Would you stay in this type of relationship?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by SupremeQueen on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 and has 32 replies.
Lets say your in a relationship with a guy/girl that is extremely insecure, combative, argumentative to the point they randomly break out in fits of rage (in public and private) with/without warning.....BUT this is only 30% of the time.
The other 70% of time your guy/girl is the most loving, caring person you could ever wish for, u can talk to them about anything and they'll always give good thoughtful advice always there for u no matter what Like a best friend.
Would you stay in this type if relationship? Based on the information given
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No. I dont like drama or being embarrassed. I don't like instability.
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pathetically, yes I probably would ... but only if he is "the one" (there's usually one you'd die for) if he's the one then yes, stupid me would stay and try and "fix it". having said that ... the ONLY reason I would stay and fix it is because of this "u can talk to them about anything and they always give you thoughtful advice... Like a best friend". but that's what I crave from a relationship. and will put up with 30% mess ... if the communication & sex are good and they are loyal, we can work on the rest :-)
but DONT listen to me lol
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With/without = sometimes your warned sometimes you are not. This guy/girl is aware if their actions so they'll say " don't pisS ME OFF!" Right before the explosion...sometimes.
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See that's the problem with you cancers ALWAYS living in the past can't let go of butter. Don't bring anything to my post from last year this is 2014... To think I was actually trying to be nice to u *shrugs*
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Not to mention the fact that this was a general question not implicating anyone *sigh*
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I can't stand insecurity & public tantrums, so no, I'd leave. I'd tolerate the rest though, because I can be that way myself.
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It depends how much you care for this person and if your willing to put up with it. When he gets upset does it emotionally effect you? Also if you just met this guy it could get worse thats also something to consider. I personally wouldn't put up with it cause i've put up with guys like that in the past and its emotionally draining.
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I think the public tantrums are the worst and hardest part to forgive, I'd say No also.
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Posted by SupremeQueen
I think the public tantrums are the worst and hardest part to forgive, I'd say No also.


Very true. My Aries ex was prone to throwing tantrums, I didn't mind them in the privacy of our own home...alone. But there's no way I'll allow a guy to publicly humiliate me, be it infront of friends or strangers. That irritates me more than anything else. Roll your eyes, your neck or even your behind, but do it at home...never give me attitude infront of the masses. I ended our marriage for that reason.
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Clueless I sure do hope DXPNET is paying you+ benefits cause if they are not... you my dear suck at life!
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I would be considering the necessity of medication aimed at treating tourettes...?
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by SupremeQueen
I think the public tantrums are the worst and hardest part to forgive, I'd say No also.


Very true. My Aries ex was prone to throwing tantrums, I didn't mind them in the privacy of our own home...alone. But there's no way I'll allow a guy to publicly humiliate me, be it infront of friends or strangers. That irritates me more than anything else. Roll your eyes, your neck or even your behind, but do it at home...never give me attitude infront of the masses. I ended our marriage for that reason.


Weren't you with a Libra? How many EX husbands do you have?
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ONE ex husband, the libra was someone I was with before the aries & briefly after the aries & I were over. But we remained friends throughout my marriage.
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by CluelessCancer
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by SupremeQueen
I think the public tantrums are the worst and hardest part to forgive, I'd say No also.


Very true. My Aries ex was prone to throwing tantrums, I didn't mind them in the privacy of our own home...alone. But there's no way I'll allow a guy to publicly humiliate me, be it infront of friends or strangers. That irritates me more than anything else. Roll your eyes, your neck or even your behind, but do it at home...never give me attitude infront of the masses. I ended our marriage for that reason.


Weren't you with a Libra? How many EX husbands do you have?


ONE ex husband, the libra was someone I was with before the aries & briefly after the aries & I were over. But we remained friends throughout my marriage.


Oh okay...weren't you also talking to an East African? What happened with that?
click to expand


We're still talking & by talking I mean talking, not the American version of talking lol. I still have a lot of unresolved issues within myself & he understands, so we're strictly friends for now.
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Posted by SupremeQueen
Lets say your in a relationship with a guy/girl that is extremely insecure, combative, argumentative to the point they randomly break out in fits of rage (in public and private) with/without warning.....BUT this is only 30% of the time.
The other 70% of time your guy/girl is the most loving, caring person you could ever wish for, u can talk to them about anything and they'll always give good thoughtful advice always there for u no matter what Like a best friend.
Would you stay in this type if relationship? Based on the information given



^^If you are describing yourself here, I suggest you work on yourself before attempting any relationship because quite frankly, it's 12 year old behavior. The men that do put up with it are in for the sex only. No man in his right mind will put up with that shit. Good luck.
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Posted by SupremeQueen
Not to mention the fact that this was a general question not implicating anyone *sigh*



Wasn't hard to figure out at all. You can wear all the pretty pink and show all the skin you want, but ask yourself..what can that do for you being alone in the end?
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and confirmed...
Ever attacked someone out of revenge?
Posted by SupremeQueen
Of course.


http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/scorpio/ever-attacked-someone-out-of-revenge-4521340.asp#4522411
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Posted by CrabPrincess
It depends how much you care for this person and if your willing to put up with it. When he gets upset does it emotionally effect you? Also if you just met this guy it could get worse thats also something to consider. I personally wouldn't put up with it cause i've put up with guys like that in the past and its emotionally draining.



Yes the behavior progressively got worst to include verbal assaults and definitely emotionally draining BUT again this was only 30% of the time. Pass or Stay?
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
I would be considering the necessity of medication aimed at treating tourettes...?


Haha! Too funny! BUT might be a good idea -_-
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Posted by SupremeQueen
Lets say your in a relationship with a guy/girl that is extremely insecure, combative, argumentative to the point they randomly break out in fits of rage (in public and private) with/without warning.....BUT this is only 30% of the time.



1) If she/he did it once, that is your warning, so I'm not understanding the "with/without" warning.
2) 30% of the time and the person is shocked whenever it happens???? Okay. Clearly the person dating this woman/man likes drama as well.
Posted by SupremeQueen

The other 70% of time your guy/girl is the most loving, caring person you could ever wish for, u can talk to them about anything and they'll always give good thoughtful advice always there for u no matter what Like a best friend.
Would you stay in this type if relationship? Based on the information given
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Nope. The 30% of "cray" cancels all of that 70% , why? Because there are people that are "the most loving, caring person you could ever wish for, u can talk to them about anything and they'll always give good thoughtful advice always there for u no matter what Like a best friend" that don't have that 30% of nonsense. I can deal with emotions and anger, when it is expressed in a mature way--"fits of rage"? No.
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Posted by SupremeQueen
With/without = sometimes your warned sometimes you are not. This guy/girl is aware if their actions so they'll say " don't pisS ME OFF!" Right before the explosion...sometimes.


So, because the "warning" was given they then feels justified to act like a lunatic? Yeah....if that isn't immature I am not sure what is. Like I stated before, the person staying in this situation clearly likes drama as well, so they are getting it.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by SupremeQueen
With/without = sometimes your warned sometimes you are not. This guy/girl is aware if their actions so they'll say " don't pisS ME OFF!" Right before the explosion...sometimes.


So, because the "warning" was given they then feels justified to act like a lunatic? Yeah....if that isn't immature I am not sure what is. Like I stated before, the person staying in this situation clearly likes drama as well, so they are getting it.
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by SupremeQueen
I think the public tantrums are the worst and hardest part to forgive, I'd say No also.


Very true. My Aries ex was prone to throwing tantrums, I didn't mind them in the privacy of our own home...alone. But there's no way I'll allow a guy to publicly humiliate me, be it infront of friends or strangers. That irritates me more than anything else. Roll your eyes, your neck or even your behind, but do it at home...never give me attitude infront of the masses.
click to expand


Lol. +100. I am a private person and if you bring our sh*t in the streets, you only get one warning before I say "bye"--some don't even get that.
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AGREED! Good Observation Phoenix.
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I would get to the 30% of issues as to why they get into fits of rage etc before even considering going into this kind of relationship but then again sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you are unable to help but get into with people such as this so find you way out.
Depends on why they are raging in the first place
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No b/c most bad habits usually start off as "every blue moon" but end up turning into "All the time" after awhile.
A lot of things often get worse. In the beginning, it was only 1% of abuse or drama, but then before you know it you're 5 or 10 years into it & the number changed to 70%
Plus, don't let the number fool you. Something that may only happen 30% of the time can damage 85% or 100% of the relationship. 20 minutes of raging can destroy years of work put into a relationship.
People do & can change. But unless there is a plan in action to figure out where the root of the problem came from AND a willingness to actually fix the problem, it will just get worse. It's always more likely to get worse if other people never put a stop to it, put up with it or enable that person to continue.
I've always believed that you shouldn't just pick a partner based on what you like about them. What separates 1 potential partner from another is in what flaws you will put up with.
None of us are perfect & we all have flaws. But as for the abuse or uncontrollable sudden rage, 1% is too much & is not acceptable to me. That's just 1 flaw I'm not willing to put up with & no I'm not a judgmental or unforgiving person just b/c I have deal breakers. And what the OP described is personally a deal breaker for me.
I get that some people can spend their whole lives suppressing their anger or insecurities, but many don't. And b/c I have children, it's not worth me chancing it.
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And if you have children with this raging, abusive, combative person, it's completely dead wrong to underestimate how "just 30% " of that can have a long-lasting effect on them.
Subjecting your children to 30% of abuse, rage or fighting isn't ok just b/c it's "only 30% ." You can't live your life on the "well it could always be worse" creed. If 1% of abuse can negatively affect your children, then 30% is just as bad as 100% . It's not worth chancing it, especially considering that they or others are most likely to suffer negative effects long after the person has calmed down or "turned back into an angel."
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So you saying that even 1% rage in a partner is like 30% and then goes to 100% so really even if a person shows anger you say nah not for me because of this
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Posted by mfwb55
I would get to the 30% of issues as to why they get into fits of rage etc before even considering going into this kind of relationship but then again sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you are unable to help but get into with people such as this so find you way out.
Depends on why they are raging in the first place


Reason for the raging is due to their insecurities constantly assuming ur cheating (even when ur home w/ them all of the time) with NO cold hard facts just assumptions. Stay or pass? Sounds like you'd stay.
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Posted by krysrenee7
No b/c most bad habits usually start off as "every blue moon" but end up turning into "All the time" after awhile.
A lot of things often get worse. In the beginning, it was only 1% of abuse or drama, but then before you know it you're 5 or 10 years into it & the number changed to 70%
Plus, don't let the number fool you. Something that may only happen 30% of the time can damage 85% or 100% of the relationship. 20 minutes of raging can destroy years of work put into a relationship.
People do & can change. But unless there is a plan in action to figure out where the root of the problem came from AND a willingness to actually fix the problem, it will just get worse. It's always more likely to get worse if other people never put a stop to it, put up with it or enable that person to continue.
I've always believed that you shouldn't just pick a partner based on what you like about them. What separates 1 potential partner from another is in what flaws you will put up with.
None of us are perfect & we all have flaws. But as for the abuse or uncontrollable sudden rage, 1% is too much & is not acceptable to me. That's just 1 flaw I'm not willing to put up with & no I'm not a judgmental or unforgiving person just b/c I have deal breakers. And what the OP described is personally a deal breaker for me.
I get that some people can spend their whole lives suppressing their anger or insecurities, but many don't. And b/c I have children, it's not worth me chancing it.



Yes! It started at 1% as time went on it became 30% I think if someone chooses to stay in this type of relationship it would eventually become 50/50 or worse. Thanks for contributing your knowledge!
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And those insecurities are?
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Posted by mfwb55
So you saying that even 1% rage in a partner is like 30% and then goes to 100% so really even if a person shows anger you say nah not for me because of this


I am saying that "bad" usually turns to "worse" if the problem/habit is not dealt with. And psychologically, emotions like rage & anger tend to get worse over time. Psychology can attest to that. People in anger management can attest to that. Abuse victims can attest to that. Constant grudge-holders can attest to that.
Everybody's always trying to be the exception to the rule, but in some cases, it's not worth risking it. And I personally believe that in the specific case that the OP made, it's not worth risking/chancing it.
So while in this type of relationship, it is best to either leave (after using long-term thinking) OR if you want to stay, at least consistently encourage them to get help for their anger issues, as opposed to just shrugging it off & "hoping for the best," or sitting at home suffering in silence "waiting" on their rage to be over.
But that's for any relationship though. It's not healthy to know something can get worse with time, but yet sit on your butt & do nothing about it just b/c the "worst" hasn't technically come yet. Thinking long term & nipping some issues in the bud (in some cases means leaving altogether) is a great way to set your relationship up for long-term survival. You have way more to lose by not thinking long term than you would if you did. That's all I'm saying.
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