Extremely confused... what happened— (sex)

Hi, Please read this thread first: http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=1605314 but if you choose not to, just know that I've been dealing with a Sag for over a month and we were getting along amazing, talked every day, spent a lot of time together, laughed about everything, had amazing conversations and very tender intimate moments, went on numerous outings, he initiated 'exclusiveness' conversation on a few ocassions, we made it official that we were a 'couple', he told me he really cared for me and wanted to offer me whatever it was I needed, etc... basically things were going great... here's the issue:

On Sunday we slept together for the first time... It was very nice and after we held each other and talked for hours about our life goals, future plans, etc... he was very affectionate and loving, like usual, kept on kissing my shoulder, cheeks, forehead, lips, etc. When I left there was nothing different about our goodbye, we kissed a few times, hugged and said "I'll see you tomorrow" like usual... well... I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!! And he has not responded to any of my txts or calls or emails. I'm extremely confused... and sick to my stomach with the thought that he possibly used me?? I've never been in this type of situation before. I honestly did not see this coming, he was amazing with his words and actions towards me. He never once indicated that sex was all that was on his mind. The only thing that may have made him feel a little 'weird' was that he didn't last that long...could that be it— I sent him a message asking him to please let me know what's up. I know he read it but he did not reply.
Can anyone please shed any light on what the hell could have happened? I'm very confused and hurt and in disbelief that this whole time he was 'acting' to get some action... wow, this sucks!

he's got what he wanted...

I would chill out, don't chase him with the texting and asking him questions, that sends out the wrong vibe (desperation) and when he comes back around unless he has a great excuse such as being ill or in a coma or a family member died, I would let him know right away that you value communication, you value your body and you value being in a balanced relationship and him not responding made you feel imbalanced and you don't want to be in that kind of relationship, you don't take men serious that disappear like that. Nip it now or get ready for his immature drama

I would not have sex with him again for several months (if ever), he's being immature and your body is your temple, you don't need him playing around with you like he is, stop worrying about his feelings or why he hasn't chosen to respond, he's basically dumping you without having to say it, he's a coward clown, his not responding is sending you the message that he can't be counted on, that he only wanted sex, If it were me I wouldn't respond to him at all, when and if he did choose to come around because I wouldn't be that desperate to know why he's being a jerk. My actions would tell him to piss off (he will respect you for it) if you take him back and take his lame excuses he will disrespect you more b/c men can't respect a woman that doesn't do what's best for her.

He will respond and he will be back but he won't be giving you the relationship you expected to have, can guarantee it

Thanks for responding. I'm going crazy over here. I do not want to continue any sort of relationship with him, this behaviour is 100% unacceptable to me. I do value myself and I discussed this with him and he was so willing to 'do and say' everything that led me to believe he was sincere and was falling for me... never did he give the inclination that he was a nasty dog after some tail. ugh
What I do want to know is WHY? I feel that I deserve an explanation for his cowardly behaviour. I can handle the truth, no matter how harsh it may be... what I can't handle is being ignored like I never even existed—
He is still a 'friend' on the site we met, on my msn and on my facebook... should I delete him and just forget about all of this? I'm not so far invested in this that I can't bounce back... but I"m completely disgusted at this behaviour.
My friends are telling me to go over to his house and see what he has to say to me since he is completely ignoring me at this point... is that a terrible idea?
I need all the input from anyone on this board who wants to share it with me... thanks so much!!!

...I've been dealing with a Sag for over a month

I have a thumb rule: don't take any thread about people who are dating and know each other less than six months.
If you know him longer, then I will read your story.

This is not good. I can't see how anything good could ever come of this.

If I were you, I would not refrain from texting. But not to ask what's going but something short and sweet like "F U" and I wouldn't EVER respond if he replied (my guess is he would).

I've never had a guy actually do this before, they at least play along a little longer before they show their ass.

I'm sorry this happened to you, I can imagine how much it hurts. Just realize, you didn't do anything to bring this on and you didn't do anything wrong. He lied. You believed him. He's a jerk. End of story.

Posted by DwellingOnMove

...I've been dealing with a Sag for over a month

I have a thumb rule: don't take any thread about people who are dating and know each other less than six months.
If you know him longer, then I will read your story.

click to expand

Really? People have emotions before the six month mark...

his lack of response and inaction is your answer, he's telling you without words he's done, he's FORCING you to make a decision without him having to own up to his poor actions towards you (he's a coward), if you delete him from all the websites then he will most likely sigh relief that he no longer has to deal with it, he rejects you by not responding to you and then he FORCES you into action such as deleting him from those sites (he's deliberately creating confusion in you to force you into MAKING A MISTAKE), either way he's getting an out without owning up to what he's doing, he's shoving responsibility back into your lap by not responding, many men are playing this childish game these days...

Men are learning how to seduce women left and right these days, they have websites, they have books, it's disgusting but it's a part of the dating game, you did everything right but yet his intentions wasn't real, it happens, I feel for you, I know this has to be a painful experience, learn from it and move on, he's not worth confronting.

DO NOTHING, say nothing, go on with your life...yes it's painful but don't give him more of you by letting him know your sitting around wasting your energy thinking about him, if you truly never wanna have anything to do with him then delete him and block him, if he's truly done he will eventually delete you OR if he's playing power games he will turn around and reach out to you once he see your not going to FLIP OUT due to his behavior...

If you confront him he will label you psycho crazy and will use that as an excuse to reject you again, it's in your best interest to do nothing, the most effective thing to do is do nothing, this way he will see that your not going to chase him and he will stop running, he will turn around and reach out to you, thus you come off as the mature one, he comes off looking immature and stupid for playing his dumb games and the power shifts back to you and you can decide how you wanna deal with him...

If you decide to confront him you will just look like a desperate fool and feel more humiliated for lowering yourself, he's forcing you to lower yourself by ignoring you, don't do it....

Really? People have emotions before the six month mark...

that's ok with me. I like when they have emotions or date this week a Sag, next week a Scorpio. Only I do not read their stories. that's all.

I'm so sorry this happened to you😢 Sags are kinda of the definition of hit it and quit it, even the women sometimes. My best friend is a double saggy, sun and rising w a venus in aqua on top. She so cruel to men lol. And sag boys are known to play around. I dated one and he cheated on me like no other! I never gave him any and he was mad haha. I was young than though. It's weird he buttered you up like that though..thats really more of a libra thing. He probably does care about you to an extant but is afraid of commitment. The big C.

Tikki is a 100% right about how it will all pan out if you do those actions. So don't!!

^ How funny.

I followed tiki's advice (thank you!) and today..........HE CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said he got laid off his job Monday morning and felt like his life was over... he said he was very confused about what he was going to do and didn't know how to tell me. He also said that he didn't feel like talking to anyone at all, not even family, close friends, etc... and that he had not answered any of their phone calls either... he was very apologetic and said that he understood why I would take it the way I did but that he needed me to know that he was in a very confused and upset state and didn't know how to let me know or how I would see him after he told me.
I told him how I felt about him not calling me or replying to my texts and said that he could have sent me a quick message or something but he said that he did not know how to word anything since he didn't want to send a text telling me he got laid off and he didn't want to simply put 'i need a few days, something happened' because he thought I would think he didn't want to talk to me, which isn't true. He said he wanted to talk to me about it not simply send a text but at the time was not up to talking to anyone or doing anything at all since he was in such a hopeless state.
What do you think? I remember when I got laid off back in October I felt like my life was over too. I did not want to talk to anyone either and did the same thing (didn't answer my phone, etc. for days!!!) because I felt horrible and did not want to talk to anyone about it until I didn't feel so hopeless anymore about my situation. I do understand what's it's like because it happened to me not long ago.
After we talked about that I offered him words of encouragement about being laid off and told him my experience. We then talked about other random things and he said that he hopes we can talk again tomorrow.
Now that I know the reason I don't feel like I was 'used' for sex... sigh of relief... and my forgiving nature wants to offer him support and encouragement for what he is going through... but I'd like to hear your opinions!!! Thanks everyone!

Well first off YAY!
I'm glad for you. I followed your story and I felt so bad when you wrote he didn't call after you two were got intimate.
I would still approach him with a little caution and probably hold off on the bedroom activities for awhile if I were you. But it's good he's sharing with you. Continue to be supportive and I'm really happy that it seems he didn't use you. Leave it to an Aries to be completely honest with him! LOL Good for you for sharing your feelings with him!

Be empathetic but don't reach out to him by texting and calling and giving TOO MUCH of yourself, he's the one that chose to ignore you despite his issues, texting doesn't take much time so although it was a good excuse you still deserve better treatment, don't allow his sob story to flip the fact that he made an error in judgement with you, women naturally want to nurture but he's already feeling weak inside more empathy will just make him feel weak, he's a grown man, treat him like one, don't own his problems, I agree that you should hold off on any sort of intimacy and honestly if his story is really true then he's not going to give you any time, he's going to put his stress and his needs before anyone else and you will feel slighted b/c he will end up treating you as second to everything else. I'm glad he called but now you have to lean back and allow him the time and space to process his life and if he's interested he will get back with you soon, most times guys like to keep the door open, thus you may not get any closure so he can come back 6 months from now wanting back in, so don't feel too bad if you don't hear much from him now that he's thrown this whole economical lost my job story in your lap....Patience, watch and be open to see how things flow and work itself out.

LOL@Hopes

well I never said I believed any of his excuses, I always error on the side of caution, I could say he's running game on her but then again one can't be too sure so the best advice is no matter what he says or does, take care of herself first...

Yeah I'd be suspicious too. I'd keep my eyes open and not sleep with him until he proves himself.
IF he doesn it again I'd kick his ass if I were her and then never talk to him agian. She's an Aries. She could do it 🙂

Thanks for the input. I sincerely appreciate it.
I am very cautious... so it's not like I feel we're back to where we left off... not at all. It's basically back at the beginning for me (if anything). I am glad he called and very relieved that it wasn't a blatant 'using me' situation, though. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be open to him and believe everything he says foolishly. If I hadn't felt the same way (and done the same thing) when I got laid off I probably wouldn't even give him another chance... but because I have this personal experience and I understand how devastating it can feel to lose a job, especially during these times, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him... but I will definitely take care of me first and foremost and take it extremely slow with him and see how things go.

Honestly, if a man I had waited some time to have sex with didn't find an ounce of time to call me the day after it finally happened, no excuse in the world would mean much to me. True or not, this guy didn't take the time to put you in his life. Unless he's a teenager who doesn't understand the level of importance placed on the morning-after-call there is really nothing he could say to me that would erase the insecurity his silence created.

Posted by ariesbella30
Thanks for the input. I sincerely appreciate it.
I am very cautious... so it's not like I feel we're back to where we left off... not at all. It's basically back at the beginning for me (if anything). I am glad he called and very relieved that it wasn't a blatant 'using me' situation, though. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be open to him and believe everything he says foolishly. If I hadn't felt the same way (and done the same thing) when I got laid off I probably wouldn't even give him another chance... but because I have this personal experience and I understand how devastating it can feel to lose a job, especially during these times, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him... but I will definitely take care of me first and foremost and take it extremely slow with him and see how things go.

Since this is about Sag's, I'll say my Sag was laid off shortly after we began seeing each other and he never behaved like this. He took one day to himself. One.

And, he's having very serious troubles with his mother and her health. He tells me constantly how frustrated his friends and some of his family are with him because of his lack of communication, and I feel that much more secure in our relationship because he makes the time for me where he doesn't with a lot of others.

No offense to ariesbella but honestly I know you can find someone that is more considerate, his lack of consideration alone would be enough for me to walk away, granted times are tough but man men are finding creative ways to dump women or push the relationship back to phase one, some men DO NOT want to go past the honeymoon phase in a relationship, they are getting the euphoric high of chasing, catching and soon after releasing and moving on to greener pastures, it seems almost like it's epidemic, women are giving men the benefit of the doubt b/c they just can't fathom a man consciously playing these head games but they are and it's real and women are getting played, some men (not all) are seriously giving women a relationship to get sex only to bail out, they are getting much more smarter, they realize they have an OUT option even if they give the woman what she wants and many men are not afraid to use it despite time invested. I know your pride is on the line but don't give him another opportunity to play you out with a lame excuse...his fingers aren't broke and if you were as important to him as he made you out to be he would have briefly called, texted or emailed asked for some time due to job loss, reassured you that none of his lack of communication had anything to do with you and got back with you when he felt more balanced....

someone sent me a link to a site the other day, these men are literally helping one another close the deal so please for all you ladies online dating, please be wary and cautious

http://www.theattractionforums.com/discussion/

sorry for the type...meant to say...granted times are tough but many men

We woman need to take the power back😉

disgusting exactly, love and dating and courting is supposed to be fun, exciting, full of mystery and anticipation, these guys treat it all as a sport, not all men are like this but wow, it should make a woman think before handing out her personal information....

Devil no matter what you say it's the lazy mans way of playing games which to each his own but not every woman cares for games and unfortunately these games that mystery and the other seduction con artist that have re-label game playing as building confidence etc isn't cool, it's manipulative, it takes the mystery and fun out of dating and unfortunately it doesn't have an off button.

I mean is there an end to this? None of it makes sense, none of the men say I want to learn so I can have a great relationship with a great girl, all these men want to do is pick up as many women as they can, have as much sex as they can, pull the hottest bitchiest women and make shallow superficial assumptions about all women as an EXCUSE to continue treating women like objects, they all want to pick up women and game on women and to me that is disgusting, it's not the art that is disgusting it's the way men are choosing to THINK, it's the attitude that is disgusting, none of these games build character and values, it just creates a bunch of narcissistic man boys that took the cheat sheet route. The attitudes have to change and women can't help men do that, that comes from values, how they were raised, the messages they received as a child that carries over into adulthood and most of these men were not taught how to be a man so now they resort to seducing and mind games.

I don't want a man to HANDLE me that is another MYTH these men are carrying around, I want to be loved and cherished and unfortunately the venusian arts doesn't give many women this option. I wish men could decipher between women that play games and women that don't it would make it a lot easier for the women that truly want to have great relationships and not be conned and gamed out of there time and energy by some assclown jerk, it sucks for the women that are genuine and don't care for all the bullshit pick up lines and lies these men tell.

I'd probably have made fun of his short performance the first chance I got (like deivel suggested.)
Haha. But I'm a jerk.



You did the right thing.

I will only agree with you b/c it's your male perspective

I believe men make up excuses to CONTINUE treating women like crap,just like they make up excuses for any form of abuse they dish out, this is EPIDEMIC, mean are finding CREATIVE covert aggressive ways to help each other remain in control and abuse women, ladies a great book that may help you understand is Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft, he is a man and gives some awesome insight into why men behave the way they do. You can either get it at your local book store or go online to amazon.com or any barnes and nobles. Educate yourselves ladies, if you seriously hate these kind of games then learn everything you can to prevent these abusive forms of mind games to happen to you.

as for the brainwashing crap, it goes both ways, men and women are both coming to understand that lies regarding human nature which have been told to all of us, again I have no problem with the game in and of itself, I have a problem with the attitude behind it and how it's being used, it's not the games that hurt people, it's the people that hurt people. If a man is using mysteries gamees to get tons of attention and sex without any integrity or truth behind it then that is hurting women, women don't like being strung along nor do we like being hurt and no amount of machismo will convince me otherwise, I been around for some time now and I can honestly tell you the way men are using these so called venusian techniques are disgusting, if a man was using this art to find a great woman and marry her then I'm all for it but I know for a fact that the majority are using these techniques to deceive and prevent there own egos from getting hurt, it's just another form of male protection.

To each his own, I simply educate the good women, the women that are naive to these games and make sure she knows it's not by accident that he's treating her like shit, these guys are consciously making an effort to game and deceive her, it's up to her how she deals with it, most end up walking away b/c that is not what she wants, she doesn't want to be lied to and have her mind and soul scammed.

Morality has been scientifically proven to exist as part of human's instinctual prowess. MOrality actually exists and there are very real boundaries that exist and many of them are consistent for the majority of the population (Radio Lab .. google it. It's the "Morality" issue).

Also, I believe very truly that women mature much faster than men. We look for the genuine relationship years before men stop sowing their oats. This may or may not be true, but I do believe that mystery is an important element any in genuine long term relationship. The game element of it has to not exist for a true relationship to succeed, but you have to keep yourself new and interesting for your partner, knowing everything would become boring rather quickly. I think human nature compensates for relationships like these by creating drama to live out some sort of fantasy that doesn't really exist.

women don't have to put up with bad treatment PERIOD and women treat your heart like you treat your personal information, you won't go around giving out your debit/credit card information so don't do it with your heart or your body. No matter what happened in your past, you are worth greatness, you are worth it and don't ever believe otherwise, if a man is in and out, playing head games KICK THAT CLOWN TO THE CURB and give a man that can do the job a chance.

protect your mind, protect your body, protect your heart, have fun but don't check your values and boundaries at the door, USE THEM, they will end up protecting you, if you don't have any values or boundaries then educate yourself on how to creat values and build inner boundaries. Not all bad men look like bad men, some look like the boy next door

Neil is another pick up artist right? But he has a twist, he also uses his techniques for social settings outside of picking up women as well...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It must hurt, but you know I think his excuse is so lame. Even if it's true, it's not a legitimate excuse.

If you have already had some intimacy give it a break and don't text so soon.

Update...
Since this happened we have been inseparable...again. We talked about it quite a bit and I decided to let it go. Everyone deserves a second chance and I am 100% confident that it wasn't a 'using me for sex' situation. We were together all weekend. On Friday he came over to my home and met my sister and brother for the first time. We all played cards and had a great night. On Saturday he had close friends come visit him from out of town and he introduced me to them and we went out and enjoyed a very nice night. On Sunday I went to his house and again had an amazing evening. Last night we talked about feelings for eachother and I know he feels strongly for me, without a doubt... it's not just about what he says but what he does, how he looks at me, how sweet he is, etc...
Anyway, I will let you know how this goes. Thanks for your input so far.

Don't bother over someone who treats you like an option, instead of a priority. I know this is hard to do, but if it becomes your slide ruler, you will not be steered wrong. You should always feel, you are a priority, not an option.

Sorry, I didn't read to the end. The best of luck with this relationship. But I would reiterate that you should not feel second rate at any point...always realize you have worth.

i guess one thing about a aries woman we can forgive and forget....when we are in love sometime we are so powerless with our feelings...aries i hope everything works out and you have truly found your soulmate

yup...that's a sagg.... I had 7 years with my Sagg. They are very passive and not too good on emotions... actually i don't think they have any...lol
but seriously, if you distance yourself... they tend to come back. it's a game they like to play. if they think you're not that into them they tend to be more into you. they don't like needy or clingy. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHASE AND CHALLENGE WITH SAGG.

Hey Holy,

It seems like you are thinking about this whole thing way too much. Maybe that is the problem. You seem to be deeply analytical about relationship and also suspicious of women. I think that you may be giving off this vibe to women and trying too hard, which is a bit off putting. My suggestion would be to relax (a lot) and just have fun with your life. Focus on enjoying yourself and not on getting a girlfriend and your happiness and joy in life will radiate to women and they will want to be with you. Forget the pick-up lines and the trying to analyse everything. Also, it's completely not true that women don't like shy guys. I actually don't like guys I don't know coming up to me and trying to pick me up. I prefer to have someone try to just be my friend first and see what happens.

This happened to me too with a Sag male... a really long time ago.. We talked maybe like 3 years later haha but thats it he just wanted to do it again. So I don't really know what to tell you just I hope it was good sex and forget about him.

To be honest, it could be something simple like "your coochie/breath was stinking/loose/funny looking" or something.

Haha sags are emotionally retarded🙂

You are a such a douchebag. That is why you get friend-zoned. I mean that with love? 🙂

Don't get me wrong...you seem like you probably have good conversation - well spoken - plenty to talk about...you could be the perfect man.friend.





But wow. 😄😄😄😄😄😄
Give it up babydoll

Please don't cry. ♥

LOL whatever. 🙂

You and your "community." You're killin me

I thought you were talking about being a volunteer at first, with all that community talk nonsense...and I was like "wow that's just like that Wedding Crashers movie, except he meet girls volunteering, and they sleep with him cause they're totally into charity causes."
Hahahahahaha & now I'm thinking you should really try that. Really. Girls who volunteer are used to doing stuff for the greater good. :X




I'm dying over here

I hope you don't take this personally, or I'm seriously going to hell.

I hid my post after giving it some thought, people have to do what they have to do these days, PUA may not be all that but if it works for people and prevents men from being lonely, angry and frustrated hey well it is what it is...

K yeah so after I was a total bitch...I heard about the PA gym murderer George Sodini....


😢 I gues it is pretty serious when you get friend-zoned all the time

I totally understand where you're coming from. They're just different. I'm getting involved with a Sagg and he cancelled our 1st date last weekend. I was sooo bummed out and thought he had already lost interest, found someone else, etc, etc. Turns out he had the flu!

Saggs aren't THAT complicated. Give them space to breathe and they'll feel ready to talk. They are very private people and can't stand being "pestered". Besides, a confident, strong women turns them on like no other (even if you're faking).