Why does he always leave in the morning?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by beelibra on Tuesday, April 9, 2013 and has 54 replies.
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There's this guy that I've been talking to for about two months now. Things are going good, and we have both said that we aren't seeing anyone else. Usually I will go to his house and sleepover and the morning after won't be awkward, he'll want to go and hang out, grab breakfast, go on a drive, that kind of thing. But he's spent the night at my house probably about 4 times now and every single time he's left early in the morning before I even wake up. The first time, he had a stomach flu and was throwing up, that I understand and i know he wasnt bullshitting about it. then the next time he stays the night we had to go drive in the morning and get the plan b pill, and the morning was a little awkward. Since then he's come over a couple more times, and he leaves in the morning with a text saying sorry because he felt sick or some reason like that. But he'll be really concerned that I'm upset, and he'll try to reassure me that he really didn't feel well. And of course I'm like oh no problem I understand blah blah blah. But you know what, it doesn't feel good and I don't know what's going on. I know he likes me, we hang out with his family and have dinner with them, talk constantly throughout the day, amazing sex. I just don't get it. Especially last time which was a couple of days ago because we had such an amazing night together, easily one of the best. And he left in the morning. I'm A Libra and he's a capircorn I don't know if it really matters but maybe he leaves because he feels himself falling a little more and wants to back off to evaluate things? I don't know what do you guys think? We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable by asking him. But I know things are probably headed in that direction, this is bugging me! Thanks guys!
As a Libra, no doubt you have a tastefully decorated, beautiful home. The question is, how cluttered it is? Some Caps could have an OCD-like approach to living, where too many unnecessary objects make them feel suffocated. In the evening, his focus is on you. However, the next day he feels restless.
I was dating a Cap and asked him why did he leave his previous girlfriend. The first thing it came to his mind (and the second and third) was how messy her son's bedroom was. He used very unflattering words to describe it. He said he couldn't have shared a house with them.
His own house looked extremely tidy, almost hotel-like, and void of memorabilia (except for a few framed pictures of his sons). The only "disorder" was a few clean dishes left to dry in the sink.
He became agitated because he could not remember where he put his watch. I pointed it out it was on the left side of his bed. He said he always puts it on the right side, because that is where he sleeps, and insinuated that I disrupted his habit by claiming the right side for myself (I don't actually give a damn about sides).
He went downstairs to make tea and then came back to the bedroom, saying that all our clothes were scattered onto the living room floor (obviously, we almost ripped them off) and what a mess we made, "worse than teenagers". I cracked a joke but he remained serious. Before we left, he become agitated again and I had to embrace and hold him for a few secs to calm him down. That was because he could not find his keys, which were......just in front of him!
I was dating a Cap and asked him why did he leave his previous girlfriend. The first thing it came to his mind (and the second and third) was how messy her son's bedroom was. He used very unflattering words to describe it. He said he couldn't have shared a house with them.
His own house looked extremely tidy, almost hotel-like, and void of memorabilia (except for a few framed pictures of his sons). The only "disorder" was a few clean dishes left to dry in the sink.
He became agitated because he could not remember where he put his watch. I pointed it out it was on the left side of his bed. He said he always puts it on the right side, because that is where he sleeps, and insinuated that I disrupted his habit by claiming the right side for myself (I don't actually give a damn about sides).
He went downstairs to make tea and then came back to the bedroom, saying that all our clothes were scattered onto the living room floor (obviously, we almost ripped them off) and what a mess we made, "worse than teenagers". I cracked a joke but he remained serious. Before we left, he become agitated again and I had to embrace and hold him for a few secs to calm him down. That was because he could not find his keys, which were......just in front of him!
Does he have to go to work so early in the morning?
Unless he's running out the door for some legitimate reason: to go to work, church, or pick up his child, then it is not kosher for him to be leaving before you even get up with no explanation.
I have done that in the past- left a lover very early in the morning for no other reason than I didn't want to be there. Once it was because the guy's house was so dirty I didn't even want to use the bathroom there. That was the first and last time for him, lol.
Unless he's running out the door for some legitimate reason: to go to work, church, or pick up his child, then it is not kosher for him to be leaving before you even get up with no explanation.
I have done that in the past- left a lover very early in the morning for no other reason than I didn't want to be there. Once it was because the guy's house was so dirty I didn't even want to use the bathroom there. That was the first and last time for him, lol.
"Since then he's come over a couple more times, and he leaves in the morning with a text saying sorry because he felt sick or some reason like that. But he'll be really concerned that I'm upset, and he'll try to reassure me that he really didn't feel well. And of course I'm like oh no problem I understand blah blah blah."
You get what you put up with.
Seriously I would call him out on this bullshit behavior if you actually do like him. You absolutely need to tell him he is lying to you, there is some reason he is leaving in the morning, and if he is just going to hit and run, he better keep going.
You get what you put up with.
Seriously I would call him out on this bullshit behavior if you actually do like him. You absolutely need to tell him he is lying to you, there is some reason he is leaving in the morning, and if he is just going to hit and run, he better keep going.
Is he feeling guilty?
Lol, girls. I thought he was rather cute, but I was already smitten by the time we've got there.
I myself often dream of a complete clutter-free home. I like a challenge, too. However, life with him would have been difficult at times, when losing count of his...hm...peculiar habits. It's over now, so we'll never know.
I myself often dream of a complete clutter-free home. I like a challenge, too. However, life with him would have been difficult at times, when losing count of his...hm...peculiar habits. It's over now, so we'll never know.
It could be that OP's boyfriend could only drink his morning coffee out of his favorite cup!
Or...too much room fragrance? My mum becomes nauseous when she's in a perfume shop.
Beelibra should definitely ask him (Is it this? Is it that?...). It could just be a tiny little thing only he cares about and therefore he's very hesitant about admitting it.
Or...too much room fragrance? My mum becomes nauseous when she's in a perfume shop.
Beelibra should definitely ask him (Is it this? Is it that?...). It could just be a tiny little thing only he cares about and therefore he's very hesitant about admitting it.
Posted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
LOL. You guys are funny. No its not because my house is a mess, its clean, organized, and decorated nicely. My house is cleaner then his haha. Anyways he's not really like that. He's actually asked me before if his room not being all organized bothers me. So not it, haha!
Posted by Pecheresse
OMG. A Libra would hand him the broom to clean the place if that was really so much of a big deal!
LMAO oh so true!! +1
Posted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lolclick to expand
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.click to expand
I agree. It's just not on the up and up.
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?click to expand
No we're not and wish I knew why! I mean it seems like we are, and we've been talking for two months now. I don't want to seem impatient or needy. It almost seems like we just unspokenly evolved into bf and gf without him asking me out. But that would be far fetch to bring up to him. He should know that I won't be waiting forever, and won't always be available. but right now I am invested in him and focusing on us... C!? Totally just seems like we are a couple haha.
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.click to expand
Hmmm. And since we've said that we aren't seeing anybody else, maybe this is something I should ask? But if he felt guilty and was seeing someone else, wouldn't he not want me at his place in the morning and feel uncomfortable with me around his family?
Posted by beelibraPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.
Hmmm. And since we've said that we aren't seeing anybody else, maybe this is something I should ask? But if he felt guilty and was seeing someone else, wouldn't he not want me at his place in the morning and feel uncomfortable with me around his family?click to expand
I hear what you are saying but the family might not even know about this other person, if in fact there is someone else... ya know?
Posted by capgirl69Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.
I agree. It's just not on the up and up.click to expand
good, I thought it was just me...
My perception of Capricorns... is that they seem to be very much creatures of habit... I am sure that you are not the only one to have ever experienced this from him. They also seem to like to be in control over their environment... he cannot control this at your place... but he CAN control when he leaves. I don't think there is anyone else in the picture here... though I won't deny he has other quirks, including his being a bit hypochondriacal.
Here's an idea for you: sleep at his place... but next time... YOU leave before he awakes... even shortly after the morning has broken will do. Give him no warning... just that you have things you need to do on your way out. It is always better to UNDER-stay your welcome than to OVER-stay... keep this in mind.
Here's an idea for you: sleep at his place... but next time... YOU leave before he awakes... even shortly after the morning has broken will do. Give him no warning... just that you have things you need to do on your way out. It is always better to UNDER-stay your welcome than to OVER-stay... keep this in mind.
"We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable by asking him."
You don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about your relationship status after you spend time sleeping with him and meeting his parents? So he could turn around tomorrow and say, "Hey, what's your problem, you are not my girlfriend!?"
That coupled with him taking off on you in the morning are BIG red flags.
You don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about your relationship status after you spend time sleeping with him and meeting his parents? So he could turn around tomorrow and say, "Hey, what's your problem, you are not my girlfriend!?"
That coupled with him taking off on you in the morning are BIG red flags.
Posted by David13
My perception of Capricorns... is that they seem to be very much creatures of habit... I am sure that you are not the only one to have ever experienced this from him. They also seem to like to be in control over their environment... he cannot control this at your place... but he CAN control when he leaves. I don't think there is anyone else in the picture here... though I won't deny he has other quirks, including his being a bit hypochondriacal.
Here's an idea for you: sleep at his place... but next time... YOU leave before he awakes... even shortly after the morning has broken will do. Give him no warning... just that you have things you need to do on your way out. It is always better to UNDER-stay your welcome than to OVER-stay... keep this in mind.
Well, as a Capricorn, I can agree with being a creature of habit, but if I take off too early then i am going to miss out on my favorite pastime- morning sex. lol. Not to mention the fact that it's rude. I can't function without a cup of coffee but I can swing by Dunkin donuts in the morning. I would only leave without warning if it was upsetting to be there, or if I needed to be home for some reason.
I agree with giving him a taste of his own medicine by just leaving, but really, if I were the OP, as a woman, I would start holding out on the sex and sleepovers until I got some kind of answer about this strange and rude behavior, and some definition on the relationship and where it was going. As a woman, it reads to me like he is taking advantage of her.
She is putting up with not being the girlfriend, and also his leaving, so he probably thinks it is ok. He needs to know right now that this is not acceptable behavior to her. He is getting everything he wants, and doing nothing to get it. Just my opinion.
Yes you guys are right. If anything by me not saying anything to him, its probably making us turn into friends with benefits. It does bother me, and I told him I understood when I woke up in the morning, but I was a little sad seeing he was gone. I'm going to talk to him about it. I think if he knew I was fed up with these things, he'd stop and change..and then maybe part of me feels like he'd be offended and we'd stop talking. But screw it, if thats the case then I suppose he wasnt worth it in the first place? I'd just hate to feel like things ended at my expense...but I will not be a door mat!
I also agree with the creature of habit thing, I think he really feels like he likes to be in control of things. It shows when were at his place. Suggesting to do things, being able to move freely around probably makes him feel like he can entertain me better, not that he has to. At my house I feel the same comfortability, and he doesn't. So I understand if it makes him feel uncomfortable. He was kind of a reserved person when I met him, and I knew this going into it.
I also agree with the creature of habit thing, I think he really feels like he likes to be in control of things. It shows when were at his place. Suggesting to do things, being able to move freely around probably makes him feel like he can entertain me better, not that he has to. At my house I feel the same comfortability, and he doesn't. So I understand if it makes him feel uncomfortable. He was kind of a reserved person when I met him, and I knew this going into it.
He's been pissing me off, the last few days I've been the one saying good morning to him. Yesterday he was busy and texted me back hours later. Like hes been distant since we had that amazing night together. Usually I wake up to his morning texts if Im the one that last replied. I last replied, and texted him good morning today, and just figure its going to be the same thing as yesterday. So I said hope you have a good day today. xo" and when he replies who knows when, im not going to text him back til hours later in return...and then Im going to ask him whats going on. Because now its really bothering me. Is this a bad move?
Posted by LIBRA1234
Wait I don't understand. You talk every day, you met his parents, you have regular sex, u see each other often and you are not b/f and g/f. On what planet are you not b/f and g/f? lol Since I know your story from before I can only add, talk to him and be honest. He should know this bothers you.
Lol, well from my knowledge, theres usually a conversation about becoming boyfriend and girlfriend...asking if I'd like to be, etc? ...ANY form of conversation about this...lol. So I know it seems a little rediculous hence why I am confused. But yeah Im gonna talk to him about how I feel later on today. Hope it goes well!
Posted by feb16aquaPosted by tiziani
Over-complicating the situation.
I agreeclick to expand
Lol, Yes and I wish I didn't do this. Damn my over analyzing mind...
Posted by beelibraPosted by feb16aquaPosted by tiziani
Over-complicating the situation.
I agree
Lol, Yes and I wish I didn't do this. Damn my over analyzing mind...click to expand
No, no, you are over analyzing this because it doesn't feel right
go with your gut
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.click to expand
Yip!! he is going home to is wife/girlfriend
Im very sensitive and concious in "others" space. My Cap friend is too. He comes in and takes off his shoes, because he see thats what I do, and barely sits down in my place. He tries not to bother anything, or be disturbing in any way. Im JUST like him, which is why I hate visiting others. Im never as comfortable as I like to be.
I think your Cap may be the same way.
I think your Cap may be the same way.
Posted by cancerbooPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.
Yip!! he is going home to is wife/girlfriendclick to expand
This too is possible. Like very possible.
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by beelibraPosted by feb16aquaPosted by tiziani
Over-complicating the situation.
I agree
Lol, Yes and I wish I didn't do this. Damn my over analyzing mind...
No, no, you are over analyzing this because it doesn't feel rightclick to expand
Haha thats exactly it, thank you! Lol. Theres obviously something fishy goin' on.
Posted by lnana04Posted by cancerbooPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ckPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by BikerCh1ck
How long is this? and how long you are not boyfriend and girlfriend but sleep together?
Yeah, what's up with that? you are not bf and gf?
Why do you think? lol
I sense he feels guilty about something, maybe he has someone else that he is being intimate with. Strange to me.
Yip!! he is going home to is wife/girlfriend
This too is possible. Like very possible.click to expand
I reaaally dont think so...I mean it would seem like it. But every single weekend we spend together. He doesn't get phone calls from some mystery girl, and answers all his phone calls. Which are all guys, and sometimes they'll come over and he'll want them to meet me. Theres no way he'd get away with it if he did have another woman. We talk too much and spend too much time together for that to happen. We usually only see each other weekends because I do have a 2 year old daughter and am very busy during the week. He questions who texts and calls me, he expects the same in return, since we did discuss we werent seeing anyone else.
Posted by beelibraPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by beelibraPosted by feb16aquaPosted by tiziani
Over-complicating the situation.
I agree
Lol, Yes and I wish I didn't do this. Damn my over analyzing mind...
No, no, you are over analyzing this because it doesn't feel right
Haha thats exactly it, thank you! Lol. Theres obviously something fishy goin' on.click to expand
When someone really cares about you, they make damn sure you never have to wonder about that. True story
Posted by tiziani
I don't understand what exactly makes some people feel like he is enjoying all the benefits without the responsibility.
From what I've understood from beelibra's threads, they spend quality time together, he introduces her to his family and integrates her into his life, as well as actively taking an interest in hers.
And just because they haven't outright said that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, this means that all that time he has spent is negated purely because of a label that is missing? That's getting something for free, when you share your life with someone in reality beyond just words?
beelibra, Libra to Libra, you know we over-think things when they are good. Over-think things when they are bad. If you have a problem, just talk to him. He seems to give you respect and so he should be willing to listen and talk. Then all your anxiety will go away one way or another. Just my advice. Talk. Communicate.
Yeah this is very true. Well put! I don't feel like he personally is happy with having me without the benefits. He doesn't seem like that, and I know he's the girlfriend over friends type. I think he may feel like because I push things aside so easily like It doesnt bother me, he may not be able to tell that I do want a relationship with him. Then theres other factors like my daughter that may confuse him. I need to think of what im going to say to him and talk to him about it...
Posted by aquapiscescuspPosted by beelibraPosted by aquapiscescuspPosted by beelibraPosted by feb16aquaPosted by tiziani
Over-complicating the situation.
I agree
Lol, Yes and I wish I didn't do this. Damn my over analyzing mind...
No, no, you are over analyzing this because it doesn't feel right
Haha thats exactly it, thank you! Lol. Theres obviously something fishy goin' on.
When someone really cares about you, they make damn sure you never have to wonder about that. True storyclick to expand
LOVE that. That is sooooo true. And this is why I'd be surprised if he expected us to have an unspoken of boyfriend and girlfriend title. Im sure he can suspect that he leaves me guessing about things...
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Sweet Jesus, woman, talk to him.
You have created a ton of threads about this guy, asking US what's going on in his head- yet you have done jack squat to remedy the situation. All you do is create more posts.
ASK HIM.
I get that you may be hesitant, don't want to seem like you're pressuring him, but you need to seriously talk to the dude. You will not be getting answers from us that will be THE all knowing solution.
Btw, Caps are notorious for having their cake and eating it too. You're doing yourself a disservice by not talking about this because if at some point and time he changes his mind and you want to call him out on this because you have ASSUMED you are a couple, he can easily turn around and say you have no place because you are NOT his girlfriend.
The more you wait, the more you screw yourself over.
The answer is talk to him.
The answer to your next post is talk to him.
The answer to your past posts is talk to him.
In case you didn't get it, TALK TO HIM.
And I tell you this as someone who has dealt with how shady Cap guys can be. Hell, guys can be pretty shady in situations like this regardless of sign.
You have created a ton of threads about this guy, asking US what's going on in his head- yet you have done jack squat to remedy the situation. All you do is create more posts.
ASK HIM.
I get that you may be hesitant, don't want to seem like you're pressuring him, but you need to seriously talk to the dude. You will not be getting answers from us that will be THE all knowing solution.
Btw, Caps are notorious for having their cake and eating it too. You're doing yourself a disservice by not talking about this because if at some point and time he changes his mind and you want to call him out on this because you have ASSUMED you are a couple, he can easily turn around and say you have no place because you are NOT his girlfriend.
The more you wait, the more you screw yourself over.
The answer is talk to him.
The answer to your next post is talk to him.
The answer to your past posts is talk to him.
In case you didn't get it, TALK TO HIM.
And I tell you this as someone who has dealt with how shady Cap guys can be. Hell, guys can be pretty shady in situations like this regardless of sign.
Posted by ellessquePosted by David13
Here's an idea for you: sleep at his place... but next time... YOU leave before he awakes... even shortly after the morning has broken will do. Give him no warning... just that you have things you need to do on your way out. It is always better to UNDER-stay your welcome than to OVER-stay... keep this in mind.
I agree with the "creature of habit" commentary.
However, I don't agree with this. This is game playing....plain in simple....plus it's just not very nice. We could say he is playing games too by his behavior the way the OP is describing....but the more you continue to "get one up" on the other....the faster communication is going to break down.
I remember one time...I was running late....and I snuck out without the habitual (lol) kiss on the temple. The very next conversation was...."Why didn't you say goodbye before you left?"...even though, I thought all this time he was asleep when I left, he never was.
It's best to be honest and bring your feelings to the forefront and discuss it with him. No silly games to get something out of someone....unless you just like drama.click to expand
You don't have to agree with me ellessque... but it WOULD be easier !
Still, there are already games in play here... he leaves by pulling the 'sick' card... and she lies by telling him she understands. She could use a truthful excuse to leave early... she could say that she is leaving because she doesn't want to be there all day... but I think this would be a lie in her case... as I'm betting she never wants to leave !
So... let's not call them games... this only implies competition, which it is not. Let us instead refer to them as love 'tactics'... which could also be discussion inclusive, though I do not believe he will hear... he is just a man. But actions... actions are always louder and clearer than are mere words.
Posted by Pecheresse
He's just afraid of commitment and needs to ground himself & evaluate things. It's pointless anyway....the poor guy is already under the Libran spell anyway
The Libran spell ?!! Sois sage mon petit c??ur !!!
Posted by ellessquePosted by David13Posted by ellessquePosted by David13
Here's an idea for you: sleep at his place... but next time... YOU leave before he awakes... even shortly after the morning has broken will do. Give him no warning... just that you have things you need to do on your way out. It is always better to UNDER-stay your welcome than to OVER-stay... keep this in mind.
I agree with the "creature of habit" commentary.
However, I don't agree with this. This is game playing....plain in simple....plus it's just not very nice. We could say he is playing games too by his behavior the way the OP is describing....but the more you continue to "get one up" on the other....the faster communication is going to break down.
I remember one time...I was running late....and I snuck out without the habitual (lol) kiss on the temple. The very next conversation was...."Why didn't you say goodbye before you left?"...even though, I thought all this time he was asleep when I left, he never was.
It's best to be honest and bring your feelings to the forefront and discuss it with him. No silly games to get something out of someone....unless you just like drama.
You don't have to agree with me ellessque... but it WOULD be easier !
Still, there are already games in play here... he leaves by pulling the 'sick' card... and she lies by telling him she understands. She could use a truthful excuse to leave early... she could say that she is leaving because she doesn't want to be there all day... but I think this would be a lie in her case... as I'm betting she never wants to leave !
So... let's not call them games... this only implies competition, which it is not. Let us instead refer to them as love 'tactics'... which could also be discussion inclusive, though I do not believe he will hear... he is just a man. But actions... actions are always louder and clearer than are mere words.
Tauruseseses!!!! *shakes fists* ..........says the scorpioclick to expand
Thought you'd like that !
Bisous !Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by Pecheresse
He's just afraid of commitment and needs to ground himself & evaluate things. It's pointless anyway....the poor guy is already under the Libran spell anyway
Caps and Libras, man...
did you ever ask him your status?
Im getting red flags from both post on this dude....I think he is letting you know whats up in a non verbal way
I say this because Ive been there....getting up everytime he sleeps over is a huge no no to me.
Im getting red flags from both post on this dude....I think he is letting you know whats up in a non verbal way
I say this because Ive been there....getting up everytime he sleeps over is a huge no no to me.
Posted by CluelessCancer
Obviously she's a booty call. I don't get why it's so complex.
omg ur so mean! lol.
Still having issues with your Cap I see. If you aren't GF/BF then how does this man introduce you to the people in his life? And what exactly is it that you want from him after only 2 months?
Seems like he is getting all the benefits of the BF but isn't officially so. If you put up with doormat behavior (no matter how small) that is what you receive no matter how mind blowing the sex and all the other stuff and I know mind blowing Cap sex because I am with a Cap and have been for over 20 years. You two might have a chance at something beyond this honeymoon stage but the self-esteeem and insecurity about every little thing needs to be addressed and dealt with now or the pattern will be set and even harder to get out of later on. And if you aren't his GF why is he getting all the benefits he hasn't earned yet? It won't make him "see the light" and commit his heart and soul on the spot just because you are a good woman. Some Cap men aren't necessarily motivated by love and can easily be involved with a woman for other reasons condusive to a view of the life and persona they want to lead and project. And what is this man's relatiionship with your child? Are they connecting as well?
Seems like he is getting all the benefits of the BF but isn't officially so. If you put up with doormat behavior (no matter how small) that is what you receive no matter how mind blowing the sex and all the other stuff and I know mind blowing Cap sex because I am with a Cap and have been for over 20 years. You two might have a chance at something beyond this honeymoon stage but the self-esteeem and insecurity about every little thing needs to be addressed and dealt with now or the pattern will be set and even harder to get out of later on. And if you aren't his GF why is he getting all the benefits he hasn't earned yet? It won't make him "see the light" and commit his heart and soul on the spot just because you are a good woman. Some Cap men aren't necessarily motivated by love and can easily be involved with a woman for other reasons condusive to a view of the life and persona they want to lead and project. And what is this man's relatiionship with your child? Are they connecting as well?
Posted by LIBRA1234Posted by Pidelight
Still having issues with your Cap I see. If you aren't GF/BF then how does this man introduce you to the people in his life? And what exactly is it that you want from him after only 2 months?
Seems like he is getting all the benefits of the BF but isn't officially so.
Are you saying she is not getting any benefits? U are bashing this guy like he did something wrong. It makes no senseclick to expand
And how am I bashing him? This is the 3rd thread in a span of weeks that the OP has made about this Cap. If she were getting out of the relationship what she seeks (whatever that may be) would she continue to keep questioning every step and breath this man takes? And even with the benefits she says she is getting they don't appear to be enough. That to me isn't bashing but an observation of the obvious. JMO
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Sweet Jesus, woman, talk to him.
You have created a ton of threads about this guy, asking US what's going on in his head- yet you have done jack squat to remedy the situation. All you do is create more posts.
ASK HIM.
I get that you may be hesitant, don't want to seem like you're pressuring him, but you need to seriously talk to the dude. You will not be getting answers from us that will be THE all knowing solution.
Btw, Caps are notorious for having their cake and eating it too. You're doing yourself a disservice by not talking about this because if at some point and time he changes his mind and you want to call him out on this because you have ASSUMED you are a couple, he can easily turn around and say you have no place because you are NOT his girlfriend.
The more you wait, the more you screw yourself over.
The answer is talk to him.
The answer to your next post is talk to him.
The answer to your past posts is talk to him.
In case you didn't get it, TALK TO HIM.
And I tell you this as someone who has dealt with how shady Cap guys can be. Hell, guys can be pretty shady in situations like this regardless of sign.
+++++1
Posted by PidelightPosted by LIBRA1234Posted by Pidelight
Still having issues with your Cap I see. If you aren't GF/BF then how does this man introduce you to the people in his life? And what exactly is it that you want from him after only 2 months?
Seems like he is getting all the benefits of the BF but isn't officially so.
Are you saying she is not getting any benefits? U are bashing this guy like he did something wrong. It makes no sense
And how am I bashing him? This is the 3rd thread in a span of weeks that the OP has made about this Cap. If she were getting out of the relationship what she seeks (whatever that may be) would she continue to keep questioning every step and breath this man takes? And even with the benefits she says she is getting they don't appear to be enough. That to me isn't bashing but an observation of the obvious. JMOclick to expand
+1
sorry had the hardest time quoting you from my phone!
No, things still aren't where I would like them to be. And I think I have figured out why, and I don't know why I have never thought about this before because the answers all my questions. He's completely emotionally unavailable. He gives me all the things that will let me fall for him and want him, but not the things that let me feel wanted by him if this makes sense. We have a great time talking, we have fun doing spontaneous things together, it's always a great time hanging out with him and his family, whether it be dinner or just sitting around... And then there's a mind blowing sex! also, he will show that he cares for me by making suggestions like I should get to bed earlier I haven't been sleeping well, little things like that of the sort that show that someone cares for you genuinely. He'll make little comments like goodnight beautiful and things like that but he will not flatter and compliment me. another example with that, is he will have a lot to say about dirty pictures, but a picture of just me he gets tongue tied and wont reply. But its been let out he does talk to his friends about how attractive he
Posted by Pidelight
Still having issues with your Cap I see. If you aren't GF/BF then how does this man introduce you to the people in his life? And what exactly is it that you want from him after only 2 months?
Seems like he is getting all the benefits of the BF but isn't officially so. If you put up with doormat behavior (no matter how small) that is what you receive no matter how mind blowing the sex and all the other stuff and I know mind blowing Cap sex because I am with a Cap and have been for over 20 years. You two might have a chance at something beyond this honeymoon stage but the self-esteeem and insecurity about every little thing needs to be addressed and dealt with now or the pattern will be set and even harder to get out of later on. And if you aren't his GF why is he getting all the benefits he hasn't earned yet? It won't make him "see the light" and commit his heart and soul on the spot just because you are a good woman. Some Cap men aren't necessarily motivated by love and can easily be involved with a woman for other reasons condusive to a view of the life and persona they want to lead and project. And what is this man's relatiionship with your child? Are they connecting as well?
No, things still aren't where I would like them to be. And I think I have figured out why, and I don't know why I have never thought about this before because the answers all my questions. He's completely emotionally unavailable. He gives me all the things that will let me fall for him and want him, but not the things that let me feel wanted by him if this makes sense. We have a great time talking, we have fun doing spontaneous things together, it's always a great time hanging out with him and his family, whether it be dinner or just sitting around... And then there's a mind blowing sex! also, he will show that he cares for me by making suggestions like I should get to bed earlier I haven't been sleeping well, little things like that of the sort that show that someone cares for you genuinely. He'll make little comments like goodnight beautiful and things like that but he will not flatter and compliment me. another example with that, is he will have a lot to say about dirty pictures, but a picture of just me he gets tongue tied and wont reply. But its been let out he does talk to his friends about how attractive he
he thnks I am, as well to his parents. I know he thinks I am, but he doesn't like to let me know? He will not respond to anything of the sort that has to do with feelings or emotions. He'll find a way around it and beat around the bush, before you know it the topic is changed and I'm still sitting there confused. He's not affectionate to me, and I can see it in him.. But it's almost like he doesn't know how. He is the depiction of an emotionally unavailable man. As far as my daughter goes, no he has not met her yet and I wouldn't want him to until I knew where things were with us. She is no secret in our conversation, we talk about her, how she's doing and things of the sort. He's shown that he cares, and has some jealousy worrying that I am talking to other people, and as I stated we did discuss that we weren't seeing anybody else. So its not friends with benefits, because I can just feel it and I know it. we wouldn't talk as much as we do kama he wouldn't bring me around his family, and he wouldn't be so concerned if something he did or said upset me and then he wouldn't feel bad about it. Flat out. So now I'm in a pickle because I don't think there's much I can do about this. Looking back at my post on the way I've been feeling, I have questions this but it didn't become crystal clear to me until now
You know... you have only been with him for two months... it is not a very long time. As for the boyfriend/girlfriend thing... must it be formally stated ? Enjoy the journey while it is here... smell the flowers, memorize the beautiful things that you find along the way. 'Emotionally unavailable' is probably not the right term here... I would say that he is just emotionally not ready... but keep in mind that it has only been a couple of months.
I think he will come around as long as he is not pressured to... and one day... he will still be there when you awake. Wait for that day !
I think he will come around as long as he is not pressured to... and one day... he will still be there when you awake. Wait for that day !
Hi Beelibra. Just so you know I am neither judging, criticizing or bashing your or your Cap. I just know what kind of head trip they can put you on and the mess you will be after the "truck" hits you and you are left wondering what the hell happened. You seem like a sweetheart with a lot to give. I don't doubt your Cap is lucky to have you but you are very much like how I used to be over my Cap whom I fell in love with at first sight. They draw you in and make you want to love them from head to toe, but if he isn't emotionally ready for all that love it will turn around and bite you in the butt.
Your Cap is no fool either. Of course he's going to display jealousy and/or possessiveness. Most guys who have a good thing but aren't truly ready to step up to the plate take great pains to keep you locked up so no one else can have you while they in turn don't make the full commitment to you like they should. He knows you have the potential to be "the one" but like you have realized the undoing of what your are just starting to build will come undone if you aren't for real with yourself about his emotional unavailability which you now are so you can make your moves accordingly. And with it being early on in your relationship you still have a lot of time to nurture things as long as you are clear where you stand. Caps are truly slow moving in their thought process and even longer when it comes to emotions. My Cap had to lose me for years before he realized his mistake and then he went all "white knight" on me to win back my love and trust. It was not an easy journey for us but in the end it was worth it. I'm not saying not to be with this guy or to enjoy what you do share. Just don't fall so head over heels that you don't see the signs of what he is doing and why. Ask questions until your face is blue. If you are good enough to sleep with you are a good enough to have your questions and concerns answered. Not every second of the day (hahaha) but when something comes up ask him and don't feel bad in doing so. You need to know this stuff. And if you are contemplating a future with this man you might want to consider letting him be involved with both you and your daughter because he will become an important part of her life as well and the sooner you know where things stand on that front the better for you both and your baby too.
Your Cap is no fool either. Of course he's going to display jealousy and/or possessiveness. Most guys who have a good thing but aren't truly ready to step up to the plate take great pains to keep you locked up so no one else can have you while they in turn don't make the full commitment to you like they should. He knows you have the potential to be "the one" but like you have realized the undoing of what your are just starting to build will come undone if you aren't for real with yourself about his emotional unavailability which you now are so you can make your moves accordingly. And with it being early on in your relationship you still have a lot of time to nurture things as long as you are clear where you stand. Caps are truly slow moving in their thought process and even longer when it comes to emotions. My Cap had to lose me for years before he realized his mistake and then he went all "white knight" on me to win back my love and trust. It was not an easy journey for us but in the end it was worth it. I'm not saying not to be with this guy or to enjoy what you do share. Just don't fall so head over heels that you don't see the signs of what he is doing and why. Ask questions until your face is blue. If you are good enough to sleep with you are a good enough to have your questions and concerns answered. Not every second of the day (hahaha) but when something comes up ask him and don't feel bad in doing so. You need to know this stuff. And if you are contemplating a future with this man you might want to consider letting him be involved with both you and your daughter because he will become an important part of her life as well and the sooner you know where things stand on that front the better for you both and your baby too.
Hmm
If you want someone for just sex make that clear to them. Like if they ask you to go to their moms house than you need to kick them out in laugh in their face.
This is why some people can't handle casual sex. They don't understand it is exactly what it is " casual sex " Not i'm your gf without a title.
If you want to date this man than two months isn't long. Probably talk about if you see things going somewhere in the future. I started out with my ex scorpio like this. Than after 3 months he asked me to be his gf.
So yea know just know what you want and be very clear about it.
Your libra right? haha that can be hard.
If you want someone for just sex make that clear to them. Like if they ask you to go to their moms house than you need to kick them out in laugh in their face.
This is why some people can't handle casual sex. They don't understand it is exactly what it is " casual sex " Not i'm your gf without a title.
If you want to date this man than two months isn't long. Probably talk about if you see things going somewhere in the future. I started out with my ex scorpio like this. Than after 3 months he asked me to be his gf.
So yea know just know what you want and be very clear about it.
Your libra right? haha that can be hard.
I apologize if I overreacted a bit. I didn't mean to say u bashed the guy, I just wanted to say that they way you formulated your sentence, it looks like she is the victim and he is a user just because they didn't have this "exclusivity" talk. I am not American and I don't understand the concept of exclusivity talk and it doesn't mean anything to me. All my relationships (and later marriage) were going smoothly and naturally. I never had to sit down my guy and say "ok now I will not fuck others, I am only yours". My comment only comes from that place and from the only experience I have. It is obvious we come from different cultures. No worries, I understand what u wanted to say
Cheers!
No problem. Maybe it did sound that way to you even if that was not my intent. It happens. Beelibra is not a victim but a willing participant in this relationship. She has a right to ask as many questions as she needs of Mr. Cap until she feels secure in their relationship and if he cares about her he should welcome those questions or step up and provide them to her beforehand to alleviate her concerns. The immediate hook-up with friends/family, the amazing sex the sleepovers and hangouts are not instaneous with most Caps due to their slow deiberate methodical nature. They have the ability to get with someone just to elevate their status and standing with people whose opinion of them matters. BeeLibra is a pretty girl, who is sweet, fun and good in bed. What man looking to be seen as having his act together isn't going to want a woman like that for his ego? Not saying this is what is going on but until all of her fears are put to rest by Mr. Cap whose to say this isn't his agenda in the long run? Every relationship is different and unperfect. We all only really know about what goes on behind our own closed doors and no one elses. I just hope BL asks the questions she needs to feel secure in their relationship so she can really enjoy it without so much stress and doubt after only 2 months.
jus because you have met the family means nothing might I add...some men have no qualms about that...you could be the 20th female to meet the fam.
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