A question to Saggies

How do you calm yourself when you make a brutually honest critism or simplu what you think and people get hurt and upset?

And what if you think you still did the right thing?

I second archer!!

I will feel really bad and be down on myself for day if I hurt a friend or loved one...But will do everything in my power to try to cheer them up and appologize profusely!!

If the person isn't really close to me I may try to explaine myself, but if my explanation isn't accepted then oh well, they're not really worth it....

If someone dosn't agree with my views on something close to my heart, then I try to see their point of view, but will also make sure to press my point of view... I expect my point to be taken into consideration as well, I feel that if I can find it in myself to see both sides then so can they..... (this usually leads to a good debate) 😉

*days

oooppppssss!! LOL

I agree with all your responses and probably it answers my question in whole.

But what if a person is unable to explain their point of view? It very well seen that they try, but it also very well seen that they unsuccessfull and for that apparent reason they get upset and block communication lines which further hardens resolution.

"There is no need for explainations; friends dont need it, foes never believe it and rest is not worth it"

So true.....

I guess I don't really even need to comment. Both you Sags explain it very well.....

There is no need for explainations; friends dont need it, foes never believe it and rest is not worth it

Don't you think it's kind of an ignorance?

I mean there should be some basic rules to deal with people who are not ready to comprehend what you say?

If I hurt anyone with my words and im not upset, I will go out my way to correct it. Not that I will back on it but I will take a step out my shoes and into theres to see the issue. I try to understand why the need for hurt.
Although with me, "It is, what it is" i said it and thats that. Though I rarely have this problem.

"I mean there should be some basic rules to deal with people who are not ready to comprehend what you say?"


No, I don't think there are... You can't make someone comprehend something that is beyond them, you also can not make someone who holds grudges, not.... There's only so much your capable of doing when it comes to dealing with another "mind".... And for me I'm not going to argue with a "brick wall". And when dealing with some "minds" thats what it's like, some are so closed to new ideas or ways of looking at things, I feel if the person isn't close to me than it isn't worth the debate... Now when it's someone I care about I will put forth a great deal more effort, but they are usually alot more open minded.. (which is why they're close to me to begin with)

"You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink..."

Oh come on sweethearts, I love reading your posts!! You gotta have something to contribute!! 😉

Message posted by: ProudSag on 10/14/2006 11:26:16 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.131
"I mean there should be some basic rules to deal with people who are not ready to comprehend what you say?"


No, I don't think there are... You can't make someone comprehend something that is beyond them, you also can not make someone who holds grudges, not....

Oh my god, sorry.....er .... er... its prob not that its beyond someones grasp to understand whatever your trying to get across - its that sometimes the sagi way is v.unpleasant. if theres shock at being hurt then its because at a very inappropreate moment the 'sagi' has shown 'no intelligence' by just dropping some real harsh words, could be thought of as a very thick skinned thing to do or just a bit thick really, no matter if the insight is capable.

"You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink..."

wo - watch it you got to get your head through the door to find some horses to talk to tommorrow and feed them this 'insight' - sorry if i'm putting in my two pence and know it s not on to knock you but hey ... the view point - all be it a thick one (am taurus so happy to accept that) is that tact is something some people really need - honestly dated a sag - used to go out to the pub etc and she honestly used to say 'hi' to people and they completey ignored her - 'i only met him last week and wo'nt even acknowledge my hello' - did'nt understand it at the time - in retrospect having seen her say really inappropreate things to her friends - who in turn would not speak to her at days at a time - i now understand what her prob was. She just could not keep her mouth shut, i felt sorry for her as it 's like a blind spot to a sag, they just cant see it, with the feeble excuse .. oh but its the truth, come on ... need to step out the circle of that for a second and through some maturity on it - perhaps actually think of specific upsets - if you relate that to someone else its pretty clear what the prob is - they are not v.good at considering anothers feelings properly.

got to add, have a new friend who is a sag girl - she dropped the line on me 'oh but its the truth whats wrong with that ' - i was teasing her 'oh maria thats so beautiful i'm so touched - nearly in tears...the truth ' - phew was she angry - teasing her pride over the truth. context of this was her friend had told her no man would put up with her blunt ways - it must be diff for her though - red head/irish/and saggitarius - oh and female - must be enough to drive a person to madness.

I always say things a little too blunt and often it comes out harsh. Then later feel bad when I sense I may have hurt their feelings or spirits. However, I'm not sure if it's a Sag trait, but I'm good with language and usually always find a away to re-say exactly what I meant and make it sound a lot more postitive and pretty so that their feelings are no longer hurt.

Hey and if there's not a nicer way to say what I said//then I just use my good optimism and point out a postitive trait about them or the situation.

gee-kron~~ All very valid points. But, treating bluntness or plain speaking as an issue and not accepting it "as is", is expecting anyone who happens to speak plainly/bluntly to make exceptions for those who are more sensitive and need words to be sugar coated.. But are these people willing to do the same for those of us who are more blunt with our words? Are they willing to over look our bluntness?

The people who are close to me are willing to overlook anything I say that may normally cause upset to someone who dosn't know me. And because they extend this courtesy to me I am more than willing to "watch" my words. And will feel really awfull if something does slip and I hurt them....

But I see no point in doing this for people who wouldn't extend the same courtesy to me.

I am a Sag after all and believe in fairness..

Gee-Kron

I think you have pointed out what I feared off. You simply suggest to slow down on honesty and simplicity in communications. Unfortunately, this is something I would not do. Not that I can't do, I just wont do. You see, I have an internat drive that requires everything being said "as it is". Without it, I feel much depressed and uninterested in spoken topic anymore. I better say what I think and if person can follow it it will, if not, then it will try to put up with it, if not and will give up at all, well, that's the hardest part because I both don't care and care about it. I don't care about it because it's logical and I lose my times with that person. I care because I couldn't learn anything new from that person yet and I stuck with them on halfway. I think it simply doesn't works as I expected it to work. Perpahs I try to help them too. But when they express their unwillingless to participiate further, I feel my help was misunderstood and thrown back to me. Such a thinking style . And perhaps when they throw it back, I just feel like "well I tried to help them, if they don't want it and throw it back to me, then I leave them to their own hell" and that adds some power to the "I don't care part" that I've described above.

well I tried to help them, if they don't want it and throw it back to me, then I leave them to their own hell" and that adds some power to the "I don't care part" that I've described above.

oh i dunno haffo but theres nothing wrong with being tactful - especially around people you dont know to well, i'm pretty wacky and through about my views when i should'nt, but what i was referring to was especially when someone doesnt know someone too well they can make an obviously 'wrong' statement towards that person thus throwing them off center.Not sure if people really want someones help as your suggesting giving - maybe on this message board ...thats all cool but in real life its often better to bite your tongue, cause it will upset people. They maybe dont want to hear 'The truth according to the next person' and its often better to keep it to yourself, i am generalising here but more reffering to the sag peoples way of speaking without any forethought to what the other person is thinking or feeling.

classic recent of mine,...sisters sag boyfriend - bout 4th time he met me he went into graphic detail of loosing his virginity - i could'nt believe it !!! graphic then from then onwards whenever we were out - even when my sis was 2 steps away he would turn to me and say ' look that girl ohhh i want to bend her over and fuk her!!' da da and so on.I trust he was thinkin that and all but no need to say it to me.Me being cool i take it on the chin for a few weeks till i had to tell him he cant be going on like that - was making me M.A.D!!

i dunno dude.Thoughts neednt all be shared and it s not backin down and with your close friends its great to exchange extreme thoughts whatever they maybe and hopefully if your close and no matter what you say your not going to upset your friends.but the idea of bluntness without regard to another persons feelings is'nt something that i think should be held in high regard as a strength of some kind of personality.totally fine to agree to be wrong here...maybe just my way of thinking.

Gee-kron

I see your point. You may be right from your point of view, but I belive in something.

Do you know what rules people?

Logic?

Or what we feel?

You see, unfortunately and ultimately no matter how hard you try, your emotional nature and your stereotypes rule you. There is no point in resisting it. It will overwhelm you soon or later.

I belive whoever speaks "as it is", it also speaks out with emotional side. People in communication should be both reponsible in correcting each other participiants logica AND emotional side. This way and only this way we can truly communicate "freely".

I personally try to don't take people honesty as offencive. On the contrary, I try to reason why they feel in that particular way. It's far far and much more insightful than someone telling me pure logic. I think pure logic is BS.

Therefore, I both expect blunt honesty and act on blunt honesty. If anyone can't keep up with it and become offended, it tells me one thing:

This person isn't responsible enough to take reponsibility in educating themselves with people.

They are weak dude. Simple as that. They think it is civilised to not hurt others feeling, but in reality, civilisation was built on blunt honesty and the solutions designed over it.

I'm simply making others job easier.