Sag men and their 'space'

So I posted before about this Sag guy I've started dating.
For the first 13 days (I shit you not) he texted me or called me everyday, multiple times a day. The weekend we met, he said the next two weeks were going to be insanely busy as he has exams and work. Still he'd get in touch every day and night, sometimes talking until midnight.
Then 4 days to go until exams and he goes a bit quiet. I figure he's studying. I keep quiet and give him the space. I didn't hear from him again until five days later when his exams were finished... he texted that night to say hello and then went to bed. I understand all that. I get why he was quiet. Then, he must have still been busy at work because then I only got short messages from him in the evenings. Then on thursday night he sends me a message asking if I want to do coffee on monday (tomorrow), so i say yes and ask why coffee... he says he hasan't seen me in ages and he wants to catch up and spend time with me. Cool... ok... then I tell him I've included him in the headcount of people I want to enjoy my bday cake with on Friday coming (6th), he says, that would be nice. Then he tells me he's going away for a few days as he's had a nightmare week. So he says he's leaving the next day. Ok cool... I tell him he deserves his break after all his hard work and stress.
Then on Friday I text him to ask what time he is flying out and wish him an awesome weekend. No reply and no contact since...

Is it just a space thing? Do I just hang back and be cool with him getting lost on an adventure and not getting in contact... or should I take it as a sign that his interest is waning? So far, I've taken it as a freedom thing... I've put myself in that position and if it were me -- I'm big on freedom and spontaneity -- and I would probably also not get in touch with him. I'd like to not feel like I'm on anyone's leash.

Do Sag guys test?? Like cancers and scorps test... I would hate to think I'm being tested when I'm choosing to be supportive and understanding.

Also... he sent me this blas? message the one saturday before exams saying "Hi, I've been thinking about it a lot and I think we need to tone down the sexual interaction. We've only just met and need to form a friendship and emotional connection first." I asked him why... he said he wants to have a clear head. We havent even taken our clothes off together yet, our hands haven't been in each others pants or anything like that. We do talk openly about sex though...

He has said he is very particular about who he has sexual relations with and although we talk about our fantasies, we have not been sexting. What gives... between the going quiet and the toning down the sexual aspect a bit...??

I essentially see the logic you are conveying, about 'focus' being in men's DNA. I will remember that. It is funny though because after day 13 of all the contact ( I have been single for 7 years and I only even check in with my best friend once a week or every second week... I'm very independent) I told him that I enjoyed our connection and that I'm not used to talking to someone everyday, and that I was going to be quiet for the next day or so. I assured him I wasn't going anywhere and that I was just going to be quiet. Even over that day and a half of me not making contact... he still sent me messages several times a day. Which I thought was very sweet. I still didn't respond though... I had to do it for me, and do you know what... I missed him!

I don't have a problem with the freedom and space he requires. I also don't have a problem with him wanting to tone down the sexual aspect... I just want to know, if while he is in 'his space' I am handling it right by giving it to him and trusting that he will get in touch when he is ready... or if I should let him know I am thinking of him and hoping he's enjoying himself...

At the same time, I don't want to come across as though I'm chasing him... I mean... If we're going to talk about gender DNA... men are the hunters and women are the hunted. So i don't want to throw myself at him.

Lol... and to be clear... I'm an Aries... thousands of years ago I would probably been off hunting with the men too! I gag at the idea of weaving baskets and wot not with the other women. haha. I'm also big on my freedom, space and individuality. Which is why I understand his need to get lost for a few days.

With regards to the toning down of the sexual aspect... I want to know if I'm being friendzoned. I mean... coffee does sound kinda platonic...
I asked him about why the coffee and it seems very platonic and he assured me it wasn't the case. He said he wanted to have a coffee, catch up and spend time with me. 'Coffee' made me feel like I was being summoned to the headmaster's office for bad news. I know those are my issues and not his. It's my perspective.

I've never met a guy like him... I do like him.

@Lenore

Lol what?

I don't totally disagree with what you are saying here, as I see space as a good thing. But come on. If a guy is really into you he will continue to keep communication with you even when he is busy. I've been seeing a guy for almost a year now and even on his busiest days he texts me to say hi and has done so since the day we met. You can always tell when a guys interest is waning when you notice a decrease in level of communication. I understand some guys will not text purposely to "play the game", which I have no time for. A real man tells it like it is.

When a guy likes you he wants to hear from you, he wants to be near you. And btw that's cool he said he wanted to tone it down. My guy and I have had to tell each other that in the past and it's nice because a relationship shouldn't be based on sexual things. Not that there can't be some fun time 🙂

Oh and as an aside my guy is an aries and I am a sag so Idk if that helps. We're kinda opposites 😛

Posted by Lenore0908
I've dated a man who was trying to get married, the guy was head over heels for me and we didn't talk everyday. we were both getting our doctorates, do you think we had time for love-dovey chit chat on the phone everyday? No because we were too busy trying to PASS ridiculously hard exams and get through this crazy program.

Bingo! While we get a bad rep for nit working, the majority of us are career oriented and take it seriously. We do like space for our other interests as well. Its not that we don't love you or want to be with you, but we think that relationships should have some sort of balance.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Lenore0908
I've dated a man who was trying to get married, the guy was head over heels for me and we didn't talk everyday. we were both getting our doctorates, do you think we had time for love-dovey chit chat on the phone everyday? No because we were too busy trying to PASS ridiculously hard exams and get through this crazy program.

Bingo! While we get a bad rep for nit working, the majority of us are career oriented and take it seriously. We do like space for our other interests as well. Its not that we don't love you or want to be with you, but we think that relationships should have some sort of balance.

click to expand

Thank you for your input BS74. I have read a quote I've seen many tiimes and I understood it for the first time the other day. "Man's love and man's life are a thing apart. T'is women's whole existence." It seems kinda DUH! at first but being a women... I didn't understand that a man's life and his love are two different universe's pretty much in which he can't exist in both simultaneously. Am I wrong or right on this?

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Lenore0908
I've dated a man who was trying to get married, the guy was head over heels for me and we didn't talk everyday. we were both getting our doctorates, do you think we had time for love-dovey chit chat on the phone everyday? No because we were too busy trying to PASS ridiculously hard exams and get through this crazy program.

Bingo! While we get a bad rep for nit working, the majority of us are career oriented and take it seriously. We do like space for our other interests as well. Its not that we don't love you or want to be with you, but we think that relationships should have some sort of balance.

click to expand

THANK YOU! I love hearing opinions about men, from men, Leonore was preety on point tho as well!!!

All this "If he is really into you he will MAKE time". Sometimes life/ is not THAT darn easy!!! I learned this the hard way.....

Posted by lotuslily

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Lenore0908
I've dated a man who was trying to get married, the guy was head over heels for me and we didn't talk everyday. we were both getting our doctorates, do you think we had time for love-dovey chit chat on the phone everyday? No because we were too busy trying to PASS ridiculously hard exams and get through this crazy program.

Bingo! While we get a bad rep for nit working, the majority of us are career oriented and take it seriously. We do like space for our other interests as well. Its not that we don't love you or want to be with you, but we think that relationships should have some sort of balance.

Thank you for your input BS74. I have read a quote I've seen many tiimes and I understood it for the first time the other day. "Man's love and man's life are a thing apart. T'is women's whole existence." It seems kinda DUH! at first but being a women... I didn't understand that a man's life and his love are two different universe's pretty much in which he can't exist in both simultaneously. Am I wrong or right on this?

click to expand

You're welcome. 🙂 I will say its not a question of right or wrong on your part but how you view it. Its a complete picture for us and not "two halves of a whole." We love our S.O. the most.

Posted by Lenore0908
A man who is really focused and really trying to successful at something doesn't USUALLY have time to be under a woman 24/7. He may not even have time to see you at a few weeks at a time. It really depends on what he is doing and how taxing it is. If he works at a movie theater that is different than him trying to start a business, be a doctor, be a high standing politician. You have to put yourself in your mans shoes sometimes. But if that doesn't work for you, move on. Find a guy with more free time.

PREACH!!!! THis is so true!

Posted by Lenore0908
A man who is really focused and really trying to successful at something doesn't USUALLY have time to be under a woman 24/7. He may not even have time to see you at a few weeks at a time. It really depends on what he is doing and how taxing it is. If he works at a movie theater that is different than him trying to start a business, be a doctor, be a high standing politician. You have to put yourself in your mans shoes sometimes. But if that doesn't work for you, move on. Find a guy with more free time.

I completely agree with this as me and my aries are doing the same. We see each other only once a week, but there is not any second guessing. We both know where we stand and the communication is there. I'm sorry if my comment offended you. That was not my intention.

So, update on this situation...
We are no longer dating. We are getting to know each other as friends while he completes his degree, which he says will be in four months. He goes from work, to night school and has enormous amounts of course work to get through and is at it every night... or so he's led me to believe.
He still checks in every other day and has a quick chat and the other night he phoned and told me he was taking me out to dinner. it was wonderful. the connection is still there. we both said it. He said he still wants things to develop between us in and emotional way and a physical way, but he wants them to develop properly and right so that a good foundation is built.

If a Sag guy is saying this, do I believe him? My heart wants to love him so much, and I think a part of it does already.
I hurt myself the other day ( I fell and injured my knee and couldnt walk on it and it was all swollen) and he offered to take me to the doctor and pay for the consultation too. He then sent messages over the next few days asking how my knee was and I'd send him pics and he said he was glad to see it was getting better.

What do you guys think?