Learning to Adult
This topic was created in the Sagittarius forum by herlimbicmind on Monday, December 28, 2015 and has 2 replies.
I have always had an unrealistic view of love, I think. I'm some what of a hopeless romantic and believe very much in romantic gestures and the ye olde kind of love and devotion. Perhaps my greatest disappointment comes from my dream man being a granola version of Mr. Darcy as I see so much of myself as Lizzie.
My love life has been a series of disappointments and I'd venture to say that my cousin is pretty accurate in saying that I have a hard time letting go. It is very true, I hold onto things and there is one part of me that craves change and another part of me that is paralyzed with fear of it.
I tend to live in my head, as well. I stay single quite some time, mostly because I have a fantasy in my head that comforts the lonely moments. My favorite one is imagining involves one particular person and what kind of father he'd be. I've got to see him grow with my own daughter who adores him and I can't help but feel like I've set her up for disappointment by encouraging her love of him. I couldn't help it, the idea of having a home with him and having more children and her calling him Dad completely felt right. But if I'm honest with myself, there has been no basis whatsoever for that fantasy.
I think about the past moments and the moments I know he was marveled by what I've accomplished and how I work, but then I think of the countless moments that I've listened to him give me his best 'just friends' speech. I just couldn't let go of that fantasy.
Sitting across the table, with morning tea, discussing the deep issues with society. He has this brilliant way of making me see things in a completely new light and it fuels a completely different fire of knowledge. I want to watch him and his eccentric musings with my little one. I want to help him succeed and I want to see him happy. I want to help on the farm and I want to raise a beautiful family. But again, that's a fantasy.
This particular individual feels the same way about his first love and though there were barriers to that relationship and I am currently left in the dark about the current situation occurring it appears that they are together in some way shape or form. I thought that would shatter my heart and I thought that I'd be unable to fathom it... but now, living under the assumption that it is a happening thing for the two of them, I'm shocked with myself.
I'm not devastated. I'm a little sad, yes, because I don't want to let go of that dream, but I'm actually okay with it all. And then it occurred to me that that's what love is, ya know? I just want him to be happy, even if it isn't me that does it for him. Seeing his smile in these photos she posted.. how could I be selfish enough to be angry about that? I am curious about the 'serendipity' that took place to arrange it. But if this makes him feel 'butterflies' and makes him happy, I want that for him. In fact, I want that same happiness and maybe it doesn't happen with him and you know, that's OKAY!
I felt jaded
My love life has been a series of disappointments and I'd venture to say that my cousin is pretty accurate in saying that I have a hard time letting go. It is very true, I hold onto things and there is one part of me that craves change and another part of me that is paralyzed with fear of it.
I tend to live in my head, as well. I stay single quite some time, mostly because I have a fantasy in my head that comforts the lonely moments. My favorite one is imagining involves one particular person and what kind of father he'd be. I've got to see him grow with my own daughter who adores him and I can't help but feel like I've set her up for disappointment by encouraging her love of him. I couldn't help it, the idea of having a home with him and having more children and her calling him Dad completely felt right. But if I'm honest with myself, there has been no basis whatsoever for that fantasy.
I think about the past moments and the moments I know he was marveled by what I've accomplished and how I work, but then I think of the countless moments that I've listened to him give me his best 'just friends' speech. I just couldn't let go of that fantasy.
Sitting across the table, with morning tea, discussing the deep issues with society. He has this brilliant way of making me see things in a completely new light and it fuels a completely different fire of knowledge. I want to watch him and his eccentric musings with my little one. I want to help him succeed and I want to see him happy. I want to help on the farm and I want to raise a beautiful family. But again, that's a fantasy.
This particular individual feels the same way about his first love and though there were barriers to that relationship and I am currently left in the dark about the current situation occurring it appears that they are together in some way shape or form. I thought that would shatter my heart and I thought that I'd be unable to fathom it... but now, living under the assumption that it is a happening thing for the two of them, I'm shocked with myself.
I'm not devastated. I'm a little sad, yes, because I don't want to let go of that dream, but I'm actually okay with it all. And then it occurred to me that that's what love is, ya know? I just want him to be happy, even if it isn't me that does it for him. Seeing his smile in these photos she posted.. how could I be selfish enough to be angry about that? I am curious about the 'serendipity' that took place to arrange it. But if this makes him feel 'butterflies' and makes him happy, I want that for him. In fact, I want that same happiness and maybe it doesn't happen with him and you know, that's OKAY!
I felt jaded
I felt jaded at first and a little hurt because he doesn't make time for us like he does for her, but it doesn't even have to do with her. It has to do with him and I. I more than likely have pushed the feels on him one time too many and it makes him nervous, the fault is my own, and yet I also know that he is very indifferent and I know that but I want more and I can't fault him for not being able to give that to me. I remember when we'd go weeks talking on AIM when I got home from work at night and I've learned that I am more thankful for the memories than anything else.
However, all of this has made me realize that I don't want to settle for anything less than magic. And when I say that I mean that I want to feel like when someone looks at me, I'm magic. I inspire them and I want someone to see me for the huge heart that I am. I want someone who will be a beautiful example to my daughter that will help me show her the love she deserves and what she should strive for.
People say that everything happens for a reason and I'm finding that to be true in my older age. Even if it doesn't work out for them and even if they aren't together and I'm living under a huge blanket of assumption, at least I have this clarity and understanding.
However, all of this has made me realize that I don't want to settle for anything less than magic. And when I say that I mean that I want to feel like when someone looks at me, I'm magic. I inspire them and I want someone to see me for the huge heart that I am. I want someone who will be a beautiful example to my daughter that will help me show her the love she deserves and what she should strive for.
People say that everything happens for a reason and I'm finding that to be true in my older age. Even if it doesn't work out for them and even if they aren't together and I'm living under a huge blanket of assumption, at least I have this clarity and understanding.
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
Hello Pisceans, I am a virgo male ( Yes but not the critical, harsh you would define !). I have changed and adapted to my surroundings after reading online how we are naturally programmed to completely destroy things around us. The Issue: I have fallen
@virgomax
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 19
Do you ever hinder your current relationships because you are hanging on to people you once loved? Or sabotage yourself from truly loving because you are hanging on to past love. I mean like 5 years in the past love. I have experienced this with 3 Gemini
@ladylibra21
Joined: Jul 09, 2015 · Topics: 377 · Posts: 3024
What are your experiences? Is it comparable to Venus square Pluto? I have read a lot about it and have my own ideas and theories, and now I would like yours, if possible.
@HappyCapper
Joined: Mar 07, 2015 · Topics: 88 · Posts: 5190
I wanted to share this with you, because heart attacks in females are significantly different from heart attacks in males and the symptoms and process aren't really well known. Please read if you're a girl, or if you live with one. http://capriciousecl
@fauxfuchsia
Joined: Dec 08, 2015 · Topics: 39 · Posts: 343
as promise I am publishing this in honor of the Holy Spirit Promise to Publish Prayer 3 Day Miracle Prayer to the Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, you who make me see everything, And show me the way to reach my ideal, You, who give me the Divine gift
@itsmecharme
Joined: Dec 26, 2015 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 4
Hope you've all had a wonderful 2015 full of happiness, sadness, bitterness, accomplishment etc etc. To new stories, experiences, fun and laughter :) Any new years resolutions? Do you guys believe in new years resolutions? Personally I just think
@aquasnoz
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 · Topics: 100 · Posts: 10167
I recently cut off an Aquarius, before I even let it be known that the predicament that we were in is done (FWB), he felt a way and mentions that "we haven't talked in a month" as a response from me telling him "If you would've "cut me off" you could've a
@jerseycapricorn
Joined: Jul 03, 2015 · Topics: 14 · Posts: 66
They keep telling me what to do!!! :(
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
@BIRDY
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 2
Hey I'm an aquarius my name is ashley I have this leo that I known from online for about 9 months now and we're just bestfriends but I like him a lot and we are close if you mean he does tell me when something's wrong in his life sometimes he ven came st
@Ashxx
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 1