Reciprocity8
@Reciprocity8
6 Years
Comments: 149 · Posts: 315 · Topics: 21
What would you do?
One of my cousins is currently in this situation. I recommended couple's therapy, but his spouse said it wasn't needed.
My cousin even battled with and survived Cancer...but it left a significant scar on his head/face. There's a patch where hair doesn't grow.
She told him in front of everyone that he'd better figure out a way to "fix" the patch and look normal, because she's "too beautiful" to be with someone that looks like him now.
There's one child, but the child isn't my cousin's biological son...he's just been in his life since the boy was 1.
He first told me about this because he felt really guilty about wanting to cheat on his wife. He wants to leave...but he's scared of what she'll do to him financially...and she also told him she'd never let the boy have contact with him if he ever divorced her. He's also scared about being single again. Because he hears all the horror stories; mine included.
My cousin even battled with and survived Cancer...but it left a significant scar on his head/face. There's a patch where hair doesn't grow.
She told him in front of everyone that he'd better figure out a way to "fix" the patch and look normal, because she's "too beautiful" to be with someone that looks like him now.
There's one child, but the child isn't my cousin's biological son...he's just been in his life since the boy was 1.
He first told me about this because he felt really guilty about wanting to cheat on his wife. He wants to leave...but he's scared of what she'll do to him financially...and she also told him she'd never let the boy have contact with him if he ever divorced her. He's also scared about being single again. Because he hears all the horror stories; mine included.
I was trying to generalize it at first...somewhat...but fuck it. Neither of them believe in astrology and won't stumble upon it.
I'm not a fan of cheating whatsoever...but even I told him to. I even started looking for someone for him. Lol
And I know it'll come up, so I'll answer it now.
Cousin: Cap
Bitch: Cap 😒 Trust me, I wasn't happy.
Cousin: Cap
Bitch: Cap 😒 Trust me, I wasn't happy.
Posted by Reciprocity8
You get married and suddenly, your husband/wife no longer wants to have sex with you. You're lucky if you have sex once a year, and when it does happen, it's for your birthday and seems like a chore to them.
They don't allow you to perform oral sex, and them performing oral sex is out of the question.
They tell you they don't want to seek therapy...and if you have children, they tell you there will be hell to pay regarding child support and visitation arrangements, should you ask for a divorce.
What would you do?
Immediate move out and annulment
I'll set his ass up perty.
Done it for friends...
100% successful.
What a shitty life to live. Poor guy.
I have lawyer friends. I would be calling them real quick.
Save all the text conversations.
I have lawyer friends. I would be calling them real quick.
Save all the text conversations.
divorce.... he probably feels a sense of loyalty because she was there through his cancer scare... he has some battle wounds. its understandable.
I went through a cancer situation. I found my partner unattractive with her radiation burns and her hair loss. I still loved her, but I felt more as her caretaker. relationship never recovered after that.
that was about 13 years ago. she still calls me periodically.
I went through a cancer situation. I found my partner unattractive with her radiation burns and her hair loss. I still loved her, but I felt more as her caretaker. relationship never recovered after that.
that was about 13 years ago. she still calls me periodically.
If the background of the issue is indeed her inacceptance of the consequences of overcoming cancer, ie his scar or something....i'd be gone. This is the true face of her then, there's no going back on it after this.
And i'd fuck her life a bit too, any way i can, just for being a bitch and lying at the wedding "in sickness and in health"...
Uh and if that wasn't an option, ie forced to stay together because of kids, i'd cheat everywhere i could. At that point that person wouldn't be my partner anymore, rather glorified help around the house. Sorry not sorry.
And i'd fuck her life a bit too, any way i can, just for being a bitch and lying at the wedding "in sickness and in health"...
Uh and if that wasn't an option, ie forced to stay together because of kids, i'd cheat everywhere i could. At that point that person wouldn't be my partner anymore, rather glorified help around the house. Sorry not sorry.
Posted by PurplePassion38
The biggest hurdle I can see is the child. She can't both demand child support and refuse to let him see the child. She's trying to scare him. He needs to speak with an attorney to find out what his rights are regarding his son, and proceed with the separation process. Even if he has to come out his pocket for alimony, it's worth it for his piece of mind.
She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Did he not recognize the signs before he married her? Did she start displaying this behavior only after his cancer?
Also, men find mates much quicker than women. He may not be single for long.
She does have a personality disorder, actually. He recognized the signs, but he was young and inexperienced...and she was older, and convinced him that he was lucky to have her. She's attractive, don't get me wrong...but so is he. Extremely attractive and could've had his pick where women were concerned. But...he was a bit old fashioned and just wanted to be married and have a family. We all warned him about her; his best friend begged him not to marry her, but...he did.
His cancer: she's a nurse. So, when they meet new people, she tells everyone the story about his cancer(explaining the story behind the scar)...and how it was thanks to her that he sought help, because he kept refusing to go to the doctor. She closes with, "Yeah, so essentially, I saved his life."
She's a big performer. Over Christmas, she threw a fit because he bought her a $ 700 handbag, rather than the $ 2600 one she asked for. She actually threw it at him. She said, "Keep it up. I could have anyone I want at work. The doctors are always eyeing me. If I were married to one of them, I know they wouldn't buy me this ghetto shit."
If he were to be single again, he'd hate it. He's not like a lot of men. He doesn't get excited at the mere thought of options. In actuality, it stresses him. He finds it so off-putting that he just stays...and continues to put up with her nonsense.
If I love everything else about them and we have built a life together....... I'd come up with an agreement where we can just sleep w different people and still support each other... until that shit crumbles too lol
Posted by stillstillwater
If I love everything else about them and we have built a life together....... I'd come up with an agreement where we can just sleep w different people and still support each other... until that shit crumbles too lol
I doubt she'd be okay with that. She has meltdowns when women look at him in public. He's still very attractive, so they do. And he works for the DA's office in a big city. 6'4", baseball player's build(played in college)...AND he's just a really nice guy. He's had plenty of opportunities to cheat, I'm sure. But he hasn't. Just felt really guilty for thinking about it.
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.
Posted by Reciprocity8Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.click to expand
So he is dad 100% except by biology, that's a tough one, like i said i don't know how the system works with child support and if someone has been around for pretty much 10+ years , i think the courts wouldn't allow her to get money and not allow him visitation rights. But that is way beyond any knowledge i possess.
I will say that after only 2 years of marriage and this is whats going on, he needs to get a good attorney and leave now. She's refusing to work on issues, she's refusing therapy.. basically from what you are saying she's giving him the big middle finger and it's mostly over his scar? Ya he can and will find someone much better.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by justagirlPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.
So he is dad 100% except by biology, that's a tough one, like i said i don't know how the system works with child support and if someone has been around for pretty much 10+ years , i think the courts wouldn't allow her to get money and not allow him visitation rights. But that is way beyond any knowledge i possess.
I will say that after only 2 years of marriage and this is whats going on, he needs to get a good attorney and leave now. She's refusing to work on issues, she's refusing therapy.. basically from what you are saying she's giving him the big middle finger and it's mostly over his scar? Ya he can and will find someone much better.
I’m confused so it’s her who
Stoped sexing?
click to expand
The wife of the OP'S cousin.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.
Ha so together for 8 then got married n now he changed?click to expand
Yeah, after they were married, she became really distant intimately. He said he once caressed her shoulder when she came out of the shower while she was wrapped in a towel, and she told him, "God, don't be creepy like that. I feel like you're going to rape me." He was really hurt by that. Asked me if that was normal and if that, indeed, was creepy.
But I asked him what she was like before. And from what I've gathered, it was just the bare minimum. He just told me it was nothing unconventional, but that it happened twice a month. And now, it was once a year. And they've never had oral sex. She told him it was disgusting and that he would be disrespecting her by asking for it.
I expressed to him how...unhealthy and abnormal this was.
Posted by Reciprocity8
He first told me about this because he felt really guilty about wanting to cheat on his wife. He wants to leave...but he's scared of what she'll do to him financially...and she also told him she'd never let the boy have contact with him if he ever divorced her. He's also scared about being single again. Because he hears all the horror stories; mine included.
Jfc marriage is really serious business in US. I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would choose to get married & literally risk being held hostage till death do you part. I wouldn't really blame anyone if hitmans were hired bc your system is fucking crazy.
Posted by NeshamaPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by ImpulsvPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.
Ha so together for 8 then got married n now he changed?
Yeah, after they were married, she became really distant intimately. He said he once caressed her shoulder when she came out of the shower while she was wrapped in a towel, and she told him, "God, don't be creepy like that. I feel like you're going to rape me."
It seems like she has some issues. I wonder if she has had a rape or abuse experience she hasn't expressed?click to expand
That's what I told him. I told him that many of her behaviors indicate that it is likely in her history. He talked to her...asked her if there was anything in her childhood or adolescence that affected her emotionally or psychosexually...and she laughed at him. Told him that her childhood was perfect and to stop playing "Dr. Phil".
Ok after having read the thread that bish sounds like a legit psychopath. If I were him I'd start secretly recording her
Posted by aPiscesPrincess2Posted by Reciprocity8Posted by NeshamaPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by ImpulsvPosted by Reciprocity8Posted by justagirl
I doubt she would get child support if the son isn't his? did he adopt? i understand he has been part of the child's life, but he was 1? how long have they been married? I'm not sure how support works but tbh it sounds like she wants him there to be daddy not husband.
The boy is 11. They've been together for about 10 years. She's 35, he's 29. This summer will be 2 years of marriage.
Ha so together for 8 then got married n now he changed?
Yeah, after they were married, she became really distant intimately. He said he once caressed her shoulder when she came out of the shower while she was wrapped in a towel, and she told him, "God, don't be creepy like that. I feel like you're going to rape me."
It seems like she has some issues. I wonder if she has had a rape or abuse experience she hasn't expressed?
That's what I told him. I told him that many of her behaviors indicate that it is likely in her history. He talked to her...asked her if there was anything in her childhood or adolescence that affected her emotionally or psychosexually...and she laughed at him. Told him that her childhood was perfect and to stop playing "Dr. Phil".
She sounds so emotionally abusive. Is she that way with her child at all? Your cousin can do way better. She sounds like maybe she knows he can do better, and she's trying to keep his self esteem low.click to expand
I couldn't agree more. What's even more disheartening is that it's almost like she is grooming her son to also treat my cousin poorly. He's disrespectful to him, but my cousin says that he can't give up so easily because the boy's biological father already walked out on him, and he can't do that to him no matter what the boy's mother has put him(my cousin) through. 🙁
@Neshama Not at all. I'm only 5'...he's 6'4", but growing up, I've always been protective of him. Just like I am of my brother. He's a typical Cap...super reserved and bottles up his emotions most of the time. Doesn't get aggressive. When she threw the fit at Christmas, he just let her act out, then he went for a drive to let off some steam that way.
He could talk to a lawyer with a consulting psychiatrist and provoke meltdowns in front of witnesses to build a case against her. But I guess he is not cold enough to do that?
Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8
@Neshama Not at all. I'm only 5'...he's 6'4", but growing up, I've always been protective of him. Just like I am of my brother. He's a typical Cap...super reserved and bottles up his emotions most of the time. Doesn't get aggressive. When she threw the fit at Christmas, he just let her act out, then he went for a drive to let off some steam that way.
Awwww it hurts hearing how much caps bottle up, I hope your cousin does better and seeks out a happier life styleclick to expand
Me too. Thank you!
Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8
@Neshama Not at all. I'm only 5'...he's 6'4", but growing up, I've always been protective of him. Just like I am of my brother. He's a typical Cap...super reserved and bottles up his emotions most of the time. Doesn't get aggressive. When she threw the fit at Christmas, he just let her act out, then he went for a drive to let off some steam that way.
Awwww it hurts hearing how much caps bottle up, I hope your cousin does better and seeks out a happier life style
Me too. Thank you!
What's her sign btwclick to expand
Cap. 😞 I refuse to claim her, though. I think her parents are mistaken.
Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8Posted by LadyLuna19Posted by Reciprocity8
@Neshama Not at all. I'm only 5'...he's 6'4", but growing up, I've always been protective of him. Just like I am of my brother. He's a typical Cap...super reserved and bottles up his emotions most of the time. Doesn't get aggressive. When she threw the fit at Christmas, he just let her act out, then he went for a drive to let off some steam that way.
Awwww it hurts hearing how much caps bottle up, I hope your cousin does better and seeks out a happier life style
Me too. Thank you!
What's her sign btw
Cap. 😞 I refuse to claim her, though. I think her parents are mistaken.
Really?!?!?!?!? She sounds too immature to be a cap, from the ones I know it's like hearing old souls in a young body. Maybe a fucked up Sag?
Disclaimer: this is not a jab at sagsclick to expand
I have an uber-toxic(fucked up) Sag aunt, and his wife reminds me of her. Very cutting with their words. Definitely not a jab at all Sags. Most are cool.
But, yeah...she's a 23 Dec Cap. Cousin is a 24 Dec Cap.
Yeah...and a nurse in a psych department, of all places. Oy.
@Reciprocity8
was the cancer treatment prior to marriage or after? how long it went on?
I think they were too young both of them when they got together.... him 19 she 25... and maybe now, 10 years later and married, she is somehow panicking, if he is the one she really wanted? I mean, they have been together for 10 years and they dont have a child together? is the cancer thing is why not or other factors?
physical attractivity sometimes starts in a brain.... if your cousin is acting like a doormat (edit: like the handbag situation), she will not be attracted to him, scars or no scars
its never sexually attractive to anyone if somebody is just too nice and let their partner walk over them.... maybe your cousin is grateful to her for sticking the cancer thing out with him? maybe she thinks he is not grateful enough for her to sticking around and take care of him during his cancer? it seems very unfair, but some people are not sexually attracted to ill or ill looking people...
I think if they have been together for 10 years, overcome cancer, dont have their own biological child..... there is maybe more to this story than it seems
PS. she sounds like a mega byatch.... but.. nobody really knows whats going on in a relationship, just the two of them.... relatives and best friends are obviously biased
he is still young, if he gets rid of her in the following years, he will have plenty of options... the main thing is, he is healthy again
Is it possible to have some restorative surgery for the scar?
was the cancer treatment prior to marriage or after? how long it went on?
I think they were too young both of them when they got together.... him 19 she 25... and maybe now, 10 years later and married, she is somehow panicking, if he is the one she really wanted? I mean, they have been together for 10 years and they dont have a child together? is the cancer thing is why not or other factors?
physical attractivity sometimes starts in a brain.... if your cousin is acting like a doormat (edit: like the handbag situation), she will not be attracted to him, scars or no scars
its never sexually attractive to anyone if somebody is just too nice and let their partner walk over them.... maybe your cousin is grateful to her for sticking the cancer thing out with him? maybe she thinks he is not grateful enough for her to sticking around and take care of him during his cancer? it seems very unfair, but some people are not sexually attracted to ill or ill looking people...
I think if they have been together for 10 years, overcome cancer, dont have their own biological child..... there is maybe more to this story than it seems
PS. she sounds like a mega byatch.... but.. nobody really knows whats going on in a relationship, just the two of them.... relatives and best friends are obviously biased
he is still young, if he gets rid of her in the following years, he will have plenty of options... the main thing is, he is healthy again
Is it possible to have some restorative surgery for the scar?
Posted by Reciprocity8
You get married and suddenly, your husband/wife no longer wants to have sex with you. You're lucky if you have sex once a year, and when it does happen, it's for your birthday and seems like a chore to them.
They don't allow you to perform oral sex, and them performing oral sex is out of the question.
They tell you they don't want to seek therapy...and if you have children, they tell you there will be hell to pay regarding child support and visitation arrangements, should you ask for a divorce.
What would you do?
If divorce is to be made that difficult, I would ask if I could have sex with other people then. And maybe probably cheat, if the person said no. Honestly. IF it was a problem for me. 'Cause atm I can go years with out.
Posted by Reciprocity8
You get married and suddenly, your husband/wife no longer wants to have sex with you. You're lucky if you have sex once a year, and when it does happen, it's for your birthday and seems like a chore to them.
They don't allow you to perform oral sex, and them performing oral sex is out of the question.
They tell you they don't want to seek therapy...and if you have children, they tell you there will be hell to pay regarding child support and visitation arrangements, should you ask for a divorce.
What would you do?
Sounds like a nightmare lol I would never wanna be in that , FOH
Oh I thought you were talking about sheldon & amy lulz
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They don't allow you to perform oral sex, and them performing oral sex is out of the question.
They tell you they don't want to seek therapy...and if you have children, they tell you there will be hell to pay regarding child support and visitation arrangements, should you ask for a divorce.
What would you do?