What part are you playing ...
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by P-Angel on Saturday, June 5, 2010 and has 6 replies.
.. in the life of other people who harm, or in harms way?
Hypothetical situation: A woman is in an abusive relationship and stays with the man because she fears him, or perhaps she is in denial, doens't matter why ... she stays. You are this mans friend, and you and your boyfriend hang out with him, laugh with him, have good times.
And you know he abuses his woman.
By the sheer fact that you ignore his behaviour, let's say on the basis that it isn't your business ... are you actually aiding in perpetuating his behaviour by means of ignorance to it?
Does it in turn not harm your own psyche by ignoring that which is harming your soul?
Hypothetical situation: A woman is in an abusive relationship and stays with the man because she fears him, or perhaps she is in denial, doens't matter why ... she stays. You are this mans friend, and you and your boyfriend hang out with him, laugh with him, have good times.
And you know he abuses his woman.
By the sheer fact that you ignore his behaviour, let's say on the basis that it isn't your business ... are you actually aiding in perpetuating his behaviour by means of ignorance to it?
Does it in turn not harm your own psyche by ignoring that which is harming your soul?
Understandable. There is nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in. And there's truly nothing wrong with not being willing to encourage things you don't support. Problem is, look around. Almost everywhere you go & everybody you see (whether that place is home or a foreign land OR whether they are people you love or don't know at all), there will be things that you don't support. It just comes down to picking your battles.
I hate that our military spends so much money killing it's own & other people than it does saving it's own people (health care, for example). The answer most people would give to this problem would be for me to leave the country. Problem is, I can't & I won't. So I just suck it up. Instead of moving to another country where those same things are likely to happen everywhere you can possibly live, I handle that by vowing to never be with or marry a politician. By doing this, I didn't necessarily save anyone or change my disgusts for injustice, BUT atleast that choice stops me from having to face that disgust head on as much as I would had I became or married a politician for example.
Plus, there's always going to be the people that claim certain things you do repulse them, even if you don't agree or understand why. I do agree that you should pick your friends wisely & based on strong moral similarities, but then again come on now, we're all human. We've all done things to ourselves & to others that I'm sure, others in other countries might be killed for, for ex. Instead of dropping the friend that sleeps with a married man, I'll instead counsel her & try my best to teach her right/wrong. Do I want to necessarily wait for her to sleep with my husband before I show my disgust for her mindset? No. But, helping her wouldn't help no different than all the people in your life helping you when you were wrong didn't help.
That's a part of life. Making mistakes so that you AND others can guide you back to the right path. That is ultimately what friendships/relationships are about, & especially since mistakes, flaws & lapses in judgment are INEVITABLE, no matter who you are or where you came from. It's ok to pick your friends wisely BUT don't be so unrealistic that your standards eliminate half of the species from having the chance to know you/be your friend
I hate that our military spends so much money killing it's own & other people than it does saving it's own people (health care, for example). The answer most people would give to this problem would be for me to leave the country. Problem is, I can't & I won't. So I just suck it up. Instead of moving to another country where those same things are likely to happen everywhere you can possibly live, I handle that by vowing to never be with or marry a politician. By doing this, I didn't necessarily save anyone or change my disgusts for injustice, BUT atleast that choice stops me from having to face that disgust head on as much as I would had I became or married a politician for example.
Plus, there's always going to be the people that claim certain things you do repulse them, even if you don't agree or understand why. I do agree that you should pick your friends wisely & based on strong moral similarities, but then again come on now, we're all human. We've all done things to ourselves & to others that I'm sure, others in other countries might be killed for, for ex. Instead of dropping the friend that sleeps with a married man, I'll instead counsel her & try my best to teach her right/wrong. Do I want to necessarily wait for her to sleep with my husband before I show my disgust for her mindset? No. But, helping her wouldn't help no different than all the people in your life helping you when you were wrong didn't help.
That's a part of life. Making mistakes so that you AND others can guide you back to the right path. That is ultimately what friendships/relationships are about, & especially since mistakes, flaws & lapses in judgment are INEVITABLE, no matter who you are or where you came from. It's ok to pick your friends wisely BUT don't be so unrealistic that your standards eliminate half of the species from having the chance to know you/be your friend
Posted by P-Angel
.. in the life of other people who harm, or in harms way?
Hypothetical situation: A woman is in an abusive relationship and stays with the man because she fears him, or perhaps she is in denial, doens't matter why ... she stays. You are this mans friend, and you and your boyfriend hang out with him, laugh with him, have good times.
And you know he abuses his woman.
By the sheer fact that you ignore his behaviour, let's say on the basis that it isn't your business ... are you actually aiding in perpetuating his behaviour by means of ignorance to it?
Does it in turn not harm your own psyche by ignoring that which is harming your soul?
I think it does. I also feel that if you are witnessing it is for a reason. Having the courage to stand up for what is right no matter what even in the face adversity. Not saying anything even if you dont agree means that you passively condone the actions. If anyone says it is not your business they are wrong, because if a person feels that way then they should keep their business at home.
It's funny because my co workers and I were watching a show at work where there were undercover cameras in a restaurant, where the show put a young female server and a male manager who was older and had him sexually harass her in front of customers continuously. She made it clear his advances were unwelcomed. They did it to see if people would intervene on her behalf. Most didnt, they just sat by and watched. And if someone did intervene they were male. Then there were males who were going to intervene, but there wives told them not to. It was an interesting show.
I find this whole mind your own business verus seeing something wrong and speaking up thing fasinating since i myslef land myself in hot water for doing the latter....often
I would not associate with a wife beater. I have no respect for "men" who hit women.
Respect is an important part of a friendship. I don't have/want/need a large circle of friends. The people who I have close to me are of good moral character. If they have a problem they come to me knowing that I will give advice that has their best interest at heart and it is the same if I need advice. If I do not respect a person I don't want to be around them.
The same would go for someone who pursued a married person.
Respect is an important part of a friendship. I don't have/want/need a large circle of friends. The people who I have close to me are of good moral character. If they have a problem they come to me knowing that I will give advice that has their best interest at heart and it is the same if I need advice. If I do not respect a person I don't want to be around them.
The same would go for someone who pursued a married person.
@Libra..I completely agree. Of course there are some people who live certain life style s and/or who live by certain creeds that I completely disagree with & in those cases, I'll do everything I can to disassociate myself from entertaining those things OR the people who don't see the problem with those things.
I guess it all just depends on the person/friend. If I've known someone for a long time whose always been on the same page as me, I'd handle a situation a little differently than I would persay I saw some ugly traits in someone I just met. If I have a good friend of 10 years who just started sleeping with a married man, for example, I'm not saying that I wouldn't let her go BUT I'd probably react a little slower to distance/detach myself moreso than I would had I just met a woman who did the same "things" in her spare time.
People change. Sometimes people start out as angels & later progress & turn their life style s into one that is destructive. If I've known that person for a long time, my compassionate & "giving advice" side will likely come out. And hey, if none of that works or if I can see that his/her bad life style /choices are starting to rub off on me OR affect me, THEN I'll probably consider moving on & finding another friend
I guess it all just depends on the person/friend. If I've known someone for a long time whose always been on the same page as me, I'd handle a situation a little differently than I would persay I saw some ugly traits in someone I just met. If I have a good friend of 10 years who just started sleeping with a married man, for example, I'm not saying that I wouldn't let her go BUT I'd probably react a little slower to distance/detach myself moreso than I would had I just met a woman who did the same "things" in her spare time.
People change. Sometimes people start out as angels & later progress & turn their life style s into one that is destructive. If I've known that person for a long time, my compassionate & "giving advice" side will likely come out. And hey, if none of that works or if I can see that his/her bad life style /choices are starting to rub off on me OR affect me, THEN I'll probably consider moving on & finding another friend
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