WTF is this sh*t?
This topic was created in the Sagittarius forum by Astrobyn on Tuesday, June 21, 2022 and has 44 replies.
"I waited a while to say this but _____ and I were not working out so I moved out last year. I am not sure what your relationship status is but I wouldn't mind entertaining us talking again and seeing where it goes. Obviously, long-distance relationships are hard and you would need to not hate me so there are definitely some really big challenges. I would be lying if I said this hasn't been on my mind for a while. What's your opinion?"
Hate him for what? leaving me pregnant? And not seeing his kid since she was 3 days old?
what is wrong with your people?
Hate him for what? leaving me pregnant? And not seeing his kid since she was 3 days old?
what is wrong with your people?
Wow.
What's his sign?
What's his sign?
Be all cordial and ask him where he is staying. Get the address and then serve him the child support papers.
Nevermind just saw this was in the Sag forum.
Posted by SeaLion
Wow.
What's his sign?
Sag Aqua moon
But yeah the nerve to ignore his own kid but then ask you to entertain a ld romantic relationship. Absolutely shocked his other relationship didn't pan out *not
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
Posted by LadyNeptune
Be all cordial and ask him where he is staying. Get the address and then serve him the child support papers.
all that is taken care of, you know us bulls are about our business.
Posted by saggurl88
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
I think he did try to tell me like 6 months ago, but i didn't bite. He was like "my situation has changed and I will be in Dallas for Christmas and would like to see her if that's would be ok?" and I was like that's cool but we live in another state now.
Posted by AstrobynOk good. He legit sounds like my sisters sag ex. But that dude is delusional on another level. He will go to her work and leave flowers and notes on her car or at the front desk. She has a restraining order against him and they are only supposed to communicate on the parenting app monitored by the court or state or whatever. She's like, stop buying me crap I don't want. Save your money and pay the child care bill.Posted by LadyNeptune
Be all cordial and ask him where he is staying. Get the address and then serve him the child support papers.
all that is taken care of, you know us bulls are about our business.click to expand
Sag sun Pisces moon, rip these placements they are a horrible combo. At least on this brain broken dude.
Posted by AstrobynIt's a good thing if he is finally trying to be a part of his childs life, but that doesn't mean you have to have him back.Posted by saggurl88
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
I think he did try to tell me like 6 months ago, but i didn't bite. He was like "my situation has changed and I will be in Dallas for Christmas and would like to see her if that's would be ok?" and I was like that's cool but we live in another state now.click to expand
Posted by saggurl88Posted by AstrobynPosted by saggurl88
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
I think he did try to tell me like 6 months ago, but i didn't bite. He was like "my situation has changed and I will be in Dallas for Christmas and would like to see her if that's would be ok?" and I was like that's cool but we live in another state now.
It's a good thing if he is finally trying to be a part of his childs life, but that doesn't mean you have to have him back.click to expand
I feel like this puts it on me to navigate this in a way that I don't limit any opportunities for my child's relationship with her shitty ass father. which I will get to contemplate for hours now.
Do you want him in your child’s life?
Posted by MyStarsShine
Do you want him in your child’s life?
idk, she does.
Posted by AstrobynHow old is she?Posted by MyStarsShine
Do you want him in your child’s life?
idk, she does.click to expand
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by AstrobynPosted by MyStarsShine
Do you want him in your child’s life?
idk, she does.
How old is she?click to expand
just turned 5
Posted by AstrobynSo maybe you find a way that he can have a relationship with her of some kind. If it was just you and him, it’d be different..Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by AstrobynPosted by MyStarsShine
Do you want him in your child’s life?
idk, she does.
How old is she?
just turned 5click to expand
Posted by AstrobynIt comes down to compromising with him and not holding any grudges when it comes to what happened in the relationship. If he's a decent guy and you think it will benefit your child to see him, then it's something to work on, IMO.Posted by saggurl88Posted by AstrobynPosted by saggurl88
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
I think he did try to tell me like 6 months ago, but i didn't bite. He was like "my situation has changed and I will be in Dallas for Christmas and would like to see her if that's would be ok?" and I was like that's cool but we live in another state now.
It's a good thing if he is finally trying to be a part of his childs life, but that doesn't mean you have to have him back.
I feel like this puts it on me to navigate this in a way that I don't limit any opportunities for my child's relationship with her shitty ass father. which I will get to contemplate for hours now.click to expand
It sucks that he couldn't be there from day one. But better late then never, I think. As long as he's willing to stay in her life, now that he's trying to see her.
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
And I disagree about the not holding grudges thing. Hold a grudge. Don't bad mouth him to your kid of course. But that is why you have us. Venting is healthy. This culture of forgiveness being the burden of the wronged is some bs.
Posted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.click to expand
I'm pretty sure my dad programed me to be tuned into and attract that kind of communication from men, and interpret it as their insecurity that I need to provide grace and acceptance to help them feel more comfortable.
Posted by KachiIf I was op I would keep a record of conversations and timeline of events on an external drive or wherever. Eventually kid will be old enough to want to connect with their dad who will rewrite history to make you out to be the bad parent who kept him away or whatevs.Posted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.click to expand
Best thing my sister did was involve the police so there is a record in the future of what went down. She didn't want to and they did fuck all to help of course. But it was all about establishing on public record to show that she did the right thing to protect her kid from his dick head father. Good luck being a history revisionist a decade on with the public record showing what a piece of shit you were.
My advice to her is always to make it about the kid. You want to entertain a relationship with me? Have a relationship with your kid, put your effort there! Always circle the conversation back to the kiddo.
Posted by AstrobynTime to break the cycle once and for all for your kid. Your dad programed you. Don't allow her dad to program her.Posted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.
I'm pretty sure my dad programed me to be tuned into and attract that kind of communication from men, and interpret it as their insecurity that I need to provide grace and acceptance to help them feel more comfortable.click to expand
Main reason my sister is no longer with her baby's dad. He grew up in home witnessing domestic abuse on the daily. She wanted better for her son. For herself as well but she would've probably stuck around longer and taken more abuse. But having her son gave her the strength to demand more.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.
If I was op I would keep a record of conversations and timeline of events on an external drive or wherever. Eventually kid will be old enough to want to connect with their dad who will rewrite history to make you out to be the bad parent who kept him away or whatevs.
Best thing my sister did was involve the police so there is a record in the future of what went down. She didn't want to and they did fuck all to help of course. But it was all about establishing on public record to show that she did the right thing to protect her kid from his dick head father. Good luck being a history revisionist a decade on with the public record showing what a piece of shit you were.
My advice to her is always to make it about the kid. You want to entertain a relationship with me? Have a relationship with your kid, put your effort there! Always circle the conversation back to the kiddo.click to expand
All communication is always done through email
Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
Posted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.click to expand
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
Posted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
I'm not triggered but shocked by how deep people seem to be willing to dig themselves into their resentment and don't see any problem with that.click to expand
can you share your perspective a little more, your point is kind of vague so I don't understand what your talking about.
Posted by AntiphatesLmao. It goes both ways when you pick a parent for your children. The children suffer the most, unfortunately.Posted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.click to expand
Posted by KachiI'd say holding a loaded gun to your head and threatening to unalive yourself in front of your toddler. Then later physically and sexually assaulting their mom in front of your kid while she is screaming for their child's help counts as threatening. Of course the cops were straight bs. Responding officer told her she needs to find it in her heart to forgive him because he, the officer, was also once a vet and was abusive towards their ex and look at him now! He's done so well in life becoming a cop who defends other abusers actions smh. She's standing there trying to comfort her kid while bleeding from the face and finger marks around her neck, ripped clothes. Cops don't do shit to stop crime, they just show up and somehow make it worse.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.
If I was op I would keep a record of conversations and timeline of events on an external drive or wherever. Eventually kid will be old enough to want to connect with their dad who will rewrite history to make you out to be the bad parent who kept him away or whatevs.
Best thing my sister did was involve the police so there is a record in the future of what went down. She didn't want to and they did fuck all to help of course. But it was all about establishing on public record to show that she did the right thing to protect her kid from his dick head father. Good luck being a history revisionist a decade on with the public record showing what a piece of shit you were.
My advice to her is always to make it about the kid. You want to entertain a relationship with me? Have a relationship with your kid, put your effort there! Always circle the conversation back to the kiddo.
Idk about cops getting involved unless there's threat but definitely keeping records and other people known about it.
People say "make it about the kid" but some people say it to make the other person feel guilty. You have to determine if having a child meet the other parent is really about the kid or some kind of guilt. If people have to be reminded that, that's enough to tell you they aren't ready and trusted with a child. They're too reactive and impulsive.
The most I'd do for the dude is supervised visit in public areas.
There are great men out there who take accountability and responsibility for their actions. Men who avoid emotional manipulation and those are the best parental figures.
This guy said a lot about his character with just a few words.click to expand
But at least its on record and now there is a court ordered restraining order, he has court order counselling, and child visitation is monitored. Having the he said she said record of communication is not enough in her case. She needed to involve the court so that its there in black and white what went down.
Posted by KachiIf she involved the cops every time he threatened her she would have them on speed dial several times a day. Dude has been known to text her upwards of 300xs a day. Calls in the double figures. Now of course he is court ordered not to contact her at all except through the monitored parents texting app but he will call from random numbers now to her work phone and harass her.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by KachiPosted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
It isn't your guilt to carry. I know society says a lot about a child needing a mother and father figure but rarely do people discuss the kind of parental figure.
How he communicates with you should be indicative of his behavior not just to you but in general.
As LN said it seems that it was out of convenience for him and that goes back to him leaving you when you were pregnant.
He doesn't sound like he has any guilt for leaving you and not seeing his child after. It sounds like he's dangling a piece of carrot and making things go his way.
When you see that he's ready to be a constant parental figure who takes accountability and responsibility, then introduce him to his daughter or at least when she's old enough to manage her own feelings. Right now your daughter needs emotionally strong figures in her life.
People feel guilty when it's not even theirs and end up absolving themselves of that guilt by giving in.
He left. He should crawl back and beg to be in your life and your daughter's life. Instead he's making you feel as if the little attention he's given you is a gift. How insulting.
If I was op I would keep a record of conversations and timeline of events on an external drive or wherever. Eventually kid will be old enough to want to connect with their dad who will rewrite history to make you out to be the bad parent who kept him away or whatevs.
Best thing my sister did was involve the police so there is a record in the future of what went down. She didn't want to and they did fuck all to help of course. But it was all about establishing on public record to show that she did the right thing to protect her kid from his dick head father. Good luck being a history revisionist a decade on with the public record showing what a piece of shit you were.
My advice to her is always to make it about the kid. You want to entertain a relationship with me? Have a relationship with your kid, put your effort there! Always circle the conversation back to the kiddo.
Idk about cops getting involved unless there's threat but definitely keeping records and other people known about it.
People say "make it about the kid" but some people say it to make the other person feel guilty. You have to determine if having a child meet the other parent is really about the kid or some kind of guilt. If people have to be reminded that, that's enough to tell you they aren't ready and trusted with a child. They're too reactive and impulsive.
The most I'd do for the dude is supervised visit in public areas.
There are great men out there who take accountability and responsibility for their actions. Men who avoid emotional manipulation and those are the best parental figures.
This guy said a lot about his character with just a few words.
I'd say holding a loaded gun to your head and threatening to unalive yourself in front of your toddler. Then later physically and sexually assaulting their mom in front of your kid while she is screaming for their child's help counts as threatening. Of course the cops were straight bs. Responding officer told her she needs to find it in her heart to forgive him because he, the officer, was also once a vet and was abusive towards their ex and look at him now! He's done so well in life becoming a cop who defends other abusers actions smh. She's standing there trying to comfort her kid while bleeding from the face and finger marks around her neck, ripped clothes. Cops don't do shit to stop crime, they just show up and somehow make it worse.
But at least its on record and now there is a court ordered restraining order, he has court order counselling, and child visitation is monitored. Having the he said she said record of communication is not enough in her case. She needed to involve the court so that its there in black and white what went down.
Yeah, in that scenario sure. I find that they have poor de-escalation skills or have none at all. If anything they instigate and abuse their power.
Saving convos for record and hiring a lawyer is a start.
Involve cops the minute he make threats.
Idk, joking the mental circus worsens such situations. Some people are full of empty threats and need it to be loaded by doing the back and forth. It's insane when people switch the script making the responsible parent sound insane and feel ashamed to tell others they're being abused.click to expand
In the past she didn't want to involve police or the custody court because she wanted to keep things as civil as possible and have his presence in her kids life, even at the detriment to her own safety. But waving a loaded weapon around her kid and then threatening to kill himself in front of her kid was really the final straw. If you knew the whole backstory its much more heartbreaking and manipulative of him but I am already taking over the thread so that will have to be saved for another day, another topic.
Posted by AstrobynIDK why you all care about our resident loners opinion. All he can do is give his understanding to other men being absentee fathers because no woman would willingly give him the chance to be an absentee father himself. He's in no danger of that.Posted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
I'm not triggered but shocked by how deep people seem to be willing to dig themselves into their resentment and don't see any problem with that.
can you share your perspective a little more, your point is kind of vague so I don't understand what your talking about.click to expand
Dude feels 'horrified' that women have resentment towards the dude who abandons his child. But doesn't care kid was abandoned in the first place. Can't fix that kind of brain broken.
Posted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
I'm not triggered but shocked by how deep people seem to be willing to dig themselves into their resentment and don't see any problem with that.
can you share your perspective a little more, your point is kind of vague so I don't understand what your talking about.
Not really, because it doesn't go deeper than reading what was written and feeling horrified.
I could rationalize myself out of this but for me people who are willing to consistently put in effort to control a narrative twenty years in the future out of the fear that the father might "program" the child just by having a different perspective simply doesn't feel right or healthy. It is the very rare kind of vibe that makes me avoid a person at every cost.click to expand
I think the fear wasn't about perspective but the fear the other parent or the uninvolved parent would lie about those reasons or blame the involved parent.
Its a really difficult and sensitive thing to understand, why would a parent reject you? and it can/has an very big impacts on someone's life. most often that alternative narrative is just the same narrative that justifies how the uninvolved parent stays uninvolved.
Honestly I would show my kid every piece of evidence to contradict said delusional narrative to prevent my child from taking on delusional narratives like that in her own life and her responsibly. Also she has a Pisces moon so already got to watch out for that.
Posted by Astrobyn
"I waited a while to say this but _____ and I were not working out so I moved out last year. I am not sure what your relationship status is but I wouldn't mind entertaining us talking again and seeing where it goes. Obviously, long-distance relationships are hard and you would need to not hate me so there are definitely some really big challenges. I would be lying if I said this hasn't been on my mind for a while. What's your opinion?"
Hate him for what? leaving me pregnant? And not seeing his kid since she was 3 days old?
what is wrong with your people?
So non chilant lol
But the OP hasn't even tried to, so far as we know, to spin the narrative any which way. The kid still wants to see dad, no?
Sags can’t be trusted isn’t true. We are pretty loyal if you don’t feel stuck in a situation.
Pisces placements with sag is asking for disillusioned behavior…
Mmmm… maybe he feels in a better position to be in a committed relationship with his child.
Children aren’t always by choice, but it’s usually the woman who Carries the burden if both parents aren’t receptive to rearing a child.
If he’s ready and showing consistency, while it’s not his right to ask you to turn the other cheek, if the child is asking to see their dad and he’s not a danger, pride has to go out the window imo
Pisces placements with sag is asking for disillusioned behavior…
Mmmm… maybe he feels in a better position to be in a committed relationship with his child.
Children aren’t always by choice, but it’s usually the woman who Carries the burden if both parents aren’t receptive to rearing a child.
If he’s ready and showing consistency, while it’s not his right to ask you to turn the other cheek, if the child is asking to see their dad and he’s not a danger, pride has to go out the window imo
Sags can’t be trusted isn’t true. We are pretty loyal if you don’t feel stuck in a situation.
Pisces placements with sag is asking for disillusioned behavior…
Mmmm… maybe he feels in a better position to be in a committed relationship with his child.
Children aren’t always by choice, but it’s usually the woman who Carries the burden if both parents aren’t receptive to rearing a child.
If he’s ready and showing consistency, while it’s not his right to ask you to turn the other cheek, if the child is asking to see their dad and he’s not a danger, pride has to go out the window imo
Pisces placements with sag is asking for disillusioned behavior…
Mmmm… maybe he feels in a better position to be in a committed relationship with his child.
Children aren’t always by choice, but it’s usually the woman who Carries the burden if both parents aren’t receptive to rearing a child.
If he’s ready and showing consistency, while it’s not his right to ask you to turn the other cheek, if the child is asking to see their dad and he’s not a danger, pride has to go out the window imo
Posted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
I'm not triggered but shocked by how deep people seem to be willing to dig themselves into their resentment and don't see any problem with that.
can you share your perspective a little more, your point is kind of vague so I don't understand what your talking about.
Not really, because it doesn't go deeper than reading what was written and feeling horrified.
I could rationalize myself out of this but for me people who are willing to consistently put in effort to control a narrative twenty years in the future out of the fear that the father might "program" the child just by having a different perspective simply doesn't feel right or healthy. It is the very rare kind of vibe that makes me avoid a person at every cost.
I think the fear wasn't about perspective but the fear the other parent or the uninvolved parent would lie about those reasons or blame the involved parent.
Its a really difficult and sensitive thing to understand, why would a parent reject you? and it can/has an very big impacts on someone's life. most often that alternative narrative is just the same narrative that justifies how the uninvolved parent stays uninvolved.
Honestly I would show my kid every piece of evidence to contradict said delusional narrative to prevent my child from taking on delusional narratives like that in her own life and her responsibly. Also she has a Pisces moon so already got to watch out for that.
Sure, that is the surface level of it, but everything underneath it screams of an obsession to maintain control and dominantion over the narrative, and by extension the child.
So far no one of you even seems to have considered what dumping 20 years of personal exchanges or police files would do to the child in question.click to expand
I don't have police files or intentions. I have been completely transparent without being negative, I asked her yesterday.. what do you think about your dad? her answer was simple and accurate "he doesn't want to take care of me like you do, but he loves me and he likes me" all facts.
Posted by AstrobynPosted by saggurl88Posted by AstrobynPosted by saggurl88
Good luck, and you should move on.
It's red flag that he waited to tell you that he moved out 6 + months ago. Like you were some stalker and now he's willing to entertain it cause he's bored or settling.
Long distance relationships are very hard.
He's trying to waste more of your time.
I think he did try to tell me like 6 months ago, but i didn't bite. He was like "my situation has changed and I will be in Dallas for Christmas and would like to see her if that's would be ok?" and I was like that's cool but we live in another state now.
It's a good thing if he is finally trying to be a part of his childs life, but that doesn't mean you have to have him back.
I feel like this puts it on me to navigate this in a way that I don't limit any opportunities for my child's relationship with her shitty ass father. which I will get to contemplate for hours now.click to expand
I’m sorry, what a dick…… 🤮
But I think you have a wonderful head and heart. It’s hard to not want to totally shield your child from someone like that—but as the father, she will always wonder. It’s a great thing to put your own feelings aside and let her make those decisions for herself when the time comes. It’s hard to know that they may get hurt, but it just may be the hard truth they need—and then again, he could show up for her and make her life a little more complete, at least mentally. You never know what will happen, but you’re a gem for letting her live her life and just being there for her. Giving him a chance will definitely goes over better with her when she’s of age to understand, and it’s on him to be there for her or drop the ball. I feel like as long as you act with love and understanding, you can’t fail. It’s hard to do so with such history so bravo, maturity and time helps for sure.
As a Saq aqua, this has nothing to do with the sign btw. I am a female though, but extremely maternal. The subject is complicated though.
If a father is abusive, court is absolutely the right way to handle this.. safety first. However, men abandon children for multiple reasons. They don’t care, they do care & the mom is making it difficult, and well they just aren’t maternal & are letting mom handle. The truth is that this is about a relationship between the father & child. Problem is sometimes mothers stand in the way due to anger, hurt. But, it’s really not about them. ( still yes OP it’s a WTF on his behavior). However, if a child wants contact and the father is willing, I believe it is better in the long term to allow. It’s the child who will have to figure it out with him, and if he’s a jerk than most likely he will get cut out. We can’t protect them from this.. eventually it will happen one way or another. But who knows maybe a connection is formed that is a positive influence. Who are we as mothers to stand in the way of that?
My kids have a father who does not initiate. And it has not always been easy especially after the divorce. But it is worthwhile. I did not allow my daughter to burn the bridge when she was in middle school, and she is very happy now that I didn’t. My son’s relationship with dad is tough, but exists & his dad does come through when requested. Is it perfect? No, but nothing is in life. Worthwhile is important though.
If a father is abusive, court is absolutely the right way to handle this.. safety first. However, men abandon children for multiple reasons. They don’t care, they do care & the mom is making it difficult, and well they just aren’t maternal & are letting mom handle. The truth is that this is about a relationship between the father & child. Problem is sometimes mothers stand in the way due to anger, hurt. But, it’s really not about them. ( still yes OP it’s a WTF on his behavior). However, if a child wants contact and the father is willing, I believe it is better in the long term to allow. It’s the child who will have to figure it out with him, and if he’s a jerk than most likely he will get cut out. We can’t protect them from this.. eventually it will happen one way or another. But who knows maybe a connection is formed that is a positive influence. Who are we as mothers to stand in the way of that?
My kids have a father who does not initiate. And it has not always been easy especially after the divorce. But it is worthwhile. I did not allow my daughter to burn the bridge when she was in middle school, and she is very happy now that I didn’t. My son’s relationship with dad is tough, but exists & his dad does come through when requested. Is it perfect? No, but nothing is in life. Worthwhile is important though.
Posted by LadyNeptune
He only wanted to see your kid because he was in the area so it was convenient to him. Its not like he travelled there or planned to see her. He just reaches out all arrogant assuming you'll be grateful for the crumbs he gives when ya'll don't even live there anymore. Dude doesn't even know what city his kid lives in. That shit is wild.
I'd be cautious if I was you since he might come around for a time and then when he leaves that does far more damage to her than if he would've just stayed absent.
Ld is not an excuse to not be involved in your kids life. He could be face timing her several times a week.
Maybe instead of 'entertaining' the thought of a ld relationship with you he should try entertaining the thought of a relationship with his own kid.
👏 👏 👏 Broke that right down haha I swear if I wanna tell someone off, I’m gonna see you first lol
Posted by AstrobynContrary to popular opinion, Pisces moons aren't as delusional as people like to make them out to be. Stories can be spun, seemingly hard to reach possibiliteis entertained...sure, but it's all smoke and mirror! Underneath all that lies an exceptionally keen observer! The truth is picked up on even if on the subconscious level.Posted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by AstrobynPosted by AntiphatesPosted by saggurl88Posted by Antiphates
Jesus, after reading some of those attitudes I defintely will be more understanding of men who nope out of the lifes of their children in the future.
You know what they say about a woman scorned 😬
My two year vetting period for women jumped to 5 years by this thread alone.
I'm confused, what specifically is triggering you here?
I'm not triggered but shocked by how deep people seem to be willing to dig themselves into their resentment and don't see any problem with that.
can you share your perspective a little more, your point is kind of vague so I don't understand what your talking about.
Not really, because it doesn't go deeper than reading what was written and feeling horrified.
I could rationalize myself out of this but for me people who are willing to consistently put in effort to control a narrative twenty years in the future out of the fear that the father might "program" the child just by having a different perspective simply doesn't feel right or healthy. It is the very rare kind of vibe that makes me avoid a person at every cost.
I think the fear wasn't about perspective but the fear the other parent or the uninvolved parent would lie about those reasons or blame the involved parent.
Its a really difficult and sensitive thing to understand, why would a parent reject you? and it can/has an very big impacts on someone's life. most often that alternative narrative is just the same narrative that justifies how the uninvolved parent stays uninvolved.
Honestly I would show my kid every piece of evidence to contradict said delusional narrative to prevent my child from taking on delusional narratives like that in her own life and her responsibly. Also she has a Pisces moon so already got to watch out for that.click to expand
Other than that, wishing you the best with such delicate situation!
Posted by AntiphatesHave you entertained the possibility that this is one instance where you just might have jumped the gun and are erroneous in your assessment of the situation!? Either that or you are intent on being pugalistic and contrary?! Either way, your prerogative ...
This will look like a stretch to most people but the sentiments expressed in this thread are the same that will turn the world into what is described in this article:
https://www.thecut.com/article/cancel-culture-high-school-teens.html
The good news for the people with those sentiments is that I will no longer reply or say anything on those things in the future.
I thought about it and accepted that I can no longer do this without risking harming potential future relationships who would be unfairly harmed or judged because I the expressed sentiments left me too jaded.
I'm done trying to build those bridges.
Posted by MonaLisa26Exactly why I stopped replying to Good Morning texts.Posted by Antiphates
Well, at least he is straight to the point and one can always ask.
Think he sent one to everyone. One must fall for it...click to expand
Sending it to everyone
Posted by MonaLisa26Posted by DMVPosted by MonaLisa26Posted by Antiphates
Well, at least he is straight to the point and one can always ask.
Think he sent one to everyone. One must fall for it...
Exactly why I stopped replying to Good Morning texts.
Sending it to everyone
Nice man wants everybody be in a good mood in case later on he will decide to call a 'chosen' one (BWHAHAHA)click to expand
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