Wrong Love
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by P-Angel on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 and has 49 replies.
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
I don't believe I would ignore it. I haven't developed romantic feelings for someone of my own gender, yet, so I don't personally know how I would handle it. I'm already aware of my sexual attraction to my gender, but so far, I've only fallen for men romantically. I remember last year a dear friend tried very hard to pursue me. I called her "my little" since she was only a few months younger than me and a year below me in college. She flirted heavily and it was kind of cute, but I ignored her advances only because I had fallen for someone else and I didn't like her beyond a friend (I mean, it'd be like dating my little sister/brother - she identifies as more male than female). I didn't push her away or anything, I just let her know that it couldn't happen now; not unless I got over people and I could develop romantic instead of platonic feelings for her.
But in the future, if I feel for a girl, I think I would pursue it. Anything is possible. I just haven't developed any romantic feelings for one, yet.
But in the future, if I feel for a girl, I think I would pursue it. Anything is possible. I just haven't developed any romantic feelings for one, yet.
I have been attracted to women, and am not opposed to making out, but it can only go so far. The reason is that I enjoy a body part that can't really be fully replicated with something from a store. Knowing this about myself, I don't think I would put a woman through the turmoil of following through with my love for her when she doesn't physically possess the thing I know I am going to want.
Posted by Whimsy
I have been attracted to women, and am not opposed to making out, but it can only go so far. The reason is that I enjoy a body part that can't really be fully replicated with something from a store. Knowing this about myself, I don't think I would put a woman through the turmoil of following through with my love for her when she doesn't physically possess the thing I know I am going to want.
I agree. I have really liked other females before, had a crush on a few, made out with a some even - some were straight and a couple were actually lesbians. Never had "romantic" feelings though. It just never goes there. I like too manly of traits I guess.
Posted by ellessque
It's a difficult thing, self-acceptance...but it is so unbelievably worth it.
OMG .. so difficult that the majority of people live their whole lifetimes evading it .. and yes, it is so worth it, so fucking worth facing that part yourself, for the outcome is freedom, complete and utter freedom to be exactly who you are.
Candeh, I already figured that of you .. I suppose we all have by now. It is nice to hear that as far as "love" is concerned, you wouldn't shut the door on yourself.
Whimsey, I wasn't talking about sex being the attraction, I was talking about love being the attraction ... and i'm certain it's love we want, but because we live in a world where the standards have been made by men, we have been conditioned to measure love as being sex ... I'm positive that if women were to make their own standards, they would proclaim that sex is apart of the expression of their love that they give to her man, and not the part in her heart where this love is actually cultivated.
Whimsey, I wasn't talking about sex being the attraction, I was talking about love being the attraction ... and i'm certain it's love we want, but because we live in a world where the standards have been made by men, we have been conditioned to measure love as being sex ... I'm positive that if women were to make their own standards, they would proclaim that sex is apart of the expression of their love that they give to her man, and not the part in her heart where this love is actually cultivated.
u can buy a strap-on dildo...problem solved!
...i never thought about another woman like this
i have girl friends ...but ...there r some limits
...i never thought about another woman like this
i have girl friends ...but ...there r some limits
Posted by TasteOfChaosPosted by aquagirl24
do u own dxpnet???
no. so i have my right to post just the way u have ur right to post ....
Wouldn't it just blow your mind if a person you talk to everyday in here does own it?
Maybe she does own it, aquagirl ...click to expand
Posted by P-Angel
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
Posted by P-Angel
I wasn't talking about sex being the attraction, I was talking about love being the attractionclick to expand
Oh, we aren't talking about romantic or sexual feelings? Yeah I have guy friends.
Posted by P-Angel
Candeh, I already figured that of you .. I suppose we all have by now. It is nice to hear that as far as "love" is concerned, you wouldn't shut the door on yourself.
Whimsey, I wasn't talking about sex being the attraction, I was talking about love being the attraction ... and i'm certain it's love we want, but because we live in a world where the standards have been made by men, we have been conditioned to measure love as being sex ... I'm positive that if women were to make their own standards, they would proclaim that sex is apart of the expression of their love that they give to her man, and not the part in her heart where this love is actually cultivated.
I've been trying to redefine my sexuality lately just to give myself more grounding, and it was funny because my roommate during the fall was reading this article and she came to me and said, "So Candice, I know how you say you like girls and guys but in different ways, but according to this, you could be classified as heteromantic and bisexual."
It made a lot more sense than just calling myself straight, which I've been straying from more lately only because it's too confined for me.
I think everybody is bi-sexual, 'Candice' .. but, have been conditioned through the church that to be hetersexual is normal. And I say church because that is the organization that brainwashes us.
Our souls are androgynous, they don't recognize a definitive seperation of the two and will always tell your spiritual consciousness that you are one - not two.
I believe that we therefore, on the subconsious level, seek love out in it's purest form, which we refer to as unconditional .. and only put a seperation of gender into the picture once this desire reaches the ego = which is the consciousness we are aware of.
Our souls don't know the difference between male and female ... they only want to be loved. But, because we put a difference in the mix to constrict our ability to love completely .. for this reason is why we suffer and struggle to find true love.
Our souls are androgynous, they don't recognize a definitive seperation of the two and will always tell your spiritual consciousness that you are one - not two.
I believe that we therefore, on the subconsious level, seek love out in it's purest form, which we refer to as unconditional .. and only put a seperation of gender into the picture once this desire reaches the ego = which is the consciousness we are aware of.
Our souls don't know the difference between male and female ... they only want to be loved. But, because we put a difference in the mix to constrict our ability to love completely .. for this reason is why we suffer and struggle to find true love.
To add to P-Angel's idea.
Guys pretty routinely talk about having very strong emotional attachments to other males. We just don't call it "love," at least not most of the time.
We do hear males from say the military or sports arenas talk about how great their group/team is. "I would trust these guys with my life!" "I would do anything for these guys!" etc etc.... This idea actually extends into our everyday lives, but as I say, it tends to be hidden, at least in our culture.
I have had some male "friends" that were much more dear to me than my actual brothers. There can be a very true, very deep, and very abiding love being shared between unrelated males. Also as P-Angel points out, not one based on sex, or with any actual sexual component. But, that love exists, and is as strong as any that I have felt for the opposite sex.
Guys pretty routinely talk about having very strong emotional attachments to other males. We just don't call it "love," at least not most of the time.
We do hear males from say the military or sports arenas talk about how great their group/team is. "I would trust these guys with my life!" "I would do anything for these guys!" etc etc.... This idea actually extends into our everyday lives, but as I say, it tends to be hidden, at least in our culture.
I have had some male "friends" that were much more dear to me than my actual brothers. There can be a very true, very deep, and very abiding love being shared between unrelated males. Also as P-Angel points out, not one based on sex, or with any actual sexual component. But, that love exists, and is as strong as any that I have felt for the opposite sex.
Posted by LibraSidPosted by P-Angel
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
Posted by P-Angel
I wasn't talking about sex being the attraction, I was talking about love being the attraction
Oh, we aren't talking about romantic or sexual feelings? Yeah I have guy friends.click to expand
See.
exactly why I felt more confused after I responded.
Nah. I'm not one to ignore those feelings. Falling in love with another girl has never happened to me yet but I am not opposed to the possibility. I am what I am and if I fall in love with a chick, then so be it!
I recognize the feeling my heart gave me while I read. Didn't have to think about my answer. How exciting.
I feel like I've unlocked something inside myself. Its freaking amazing.
I'm NOT confusing love with sex, but a romantic relatinship DOES include sex. And women don't have penises, which are where my interests lie. Strap-ons just aren't the same.
Posted by brianafay
See.
exactly why I felt more confused after I responded.
Don't be. The question was worded in a way that insinuated "you just realized you're gay, what do you do?". People answered and then it was shifted to not be a romantic love. That's why I replied as simply as I did.
Besides, I'm not going to "fall in love" with another dude so it doesn't matter. I've got a couple really close male friends and I'm comfortable enough to say I love them. But it's not some "let's hold hands and skip down the beach together" type stuff. It's not falling in love and forcing myself to ignore this burning passion or denying myself the experience of love... they are friends.
I sorta fell for a leo girl friend of mine. Shes quite charming, but it wasn't like I wanted her in a sexual way, I just wanted to be near her.
I wouldn't pursue something like that tho simply because it's frowned upon in my neck of the woods
I wouldn't pursue something like that tho simply because it's frowned upon in my neck of the woods
Cappyy is right. If there is no physical like kissing or sex then it is by definition just a friendship. That doesn't mean you still cant feel immense love for that person. We can feel that for both sexes. But I only act on the sexual part with males.
Well...unless you count when I experimented with my best friend
Well...unless you count when I experimented with my best friend
Posted by ellessque
I think some are missing the point.
The question wasn't about sex or the physical aspect of ones body.
Nothing to do with the vagina or the penis.
Some got the point (mental note kudos to those)
Take away the difference in body parts than think about it. I dare you. It's quite enlightening when you do that.
Some of the most intimate moments of my life have not had anything to do with sex. It may have been simply a dinner, the proverbial sunset, whatever. If sex and love were that necessary for the other to exist, our world would be a lot less complicated.
The potential to have "romantic" feelings for another person, even of our own sex, exists in all of us. We will probably all experience it at one time or another. We may not express these feelings with sex, or skipping down a beach, but most of us will experience this. It is our nature to love others. We may deny this "romantic" facet of ourselves, but it is there, nonetheless.
Posted by ellessque
hmmm. interesting. i'm seeing a pattern.
anyone else?
Yeah, you are all gay!
hah, got fire one right elle
i'm a fire and i would never do it...not even experimental...
i love my gf ...as a friend...nothing more
though i offered to teach her french kissing
i love my gf ...as a friend...nothing more
though i offered to teach her french kissing
I have close female friends whom I love. I tell them I love them, they tell me they love me. I could not have a relationship of romantic or physical nature with a woman. Not hardwired that way. Nothing to do with how I was raised or early training in the church we went to when I was a girl, I've just never found other females attractive in that manner. I can look at a woman and think "Lord, she's absolutely beautiful!" either physically or spiritually; but as to the other, no. It's an appreciation for aesthetically pleasing.
LOL
Nice! The other side of the coin. Thanks PP.
All relationships are a distaster, PP, if they decide to play for attention .... all relationships are great if they decide to be honest and truthful with each other.
So, I guess this has dwindled down to another question ... regarding relationships s-g-bi ...
do you decide how your relationship is going to be, and whether you're going to be happy in it?
Or do you let it flow, and let it be, fall in love without being in control of it to make the decision beforehand if you are going to be happy? Or not.
So, I guess this has dwindled down to another question ... regarding relationships s-g-bi ...
do you decide how your relationship is going to be, and whether you're going to be happy in it?
Or do you let it flow, and let it be, fall in love without being in control of it to make the decision beforehand if you are going to be happy? Or not.
Posted by CapGalPosted by P-Angel
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
One doesn't develope feelings and fall in love overnight; therefore anyone who ALLOWS themself to fall in love will ofcourse proceed to experiment with same sex love. It's a choice. Y'all just a bunch of freaky guys and gals. I love men way too much to even consider wasting my time with another gal.click to expand
amen to that
I guess it could then be concluded that people aren't helpless to whom they fall in love with ... they make it their choice.
could this then, be the reason why relationships struggle to work? because once in the relationship .. people then expect it to be unconditional.
How can it be unconditional if you made a decision of who you will allow yourself to be with?
doesn't that negate unconditional.
could this then, be the reason why relationships struggle to work? because once in the relationship .. people then expect it to be unconditional.
How can it be unconditional if you made a decision of who you will allow yourself to be with?
doesn't that negate unconditional.
But, I believe that that is my whole point, Too-Serious .... you are looking at this from a standpoint where a decision could be made, without any feelings are involved .... you know, once you feel something, then all proclaims of what you would do would be thrown out of the window.
Same with age, or race, or religious/politcal preference .. same with every condition you could think of right now to put terms on a relationship that you don't feel.
If you fell in love with a man who was purple with oragne polka dots, then you'd love him no matter if he was Jewish, Republican, a little cock, 7 feet tall ... the point is, a person cannot help who they fall in love with, and it cannot be predicted ahead of time.
You cannot say you hate carrots if you've never eaten them.
** shrugs **
Same with age, or race, or religious/politcal preference .. same with every condition you could think of right now to put terms on a relationship that you don't feel.
If you fell in love with a man who was purple with oragne polka dots, then you'd love him no matter if he was Jewish, Republican, a little cock, 7 feet tall ... the point is, a person cannot help who they fall in love with, and it cannot be predicted ahead of time.
You cannot say you hate carrots if you've never eaten them.
** shrugs **
Yes Peri, you are now gay *bonking you on head with fabulous wand*.
In Native cultures gays were revered as having two spirits within one body, male and female. Taken on hunting trips to ease the physical needs of the men and had a place in their society. Not scorned or looked down upon.
Not a choice, it's how people are. Either you are, or you are not. I don't care what you do in your bedroom PP, do you care what I do in mine? LOL No 'ewwww'ing either. My point exactly.
In Native cultures gays were revered as having two spirits within one body, male and female. Taken on hunting trips to ease the physical needs of the men and had a place in their society. Not scorned or looked down upon.
Not a choice, it's how people are. Either you are, or you are not. I don't care what you do in your bedroom PP, do you care what I do in mine? LOL No 'ewwww'ing either. My point exactly.
Posted by Prince_Pisces
I don't care what you do in your bedroom PP, do you care what I do in mine?
Oh, i dont have sex
*Shifty eyes*
LMAO Of course not Boo Bear. *smooching cheek* Oh wait, there's something jusssss there now..
LOL Peri, SICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK.
Posted by P-Angel
the point is, a person cannot help who they fall in love with, and it cannot be predicted ahead of time.
i'm sure i've read blasts on this website about this very same issue. if a person is married unhappily, why is it then that they CAN help who they fall in love with....if it is someone outside the marriage. i'm no advocate for cheating...but i think some folks talk outta both sides of their mouths.
You'll wind up with some of these then:
Posted by Prince_Pisces
I know
I was on some thread a while ago...don't remember what it was about but I caught you posting that your Leo called you "worthless". And you frowned. Did he mean it or was it, "dirty" talk?
Posted by txtbukariesgirlPosted by P-Angel
the point is, a person cannot help who they fall in love with, and it cannot be predicted ahead of time.
i'm sure i've read blasts on this website about this very same issue. if a person is married unhappily, why is it then that they CAN help who they fall in love with....if it is someone outside the marriage. i'm no advocate for cheating...but i think some folks talk outta both sides of their mouths.click to expand
In those situations, the person needs to get out of their marriage .. if they stay in the marriage, while realizing they love another ... then this is where the problem lies.
funny that you would say this .... are you alluding to something?
Posted by PeriThePiscesKing
@VB...
Your avi has the same look that my GFs had when I was about to stick it in their pooperz.
http://photobucket.com/images/cock% 20goes% 20where253f" target="_blank">
Lmao
Posted by Prince_PiscesPosted by AmandusPosted by Prince_Pisces
I know
I was on some thread a while ago...don't remember what it was about but I caught you posting that your Leo called you "worthless". And you frowned. Did he mean it or was it, "dirty" talk?
lmao no he called Britney Spears worthless. I think its in the thread about Britneys new songclick to expand
OHHHHHHHH. OKAY! cool. Thats good to know.
Posted by P-Angel
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
what the fuck does "developed feelings" mean?
i love my female friends. i don't want to fuck the bitches. don't want to touch their bodies or bury my face in their snatches.
sex is physical, feelings aint. so what exactly would i be denying?
at the end of the day, i caint love a bitch "that way."
Posted by ellessque
lol @ white men only.
some people question me or try to analyze the shit out of me because I've only dated or been in a relationship with black men. I'm very much attracted to black men and their features, in addition to the strength I can see in them.
however, it's not to say I couldn't fall in love with a white man or a white woman or any gender from any race....i've never put limits on that. It's just not been in the cards *shrugs*. That also could be because I surround myself with all kinds of people. I've never been the chic who stayed in her comfy little segregated suburb. I've ventured out around the world and liked it.
It is interesting to anyalyze these things, LS .... there's a reason for it, somewhere in your psyche ... just like theres a reason for everything.
I know for myself, looking back on my life .... the black men I was with was for pure sex, and nothing else ... for some reason, I guess some sort of program that told me this is all it can be. Of course, I'm talking over 30 years ago, when times were different.
But, the point is ... there's always something in there that makes us decide what we like, or decide what we should do, rather than let ourselves live.
Someone, somewhere in here, maybe a different thread ... said that perhaps a person should try the opposite of what they think and see what happens.
Oh yes, I remember making this thread .. it's about being completely open to experiencing life without the bonds/chains of prejudices, and allowing yourself to be free to love.
Great find, Elle ... this strengthens my position ... great job !!!
Great find, Elle ... this strengthens my position ... great job !!!
Posted by P-Angel
If you developed feelings for a person, but, this person's gender was wrong for you ... would you deny yourself the experience of love?
If you were straight, all the way .... then fell in love with a friend of same gender .. would you really ignore this?
You're romanticizing love which renders your question moot imo. Love is mechanism that begets breeding...so the question is contradictory imo. I get that what I said is not PC but, I don't care.
Heres a neat little picture I found.
lol Asiza Only the green 4 eyes with the teeth is really down. The rest need counselling except the top middle guy who looks kind of stoned.
Not at all. I go both ways
You can love someone of the same gender even if you are straight.
For me it's all the same. It's just the sexual aspect that sticks to straight for me. But I have expressed love towards both genders. Mostly in the form of wanting to protect them or being possessive over them. I also just show it in the mutual respect and loyalty to them. I treat boyfriends and friends no different. They both deserve to be loved and respected because they are both special to me. My bf is usually one of my good friends anyways. He just gets the sexual aspect of it all
For me it's all the same. It's just the sexual aspect that sticks to straight for me. But I have expressed love towards both genders. Mostly in the form of wanting to protect them or being possessive over them. I also just show it in the mutual respect and loyalty to them. I treat boyfriends and friends no different. They both deserve to be loved and respected because they are both special to me. My bf is usually one of my good friends anyways. He just gets the sexual aspect of it all
Back in Freshman year, my best friends developed a crush on me. She was insanly in love. She wrote about me in her journal, about my haircuts or my clothing, my "cute and hot in a mysterious way"
I discovered her feelings because I stole this notebook and read it (lol) and because I noticed she would blush and couldn't keep eye contact with me when we would talk.
I decided, hey why not?
We dated for 3 1/2 years. We just broke up 3 weeks ago; she left me because "she lost feelings and you don't keep me happy enough"
Oct. 17 2008 - Jan. 13 2012
I still loved her with my heart and soul when she left me. I lost weight, couldn't sleep. I'm still struggling because I have every class with her. She started to date a boy the day after we broke up
But in the end, I'm thankful for the relationship. It was loving and fun. Who else can I go up to and say "I was in an interracial lesbian relationship for 3 1/2 years in high school with restrictions from parents, society and school itself?"
I would go with her again if she ever allowed.
I discovered her feelings because I stole this notebook and read it (lol) and because I noticed she would blush and couldn't keep eye contact with me when we would talk.
I decided, hey why not?
We dated for 3 1/2 years. We just broke up 3 weeks ago; she left me because "she lost feelings and you don't keep me happy enough"
Oct. 17 2008 - Jan. 13 2012
I still loved her with my heart and soul when she left me. I lost weight, couldn't sleep. I'm still struggling because I have every class with her. She started to date a boy the day after we broke up
But in the end, I'm thankful for the relationship. It was loving and fun. Who else can I go up to and say "I was in an interracial lesbian relationship for 3 1/2 years in high school with restrictions from parents, society and school itself?"
I would go with her again if she ever allowed.
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