When you don't like your S/O's friends

I see alot of couples struggling with this often.

On 1 hand, it's totally appropriate to voice your concerns when your partner or someone you care about is in what you honestly feel, is the WRONG company (friends)

However, it's totally inappropriate to assume that just b/c you're in a relationship with someone that you can somehow dictate who they should/shouldn't be friends with.

I've been in this situation before. 1 of my husband's friends was a complete tool. A single guy, he was always trying to convince my husband to cheat on me, go to strip clubs, engage in inappropriate behavior, etc. He was what I considered a "bad influence."

It bothered me that my husband couldn't see through it or take action or atleast acknowledge that this particular "friend" of his wasn't the best company to keep.

The "birds of a feather flock together" concept kept popping up in my mind...even though I trusted my husband, I wasn't so sure if I trusted his judgement WHEN he was around this 1 particular guy

Then it hit me 1 day...I had to give my man some credit. My man had a mind & morals of his own. He'd been friends with that particular guy way before me & him had even met.

I eventually let it go & backed off a little. The LAST thing you ever want to do is send someone the signal that you're trying to control them. And yes, even slightly mentioning to someone that they shouldn't be friends with someone can easily be misunderstood/mistaken as you trying to control them.

Turns out that my man put himself in MY shoes. He admitted that had the tables been turned, he probably wouldn't be cheering for my friendship with such a bad influence either. Him putting himself in my shoes is what lead him to drop the friendship, NOT me verbally demanding that he do so.

I see this issue come up alot in relationships. I've learned that you need to be more upset with your partner if they are willing to entertain someone who does NOT respect your relationship b/c technically if they don't "get it" they yes, may drop that 1 friend, BUT the same thing will just happen again when they meet another bad influence

How have some of you dealt with this issue before?

Even if your partner clearly doesn't act like the bad influences in their life, it still bothers some people when they see their partners even entertaining someone that, by their own admission, they have nothing in common with.

Which brings up an interesting question: If your partner is nothing like their friends & if those birds of a feather absolutely DON'T flock together, what's the point of the friendship?

How can/why would a committed, faithful, respectful & honest man/woman hold onto a friendship with someone who is completely the opposite? Wouldn't that suck to know that if you ever needed advice from them, that they'd probably give you the wrong advice or steer you wrong?

I'm not suggesting that your friends oughta be 100% like you, BUT to an extent, they absolutely oughta share some of the same values, morals & similarities in character as you, or else it doesn't make sense as to what you're even gaining from the friendship to begin with.

Man, Krysrenee, youre lucky your SO sounds like a mature scorp who has probably been well schooled in the art of relationships.
What if that friend is a woman, and festering distrust between you and your SO? It'll prolly be worse than a male influence.
I have actually been there, so this struck a chord.

Well regarding birds of a feather, I can agree. But sometimes people attract complementary characters or even their shadows. My Lib at that time had a very awful influence who stuck like a bloodleech but he still tolerated her and was still friends. Not to say she was harming my and his relationship that he never really saw.

Relationships with friends etc are an emotional affair. To be able to use ones discernment to stave off unsavory influences is harder once the connection is there. So, no I don't really think it's birds of a feather, but likely similar thinking and complementary characters. One can be bad, the other good. But def agree on the danger of influencers.

Once again, you're lucky your scorp is a mature, levelheaded thinker who sees forests for trees and knows what's important.

I had many close friends who changed from the time I first knew them to their late twenties. It shocked me, especially when I see them having changed from who I thought they once were. So, personalities are usually hidden - morals and values change whether you like it or not. Friend who eventually will be good or bad influences are a luck of the draw. There's so much dysfunction in human relationships or friendships nowawdays. Well what your SO did was admirable. I mean I don't know what actually goes on in your relationship, but I like what I read here. And your relationship sounds healthy and non power struggleful like many of them are. Blessed eh.

How old are you guys if you're willing to let on?