Women tend to misinterpret?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Aries04 on Tuesday, February 11, 2014 and has 15 replies.
Everything is a matter of perception - I came to this conclusion a while ago.. A person can take one and the same statement in different ways depending on how their personality is (optimist/pessimist) and how they feel that day. I feel like it applies more to women than to men, because we often have our emotions playing a big role in our daily reactions and decision making.
I find myself struggling with giving positive reactions to things that SEEM off to me.
A neutral statement from my bf for example: "I only go out when you're not there because it's boring. When you're here with me I'd rather stay in." - could sound normal to some as in: he'd rather spend quality time with you instead of going to loud clubs. But to me this sounds like: "I'd rather go out with my boys only and not show around the clubs that I have a girl."
The result is that I'm constantly mad at my bf and hardly focus on just enjoying our time together. How can I keep positive, start trusting and stop interpreting things to the negative?
I find myself struggling with giving positive reactions to things that SEEM off to me.
A neutral statement from my bf for example: "I only go out when you're not there because it's boring. When you're here with me I'd rather stay in." - could sound normal to some as in: he'd rather spend quality time with you instead of going to loud clubs. But to me this sounds like: "I'd rather go out with my boys only and not show around the clubs that I have a girl."
The result is that I'm constantly mad at my bf and hardly focus on just enjoying our time together. How can I keep positive, start trusting and stop interpreting things to the negative?
Posted by Aries04
I find myself struggling with giving positive reactions to things that SEEM off to me.
I agree, as I am the same. I don't know if it is at this moment in time, but I can feel particularly defensive about a comment because I have interpreted it in a different way to maybe the other person.
Sometimes comments can feel like an attack, even when they are not! Add in the Aries "jump down the throat/act first ask questions later" style and it can be war, over the littlest thing
I am also terrible about timescales. I want answers from people as soon as, and if I don't hear back it gets me mad! But not everyone is on my timescale and I have to learn that; learn to chill out about it..
I think it probably says more about us than the other person. Staying positive is about taking a step back from a comment, and just asking for clarification if we don't know what they mean. You are right that if you are buried in the "what the hell does THAT mean??" then the actual relationship can be ruined by one-way paranoia.
People are like that with me they always take what i say and do and think the wrong way and end up blaming me for their own interpretation/s of what I do, say or think, maybe if they left me alone things would be much easier for them.
Posted by mfwb55
People are like that with me they always take what i say and do and think the wrong way and end up blaming me for their own interpretation/s of what I do, say or think, maybe if they left me alone things would be much easier for them.
+1 one reason why I don't like hanging out with girls.. We're too sensitive and I'm too insensitive.. Or thats what they believe!
It's good to be around Aries woman.
And your tantrums r actually very amusing.
It's actually shows how caring you actually are whilst not wanting the world to know it.
And your tantrums r actually very amusing.
It's actually shows how caring you actually are whilst not wanting the world to know it.
You already answered your own question. You have chosen to be the pessimist in the relationship, therefore it makes more sense than not that you always believe there's some hidden meaning behind everything he says or does.
That's insecurity, baggage, the past & a pessimistic non-trusting mind talking.
In order to change that, you've got to understand that the work will go far beyond & way deeper than your relationship with him.
Find the root cause of how you came to be so pessimistic. You're only describing the symptoms of insecurity (not trusting him, over-analyzing, etc.) But you're not examining the underlying cause of all of these things. You may even need to examine why you're allowing yourself to stay in a relationship where only 1 of you is happy & trusting, while the other (you) is emotionally/mentally drained.
What happened in the past that made you feel that this way of thinking was safe, "realistic" or the best way to approach relationships? An ex? Childhood? Your father or mother being pessimistic? Your peers all being pessimistic, thus their negativity being contagious? Refusing to be an optimist anymore b/c when you were, that's when it seemed people hurt you the most?
Pessimism is a defense-mechanism disguised as "realistic thinking."
Find out the root cause of all of your insecurities. Then it'll make sense why it seeped into your current relationship. You cannot change anything unless you 1st acknowledge the underlying cause. Changing your thinking & replacing pessimism with neutral or positive thinking can only happen if you're willing to do the deep-rooted homework, & CHOOSE to use mind control & mind-altering techniques that will go hand in hand with your results/relationship being different (or better)
Perception is a choice & is a battle of the free wills. Some people choose to look at the glass as half full, while others choose to believe it's half empty. It's not neither of you are being realistic or logical or more intelligent than the other. It's that you've gotta understand the REAL underlying reason for why you won't give your mind permission to just trust sometimes that what you're told is the truth or actually as it is.
That's insecurity, baggage, the past & a pessimistic non-trusting mind talking.
In order to change that, you've got to understand that the work will go far beyond & way deeper than your relationship with him.
Find the root cause of how you came to be so pessimistic. You're only describing the symptoms of insecurity (not trusting him, over-analyzing, etc.) But you're not examining the underlying cause of all of these things. You may even need to examine why you're allowing yourself to stay in a relationship where only 1 of you is happy & trusting, while the other (you) is emotionally/mentally drained.
What happened in the past that made you feel that this way of thinking was safe, "realistic" or the best way to approach relationships? An ex? Childhood? Your father or mother being pessimistic? Your peers all being pessimistic, thus their negativity being contagious? Refusing to be an optimist anymore b/c when you were, that's when it seemed people hurt you the most?
Pessimism is a defense-mechanism disguised as "realistic thinking."
Find out the root cause of all of your insecurities. Then it'll make sense why it seeped into your current relationship. You cannot change anything unless you 1st acknowledge the underlying cause. Changing your thinking & replacing pessimism with neutral or positive thinking can only happen if you're willing to do the deep-rooted homework, & CHOOSE to use mind control & mind-altering techniques that will go hand in hand with your results/relationship being different (or better)
Perception is a choice & is a battle of the free wills. Some people choose to look at the glass as half full, while others choose to believe it's half empty. It's not neither of you are being realistic or logical or more intelligent than the other. It's that you've gotta understand the REAL underlying reason for why you won't give your mind permission to just trust sometimes that what you're told is the truth or actually as it is.
Posted by AriesGirl74Posted by Aries04
I find myself struggling with giving positive reactions to things that SEEM off to me.
I am also terrible about timescales. I want answers from people as soon as, and if I don't hear back it gets me mad! But not everyone is on my timescale and I have to learn that; learn to chill out about it..
click to expand
Yes yes and yes to this different concept of timing! Ugh impatience can ruin so much, but I still low key like how productive it makes me. The only thing is that I then judge why the other person has not been thinking ahead and fast enough and get annoyed. I think we're better off only using our speed-of-light concept on ourselves and not on other people and stop blaming them for not fulfilling OUR expectations (which are always too high anyways lol).
Posted by mfwb55
People are like that with me they always take what i say and do and think the wrong way and end up blaming me for their own interpretation/s of what I do, say or think, maybe if they left me alone things would be much easier for them.
Hmm or maybe your style of communication could improve so that people have less room for misinterpretation?
Posted by SilentGhost
It's good to be around Aries woman.
And your tantrums r actually very amusing.
It's actually shows how caring you actually are whilst not wanting the world to know it.
I wiiiiiished more people thought like this, but most are annoyed and get tired.. I feel like only very integrated and mature people know how to deal with us..
@ krysrenee
I know the root and it has to do with my childhood and both of my parents being super pessimistic.. I definitely work on myself since some time now, but some things can still easily bring me out of balance, especially in times of external stress (exams, work etc). I feel like I can only be the best me in good times, which is not always of course.
Great advice however, it indeed IS about making a choice and I choose to be a happy individual, but dammed does being mad accompany my whole life! I think I like to refer to it as passion though lol
Confessions of a dramaqueen...
I know the root and it has to do with my childhood and both of my parents being super pessimistic.. I definitely work on myself since some time now, but some things can still easily bring me out of balance, especially in times of external stress (exams, work etc). I feel like I can only be the best me in good times, which is not always of course.
Great advice however, it indeed IS about making a choice and I choose to be a happy individual, but dammed does being mad accompany my whole life! I think I like to refer to it as passion though lol
Confessions of a dramaqueen...
Posted by tiziani
There are people who live for solutions in life, and people who live for problems!
Yeah, guess which ones are virgos.
It's good you have a Libra Sun Tiz for that Virgo Venus..else..the more the trouble, the more the love/rescue effort.
Of course you "prefer" to be pessimistic. It's all you know. It's familiar. It's your comfort zone even though it's not technically comfortable.
You've fooled yourself into believing that pessimism means "protection" or "safety." You believe that if you don't trust anyone & are 2 steps ahead of them, that nothing can surprise you or hurt you.
When you're sick & tired of being tired, you'll stop saying "it's easier said than done" as an excuse for inactivity & demand from yourself that you try something different. Something positive.
But just like an addict has to truly be done or else they'll just keep relapsing...the same is true for you. You've gotta wake up 1 day & decide that it's foolish to keep defending a mentality that has done more harm than good. A mentality that may protect you from being "fooled" but also leaves you feeling alone & empty as the trade off!
Make a decision. And oh yes it IS a decision. You just have to be sick & tired enough. Once you give yourself permission to deal with/heal your past AND practice mind control in a positive way, you'll look back & kick yourself for never taking a leap of faith & trying it!
Can't knock something you've never tried =p
You've fooled yourself into believing that pessimism means "protection" or "safety." You believe that if you don't trust anyone & are 2 steps ahead of them, that nothing can surprise you or hurt you.
When you're sick & tired of being tired, you'll stop saying "it's easier said than done" as an excuse for inactivity & demand from yourself that you try something different. Something positive.
But just like an addict has to truly be done or else they'll just keep relapsing...the same is true for you. You've gotta wake up 1 day & decide that it's foolish to keep defending a mentality that has done more harm than good. A mentality that may protect you from being "fooled" but also leaves you feeling alone & empty as the trade off!
Make a decision. And oh yes it IS a decision. You just have to be sick & tired enough. Once you give yourself permission to deal with/heal your past AND practice mind control in a positive way, you'll look back & kick yourself for never taking a leap of faith & trying it!
Can't knock something you've never tried =p
You are amazing! Taking all of this to heart.
Signed Up: Mar 30, 2012
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Op, you just sound insecure.
In regard to women, our media bombards them constantly with images of what a "real" woman should like, shows about cheating, how you're never enough because porn states that guys really like x,y,z. Nevermind that there is a trend of idiot female friends who help perpetuate this crap.
With that always happening, women tend to worry about shit that shouldn't be an issue, thus breeding insecurity.
Estrogen is also pretty freaking stupid and just intensifies this.
Combine that, and you see a lot of irrational bs coming from women. What you describes comes from insecurity, not misinterpretation.
In regard to women, our media bombards them constantly with images of what a "real" woman should like, shows about cheating, how you're never enough because porn states that guys really like x,y,z. Nevermind that there is a trend of idiot female friends who help perpetuate this crap.
With that always happening, women tend to worry about shit that shouldn't be an issue, thus breeding insecurity.
Estrogen is also pretty freaking stupid and just intensifies this.
Combine that, and you see a lot of irrational bs coming from women. What you describes comes from insecurity, not misinterpretation.
Well damn..
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
I have thought about giving my body away when I die..for medical purpose or to a body farm because I'm like.. well, whe
@xxixxi
Joined: Apr 25, 2013 · Topics: 149 · Posts: 1292
He talked about balls. And Jonah Hill talked about a goldfish peeing in his mouth. I swear on my mother's grave. I have
@Cupidsbow
Joined: Jun 13, 2012 · Topics: 16 · Posts: 66
What are they? should i give a shit what they're about?
@HouseCleaning
Joined: Oct 02, 2012 · Topics: 266 · Posts: 5328
Repent you sinners
@HouseCleaning
Joined: Oct 02, 2012 · Topics: 266 · Posts: 5328
here it is, make sure you post your scores!! http://www.mbti123.com/iq/en/ I scored 100 so i'm average, I was actu
@The_eleventh_sign_11
Joined: Oct 08, 2009 · Topics: 313 · Posts: 6313
I always dream in colors.. in fact, have never dreamt in b&w.. but I've heard my friends often dream in b&w.. what ab
@xxixxi
Joined: Apr 25, 2013 · Topics: 149 · Posts: 1292
Aries: Don't give them what they want and crazy stupid arguments with them. They will soon go away when they realize tha
@Sn1p3r187
Joined: Jul 23, 2013 · Topics: 474 · Posts: 6870
~Runs in with muddy boots on, frantically shreds all to-do lists while cackling gleefully, shoots up at ceiling with Col
@MoonArtist
Joined: Nov 21, 2013 · Topics: 87 · Posts: 11927
I've been dating a scorpio male for a year. We communicated really well. He was very attentive. One night he lied to me.
@Aquariusfemale
Joined: Feb 10, 2014 · Topics: 5 · Posts: 14