When people don’t match your efforts

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by bkbella86 on Tuesday, December 25, 2018 and has 21 replies.
Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.

Wow i thought i was the only crazy one noticing linguistic differences like saying love vs luv.

And i absolutely relate to you. That’s how i feel 99% of the time like I’m not appreciated. For ex even today i woke up early to drop off gifts to 2 of my long term friends And this year they didn’t get me anything. I don’t have family here so i kinna consider them close to family. I was hurt. But maybe we expect too much from people?

Also i agree on finding like minded people. Keep projecting your love & consideration and you’Ll soon find that same back. Because through the heartbreaks i did find some people who match my level of care.

Hang in there. You’re so rare and will take time to find someone as rare as you ♥️✨
Let me chime in.

I am not positive persons inside but my whole life I am acting very happy and nice toward everybody around me at work and home.

I don’t feel happy when somebody gets me something doe Holidays, a rather they wouldn’t. But people do appreciate me and I am doing good deeds low key so if I can hide the fact that it’s me - I would.

I have no complains whatsoever about treatment from others who does and doesn’t relate to me.

I don’t know if it’s my Gemini or it’s something else but I don’t believe you guys are in a special world where nobody sees your good efforts.

Are you sure it comes from your heart and people don’t feel that you doing it waiting to be praises!

I can’t find explanation to this.

Except I’ve worked with a young woman at the same company and all the nice things people did for me like men opened doors and bought me a coffee...she complained she gets opposite. Like no one ever holds elevator and nobody ever does anything and we worked back to back in the same team!!!

Go figure...
Posted by MissKrabs

maybe you come of as someone who doesn't need that. do you ask for advice or anything?
I don’t complain a lot, I cry on my own and try to fix my own problems. My mom raised me to be too self sufficient. She divorced my dad when I was young and she had twins with very little help so she needed up to do certain things. Ya know it was hard for her. I don’t blame her for that.

My friend used to complain that I don’t tell her about my problems but it’s because once I notice a problem I immediately find a solution instead of wallowing.

Posted by stillstillwater

Wow i thought i was the only crazy one noticing linguistic differences like saying love vs luv.

And i absolutely relate to you. That’s how i feel 99% of the time like I’m not appreciated. For ex even today i woke up early to drop off gifts to 2 of my long term friends And this year they didn’t get me anything. I don’t have family here so i kinna consider them close to family. I was hurt. But maybe we expect too much from people?

Also i agree on finding like minded people. Keep projecting your love & consideration and you’Ll soon find that same back. Because through the heartbreaks i did find some people who match my level of care.

Hang in there. You’re so rare and will take time to find someone as rare as you ♥️✨
Omg you made me tear up. Thank you for such a sweet sweet message and it feels good to know I’m not alone in my thinking and feelings. Merry Xmas...xoxoxo
Posted by Gobby

Been there myself and, sadly, most people aren't worthy of friendship or love, because all they do is use and abuse (seeing kindness as a weakness). It's better to be alone than feeling lonely and miserable, among people who don't really care about you. Fuck the stigma that society places on going it alone.

Just do what's best for you. smile

Thank you Gobby
Posted by Gemitati

Let me chime in.

I am not positive persons inside but my whole life I am acting very happy and nice toward everybody around me at work and home.

I don’t feel happy when somebody gets me something doe Holidays, a rather they wouldn’t. But people do appreciate me and I am doing good deeds low key so if I can hide the fact that it’s me - I would.

I have no complains whatsoever about treatment from others who does and doesn’t relate to me.

I don’t know if it’s my Gemini or it’s something else but I don’t believe you guys are in a special world where nobody sees your good efforts.

Are you sure it comes from your heart and people don’t feel that you doing it waiting to be praises!

I can’t find explanation to this.

Except I’ve worked with a young woman at the same company and all the nice things people did for me like men opened doors and bought me a coffee...she complained she gets opposite. Like no one ever holds elevator and nobody ever does anything and we worked back to back in the same team!!!

Go figure...
Nope I don’t do it for praises.

I give my best in everything I do. I give all of myself and don’t half ass anything. People see that and take advantage. I go too hard. That’s my issue.
People who do less get more it seems. I hate to be bitter and resentful because of that. I gotta work on those feelings.

Posted by MissKrabs

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by MissKrabs

maybe you come of as someone who doesn't need that. do you ask for advice or anything?
I don’t complain a lot, I cry on my own and try to fix my own problems. My mom raised me to be too self sufficient. She divorced my dad when I was young and she had twins with very little help so she needed up to do certain things. Ya know it was hard for her. I don’t blame her for that.

My friend used to complain that I don’t tell her about my problems but it’s because once I notice a problem I immediately find a solution instead of wallowing.



there's your answer then. it's hard for people to understand even if you don't complain and don't need stuff, some love has to be given, for no reason. not sure how to tell them that. i'm sure they would be very surprised that you are having an issue at all.
click to expand
I give plenty of love. At least I think I do. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you.
Posted by bkbella86

Posted by Gemitati

Let me chime in.

I am not positive persons inside but my whole life I am acting very happy and nice toward everybody around me at work and home.

I don’t feel happy when somebody gets me something doe Holidays, a rather they wouldn’t. But people do appreciate me and I am doing good deeds low key so if I can hide the fact that it’s me - I would.

I have no complains whatsoever about treatment from others who does and doesn’t relate to me.

I don’t know if it’s my Gemini or it’s something else but I don’t believe you guys are in a special world where nobody sees your good efforts.

Are you sure it comes from your heart and people don’t feel that you doing it waiting to be praises!

I can’t find explanation to this.

Except I’ve worked with a young woman at the same company and all the nice things people did for me like men opened doors and bought me a coffee...she complained she gets opposite. Like no one ever holds elevator and nobody ever does anything and we worked back to back in the same team!!!

Go figure...
Nope I don’t do it for praises.

I give my best in everything I do. I give all of myself and don’t half ass anything. People see that and take advantage. I go too hard. That’s my issue.
click to expand
There must be an explanation of some sort specially you aren’t the only one...

Do you LET them be asses to you?
Posted by MissKrabs

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by MissKrabs

Posted by bkbella86

Posted by MissKrabs

maybe you come of as someone who doesn't need that. do you ask for advice or anything?
I don’t complain a lot, I cry on my own and try to fix my own problems. My mom raised me to be too self sufficient. She divorced my dad when I was young and she had twins with very little help so she needed up to do certain things. Ya know it was hard for her. I don’t blame her for that.

My friend used to complain that I don’t tell her about my problems but it’s because once I notice a problem I immediately find a solution instead of wallowing.



there's your answer then. it's hard for people to understand even if you don't complain and don't need stuff, some love has to be given, for no reason. not sure how to tell them that. i'm sure they would be very surprised that you are having an issue at all.
I give plenty of love. At least I think I do. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you.


but you need it too? i was talking about that. people perceive people who are self sufficient that they don't need much.
click to expand
Lol ok I understand you now
Posted by bkbella86

Posted by stillstillwater

Wow i thought i was the only crazy one noticing linguistic differences like saying love vs luv.

And i absolutely relate to you. That’s how i feel 99% of the time like I’m not appreciated. For ex even today i woke up early to drop off gifts to 2 of my long term friends And this year they didn’t get me anything. I don’t have family here so i kinna consider them close to family. I was hurt. But maybe we expect too much from people?

Also i agree on finding like minded people. Keep projecting your love & consideration and you’Ll soon find that same back. Because through the heartbreaks i did find some people who match my level of care.

Hang in there. You’re so rare and will take time to find someone as rare as you ♥️✨
Omg you made me tear up. Thank you for such a sweet sweet message and it feels good to know I’m not alone in my thinking and feelings. Merry Xmas...xoxoxo
click to expand
Awwww im so glad and thank you for your post too. Definitely made me feel

Like I’m not alone.

Merry Christmas xoxo 🎄✨
Posted by bkbella86

Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.

Try to think of it as being on a higher frequency than others.

I do similar to you... even risking my life. You wouldn't believe the level of ungrateful-ness or reciprocation... as you describe. But, I don't feel the same. I really truly love giving. It brings me joy. Sometimes I feel like attempts at or matching my efforts would diminish the feeling. I would feel awkward.

Don't get me wrong. I understand your feelings. They make sense. My feelings, the feelings I describe above, don't make sense. I actually do for people who have or I know will betray me. Because, fuck'em. I'm on a higher frequency. I call it my long handled spoon.

I have a narcissistic mother... she did alotta things and I saved her life. You heard of tumultuous family funerals... omg, betrayal attempts and plots galore... even from the grave. Mf's mad cause I paid for it out my pocket too. My momma stopped me from going all out cause the person I was burying didn't like me. "Still, I rise."

I was a manager. Do you know how "ungrateful" and conniving employees can be? Mostly, it's the everday beast of burden of wives and mothers of teenagers. I am both. All this and more at the same damn time everyday.

To me, I know no other way of life. I give the kung fu hand to those who want to be parasites, manipulators, and cons. That's good enough for me. They're not about to take me down and destroy the light I am determined to bring into the world.

Helping people financially, they almost automatically try to run game later. Try to prey on my sense of responsibility like a weakness. That's when I'm upset. Don't expect reciprocation but damn, they go in for the kill sometimes.

That's what people do. Somebody's gotta be an example to the contrary. You gotta teach people how to love. You think it comes naturally but all evidence, as you have discovered, points to the contrary. As you know, the best way to teach is by example.

Here's a simple example, I will take from a "like minded" friend. Yes, you do need like minded persons, others with shared experiences.

A co-worker's husband looses his job. She asks for assistance from my male friend. He puts in some calls and the husband (who he doesn't know) gets multiple interviews. One day, the husband (who he doesn't know) calls him and accuses him of doing something because he has not been offered a job. Wtf, right? He doesn't even know this cat... did him a favor. His wife even inquires lightly implying the same. Insane right? Come to find out, over drinks with one of the friends he used as a referral, dude, the husband, was fired for sexual harrassment and his wife didn't know. That's why he didn't get the jobs. Dude knew this all along. Wife didn't know shit. He was trying to use my friend as a scapegoat. My friend didn't even tell his wife. Plus, the network my friend used for this favor could have bern destroyed by referring a man fired for sexual harrassment.

Me. I send for an advertisement for a position needed at my agency to a girlfriend. She forwards to her husband. He begins to engage me. He inquires. I have no info. He bugs me. He didn't get the job. No one did. So, one morning this mf emails me, "good morning. This is my regular check-in for job opportunities with your agency." Wtf? You planning in bugging me regularly and letting me know.

Those are very light examples. And, I'm trying to illustrate, it could be worse. See, I told my make friend about my girlfriend's husband and he then tells me his story of getting burned. So now, I'm telling you our stories. For support as we supported each other.

Not only are people ungrateful... lacking reciprocating but, actually "punishing," burn you for good deeds. So, I don't even think about reciprocity. I gotta work backlash from helping people first... betrayal, harassment, getting caught up, etc... that wouldn't have occurred if I didn't try to help. Then, maybe I can ponder reciprocity.

It's like feeding a stray animal. I know it can't reciprocate. Don't expect. Just hoping I don't get bitten. Some people out here got rabbies.
Posted by VenusRetrogade

Posted by bkbella86

Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.

awww. im sure someone appreciates you and @stillstillwater . i think in general we only feel disappointed when we have expectations of people. for example we say i love u and subconsciously expect it back. but maybe the better way is to just say it and do things minus the expectation of reciprocation. one way or another, either them or someone else will give you the good deed and love back.

i am the same as you as far as being there for people all the time. no regrets from my side as i am happy if they are happy. i feel lucky because now i feel like the world is rewarding me with much more than i give to those around me. for example, i share money with my sister who is a single mum. she wont pay me back ever and i dont expect her to. but instead the universe allowed me to have an amazing job that pays well so i can continue to help her or the rest of my family if they ever need me financially. i treated my recent ex well and really loved him through thick and thin but he didnt love me the same way and didnt get a divorce. but thats ok. the universe gave me an amazing man now who does things more than i ever did for anyone or myself.

you just got to believe it. dont get tired of being nice or loving. it all comes back to you ten fold. maybe not through materials but through other forms. x
click to expand
Awww that was so deep and beautiful. You’re right, we cannot change other people but we can change ourselves. Or so to say we are the change we want to see. Also, whenever I have done things out of pure love it has returned to me 10x in some way.

Thank you for this beautiful reminder to love & give without expectation and for the only reason of wanting to. ♥️
Posted by bkbella86

Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.



Well this thread is a bit old, but I'll add my two cents anyway. Unfortunately, it sounds like the majority of your experience is now colouring all of your experience and that's going to make it harder for you to recognize when someone is showing you genuine love, but not in the way you feel it should be communicated. For example, do you truly believe you mother doesn't love you because she says "luv u"? Does she really need to say it in one particular way for it to be genuine or true? I'm not sure what the context was when you sent the message and she responded, but I would guess it played a factor. Another example, someone sends me a text saying "I love you" with hearts and kissy faces may receive a smile emoji in return or just be ignored. Not because I don't feel the way, but that isn't how I communicate love. I can not communicate in a way that doesn't feel genuine to me. I'm simply not built that way. One can either accept that or not. Point is, be open to other forms of communication.

As it relates to your people not reciprocating your time, effort, support, I would say spot on with moving on from anyone that takes and never reciprocates your effort, however try not to get lost in the "matching" (aka it needing to look only in the way you think love/affection/effort should look).

All good things for 2019!
Posted by PhoenixRising

Another example, someone sends me a text saying "I love you" with hearts and kissy faces may receive a smile emoji in return or just be ignored. Not because I don't feel the way, but that isn't how I communicate love. I can not communicate in a way that doesn't feel genuine to me. I'm simply not built that way. One can either accept that or not. Point is, be open to other forms of communication.

As it relates to your people not reciprocating your time, effort, support, I would say spot on with moving on from anyone that takes and never reciprocates your effort, however try not to get lost in the "matching" (aka it needing to look only in the way you think love/affection/effort should look).


Agree, people reciprocate affection in their own ways. Personally, I have trouble taking any message seriously whenever emojis are involved, so I would respond in the same manner. There definitely may be a slightly different perspective here than the one OP assumes. So unless the person is negligent all around, I think it's unfair to single out this one aspect of communication and dismiss it as uncaring behavior.

My parents have never said "I love you" to me in my 20+ years of life, but I can't recall ever questioning it. I will say, this is probably a cultural thing, though.
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by bkbella86

Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.

Try to think of it as being on a higher frequency than others.

I do similar to you... even risking my life. You wouldn't believe the level of ungrateful-ness or reciprocation... as you describe. But, I don't feel the same. I really truly love giving. It brings me joy. Sometimes I feel like attempts at or matching my efforts would diminish the feeling. I would feel awkward.

Don't get me wrong. I understand your feelings. They make sense. My feelings, the feelings I describe above, don't make sense. I actually do for people who have or I know will betray me. Because, fuck'em. I'm on a higher frequency. I call it my long handled spoon.

I have a narcissistic mother... she did alotta things and I saved her life. You heard of tumultuous family funerals... omg, betrayal attempts and plots galore... even from the grave. Mf's mad cause I paid for it out my pocket too. My momma stopped me from going all out cause the person I was burying didn't like me. "Still, I rise."

I was a manager. Do you know how "ungrateful" and conniving employees can be? Mostly, it's the everday beast of burden of wives and mothers of teenagers. I am both. All this and more at the same damn time everyday.

To me, I know no other way of life. I give the kung fu hand to those who want to be parasites, manipulators, and cons. That's good enough for me. They're not about to take me down and destroy the light I am determined to bring into the world.

Helping people financially, they almost automatically try to run game later. Try to prey on my sense of responsibility like a weakness. That's when I'm upset. Don't expect reciprocation but damn, they go in for the kill sometimes.

That's what people do. Somebody's gotta be an example to the contrary. You gotta teach people how to love. You think it comes naturally but all evidence, as you have discovered, points to the contrary. As you know, the best way to teach is by example.

Here's a simple example, I will take from a "like minded" friend. Yes, you do need like minded persons, others with shared experiences.

A co-worker's husband looses his job. She asks for assistance from my male friend. He puts in some calls and the husband (who he doesn't know) gets multiple interviews. One day, the husband (who he doesn't know) calls him and accuses him of doing something because he has not been offered a job. Wtf, right? He doesn't even know this cat... did him a favor. His wife even inquires lightly implying the same. Insane right? Come to find out, over drinks with one of the friends he used as a referral, dude, the husband, was fired for sexual harrassment and his wife didn't know. That's why he didn't get the jobs. Dude knew this all along. Wife didn't know shit. He was trying to use my friend as a scapegoat. My friend didn't even tell his wife. Plus, the network my friend used for this favor could have bern destroyed by referring a man fired for sexual harrassment.

Me. I send for an advertisement for a position needed at my agency to a girlfriend. She forwards to her husband. He begins to engage me. He inquires. I have no info. He bugs me. He didn't get the job. No one did. So, one morning this mf emails me, "good morning. This is my regular check-in for job opportunities with your agency." Wtf? You planning in bugging me regularly and letting me know.

Those are very light examples. And, I'm trying to illustrate, it could be worse. See, I told my make friend about my girlfriend's husband and he then tells me his story of getting burned. So now, I'm telling you our stories. For support as we supported each other.

Not only are people ungrateful... lacking reciprocating but, actually "punishing," burn you for good deeds. So, I don't even think about reciprocity. I gotta work backlash from helping people first... betrayal, harassment, getting caught up, etc... that wouldn't have occurred if I didn't try to help. Then, maybe I can ponder reciprocity.

It's like feeding a stray animal. I know it can't reciprocate. Don't expect. Just hoping I don't get bitten. Some people out here got rabbies.
click to expand
You’re so poetic, thanks for giving me some perspective. I have to keep being me, no matter what. You’re right.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by bkbella86

Like when you say I love you with hearts and kissy faces to someone and they In return say luv you or luv you much.

I’m not only talking about romantic relationships but family and friends?

I’m having a moment idk why. But I don’t feel appreciated by anyone.

I have friends who I feel put other friends over me or treat other people they have known for less time Better than me, people who can’t reciprocate simple words, or even lend a listening ear or some advice when it comes to me.

I never think or feel like this but today I’m in tears and I feel hurt. Am I being irrational? When my friends need advice or someone to listen I’m there. Kind words or an ego

Boost I’m there. But I don’t feel it from others. I’m feeling like cutting everyone off and going at it alone till I meet like minded people. I feel sad right now. Even at my jobs I always go above and beyond and I don’t remember one employer who appreciated it. I remember I got a reading once and they said I care too much for others. Some people might not get that vibe if they meet or talk to me but I do. The reader picked up on it.

I think it’s my Pisces moon. I’m over everyone.

Even my mom can’t say I LOVE you. And it hurts. She say luv u. Clearly there’s a difference.

I feel very alone though.



Well this thread is a bit old, but I'll add my two cents anyway. Unfortunately, it sounds like the majority of your experience is now colouring all of your experience and that's going to make it harder for you to recognize when someone is showing you genuine love, but not in the way you feel it should be communicated. For example, do you truly believe you mother doesn't love you because she says "luv u"? Does she really need to say it in one particular way for it to be genuine or true? I'm not sure what the context was when you sent the message and she responded, but I would guess it played a factor. Another example, someone sends me a text saying "I love you" with hearts and kissy faces may receive a smile emoji in return or just be ignored. Not because I don't feel the way, but that isn't how I communicate love. I can not communicate in a way that doesn't feel genuine to me. I'm simply not built that way. One can either accept that or not. Point is, be open to other forms of communication.

As it relates to your people not reciprocating your time, effort, support, I would say spot on with moving on from anyone that takes and never reciprocates your effort, however try not to get lost in the "matching" (aka it needing to look only in the way you think love/affection/effort should look).

All good things for 2019!
click to expand
I’m open to it and have been accepting of it my whole life. Never once complained to her or anyone else for that matter about these feelings. I think I have to right to at this juncture of my life. This is how I feel, maybe I should speak to her personally but I don’t think my feelings should be discarded. I don’t see what’s hard about putting an I in front of it? Also my mom doesn’t tell me she loves me to my face either. Do I think she doesn’t love me, no? But words are powerful and lack there of are just as powerful. I think as a result of my mom not being as expressive in that sense it effected me. Something I should work out with her or in therapy but again these feelings are valid.

Yes all good things in 2019. That includes fixing somethings on the inside with myself.

Thank you!
Posted by Fleshpot

Posted by PhoenixRising

Another example, someone sends me a text saying "I love you" with hearts and kissy faces may receive a smile emoji in return or just be ignored. Not because I don't feel the way, but that isn't how I communicate love. I can not communicate in a way that doesn't feel genuine to me. I'm simply not built that way. One can either accept that or not. Point is, be open to other forms of communication.

As it relates to your people not reciprocating your time, effort, support, I would say spot on with moving on from anyone that takes and never reciprocates your effort, however try not to get lost in the "matching" (aka it needing to look only in the way you think love/affection/effort should look).


Agree, people reciprocate affection in their own ways. Personally, I have trouble taking any message seriously whenever emojis are involved, so I would respond in the same manner. There definitely may be a slightly different perspective here than the one OP assumes. So unless the person is negligent all around, I think it's unfair to single out this one aspect of communication and dismiss it as uncaring behavior.

My parents have never said "I love you" to me in my 20+ years of life, but I can't recall ever questioning it. I will say, this is probably a cultural thing, though.
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What does culture have to do with anything? You think it’s normal for a parent to never tell their children they love them? Just because you’re ok with it doesn’t make it right. Good for you though.

Posted by ScorpioTruth

I can relate to this to a degree.. especially as a step-mom, I feel like it’s the most thankless position to be in. But I try to give/love without expectations. I try to cut any attachment to the outcome. I compare it to planting a seed and letting the seed go, instead of digging it up to see if it’s growing, I just prefer to keep watering it. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense, it’s the best way I can explain it.

As far as your mom, I wonder what her childhood was like? Did her mom express her affections for her? Was she ever abused? The reason I ask, my grandma was sexually abused starting at the age of 7. So she stopped telling my dad and all of his siblings that she loved them at the age of 7. It’s definitely not fair, and I can’t imagine how that would feel to never be told that my parent loves me, but sometimes learning the reason helps us understand it has nothing at all to do with us and more to do with them.

So maybe if you let her know that the spelling has significant meaning to you, I bet she would change the spelling. I don’t doubt for a second that your mom loves you. I just don’t think she considers the spelling of the word as significant as you do.
Yes my mom was abused, I’ve known about it since I was younger and I we just literally this summer spoke on it, this is about 25 years of me knowing and her not knowing I knew. The convo was brief. There’s a barrier there and id Love to breakthrough it. I’d love for us to be closer on an emotional level but it’s hard and I think I’m shy with my innner feelings, it’s hard for me to express myself in that sense. SoI understand where my mom

Is coming from and I still love her despite that. We’re going to eventually get there and I don’t mind being the one to do it. I just need a moment to get there. I’ve been extremely busy career wise but I’m going to make time for this very soon.
Some people, like myself, arent the best at communicating emotions or how they feel. A lot of times words arent necessary for me to know how people feel about me