I don't understand this Sag behavior

This topic was created in the Sagittarius forum by Run262 on Thursday, March 27, 2008 and has 5 replies.
I've recently started dating this Sag male. It's a long story as to how we met and how we've gotten to this point; suffice it say we met when he had a girlfriend he was on the verge of letting go, which he recently finally did about a month ago. The girl friend, ex I should say, is a cancer. I'm an Aries. He and I hit it off from the beginning and have continued to grow more closer to each other over time - it's a match made in heaven.
Since he broke it off with her, she keeps calling him wanting to know where it all went wrong - which he explains to her it's just not meant to be, he fell out of interest-lets be friends. He told her when they broke that if she ever needed anything to call him. He even commented to me recently that she doesn't want to let him go. I get that he's got a giving kind heart and all and I'm fine with this arrangement, but I know the cancer is not letting go of him that easy.
Last night he called to tell me that she called him and asked if she could come over to spend the night at his house (he and I have separate houses around the block from each other) because there were too many relatives in her apartment and there was no where for her to comfortably sleep. He told her he didn't think it was a good idea and that no she couldn't. Fine. I was fine with that answer - I don't want her over at his house period.
Well, here's the problem...HE feels bad that he told her no because to him, he went back on his word to her that if she ever needed anything to give him a call. This is not a case of she needed some money, had a flat tire, or needs some general advice - she wants to sleep over!! Brief history between the two of them: she slept over a lot at his house when they were together for the very same reason on a weekly basis. I think she's using this as an excuse to see him - remember, she won't let go - she's a crab.
I don't question whether he feels bad - I know he's got a big heart but I'm not okay with this. He tells me there's nothing there, that nothing would happen if she did sleep over and that if I trust him (I do) it shouldn't be a problem. I told him though, if this starts to become a habit with her I'm gone - I won't share. He and I are well established with jobs, house and money - the cancer ex is not. He feels sorry for her but I also think he's enabling her if he lets her sleep over.
Can someone explain or give some insight on his angle - maybe I'm missing something. His moon is in cancer too. Great.
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Multiple comments
(1) Cancer - Sag combo is one of the hardest romantic relationships; your Sag should find you, Aries, to be a lot easier!! If for nothing else, your sun lights up his 5th house of romance & creativity.
(2) Sag is the sign of the bachelor. So while he doesn't intend on sleeping with her, he's probably equally non-committal about giving up a friendship with her altogether ESPECIALLY as a result of an ultimatum. Moreover, given his big heart and the fact, as you note, he's on sounder footing these days than his ex, he may feel as though he can't just cut this girl out of his life altogether.
(3) Notwithstanding (2), MyEulogy is right - his ex should stay with one of her girlfriends in these sort of situations and not cause your boyfriend an unnecessary headache. It's implicitly very manipulative.
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Thanks for all the replies - appreciate the candid thoughts. I'm not really worried, I made it perfectly clear to him that I'm not okay with her staying over at his house, no matter how big his heart is - he was very receptive to my comment, didn't take offense and really appreciated my honesty (go figure), sometimes they do miss the obvious - if anything, hell, I told him I would chip in and buy her an extra bed to have on hand for these situations.
I was over at his house last night to watch a movie, it ran late and he asked me to spend the night, which I did, but just prior to us turning in for the evening, SHE called - I gave him his privacy to take the call but I could definitely hear his voice when he was on the phone - man she was really emotionally trying to manipulate him in to feeling bad - she just won't let go (his words), but I was proud of him, he stood his ground.
Time, this is just going to take time - in the meantime, he and I agreed to just enjoy this journey we find ourselves on - no pressures, no expectations, just the future and moving forward to where ever it may take us.
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Yikes.. she's a cancer?! Well, I don't know if she's just being naive, but if she calls him like that it means she still cares for him and feels attached to him. I'm a cancer with moon in sag.. so I can kind of understand where they're both coming from. It's hard to walk away from a relationship especially if one person still likes the other.
It's a good sign that he didn't allow her to come over. He made it clear that, that isn't appropriate, and she should get the message.. but he must continue to keep his ground if that's to happen.
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jrssou - funny.
Crabcake - thanks for the input and you're right, she cares for him and doesn't want to let go and as long as he continues to be too kind and too open hearted to her, she's just going to continue to hang on. While I understand he doesn't want to hurt her, he's not really doing her any favors either by constantly leaving the door somewhat cracked and keeping her hopes up.
She continued to call this weekend leaving messages on his home phone. He actually talked to her Friday night right before we were going out to dinner. She wanted to know if he would join her for dinner, of course he declined but said "since we agreed to be friends and I don't want to fight anymore, if you want, you can come over Sunday afternoon to play some cards." (This is something they did for fun). 15 minutes later she called him back, he let it go to the answering machine, and she starts ranting, raving and then crying about how horrible a person he is for not letting her know sooner they wouldn't be going out to dinner (huh?), how she never wants to see him again, and to never call HER again and then hangs up. WHAT THA HELL was that about??
Sunday morning, he and I are sitting at his house having coffee, enjoying our conversation - his phone rings, goes to voice mail and it's HER ranting and raving about how he hurt her, crying, on and on for about 3 minutes!!! Hangs up.
I told him Friday night - as long as he tries to be friends with her, that this behavior will continue. Maybe they can be friends, I don't want him to hurt anyone - he's not that kind of a guy, but for now, he needs to break off all communication at least for several months until she gets over this.
He has told her flat out and directly as possible how he feels, what he wants and what he doesn't want. It's getting through but he keeps leaving the door a little cracked to avoid hurting her which in turn keeps her claws firmly planted hanging on. He's trying his hardest to make this easy for her and it's just backfiring and pissing him off. I know what she's going through - the basic pain of a broken heart - and it sucks - we've all been there. There is no easy way I guess only time.
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