You can't help who you love. I disagree
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by krysrenee7 on Sunday, April 10, 2011 and has 9 replies.
I disagree with that quote. And I have many reasons why I disagree:
1. Loving someone doesn't happen over night. Love isn't love w/o trust, loyalty, faithfulness, etc...(all things that aren't established AND proven over night)
2. It takes alot of effort, communication, energy, conversation, etc. to love someone. It's not just something that "happens" unless both people have put in the effort to ALLOW it to happen.
3. Love is an action, moreso than it is an emotion. And since we all have the ability to control & dictate our actions, I just find it hard to believe that someone can convince themselves that their logic had absolutely NOTHING to do with them falling in love. 1st off, if your emotions don't ever have room for logic when it comes to making big decisions, you have NO business getting into a relationship to begin with.
This post is especially for those who now look back & claim to regret ever loving someone that they knew up front was not right for them (for whatever reasons). YES you absolutely COULD control whether or not you allowed yourself to give someone the emotional/physical/sexual/psychological/spiritual energy that turns into loving another person; you just chose NOT to exercise that right (for whatever reason).
Saying that you can't control who you love is the same as saying that you can't control whose phone number you dial, or whose lips you kiss, or whose bed you jump into, etc. You absolutely CAN control it, you just chose not to. When the relationship turns out to be a success, great! But if not, don't fall back on the excuse that you just naturally fell into the wrong arms b/c you couldn't help it or control who you gave your energy to. You absolutely COULD control it, you just chose to take that risk of you doing so to possibly backfire on you.
1. Loving someone doesn't happen over night. Love isn't love w/o trust, loyalty, faithfulness, etc...(all things that aren't established AND proven over night)
2. It takes alot of effort, communication, energy, conversation, etc. to love someone. It's not just something that "happens" unless both people have put in the effort to ALLOW it to happen.
3. Love is an action, moreso than it is an emotion. And since we all have the ability to control & dictate our actions, I just find it hard to believe that someone can convince themselves that their logic had absolutely NOTHING to do with them falling in love. 1st off, if your emotions don't ever have room for logic when it comes to making big decisions, you have NO business getting into a relationship to begin with.
This post is especially for those who now look back & claim to regret ever loving someone that they knew up front was not right for them (for whatever reasons). YES you absolutely COULD control whether or not you allowed yourself to give someone the emotional/physical/sexual/psychological/spiritual energy that turns into loving another person; you just chose NOT to exercise that right (for whatever reason).
Saying that you can't control who you love is the same as saying that you can't control whose phone number you dial, or whose lips you kiss, or whose bed you jump into, etc. You absolutely CAN control it, you just chose not to. When the relationship turns out to be a success, great! But if not, don't fall back on the excuse that you just naturally fell into the wrong arms b/c you couldn't help it or control who you gave your energy to. You absolutely COULD control it, you just chose to take that risk of you doing so to possibly backfire on you.
Perfect scenario: Girl sees early warning signs that the man she's dating is a player, liar & is inconsistent. Her intuition AND logic tells her so early on, BUT she makes the CHOICE to go against her better judgement & gives this guy a chance anyway. 2 years later, when the relationship is over after he's cheated on her for the 5th time, now she wants to go back & claim that she ended up so hurt & with the wrong guy for so long b/c she "couldn't help who she loved." Aaah! Wrong!
BEFORE she even attached to this guy, she saw warning signs. She had ample opportunity to listen to her intuition/instinct BEFORE her feelings evolved. She had plenty of time to walk away, stop talking to him or move on to someone else way BEFORE her feelings evolved.
BUT she made the choice NOT to & it just so happens that the risk she took, backfired on her. Yeah it sucks & hey, even the best of the best will get played/betrayed at some point.
But convincing yourself that you had no control over who you loved is a cop out line & an excuse.
Why are people so afraid to listen to their OWN inner judgement? Why are people so afraid to let go BEFORE their feelings have even really evolved for the other person? If anything, getting out of the situation/relationship BEFORE your feelings evolve is the BEST move & what most of us WISH we would've done now that we look back on past relationships. But yet when people are in the "moment" they purposely fight off their OWN logic, only to end up falsely convincing themselves that some unknown fairy/force "made" them fall in love. BULL.
Your body/psyche doesn't MAKE you call/communicate with someone every day. Some unknown fairy doesn't MAKE you spend all your time & weekends with someone. Some unknown force doesn't MAKE you have sex with someone. Those are all DECISIONS that YOU willingly make. You absolutely CAN control who you love simply b/c you can control the process (communication, sex, energy, time spent with the other person etc,) & all the factors that go into 2 people falling in love to begin with
BEFORE she even attached to this guy, she saw warning signs. She had ample opportunity to listen to her intuition/instinct BEFORE her feelings evolved. She had plenty of time to walk away, stop talking to him or move on to someone else way BEFORE her feelings evolved.
BUT she made the choice NOT to & it just so happens that the risk she took, backfired on her. Yeah it sucks & hey, even the best of the best will get played/betrayed at some point.
But convincing yourself that you had no control over who you loved is a cop out line & an excuse.
Why are people so afraid to listen to their OWN inner judgement? Why are people so afraid to let go BEFORE their feelings have even really evolved for the other person? If anything, getting out of the situation/relationship BEFORE your feelings evolve is the BEST move & what most of us WISH we would've done now that we look back on past relationships. But yet when people are in the "moment" they purposely fight off their OWN logic, only to end up falsely convincing themselves that some unknown fairy/force "made" them fall in love. BULL.
Your body/psyche doesn't MAKE you call/communicate with someone every day. Some unknown fairy doesn't MAKE you spend all your time & weekends with someone. Some unknown force doesn't MAKE you have sex with someone. Those are all DECISIONS that YOU willingly make. You absolutely CAN control who you love simply b/c you can control the process (communication, sex, energy, time spent with the other person etc,) & all the factors that go into 2 people falling in love to begin with
Why are they so scared to listen to logic? Idk about being scared so much as they reason with the fact that it's okay because at least they're not lonely anymore. That's the difference between people who form healthy relationships and those who don't.
They will learn. Or maybe they wont...
They will learn. Or maybe they wont...
Posted by happykitsune
Why are they so scared to listen to logic? Idk about being scared so much as they reason with the fact that it's okay because at least they're not lonely anymore. That's the difference between people who form healthy relationships and those who don't.
They will learn. Or maybe they wont...
Hmm, I guess. Anytime you've gotta ignore your OWN (keyword) logic just to maintain a peaceful relationship/friendship, it's NOT worth it!
Most of us WISH we could go turn back the hands of time just so that we could've saw those warning signs & bounced. I've never understood the logic of a woman who prays for "signs" but yet ignores them when they're right in her face?! Almost as if people don't believe their own eyes; almost as if people believe that they're imagining things.
If you've gotta "suppress" something you've seen/heard, there's a good chance that you shouldn't! Point blank! It may not bother you in the beginning when you're in the honeymoon stages & when you make the CHOICE to only see the good things OR atleast only see what you wanna see. But those warning signs never go away! That's why most of us always bring them up again when we're finally at our boiling point or when the relationship is finally over.
The warning signs are there for a reason! It's no wonder some guys don't even hide their true colors in the beginning; it's b/c they're counting on women being naive enough to look straight past them & ignore them!
Feelings, or that natural high of just being with someone, which if you look into it scientically it's just a bunch of hormones and neurotransmitters causing theres feelings. It's not love, it's chemistry...quite literally. Love is something that is done, not a feeling. People make these silly mistakes and disregard the warning signs because they are at such a high from these hormones that they feel as though these things don't matter.
There are some who have learned over time, or just those logical ones like krys who are able to think clearly even though they are being bombarded with these dang hormones that makes us feel just so darn good, and they actually look at the warning signs and thing "Hmm, you know I bet down the road this won't work because of this red flag".
These are the people who aren't left saying "I wish I had never met him, what a waste of time." Which is what so many people say because they just get caught up in it. It's like a drug, or a runners high... you think it'll last forever and that you can get through anything. Optimism is good and it's great you're not single any more, but come on... wouldn't you rather save yourself the heartbreak? But eventually they'll get hurt enough time that they will learn or they will just put up walls and not let others in. Best they learn early
There are some who have learned over time, or just those logical ones like krys who are able to think clearly even though they are being bombarded with these dang hormones that makes us feel just so darn good, and they actually look at the warning signs and thing "Hmm, you know I bet down the road this won't work because of this red flag".
These are the people who aren't left saying "I wish I had never met him, what a waste of time." Which is what so many people say because they just get caught up in it. It's like a drug, or a runners high... you think it'll last forever and that you can get through anything. Optimism is good and it's great you're not single any more, but come on... wouldn't you rather save yourself the heartbreak? But eventually they'll get hurt enough time that they will learn or they will just put up walls and not let others in. Best they learn early
Posted by M
Shhh...you're being hormonal
That may be...I mean I am just a youngin and a women. But I am trying to be more logical and learning from my mistakes so meh
Posted by M
Hormones are a lot like politicians... for starters, they have a term limit
This is true...haha
Posted by QLIbraMale
"You can't help who you love." I disagree--ahh krysrenee7 your my homgirl but i'm going to agree you really can't help it especially if that person lacks willpower or self-esteem.
Good point. Only problem is, if that person is lacking those 2 things, are we sure that what she's "feeling" is even love to begin with? After all, I thought loving someone else was impossible without 1st loving yourself? =P
Interested to see another water sign's perspective on this... its so easy for a cerebral air sign to step back and look at things logically.. my emotions carry me away..
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