When to stop believing in the Real Thing?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by ReallyNiceAriesPerson on Wednesday, February 8, 2012 and has 38 replies.

At What Age Should One Stop Refusing Offers Of Sex?

I have the major problem of being an Aries and in my tiny brain I think I am going to get married and have years of hot lusty sex ahead of me.
In reality I am way past the normal marrying age and the stage where I should still believe in fairy tale endings.
*The actual sex I am referring to would be great. As awesome as it is possible to be without being married to the person.
*I would not be married to the guy so my heart sees no point. However I loooooooove sex and my brain is telling me this may be all I am ever going to get?

Is it time to get off my high horse and accept reality?
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What reality is it that you need to accept?
I plan to get married again one day and have years of hot lusty sex ahead of me as well.
Did I miss a memo?
Is this not allowed?

Who cares what age other people get married? Half of them get divorced anyway; maybe they aren??t what you should measure yourself against. Have fun on the journey, don??t worry so much about when you get to your destination??_ what??s the rush? Is what you are looking for in a partner realistic? The only thing you said here was years of sex, I??m sure that is an easy one on the checklist. But as long as you aren??t looking for superman or something, don??t settle for anything. Know what you want and go live your life, you??ll know when you find it.
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I've done a complete turn around, and then turned around again! LOL. When I was younger I went through a casual phase, then I decide not to sleep with anyone I wasn't serious about. Now I'm a bit more casual. The main difference is that I don't hang my future on one sexual episode. Have a bit of fun, and if it goes further great, but if not, move on. It's not always quite that simple because of course sometimes you feel something for them and they move on! I heal a bit quicker now, so no big deal. I'd still like a long term relationship though - been a while since I managed that. Some of the best sex I've had has been with people I'm not serious about - probably because I just relax and enjoy it! Now where's my electric toothbrush. LOL.
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People should just have years of hot lusty sex, then get married when they're about mmmmm.....65 or so
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I would not know I am a virgin
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
... in my tiny brain I think .....
.... get married and have years of hot lusty sex ....
.... I should still believe in fairy tale endings.

Is it time to ..... accept reality?




Your reality is askewed if you believe those things ... so rather than wonder if you should accept it, you should be analying the validity of your reality
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Posted by Wynter
People should just have years of hot lusty sex, then get married when they're about mmmmm.....65 or so


Yes.
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Thanks guys (and girls) for your thoughts. Sometimes the kindness on dxp blows me away.....
Sex to me is a complete mind and body and HEART experience. It's one of the ways I say "I love you/I want you/I adore you/I am yours/Take me/as I will take you." Yes, I understand that may sound weird to a lot of people - and it's ok for me to be different. I'm not wrong, just different.
My realities are:
*Hard for me to explain but a one night stand just doesn't do it for me. Why would I waste all that on someone who won't be there in the morning so I can do it again? I know some people are fine with ONS/FB/FWB and that is ok for them just doesn't work for my heart. I get hotter and hotter for a person as time goes on, starts with a spark and keeps on growing. Sex is not casual for me.
*Most people my age are married/partnered up. With the exception of a couple of people who have lost their spouse and someone who prefers to have one off sex with randoms, all my friend and family are married.
*I can survive (breathe and stuff) without being married but I am a much happier and satisfied soul when I am getting it regularly. Often? What have I done that I should miss out?
*I am getting older. I am guessing I am not getting any hotter? Maybe that is just my perception. If I was marriageworthy there is plenty of time for it to have happened by now. How hot can sex be with a zimmer frame? Seriously? I still want to be able to strut my suspenders and lacy stuffWinking
I worry that I am going to wake up at 80 and not be married and berate myself for knocking back a couple of casual encounters a couple of decades ago because that was my last chance at having sex. It is not what I want but I wonder if that is all I am gonna get.
Single guys who want to get married and have their brains ****ed out for the rest of their life appear to be pretty thin on the ground. Plenty of married guys offering their services and I am in two minds whether to find this insulting or heartening (if married guys notice me perhaps a single one might...if there are any left.) I know marriage is not impossible, just becomes more unlikely as time goes on.
I have not explained that very well and my apologies for that.
I probably should have waited and formulated a proper reply as I am aware sometimes what I write gets misinterpreted but I am a Ram and have just blurted it all out for you. Thanks for listening - it's really cool of y'all.
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Posted by size zero superhero
Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
in my tiny brain I think I am going to get married and have years of hot lusty sex ahead of me.
*The actual sex I am referring to would be great. As awesome as it is possible to be without being married to the person.
*I would not be married to the guy so my heart sees no point. However I loooooooove sex and my brain is telling me this may be all I am ever going to get?
Is it time to get off my high horse and accept reality?



Reality is, marriage ALONE does not validate sex nor determine the quality of it--never has never will. Those who act like getting married ensures some immaculate sex life are either spouting moral/religious ideology, or talking out of their ass.
Have sex either way and if you do end up marrying, dude won't care that he's not your first. Most likely, you won't be his first partner either.
Let's face it...getting it on isn't a sacred act, it's biological. There's an innate reason sex feels good and if it didn't, species would die out left and right.
Just avoid acquiring viruses, unwanted pregnancies and drama(all can be prevented)in your quests and everybody stays happy.
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No interest in sex with someone who doesn't care about me.
I am not worried about being the "first" (I am quite old!!)
I see no point in "getting it on" with a guy who doesn't care if he is bonking you or me or the girl sitting at the table behind us. It would just be a waste of time for me.
**And I am not judging anyone who enjoys sex like that, I am just different.
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Good point Super - I DO have my eyes on the prize. Thanks for pointing that out.
I am happy that I am looking toward a hopefully more positive future instead of pissing away the present on guys who aren't worth it - I was just oblivious to the fact it was happening like that!
I think you have cracked the case for me......if I can't kick back and really get into it and do all the stuff I want to do with that One Really Special Guy then I shouldn't be doing it at all.
It's just another bonk for a guy and he could get that anywhere. If I was special he'd be formalizing the arrangement.
I may yet die an old maid but I won't have wasted any more awesome sex on people who didn't really like me.
Thankyou linesman, thankyou ballboys.
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.....but it would be nice to lie back in someone's arms and PRETEND for a moment that someone cared.
No. It'd be worse than coming off heroineSad
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Posted by Sizzurp
Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
.....but it would be nice to lie back in someone's arms and PRETEND for a moment that someone cared.
No. It'd be worse than coming off heroineSad


Maybe the problem is in your habits? For example, if you frequent bars looking for a guy, you are going to find a certain kind of guy. Likewise with church, etc.
It seems obvious but worth mentioning.
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People are always knocking bars here. What is the problem?
Sometimes I go to bars. I have a drink sometimes. It's a good meeting point if you are catching up with a friend from across town. I can watch the TV there. I can use the ladies room there. I can grab a quick meal on the go. Whatever.......doesn't automatically mean I am cruising for one night stands.
Actually I am NEVER crusing for one night stands, so pretty much wherever I go is a good place to meet a great chick who works hard, can cook and is looking for a genuine relationship.
Just because you happen to be in a bar does not make you some kind of low life. Just as attending church doesn't make you an angel. I lived in the bible belt and have seen church-going folk doin' all kinda stuff which I am pretty sure wouldn't get the stamp of approval from Upstairs.
This would make a really cool thread but I don't know how to paste your post into a newie.
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Posted by Sizzurp
Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
.....but it would be nice to lie back in someone's arms and PRETEND for a moment that someone cared.
No. It'd be worse than coming off heroineSad


Maybe the problem is in your habits? For example, if you frequent bars looking for a guy, you are going to find a certain kind of guy. Likewise with church, etc.
It seems obvious but worth mentioning.
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And sorry - to reply to your comment about my "habits." By the time I finish work I am generally too tired to do anything but go home and get to bed.

The last time I was in a bar was a while ago on a day off when I realised I would not get home in time to watch a big sport event so I grabbed dinner in a bar which does great food and watched the game there.
Prior to that I had a pre Christmas lunch with a girlfriend in December.
I am not sure if that qualifies me to be a "Bar Frequenter" or not.
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I don't think Sizzurp was making any accusations about your character. Nothing wrong with going to a bar, but in terms of finding a soul mate, a person might have more success mixing in an environment that matches their values and interests, where you have a chance to meet in a non-threatening environment, you can get to know each other and in time develop a friendship. The other problem with picking a man up in a bar, is that you come across as the sort of woman who picks men up in bars - I'm sure you're not, but they might mistakenly get that impression. My most successful relationships have been with people I met in non drinking environments - at work, gym and on holiday.
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Posted by LibraRose
I don't think Sizzurp was making any accusations about your character. Nothing wrong with going to a bar, but in terms of finding a soul mate, a person might have more success mixing in an environment that matches their values and interests, where you have a chance to meet in a non-threatening environment, you can get to know each other and in time develop a friendship. The other problem with picking a man up in a bar, is that you come across as the sort of woman who picks men up in bars - I'm sure you're not, but they might mistakenly get that impression. My most successful relationships have been with people I met in non drinking environments - at work, gym and on holiday.



I WOULD frequent a bar if the sort of guys I wanted to meet hung out there. But I have not found that bar so I seldom actually find myself in one.
I find it interesting to ponder how people come up with their ideas about what other people are like.
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Yeah it is interesting. We tend to use stereotypes which of course can be inaccurate, but the alternative, which is starting from scratch every time we meet someone new, leads to information overload on the brain! LOL. I probably wouldn't consider a guy in biker gear because I don't think he's my type, but maybe that is my mistake. What have I been missing out on all my life!!
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Guys married to other people aren't my type, but they are the only offers I am gettingSad

....hence this frustrated little thread

****get the guy OUT of his biker gear and give him a chance to make it up to yousmile
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ReallyNiceAriesPerson, you do sound like a really nice person. Would you be interested in some Capricornian strategy?
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Posted by StoicGoat
ReallyNiceAriesPerson, you do sound like a really nice person. Would you be interested in some Capricornian strategy?



hey Goat - hit me with it brother!
x The Ram

*Seriously - go for it. You can PM me if it is top secret stuff that only we special 4-legged folk should know about.
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Awwww i wanna know too. Im not gettin any younger and like you im over the one night stands. Love sex also but feel like my time is running out. Scares the hell outta me to think i may not get much more of it. Its slim pickings out there every year that goes by
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Posted by NZaries
Awwww i wanna know too. Im not gettin any younger and like you im over the one night stands. Love sex also but feel like my time is running out. Scares the hell outta me to think i may not get much more of it. Its slim pickings out there every year that goes by



Oh no. Not you too! I thought I was the only one.
I would feel like a complete idiot sitting in my recliner at the nursing home, lambasting myself for knocking back that last offer 30 years ago.

**That's what we Rams do when we have done something silly - we LAMBaste ourselvessmile

***Where are you NZAries? What are you looking for? Send me your specs and I can fix you up with a good 'un.
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Not only are you not the only one with these thoughts but there are guys out here too. That's why I said never to give up earlier, just be patient and enjoy the ride.
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Yep there are probably alot of us out there wanting that someone great to land on the front door step but the older you get the harder it seems to meet anyone new. Im probably alot older than you, Ive been married, kids etc but ive been on my own now for 5 years and i would like to find a nice man to hang with regularly. Have had a few casuals in that time but im over it,if i go out into town to a good band to have a boogie with my mates the young guys think your there as a cougar, yep really want them staggering drunk all over me, and yep i get the married men hitting on me too Grrrrrrrr. Id rather be alone than with an ass so im gonna be fussy i just hope i dont miss out, just about a born again virgin is me Sad
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Posted by LibraSid
Not only are you not the only one with these thoughts but there are guys out here too. That's why I said never to give up earlier, just be patient and enjoy the ride.



What ride LibraSid?
Do you mean "enjoy the ride" of not having sex until I meet The Guy or enjoy boinking as many guys as I can until I get married?

Glad someone else is going through this too. I felt a bit like Robinson Crusoe...because everyone I know is partnered up it feels like the whole world is....
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Posted by NZaries
Yep there are probably alot of us out there wanting that someone great to land on the front door step but the older you get the harder it seems to meet anyone new. Im probably alot older than you, Ive been married, kids etc but ive been on my own now for 5 years and i would like to find a nice man to hang with regularly. Have had a few casuals in that time but im over it,if i go out into town to a good band to have a boogie with my mates the young guys think your there as a cougar, yep really want them staggering drunk all over me, and yep i get the married men hitting on me too Grrrrrrrr. Id rather be alone than with an ass so im gonna be fussy i just hope i dont miss out, just about a born again virgin is me Sad


What Island? PM me. I can help.
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North, Bay of Plenty. Not plenty of men sadly. Lol where are you?
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The Bay of Even Fewer Still!
Isn't BOP where everyone goes to retire? Must be some rich dude living on his yacht up there?
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Ha ha. Yeah we have the drummer from ACDC parked up in a yacht at the marina. I hear he likes alot of variety, often at the same time.
Ive never been a gold digger anyway. Im still a firm believer in fate. Havnt given up all hope. Truely. Lol So are you in the South?
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Posted by NZaries
Ha ha. Yeah we have the drummer from ACDC parked up in a yacht at the marina. I hear he likes alot of variety, often at the same time.
Ive never been a gold digger anyway. Im still a firm believer in fate. Havnt given up all hope. Truely. Lol So are you in the South?


RMAOL
ACDC?
At his age, if the ladies visiting him are dressed up as nurses they may actually be nurses.
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Ahh you dont need looks when you have money just viagra
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Oh im not one to gossip but i know someone with a boat over the way from his and i can assure you that they arnt nurses. Hey lucky bastard at least someones gettin it aye. EEwwwww
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Oh I would love shooting!! Self defense is not quite so straight forward as it is there of course - our legal system is set up to defend the arsehole, not the law abiding citizenSad
But you are right - everyone should be able to shoot.
I've been trying to mix it up - do different stuff....hopefully different stuff will lead to different results which will eventually lead to my very favourite hobby - hot $ ex.
Can be done almost any time of day or night, very little equipment needed and no subscription fees required!
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While it isn't cool that so many folk that would be keen to have someone don't (and I continue to hear more and more stories of partnered up people who claim to be unhappy - but not unhappy enough to leave) I am starting to not feel like quite so much of a total reject for still being single.
I am starting to waiver on the sex issue though - if it is offered and I am in a weak moment I may just falter and fall into bed because I don't know if I am going to end up alone without a permanent boinking partner or not.

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I guess the part that confuses me is that you keep saying "turn down offers of sex"... I mean people aren't just randomly walking up and saying "Nice shirt, wanna fuck?"... Are they? If so, what kind of shirt are you wearing? No really, I want one!

What ride LibraSid?
Do you mean "enjoy the ride" of not having sex until I meet The Guy or enjoy boinking as many guys as I can until I get married?
I wasn??t talking about sex specifically. The "enjoy the ride" comment was more along the lines of what was said at the beginning of the thread about focusing too far into the future. Just take it one step at a time. When you are on a road trip do you sit in the car and countdown mile markers on the side of the highway or do you have conversations with other passengers/ listen to the radio/ read a book? If you spend all your time worried about the trip being over, the ride will be miserable. If you enjoy the drive and the company, you??ll get there before you even realize it.
Go out and enjoy yourself, do the stuff you like doing. If you are interested in meeting people then just be pen to it and see what happens. Taking up hobbies is a great suggestion. Know what you are looking for when it comes to a long term relationship but also realize that it will take time to grow into that. Don't go into a date expecting anything but a fun evening. If that first one goes well, plan another. Don??t focus on the destination, enjoy the ride!
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smile
Old flames Sid, not randoms. Where I know the sex would be great and I wouldn't catch any diseases.
Could be tempting, in a weak moment. I guess they can be a fall back

I'll see what I can do about a T shirt for you.....how about "I am a Libra - scale me"

Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow guys. Respect.
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

At What Age Should One Stop Refusing Offers Of Sex?

I have the major problem of being an Aries and in my tiny brain I think I am going to get married and have years of hot lusty sex ahead of me.
In reality I am way past the normal marrying age and the stage where I should still believe in fairy tale endings.
*The actual sex I am referring to would be great. As awesome as it is possible to be without being married to the person.
*I would not be married to the guy so my heart sees no point. However I loooooooove sex and my brain is telling me this may be all I am ever going to get?

Is it time to get off my high horse and accept reality?



I think you are my twin lol, I could have wrote this myself.
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

I'll see what I can do about a T shirt for you.....how about "I am a Libra - scale me"


How did I miss this?!?!?!?
I would rock that shirt. Large please. Big Grin
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Posted by SyntheticAnesthetic
Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

At What Age Should One Stop Refusing Offers Of Sex?

I have the major problem of being an Aries and in my tiny brain I think I am going to get married and have years of hot lusty sex ahead of me.
In reality I am way past the normal marrying age and the stage where I should still believe in fairy tale endings.
*The actual sex I am referring to would be great. As awesome as it is possible to be without being married to the person.
*I would not be married to the guy so my heart sees no point. However I loooooooove sex and my brain is telling me this may be all I am ever going to get?

Is it time to get off my high horse and accept reality?



I think you are my twin lol, I could have wrote this myself.
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Synthetic, Mate, I predict much lusty action in your future, just around the corner. You are just having a breather - make the most of it!!!!!
34......pfft. You are only getting warmed up!!


Winking at visual of Sid rocking his new shirt


Dec, baby, yes unfortunately my past times are generally populated by folk who are married/settled down....ie sport, sex etc.
If only I were into unicycling or basketweaving or whatever it is that you single guys are all up tosmile
**I hope you guys will remember this thread and tease me relentlessly in 5 years time, when I am on here complaining that I have to lock my husband in the bathroom because he is insatiable and wants it ALL the time and I can't keep up!!
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