Which is The lessor of the two evils?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweethearts on Thursday, November 7, 2013 and has 29 replies.
I was talking to a friend yesterday who says she has put on a lot of weight since being with her fianc?. I myself while in a relationship had put on weight and noticed my daughters young friend has also gained several pounds now she is in a relationship. When my partner and I split, I lost the 5 kilos and carry what I know is my comfortable body weight.
We were discussing the happiness differences of being partnered up and single.
Seems, when your relationship hits the comfort zone, many put on weight. Why do you think this is? Are you really as happy loved up than not? She seemed unhappy and depressed to me, which bought home how I was feeling with my ex...just existing together, no longer any excitement and she is getting married!
When I was loved up, I thought I was happy but looking back now know that I wasn't and it was also noted by my friends after the fact as well as the weight gain. (hate that no one would take the time to tell me what they were thinking)

When single, particularly newly single there is weight loss for various reasons. Depression, grooming yourself to look and feel better and possibly to find love again. A More socially active life style but still beaming on the out and a sadness in at times when all alone.
I know it's very hard to be happy all the time, do you find you're happier with yourself in a relationship or out of one? There are benefits of being single too...complete selfishness is justifiable smile
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It isn't called the comfort zone for nothing lol. Not being mean, but when single you subconsciously do everything to attract a mate. You may not even realize. You elevate your energy vibrations, thus resulting in a higher level of consciousness...for example:confidence and self esteem. While we may think we are mainly doing it for ourselves, which is part truth; we are in fact doing it to attract someone.
But when we get into a relationship, the couple is the main focus. We sacrifice self for the good of the whole. Thus diet and exercise go out the window because we want to make our partner happy. What they do, we do.
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I just really think it is unhealthy to be over weight... I mean come on we all know when we are packing on the pounds... I personally hold myself to the same standards all the time... I mean i am not going to always be perfect but it is not super hard to eat right and work out...
Really now I feel bad as I am on VAK and think I should be working out... Only 5 more days of VAK.

PM
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Posted by Impulsv
Frankly it's odd I eat the same way as married yet I maintain thin. I think
Stress has a way to keep the lbs on biologically.


Then you either need to have more sex when you are with someone or you are going out more when you are single... lol
I call it nesting... some couples that is all they do after a bit... is nest... and that is fine to some extent but one must first love themselves before they can love another... Eating healthy and working out is a basic... I am not saying again people have to be crazy but it does take some real work to become really over weight...
PM
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Oh I totally understand that the looking good feeling good is not just for myself and that yes for some strange reason even though I am a happier person single, I still hold out hope that I will find another SO.
And in reality PM, I always want to maintain that feel good feeling, however, when with someone I and a lot of others tend to put their partners first and time together is important. That can cut into "feel good time" with working full time either with the family or job, somethings have got to give or you will find yourself just falling into bed every night exhausted and then even your sex life can suffer. Unless of course you get someone with the same love and can do these things together.
In my job within the gym industry, every single person is there for a reason...it all comes down to wanting to feel better about themselves. People from all walks of life and it is notable that many are unhappy in their relationships and come in to look and feel better. People are generally lonely and unhappy for various reasons.
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Posted by sweethearts
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This is a cool topic, I think everyone has made some true points.
For me it's always the same, I'm skinny when I'm single and I gain a bit once I'm settled as a couple.
It boils down to a couple of things but in terms of how it actually happens, well, I never eat when I'm single and I work out heaps cos I'm bored... But as soon as I'm shacked up and even before living together I start cooking for two people - I'm packing lunches for both of us cos we're on a budget, or I'm making a big brekky every Sunday morning or making sure we eat every night.
It's part of the nesting habit someone mentioned earlier and as a result there's a natural weight gain. The only thing I can say is it happens to my partner too! Cos now they are getting fed properly! =)
But this time around I haven't changed my exercise routine as much and the Cap loves hiking, walking, jogging all that sort of thing and is eager to do it as a couple so we managed to stay fairly consistent.
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I am happier single then in an unhappy relationship but I would rather be in a healthy relationship then healthily single.
At the beginning of my relationship I was slim after getting with my now husband Input on quite a bit of weight mostly because we were spwnding modt of our nights cuddled up.infront of the fire and he is a chef so would cook for me every night or we would order a pizza (and I can easily eat an extra large one all to myself!). Being bigger made me unhappy so I put down my car keys for a bit started walking everywhere and loat the weight.
I used to joke to my husband that now we are married I can let myself go and be his "fat wife" but the reallity is I'm going to be his "hot wife" (after I've shifted the last of the baby weight lol) When people ask hik why he got married I want him to show them a pic of me and them instantly understand smile
P.s I am usually "that friend" who tellsn people they are fat and unhappy and need to end their relationship haha. My mum has always told me if she thinks whoever I'm with isnt right for me, even if they were nice people.
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interesting Tongue I think I'm the total opposite!
When single I probably to the bare mininum! Pretty sure my libra rising usually kicks in to save the day but there's very little motivation for me to WANT to attract someone. As long as I'm presentable then yeah all's good.
When I'm in a relationship however that's when I get really active because I want to look the best for my partner because I want them to show me off and all that jazz. So *shrugs* maybe I live in opposite world.
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Posted by aquasnoz
...So *shrugs* maybe I live in opposite world.


YES! Yes you do...! =P
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Posted by wagtail
Posted by aquasnoz
...So *shrugs* maybe I live in opposite world.


YES! Yes you do...! =P
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HAH! We're not opposite! We're at the top and everyone else is at the bottom!
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kekekeke true true
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<"`.
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For me, my instincts of taking care of my man kicks in and I cook, dine a lot ... cookies, bigger meals, more snacks around the house.
When single, it's just me, so all that food isn't necessary to have around.
Then when kids come .... it's back to having a packed pantry and fridge again.

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Yes, I've had a double brie sitting in the fridge for over a week..If I had a partner it would have been gone along with a few other cheeses and a whole platter of nibbles and when the kids come I go and do a special shop!
Coffee and whatever is the fridge isn't easy enough for them to make a meal, although it suits me fine.
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i'm also much happier in a relationship, but a healthy happy functioning one, where it's harmonious.
i love cooking, tending to the needs of my husband. I'm very much suzy homemaker except with a touch of the librarian (i like to read up on the past, history and lately of course astrology)
it's good you are single if you felt nothing or not happy with your previous partner. if you felt nothing, how can there be anything more?
i think as you get older, weight tends to be an issue for alot of people. there are loads of people who were considered "overweight" BEFORE marriage and got skinnier, or just maintained their weight.
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People in new relationships tend to eat out a lot more, go on more dates involving food and/or cook for each other. i.e. they're eating a lot more. More than they usually would had they been alone. Which is why dating can be so expensive! Most people go out to fancy restaurants (more calories) when they're dating someone vs. when they're just single & popping TV dinners in the microwaves for themselves.
Time that you might've took out to go the gym to work off calories might turn into cuddling nights when you finally find someone. Sitting on the couch, watching movies is a change of pace for your body when it's used to you going straight to the gym after consuming all those calories. This is just an example, but you get my point.
When a man is single & living in a bachelor pad, he probably only eats when he's hungry. When you add a new woman who's willing to suddenly cook for him all the time, the rate for which he eats increases. She's probably putting in the works (fattening/great tasting stuff) in the food so that he'll like it. And as with food in America period, the better something tastes, the more calories/fat are usually in it.
OR a woman that is used to only feeding herself will naturally eat more often when she starts cooking for a man. Example: She only eats 3 meals a day when she's single & living alone, BUT then starts to eat 4 or 5 meals a day (b/c she probably eats too whatever she cooks for him) when she starts feeding him.
Two, when you've got someone in your ear constantly telling you that they love you for who you are & will love you no matter what, the psyche actually starts to believe that lol So when people start to gain weight, they're hoping & assuming that you meant every word of what you said in the beginning lol



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It's interesting how that happens. When you're with someone sometimes you stop trying physically and in other ways cause you get "comfortable "

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Posted by Sag89
It's interesting how that happens. When you're with someone sometimes you stop trying physically and in other ways cause you get "comfortable "



It makes sense though. Think about it
In the beginning, the connection is shallow. It's all about looks, how they dress, how they carry themselves on the outside & lust that is driven by the things I just mentioned
It's not until you dwelve into a deeper connection that other things start to matter. It's not until later that the focus is "Ok so you're sexy, but what else can you offer?!"
Some women are relieved that they can finally get out of the "physical" stage with a guy once the relationship finally kicks off & gets going. There's so much pressure on women to look perfect & although some women don't mind and/or actually enjoy spending 2 hours doing makeup for a date, it doesn't mean that it doesn't get exhausting every blue moon to do so.
When a woman gets comfortable enough to be her natural self (not just makeup), that can ALSO mean being natural in the sense that sometimes she'll gain weight! That's a natural process of life! No woman is ever the same exact size throughout her entire lifetime! Gaining weight b/c of comfort, just like losing weight b/c of stress, is a natural process of life!
And I think it speaks volumes when a woman feels confident that if she were to gain weight, her man would still love her. That means that the man has done a GREAT job convincing her that he meant it when he told her that he'd love her/stay with her no matter what. What sucks is that some men didn't really mean it lol But the men who did mean it have successfully gotten that message across to their woman & have proven themselves! So comfort can be a GOOD thing & can reflect just how much you trust your partner's attraction to you
Think about it...if a woman always feels that she's gotta be perfect just to keep her man, chances are she's so insecure b/c she sub-consciously doubts that he's even that attracted to her in the 1st place. The worst thing a woman can do is try to be perfect physically in the beginning b/c he will expect her to stay that way! And it's not so much that men can't handle a few extra pounds. It's moreso that some men don't like dramatic changes too soon.
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It's all fun & games until a man starts balding, gets a gut, looses those nice muscles of his & his slinger starts to malfunction! Then he's gonna be wishing for someone who would look past all of that & still love/stay with him! Why? B/c although he may not like it, he knows that it's a natural process of age & life.
Why women don't get the same consideration is beyond me O_O
The only woman who stays the same size throughout her entire life is Beyonce & Jennifer Lopez lol And I'm sure they are 10 times more miserable emotionally than the 300 pound woman that can do/eat whatever she wants!
It's a miserable feeling always having to think about whether or not your partner is attracted to you. Always worrying about that takes time away from actually enjoying the freakin' relationship!
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Posted by krysrenee7
It's all fun & games until a man starts balding, gets a gut, looses those nice muscles of his & his slinger starts to malfunction! Then he's gonna be wishing for someone who would look past all of that & still love/stay with him! Why? B/c although he may not like it, he knows that it's a natural process of age & life.
Why women don't get the same consideration is beyond me O_O
The only woman who stays the same size throughout her entire life is Beyonce & Jennifer Lopez lol And I'm sure they are 10 times more miserable emotionally than the 300 pound woman that can do/eat whatever she wants!
It's a miserable feeling always having to think about whether or not your partner is attracted to you. Always worrying about that takes time away from actually enjoying the freakin' relationship!


exactly.
i was just mentioning pierce brosnan yesterday, and looked up him and his wife again. Most people say "now there's true love" and i believe they aren't being sarcastic but being very honest. In today's world, they think love should only be surface.
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Who knows, maybe if she'd looked like that in the beginning, he wouldn't have given her a second glace. Or hell, maybe after being together for long enough, he's loved her enough to accept the changes that came later. *Shrugs
I love the kinds of relationships that defy society's standards.
Be honest...she probably gives him amazing head though lol
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I put on weight but I also quit smoking.
But when I was single, I was too lazy to cook for myself, so I barely ate. I are cereal lots of times for dinner, but now I cook full meals every night so I think that has a lot to do with it also.
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Posted by krysrenee7
Who knows, maybe if she'd looked like that in the beginning, he wouldn't have given her a second glace. Or hell, maybe after being together for long enough, he's loved her enough to accept the changes that came later. *Shrugs
I love the kinds of relationships that defy society's standards.
Be honest...she probably gives him amazing head though lol



i saw her earlier photos, she was indeed thin.
but that's how you grow into love. It's normal to grow into your weight at an older age anyway. Especially if you cook for your husband and prepare goodies for him.
ehhh i dont know about the last part, he could get it from a prostitute if he wanted, but he's loyal and loving and that's what matters.
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I happen to find Mr. Brosnan's wife quite beautiful then and now.
What a glorious chest.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by krysrenee7
Who knows, maybe if she'd looked like that in the beginning, he wouldn't have given her a second glace. Or hell, maybe after being together for long enough, he's loved her enough to accept the changes that came later. *Shrugs
I love the kinds of relationships that defy society's standards.
Be honest...she probably gives him amazing head though lol



i saw her earlier photos, she was indeed thin.
but that's how you grow into love. It's normal to grow into your weight at an older age anyway. Especially if you cook for your husband and prepare goodies for him.
ehhh i dont know about the last part, he could get it from a prostitute if he wanted, but he's loyal and loving and that's what matters.
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And see that's the beauty of analyzing a relationship from the outside! They may not seem to "match" but behind closed doors they may love the hell out of each other & not see what all the flack is about! OR they may seem to love each other completely in pictures, but behind closed doors might be calling each other SOB's every 5 minutes. Ya just never know.
Just b/c a woman is overweight doesn't mean that she can't find a very fit man. Just b/c she gains weight during the relationship doesn't mean that her man will suddenly lose interest or dump her. However, just b/c 2 people stay together during drastic changes in appearance/weight, it doesn't mean that they're still in it for love; it could very well be that they stay for the kids, the blended finances, etc.) You just never know
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Posted by Amandus
I happen to find Mr. Brosnan's wife quite beautiful then and now.




Indeed.
The amount of people who are so shallow that they make assessments based on skin deep is astounding. The reason for posting her pic and commenting on it, is to make the insinuation that she must not be attractive, based on her looks.
:::: shakes head ::::
There's no doubt in my mind that those same people look at skin to make all of their assessments about people.
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Posted by Amandus
I happen to find Mr. Brosnan's wife quite beautiful then and now.
What a glorious chest.


Someone who isn't shallow... Well, well, well Winking
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