Wrong, Creepy or Acceptable?

My sister who is sixteen is with a guy who is eighteen. I honestly don't think this a big deal. My take on the situation: sixteen is the age of consent in my state and my state also has a close in age exemption meaning a minor with the capacity to consent can't consent to someone exceeding at three year age range. I think that's fair and yes, normal. I honestly see no difference with between an eighteen year old and sixteen year old. An eighteen year old to me is just a kid who has a few more privileges, but not really an "adult". I think of an adult as someone being 20+. Science even backs this situation; a person's brain isn't even developed until around twenty-four. And let's face it, by sixteen one has a sense of right and wrong, a personality, reached their full physical maturity, should be able to know when to say no etc. The whole reason why I'm wanting opinions is because I don't think it's fair for her boyfriend to be criticized or labeled a "sex offender". Opinions?

He's fine, they are close enough in age. If he was 25, it'd be way different going after a 16 y/o than it is at 18.

May not be fair but if the state presume him guilty then he's a sex offender.

An 18 year old better know the law in his state before taking up a relationship with a minor.

My personal feelings is it's not a big deal.

Some 18 year old's are still in High School, some are off to College and technically an 18 year old guy still has some 16 year old qualities but it's not what I think, it's what the state thinks and what the parents think about it.

Posted by LibraSid
He's fine, they are close enough in age. If he was 25, it'd be way different going after a 16 y/o than it is at 18.

I totally agree. 18 & 25 is a very different ball park.

Posted by tiziani
Divide by 2 and add 7. So yes it's just about acceptable. Right on the limit.

Agreed. Exactly.

Posted by tiki33
May not be fair but if the state presume him guilty then he's a sex offender.

An 18 year old better know the law in his state before taking up a relationship with a minor.

My personal feelings is it's not a big deal.

Some 18 year old's are still in High School, some are off to College and technically an 18 year old guy still has some 16 year old qualities but it's not what I think, it's what the state thinks and what the parents think about it.

Well, someone with capacity to consent should know better too, yeah? I don't see what it's pinned all on one person for being slightly older. My parents & his parents are fine with it. Not geared towards you, but American society in general needs to stop with this "WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN" mentality. Sixteen isn't baby no matter how you want to slice it & dice it; I think that age is a good cut off point. Lines do need to be drawn...but for a two year age difference is deemed "bad"...that baffles me & sounds like excuses. Thanks for the opinion.

I don't know if this has any real basis in fact but I remember this coming up in discussions around that age. What I always believed was the statutory rape question comes into play when one participant is over 18 and one under, except if they were within 4 years of each other. This is what teen boys told each other though. That always sounded reasonable to me so I accepted it.

I think the ages on that law need to be adjusted. Indeed, there's really not much of a difference between a 16 year old and 18 year old. If you ask a lot of kids nowadays when they first became sexually active, many would probably say before the age of 16, anyway. As long as the person isn't significantly older then I don't think there's automatically anything to worry about. And, the parents already approve which is a good thing. You always see on those law shows that the angry parents are the ones who go to the police and get evidence against the non-minor for statutory rape simply because they don't like the idea. Haha

Mentally and emotionally she is not capable of handling a relationship with an adult in the eyes of the law.

Just because she may physically look capable does not mean she is mentally and emotionally mature enough to deal with an adult relationship from beginning to end.

The laws are different from country to country, state to state, and America has a huge pedophile problem and it's getting worse.

Once a law is put in place it isn't going to pick and choose who can do what nor will the law gear away from prosecuting just because any one particular girl feels she can handle it.

I personally don't have a problem with a 2 year age gap but the law is the law and people (some people) take this law seriously.

An 18 year old male is considered an adult male and a 16 year old is considered a minor. Minors in the eyes of the law should not be involved with an adult.

I'm aware of a few teenagers (now adults) male and female who had adult relationships at 16 only to turn around in there 20's and wish they hadn't.

I don't know if this guy is a registered sex offender but if he is his life will never be the same.

If he were my son I'd crack down on severely because anything can go wrong once the law gets a whiff of it and that's just not a risk I'd take if I were a guy or if that was my son, thankfully I'm not a parent yet.

When it comes to age appropriate relations, it really doesn't matter what your opinion is IF the law in your state disagrees with you lol

If the law was that a 16 year old dating an 18 year old was unacceptable, it wouldn't matter if you disagreed until you were blue in the face. You'd be arguing your way into a jail cell.

If the law allows it, then it's most likely fine.

Besides, let's be realistic here. They're both too young for love anyways. They're most likely NOT gonna last anyways.

The only thing those 2 can offer each other at 16 & 18 is immaturity. All they're gonna do is hang out a lot, talk on the phone a lot, make out a lot & experiment with "bases" a lot. Hell the same would be true if they were both the same age lol

Stop putting it down cause they're young. A guy's gotta learn to take a bra off at some point. Imagine if you're current bf/gf were still in that awkward don't know what they're doing stage. Let the high schoolers play. I know I was well before 18.

Posted by krysrenee7

Besides, let's be realistic here. They're both too young for love anyways. They're most likely NOT gonna last anyways.

The only thing those 2 can offer each other at 16 & 18 is immaturity. All they're gonna do is hang out a lot, talk on the phone a lot, make out a lot & experiment with "bases" a lot. Hell the same would be true if they were both the same age lol

What kind of excuse is that? 'They're not going to work out anyway'. How else are they going to learn besides experiencing? My first love was at 17, only one year difference from this girl. No, it didn't work out. Do I regret it? No. Was it a waste? No. I learned a lot from that relationship and it helped me to grow. He taught me many things - how to open up emotionally, how to care for another person, how to be selfless, how to sort out arguments, and even all the techniques that have helped me in my sex life. If I decided not to date because it's not going to amount to anything then I'd have failed to learn anything relating to love and relationships in that time. Why do you and others seem to believe that teenagers and those who are young can only make mistakes and that anything they do is without merit? Adults make many of the same mistakes as teenagers do yet they're not talked down to like this.

it's not that it's creepy or morally wrong, but if I were the guy, I would not go near anyone under 18, because even if it seems legal on first glance, there are too many ways for the law to turn on you, and then you can easily end up as a RSO.

Treading on very thin ice...I wouldnt risk it.

Even though from 16-19, legal limits seem pretty arbitrary to me.

Posted by tiki33
Mentally and emotionally she is not capable of handling a relationship with an adult in the eyes of the law.

Just because she may physically look capable does not mean she is mentally and emotionally mature enough to deal with an adult relationship from beginning to end.

The laws are different from country to country, state to state, and America has a huge pedophile problem and it's getting worse.

Once a law is put in place it isn't going to pick and choose who can do what nor will the law gear away from prosecuting just because any one particular girl feels she can handle it.

I personally don't have a problem with a 2 year age gap but the law is the law and people (some people) take this law seriously.

An 18 year old male is considered an adult male and a 16 year old is considered a minor. Minors in the eyes of the law should not be involved with an adult.

I'm aware of a few teenagers (now adults) male and female who had adult relationships at 16 only to turn around in there 20's and wish they hadn't.

I don't know if this guy is a registered sex offender but if he is his life will never be the same.

If he were my son I'd crack down on severely because anything can go wrong once the law gets a whiff of it and that's just not a risk I'd take if I were a guy or if that was my son, thankfully I'm not a parent yet.

I'd have to disagree. Mentally and emotionally she insists that she's ready & I genuinely believe her. Let's look at the big picture: teenagers can manipulate other teenagers and they can even manipulate adults. I mean just because someone isn't the big one eight doesn't mean that they're incompetent or juvenile. I guess it could vary from person to person, but on the whole people who are sixteen and are sound in mind wouldn't complain about someone being slightly older than they are. My state recognizes that people close in age not much different so the laws people to consent (16). Pedophilia is indeed wrong and a problem obviously, but I don't think that applies here seeing as she is not prepubescent and to consider him a pedophile is absurd. lol

Posted by munchkin
it's not that it's creepy or morally wrong, but if I were the guy, I would not go near anyone under 18, because even if it seems legal on first glance, there are too many ways for the law to turn on you, and then you can easily end up as a RSO.

Treading on very thin ice...I wouldnt risk it.

Even though from 16-19, legal limits seem pretty arbitrary to me.

There's consent laws in my state that say it's legal. Even if they were fifteen and seventeen it would be legal still.

Posted by LibraSid
I don't know if this has any real basis in fact but I remember this coming up in discussions around that age. What I always believed was the statutory rape question comes into play when one participant is over 18 and one under, except if they were within 4 years of each other. This is what teen boys told each other though. That always sounded reasonable to me so I accepted it.

Sounds reasonable to me too. Someone with a two year age difference has identical brain development. Whether it being a sixteen year old male with and 18 year old girl & vise versa. Another thing I want to bring up is that girls maturing faster than boys is a myth. It varies from person to person.

Posted by Scenic
I think the ages on that law need to be adjusted. Indeed, there's really not much of a difference between a 16 year old and 18 year old. If you ask a lot of kids nowadays when they first became sexually active, many would probably say before the age of 16, anyway. As long as the person isn't significantly older then I don't think there's automatically anything to worry about. And, the parents already approve which is a good thing. You always see on those law shows that the angry parents are the ones who go to the police and get evidence against the non-minor for statutory rape simply because they don't like the idea. Haha

Thanks for viewing this topic with rationality. I agree 16 & 18 is like two high school students. Now it is completely different for someone who is sixteen to date & sleep with someone who 21+ then it starts to get a creep factor. People who are in thirties seeking out teenagers even if that teen is 18 is creepy & I'll even say wrong in my opinion.

Posted by krysrenee7
When it comes to age appropriate relations, it really doesn't matter what your opinion is IF the law in your state disagrees with you lol

If the law was that a 16 year old dating an 18 year old was unacceptable, it wouldn't matter if you disagreed until you were blue in the face. You'd be arguing your way into a jail cell.

If the law allows it, then it's most likely fine.

Besides, let's be realistic here. They're both too young for love anyways. They're most likely NOT gonna last anyways.

The only thing those 2 can offer each other at 16 & 18 is immaturity. All they're gonna do is hang out a lot, talk on the phone a lot, make out a lot & experiment with "bases" a lot. Hell the same would be true if they were both the same age lol

The state we reside in says it is fine. So, I don't see the big fuss. He's not registered as a sex offender & I highly doubt he will be.

"I'd have to disagree. Mentally and emotionally she insists that she's ready & I genuinely believe her. Let's look at the big picture: teenagers can manipulate other teenagers and they can even manipulate adults. I mean just because someone isn't the big one eight doesn't mean that they're incompetent or juvenile. I guess it could vary from person to person, but on the whole people who are sixteen and are sound in mind wouldn't complain about someone being slightly older than they are. My state recognizes that people close in age not much different so the laws people to consent (16). Pedophilia is indeed wrong and a problem obviously, but I don't think that applies here seeing as she is not prepubescent and to consider him a pedophile is absurd. lol"

A minor is never mentally/emotionally ready for what a break up entails. A minor is never ready mentally/emotionally for pregnancy and/or an abortion. A minor isn't emotionally ready to deal with jealousy, with envy of other females, she just isn't ready for a real grown up experience.

She can say I'm ready until the cow comes home but an ADULT would know better because adults know how complex human relationships are but a teen isn't prepared for any of that.

Teens are manipulative and lie because they can and because they feel they can get away with it which is all the more reason to consider how unprepared a teen is to be in an adult relationship, the immaturity alone as to how they deal with life ie manipulate being one way of dealing with life points to not be ready (yet).

As for considering him a pedophile well depending on where he's located he surely can be considered one if the law does not permit.

If the law says it's okay, it's okay but if the law does not permit it then he better be very careful b/c it doesn't have to be the parents that turn him in, it could be a friend, it could be teachers, principle, a close associate, that's all I'm saying.

"The state we reside in says it is fine. So, I don't see the big fuss. He's not registered as a sex offender & I highly doubt he will be."

Vanna why not say that to begin with. If it's fine in your state then there really isn't much to discuss about this issue.

If people you know think it's wrong well they have a right to have their opinion about it.

"A minor is never mentally/emotionally ready for what a break up entails. A minor is never ready mentally/emotionally for pregnancy and/or an abortion. A minor isn't emotionally ready to deal with jealousy, with envy of other females, she just isn't ready for a real grown up experience.

She can say I'm ready until the cow comes home but an ADULT would know better because adults know how complex human relationships are but a teen isn't prepared for any of that."

Minors deal with much worse things on a day to day basis than simply jealousy, break ups, and envy. They deal with bullying, trying to fit in, being put down by other classmates, or reaching a status position and putting others down. This behavior I would say develops around the beginning of 6th grade, since I've experienced it, myself. From that time, they have to deal with a lot more shit than what you mentioned. If a child can deal with bullying and that knowing you have to be a bad person to get popularity, then later in life when they get into a relationship, all this relationship stuff will just be another thing they've had to deal with. And since when is jealousy and envy considered a 'grown up experience'? I expect that of children and not adults.

Besides, how do adults become prepared for that kind of thing? An adult who's never had a break up before can say 'I can handle this, I'm emotionally prepared.' and then when it happens, they get hit a lot harder than what they thought because they didn't really know how it would feel. So, adults, without previous experience, are NOT actually prepared.

When I was a minor, do you know what I expected? I expected people to hurt me. I expected them to make immature mistakes that would damage me somehow. I expected jealousy. Do you know what I expect as an adult? I expect maturity. I expect people to know better than to hurt me. So if I had to deal with pain and heartache, I would be more unprepared as an adult because I'm not used to dealing with people's shit as much as I was when I was in school/a minor. Pregnancy is the only thing you mentioned that is a little different. Adults who weren't expecting a child are not prepared, either. To be prepared, you have to have already experienced it, so already have a child, or have been expecting it. And since we're talking strictly about mental/emotional preparedness, then it really doesn't matter if an adult is in a better place for children since they'd still be mentally/emotionally unprepar

unprepared.

Anyway, my point is NO ONE is prepared for anything until they experience it themselves. They may have researched and think they're ready, but when it actually happens...nope. Everyone learns from experience. Perhaps adults are more prepared because they have these experiences under their belts.

Posted by tiki33
"The state we reside in says it is fine. So, I don't see the big fuss. He's not registered as a sex offender & I highly doubt he will be."

Vanna why not say that to begin with. If it's fine in your state then there really isn't much to discuss about this issue.

If people you know think it's wrong well they have a right to have their opinion about it.

I know people have opinions, but factually and in reality 18 + 16 doesn't = pedophilia. The definition of pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder where an individual has sexual desires for a prepubescent child which means age 11 or younger. 16 isn't prepubescent anymore and actually the minimum age that someone can be diagnosed as pedophile is *drum roll* 16. Also there is scientific evidence that a 16 year old can make critical decisions, however their brains are not developed and neither is a 18 year olds. As a matter of fact (key word fact) and 18 year old brain and a 16 year old brain is identical whether it is male or female. Now unless someone is mentally handicapped, they know right from wrong at that age. 16 is too old to be coddled and I can't buy that they don't know right from wrong. That mentality is very dangerous and in away perpetuates the notion that these young adults can literally get away with murder. Also don't think it is accurate for someone 16 years of age to be considered a "child" any longer because they can pretty much fend for themselves, they just have limited privileges. Granted an 18 year old has many privileges, but many of those privileges they cannot handle. I think voting age should be raised to twenty-one, 18 year olds should not be town mayors; that should be exclusive to people who are at least 30 to run a town/city. No disrespect towards soldiers, but 18 year old shouldn't be joining the military...I also think that should be for people in their twenties. I'm just heated about this because I think folks should really get facts instead basing their opinions off of wishy-washy laws. Accusing someone of something as heinous as pedophilia is a heavy accusation. I consider this guy family and I am fiercely protective over my family as well as my friends.

Posted by size zero superhero
In most regions in Northern America, 16 is the age of consent(and in many areas, beyond it). In some states, 13 or 14 is the minimum age of consent.

Seems highly improbable that somebody would find it necessary to blow the whistle on an 18-y/0 with a 16 y/o girlfriend. In theory it COULD happen, but quite honestly, it isn't likely.

...unless of course, the poor girl has helicopter-parents with a vendetta against her barely-elder boyfriend. Obviously not worth the risk involved, unless both parties are planning to book it & move overseas 😛

My parents are fine with it. As a matter of fact they didn't bat an eye at his. They like him a lot and I like him a lot. He's a very descent person. I've observed him and I don't see any abnormal behaviors in him at all.

Posted by duchessedenemours
I can't believe anyone would find that creepy, in fact most cases would be thrown out if they are 16+.

Instead of focusing on the age, focus on how he treats her. If he's not a creep, it's not creepy.

It's also kinda funny how mores change. 16 year old women were marrying people commonly at one time and now they are "children incapable of having a relationship". Delayed maturation... Evolution 101.

Me either. It really perplexes me that some people out there cannot distinguish the difference of two teenagers being together and a old man or woman who prowls around schools itching to snatch a defenseless five year old and abuse them in all kinds of sadistic ways. Not even close to being the same thing and to even consider that just how depressingly and alarmingly stupid some folks are these days. He bf is not a creep. I can tell by the way he looks at her that he has genuine feelings for her and vice versa. Back in the old days people did commonly marry around sixteen. My grandparent married at that age back in the 1940s and they are still together to this day. I find their marriage inspiring to be honest.

Posted by fishinamaize
What Scenic said, also on the flip-side there's a lot of people 18+ who can't handle break-ups well, and I don't know if anyone is really "ready" for pregnancy and/or abortions at any age.

When I was 19, I had a girlfriend who was a little more than a year younger than I. That meant for a few months I was 19 while she was 17. Tbh, it felt really weird when I thought about, kind of made me uncomfortable. But mostly I didn't actually think about, or worry about it, so it didn't really matter. And in retrospect, I don't think it did matter at all. It's whatevs; high school romances AREN'T really relevant imo.

Nothing to feel weird about. I know people who have gone to the military at 16-17 and in the military you will most def not be coddled and treated like a helpless infant. Oh no. lol