as guy show he's interested in the kids life and yours. Just have to ask what you need.
Oh, I forgot to mention he was in a relationship before me with someone for 2-3 years, but she was a psychotic nightmare. He deleted all of her photos on fb, but still has every photo of his Baby Mama on there.
Of course he has our photos posted as well, but this example further illustrates that he's still holding on to her.click to expand
I never said he has 2 Baby Mamas, because he only has the one. What I illustrated here was more reason to believe my suspicions are correct, because he was in a long-term relationship recently, but he has already moved on from that woman. He's not in contact with her, and he removed all of her photos on fb. His Baby Mamas photos, however, are all still there, including the one of them together titled "That's when I knew..." Proof he's holding on.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by Keres
1. I can always tell when she's on the other end of the conversation by the look on his face.
2. He doesn't only contact her about the children. He contacts her all the time, about any detail of his life he wants to share with her.
3. For those who don't know my story, my last relationship was 15 months of hell because I fell in love with someone who wasn't over his Baby Mama
1. You've put imagined feelings to a look on his face, and that's absurb. That was the first indication to me that you are over-exaggerating, likely for the sole purpose of having something to be suspicious about.
So what ... that he enjoys talking to her. That has nothing to do with you, but, you're making that about you when it doesn't belong.
2. And here's a prime example of you embellishing the situation, so that you have something undesireable to cling to, so you can perpetuate your unsavory feelings. Because the real truth is .. unless you are privy to their every conversation, you have no clue what details he talks to her about.
But, you add this in here so that you can further slant our perception into believing that he's doing something against you. And it's just utter bullshit.
3. There was no reason to add this information about your last relationship ..... except for the purposes of proving to your viewing audience that you are carrying baggage of hurt and expecting him to cater to it, to suit you.
There's no other reason for you tell us about how hurt you were and then compare it to this.
Basically ... here's the deal: You're damaged, and don't know it, so you think it's him. There isn't anything in your testimony which even remotely suggests that he is into her, and not you ... but, you make a mountain out of it anyway, and even embellish the truth to drive your point.
The only problem I can see from your testimony is you not being over your emotional trauma.
Funny how you attempt to prove that he's not over her ... and then your words describe you are the one not over your past.click to expand
I see you're spreading your negativity as usual, and pouring salt into open wounds. While you're correct that I am still healing from the emotional trauma I endured in my last relationship, the rest of your past seems to be nothing more than someone who's bored and finds amusement by being incredibly condescending to complete strangers you never have to face. If you're not going to offer some helpful insight, why don't you keep your comments to yourself? Do you not understand that some of the people who come on this site are in real pain and seeking help? Instead of making them feel worse, why don't you try doing something more productive and actually offer some positive aid to their trouble?
You may only see an avatar and text on a screen, but there are real people on the other side of that screen, and just because you can't see them doesn't make it okay for you to use them for your own sick amusement.
Be helpful, or shut the fuck up.
Be helpful, or shut the fuck up.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by Keres
1. I can always tell when she's on the other end of the conversation by the look on his face.
2. He doesn't only contact her about the children. He contacts her all the time, about any detail of his life he wants to share with her.
3. For those who don't know my story, my last relationship was 15 months of hell because I fell in love with someone who wasn't over his Baby Mama
1. You've put imagined feelings to a look on his face, and that's absurb. That was the first indication to me that you are over-exaggerating, likely for the sole purpose of having something to be suspicious about.
So what ... that he enjoys talking to her. That has nothing to do with you, but, you're making that about you when it doesn't belong.
2. And here's a prime example of you embellishing the situation, so that you have something undesireable to cling to, so you can perpetuate your unsavory feelings. Because the real truth is .. unless you are privy to their every conversation, you have no clue what details he talks to her about.
But, you add this in here so that you can further slant our perception into believing that he's doing something against you. And it's just utter bullshit.
3. There was no reason to add this information about your last relationship ..... except for the purposes of proving to your viewing audience that you are carrying baggage of hurt and expecting him to cater to it, to suit you.
There's no other reason for you tell us about how hurt you were and then compare it to this.
Basically ... here's the deal: You're damaged, and don't know it, so you think it's him. There isn't anything in your testimony which even remotely suggests that he is into her, and not you ... but, you make a mountain out of it anyway, and even embellish the truth to drive your point.
The only problem I can see from your testimony is you not being over your emotional trauma.
Funny how you attempt to prove that he's not over her ... and then your words describe you are the one not over your past.click to expand
One more thing: you can tell a LOT from a look - especially on a Cancerian. There is a great deal of emotion in his eyes when he talks to her. Not only that, I'm an empath, and his energy radiates love for both she and I. It's not that hard to read people.
I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, and I'm not looking for sympathy. I said THIS is the emotion I'M experiencing, HERE is why I'm feeling this way, and THIS is what I think is a possible solution. I asked only for thoughts on the information I provided. What do you want, a novel detailing every word and event?
Not once did I point fingers and say I'm being mistreated. I fully recognized I'm the one struggling with something. All I asked for was help so that it doesn't go beyond what it already has.
Posted by KeresOh okay but I was just mentioning that if you got with this guy you would be the 2nd baby mommas on top of the already stress you are dealing with, and its not going swell right now. And if you can work it out then do it. If can't don't do it. Not worth it for your own health, or any stress. So trust him and talk to each other. Or move on to someone who doesn't have kids already and have a nice compatible relationship with someone else who will treat you right.Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428Posted by KeresI'm not a jealous person but having 2 different baby daddies or mama's is too much. What if you get prego now he has 3 baby mommas or daddies all different. It's hard choices we sacrifice for love. I wouldn't like that too much. Maybe one kid by one person, then if accidents or something happens where you got prego. It's 2 different people and it's okay as long as guy show he's interested in the kids life and yours. Just have to ask what you need.
Oh, I forgot to mention he was in a relationship before me with someone for 2-3 years, but she was a psychotic nightmare. He deleted all of her photos on fb, but still has every photo of his Baby Mama on there.
Of course he has our photos posted as well, but this example further illustrates that he's still holding on to her.
I never said he has 2 Baby Mamas, because he only has the one. What I illustrated here was more reason to believe my suspicions are correct, because he was in a long-term relationship recently, but he has already moved on from that woman. He's not in contact with her, and he removed all of her photos on fb. His Baby Mamas photos, however, are all still there, including the one of them together titled "That's when I knew..." Proof he's holding on.click to expand
Posted by tiziani
If you feel you're speaking and owning nothing other than your own feelings, that's fair enough. Maybe it's what you're written that I misunderstood. It seemed like you were saying because your boyfriend promised you it'd be different from your old relationships, then he is responsible for making you feel right towards your past.
First you said you want it all, then later it makes me ask - but do you really though? It seems like you said "I want it all BUT I just want to change one thing".
When it comes to taking responsibility it's all about intent. Either you are committed to working towards something together or you are not because you fundamentally don't think it's for you. There's room for compromise much later but wanting changes 2 months into it suggests you're looking for a lot more than compromise in the long-run, based on your past.
When I was talking about attraction, I wasn't talking about things like who chased who or who made the first moves. It takes two. There is always a moment where we know we're attracted to someone and can make the decision to either fall for that person or just stay well clear. I'm assuming before you made that decision to fall for him that you knew his current life circumstances and how they matched your past relationships. That is usually never a coincidence and just means these relationships are mirror something within you that you're ready to come to terms with.
I think I understand where you're coming from.
I also think we both agree that I just need to give our relationship time to evolve, and perhaps as his feelings for me grow, his feelings for her will diminish. If not, I'll do what I need to do. In the meantime, I'll keep my feelings in check.
Thanks for your input.
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It's obvious my boyfriend still has feelings for his "Baby Mama" (what he calls her). I'm aware that we can love more than one person, and in different ways. It isn't so much that he still has those feelings for her, but moreso that he's still maintaining a closeness with her that I feel is...I guess, inappropriate given that she's happily married and he's now with me.
I think they broke up about 7 years ago. They have a 10-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter, but my bf has never met his daughter because his Baby Mama had all of his rights to his son revoked and moved across the country after discovering she was pregnant with their daughter. Her husband is who their children know as their father. She sends my bf pictures, videos, and updates on the children, and of course I have absolutely no problem with that. I'm still friends with my ex-husband for our daughter, but the difference is we only discuss things related to our child, and quite frankly I don't get all smiley and starry-eyed when I talk to him the way my bf does when he talks to his ex. I can always tell when she's on the other end of the conversation by the look on his face.
He doesn't only contact her about the children. He contacts her all the time, about any detail of his life he wants to share with her.
I'm trying not to let it get to me so much for the following reasons: she is the only woman he's ever been in love with, and she's been a big part of his life since they were teenagers (they're in their thirties now), and I've only been his gf for a couple of months. Like I said, she's happily married and across the country, therefore not a threat to me. I know he's crazy about me. He tells me what I mean to him all the time: I'm the best thing to happen to him in a long time, he loves every moment he spends with me, he believes we were brought together for a reason, and he hopes our relationship lasts. He's so good to me...except for this one thing.
For those who don't know my story, my last relationship was 15 months of hell because I fell in love with someone who wasn't over his Baby Mama and he went back-and-forth between us, but in the end he always chose her over me. Not only that, I've been hurt by every man I ever cared about because his affections moved elsewhere. I'm tired of sharing affection with other women. Maybe I'm selfish, but I want it all.
I know most people would say I need to communicate this with him, but I'm not ready to. After all, he can't just stop having feelings for her, and if he stops communicating with her as much as he does for me, it wouldn't be right. I want him to stop because it's what HE wants, and he's ready to let go.
Maybe I just need to give it more time?
Do you think I'm wrong for feeling this way?
Is there anything I haven't considered?
I'd be very grateful for outside perspectives. Thank you in advance.