What is it like being with a partner who previously had a very deep unrequited love?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Bloop on Sunday, May 22, 2016 and has 6 replies.
I am with a guy.
We were by-the-way friends and I fell for him, told him my feelings, he accepted and we have been together ever since.
Before me, he had unrequited love for his best friend for 6 whole years. In the second year of his love, she got to know about his feelings for her and stopped all contact with him and even fought with him.
Yet he wasnt able to get out of his feelings for her for about 4 years.
Now he is with me and says he loves me.
But it always bugs me that is love was unrequited. And he will always have that "what if she were mine" thing in his head for her. He used to love her very deeply. I doubt he will always have that concept of "The one that got away" stuck in his head.
This turns me off about him.
Though I have total confidence on myself and my chemistry with him, but crazy obsessive unrequited love that too with a best friend.....I dont know....
Have you ever bene with someone like this?
We were by-the-way friends and I fell for him, told him my feelings, he accepted and we have been together ever since.
Before me, he had unrequited love for his best friend for 6 whole years. In the second year of his love, she got to know about his feelings for her and stopped all contact with him and even fought with him.
Yet he wasnt able to get out of his feelings for her for about 4 years.
Now he is with me and says he loves me.
But it always bugs me that is love was unrequited. And he will always have that "what if she were mine" thing in his head for her. He used to love her very deeply. I doubt he will always have that concept of "The one that got away" stuck in his head.
This turns me off about him.
Though I have total confidence on myself and my chemistry with him, but crazy obsessive unrequited love that too with a best friend.....I dont know....
Have you ever bene with someone like this?
I feel I have to reply just to make the thread look like Helena Bonham Carter's photo album 
!
!Although she is probably less recognisable in my avi than in yours!
To answer the question...
I haven't been with a partner which has gone through years of unrequited love, as far as know. However, I was infatuated for about...ahem...10 years with a married Cancer that lived far away and only met him while attending the same professional meetings, once a year. He was my "muse".
It just shows that I have plenty of imagination and my feelings are lasting
! It didn't stopped me however to fall in love in real life. Pisces know the difference between fantasy and reality very well.
I haven't been with a partner which has gone through years of unrequited love, as far as know. However, I was infatuated for about...ahem...10 years with a married Cancer that lived far away and only met him while attending the same professional meetings, once a year. He was my "muse".
It just shows that I have plenty of imagination and my feelings are lasting
! It didn't stopped me however to fall in love in real life. Pisces know the difference between fantasy and reality very well.Posted by Undine
To answer the question...
I haven't been with a partner which has gone through years of unrequited love, as far as know. However, I was infatuated for about...ahem...10 years with a married Cancer that lived far away and only met him while attending the same professional meetings, once a year. He was my "muse".
It just shows that I have plenty of imagination and my feelings are lasting
You have an Aqua rising and an Aquarius Venus. Having air in your chart helps. I myself have air in my chart and have little to no problem in moving on from an unrequited love as soon as the next best possibility comes along.
Its like, when I am in. I am madly in.
When I am out, I am out looking for the next best thing to be madly in with.
But he has a lot of water in his chart. Plus she was his best friend.
The only thing that is making me insecure is that he never had that pre-relatioship honeymoon phase where things are uncertain, in anticipation, you are best friend with them and things just "bloom".....
Mercury and Venus in Aqua.....Not sure I understand what your last sentence is about, though. "Pre-relationship honeymoon"....? You mean something like the foreplay before sex is? Why is that relevant...? Are you trying to say that you and him didn't have that "anticipation" thing going on, since he was in love with someone else at the time he met you?
Surely things didn't "bloom" for them! He cannot grieve after a romantic relationship, since there has never been one! It's not as bad as if she was his ex that broke his heart and his ego when dumping him, and then he tried to win her back to feel better about. himself.......
This is what I would do:
Get to know her and observe them interacting. Do I sense that she is also into him, but constrained by her own relationship/ marriage? Or is he still a bit into her, while she cringes at any special attention from his part? Even so, how long can someone pine for something one never had? Most likely his infatuation was a phase that came to a natural end. Getting to know her would put things to rest into my mind!
Surely things didn't "bloom" for them! He cannot grieve after a romantic relationship, since there has never been one! It's not as bad as if she was his ex that broke his heart and his ego when dumping him, and then he tried to win her back to feel better about. himself.......
This is what I would do:
Get to know her and observe them interacting. Do I sense that she is also into him, but constrained by her own relationship/ marriage? Or is he still a bit into her, while she cringes at any special attention from his part? Even so, how long can someone pine for something one never had? Most likely his infatuation was a phase that came to a natural end. Getting to know her would put things to rest into my mind!
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