Any Scorps ever done this? If so, why?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by VirgAnne on Friday, October 18, 2013 and has 33 replies.
Scorpio pursued me and developed a connection with me. He lured me in through sending me hot pics of himself, meeting for coffee, opening up his deepest fears & the bad things that happened in his marriage, which he left years ago but is just now finally in mediation for divorce as his wife is tired of waiting for him to come back. He told me of all his failures, called me drunk & horny a few times wanting me to come to him & I said no, but talked to him for a couple hrs. He always thanked me for not letting him have his way w/me bc he was still "married & unavailable on paper". He told me he contemplated going back to his wife and yet struggled w/wanting his freedom. He's cried to me briefly, said he loves our "relationship... or... friendship" (-unquote) and asked me many times to keep it "special between us". All along I fell harder thinking he was "testing me" as all these forums say. Our many many mutual friends had to know I was falling. Some girls started to give me the cold shoulder, showing jealousy. I knew he'd had many girlfriends. He'd 'like' pics of us that I'd post on fb. He admitted getting jealous of men who spoke to me too much, then retreated and claimed he only said that bc he was drunk. Now, I posted a pic and he commented under it "it's always great to see you out" generically to make sure no one thought we were a couple. I finally flipped out and tore him a new one telling him that I'm tired of being "hidden" and downplayed in front of ppl, after we just spoke for hours a couple nights prior, and Facebk every day, and he's dumped his whole life out after 7 mos. He now claims "I feel horrible that you feel led on but I'm going through divorce and don't have any feelings at all for you. You made it look like we're together and you need to accept this and just be my friend." It got ugly. We fought bc he hurt me deeply as I trusted him with so much. I thought we had a bond & built up false hopes. I told him he's got to be doing this to other women too and he claims "they're all fine w/it and the way I am." Yet claims he was closer to me than any of them. WHAT WAS THIS? I told him I need to walk away and he claims he's feeling all my pain now and never wanted to lose me. It all ended tonight. I haven't deleted him. I'm broken and confused. Please... What was he doing?
Also, he kissed me one night, full of giddiness & excitement when we went out late for coffee. He surprised me with a small gift. I drew him a couple of heartfelt pictures and he shamed me by saying I "scared him" and those pictures were "too special". He said the gift he did for me (a video) wasn't special like my picture was and he didn't put heart in it. He seemed freaked out by my drawings (a castle in England & an angel in honor of his mom). He claimed the last woman who did such beautiful things for him was the woman he fell in love with. I then found out another woman who fell for him also crafted a nice gift for him, and he pulled the "sorry I can't give you more" thing with her too. He saw her for shorter and claims I was deeper & more psychological than her... He asked her to a formal event recently and just told me at the same time as I was hurt over him minimizing our "relationship" for the last time. He has also rubbed it in that another woman with a perfect body wants him but is "fine" with his desire to just be friends. I really thought I was different. I was played a fool. Why would he open up so much to me so quickly? We never slept together. He supposedly stayed celibate w/his ex wife for 5 yrs before marrying her.
Sorry to say I don't have an answer but you are natural storyteller Winking
I wonder where that falls in my chart. I'm reading it now. I don't know much about the planets, etc. It says I have Ascendant in Scorpio...ASC node in Scorpio... Sun in Virgo... Moon, mercury & Pluto in Libra..Venus in Leo. What does this mean? Am I in trouble? I'm screwed, aren't I? It says I like to fight and have hot passion. All I really want is a brownie and a hot lover with sexy eyes and nice teeth. This whole thing is a mess.
Posted by VirgAnne
I really thought I was different. I was played a fool. Why would he open up so much to me so quickly?


Sorry, but you played yourself. You even say so here:
Posted by VirgAnne
I thought we had a bond & built up false hopes.


You ASSUMed that like women, when a man opens up this means some deep connection and created something in your mind, yet....he's to blame?
What I find most interesting is this:
Posted by VirgAnne
He told me he contemplated going back to his wife and yet struggled w/wanting his freedom.
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Why this didn't scream "I am not emotionally available" to you is beyond me. I haven't read anyway in the OP where this man declares his interest or intentions with you. He opened up, cried a bit, liked a few pics on FB and used you as a sounding board and an ego boost. You connected dots that weren't meant to be connected. That's on you.
You ended it, so what's the issue exactly?

Posted by VirgAnne
All along I fell harder thinking he was "testing me" as all these forums say.


P.S. Always look at the source, the context and the intent behind what someone is posting when they are talking about a Scorp's (or any sun signs) behaviour. It looks like you took a few post on the forum and ran with it. Unfortunately you ran in the wrong direction.
More importantly, stop going on about this like something was done to you as though you are some passive being:
Posted by VirgAnne
Scorpio pursued me and developed a connection with me. He lured me in through sending me hot pics of himself, meeting for coffee, opening up his deepest fears & the bad things that happened in his marriage, which he left years ago but is just now finally in mediation for divorce as his wife is tired of waiting for him to come back. He told me of all his failures, called me drunk & horny a few times wanting me to come to him ... All along I fell harder ...I knew he'd had many girlfriends. ... I finally flipped out and tore him a new one telling him that I'm tired of being "hidden" and downplayed in front of ppl...He now claims "I feel horrible that you feel led on but I'm going through divorce and don't have any feelings at all for you. You made it look like we're together and you need to accept this and just be my friend." It got ugly. We fought bc he hurt me deeply as I trusted him with so much....I'm broken and confused....
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Unless I am missing something (that you've excluded), this isn't all about him.
"Is what we have special? Only time will tell."
"I love our relationship. I love where we are. You're good for me. You keep me in the right place. I feel like I've known you for 20 years. You know more about me than most."
"I don't like the way those guys were looking at you. I was trying to get you to feel that. I wanted your attention on me."
"You're not like the other girls. You're so much different. Don't ever think you're anything like them."
"I'm going to just try to embrace this deeply, and not be afraid. I'm going to try not to fear you. You are so right; I have such a big problem with fear. Sometimes I drown in it, and I get scared by you."
"The last woman who did the things for me that you do... Really special things... I married her."
"I know it's late, but I really want to see you. I've been thinking about you all night. I don't know... I really like us and where we are."
(These are the things I believed may have meant he wanted more but just needed to take it slow. I suppose I got my hopes up because I cared so much for him.)
Another thing that threw me off... When I expressed my disappointment in him that he seemed to "minimize me" in front of everyone, yet seemed to be able to tell me anything, he got angry, saying he "HAS" to be this way because he's an entertainer and needs "fans" and can't make it look like he's in a relationship... Also because he's afraid the divorce will get ugly if the ex thinks he's with anyone. I said, "I don't even know who you are right now. You're not who I thought you were. You're arrogant, like you're pushing me away." And he said, "Who am I? I'm YOU. You love this in me. You love it when a guy calls you out. I'm you. You met your match."
(He then claimed he was just angry and didn't mean that, but those were some pretty crazy words)
Men- What they DO
Women- What they SAY
Posted by IrresistableScorp
...Scorpio doesn't like to lie so we word things specifically.
"The last woman who did the things for me that you do... Really special things... I married her." Translation: I am pointing out a fact in my life. No where am I saying that I want to marry you. I wanted to marry HER.


You're right, of course. smile
But the implication here is heavy: 'I married the last person who did the things that YOU do'.
No doubt delivered with penetrating, unwavering eye-contact-- what woman, who is already half-smitten, would not be at risk of reading more into that?
Technically, yes-- he was only stating a fact.
But this should not be confused with fair play; it was nothing of the sort.
I'm not saying the intent was malicious-- but it was cruel, nevertheless.
Some Scorps have the ability to mesmerize, and pull others into their orbit-- but to whom much is given, much is required.
And that ability should not be misused for idle personal gain, at the expense of others.
Just my opinion, of course, but I don't think it is totally inaccurate to say that he "lured her in" to this "relationship." smile
Posted by VirgAnne
"Is what we have special? Only time will tell."
"I love our relationship. I love where we are. You're good for me. You keep me in the right place. I feel like I've known you for 20 years. You know more about me than most."
"I don't like the way those guys were looking at you. I was trying to get you to feel that. I wanted your attention on me."
"You're not like the other girls. You're so much different. Don't ever think you're anything like them."
"I'm going to just try to embrace this deeply, and not be afraid. I'm going to try not to fear you. You are so right; I have such a big problem with fear. Sometimes I drown in it, and I get scared by you."
"The last woman who did the things for me that you do... Really special things... I married her."
"I know it's late, but I really want to see you. I've been thinking about you all night. I don't know... I really like us and where we are."
(These are the things I believed may have meant he wanted more but just needed to take it slow. I suppose I got my hopes up because I cared so much for him.)


I see. Yes, these statements are leading, however at any time did you ask him his intentions, why he was saying what he was saying or ask him what he would like to develop between the two of you?
"Is what we have special? Only time will tell."
Special? What does that mean? Would you like to develop into a relationship?
"I love our relationship. I love where we are. You're good for me. You keep me in the right place. I feel like I've known you for 20 years. You know more about me than most."
Relationship? I didn't realize we were in a relationship. You're still married. Would you like this to become serious?
"I don't like the way those guys were looking at you. I was trying to get you to feel that. I wanted your attention on me."
Why is that?
"You're not like the other girls. You're so much different. Don't ever think you're anything like them."
How so? What makes me so different?
"I'm going to just try to embrace this deeply, and not be afraid. I'm going to try not to fear you. You are so right; I have such a big problem with fear. Sometimes I drown in it, and I get scared by you."
What does that mean?
"The last woman who did the things for me that you do... Really special things... I married her."
Okay, we're not even dating. Aren't you jumping ahead of yourself?
"I know it's late, but I really want to see you. I've been thinking about you all night. I don't know... I really like us and where we are."
So, do I and where are we exactly? (I'd probably tell him to take his ass to bed and knock off the BS, but that's me...)
Basically you??re asking this man to put it out there and be clear or GTFO. Don't let a man (or woman) spoon feed you their nonsense without clarifying. While these statements sound obvious to some, it requires further questions/explanation. I think this is why people get into trouble. Especially with water signs. You need to make sure you're on the same page. I find some women are afraid to ask out of fear of sounding stupid, annoying or naive. Whateve. A few "annoying" question in the beginning, would have avoided this whole issue. If he can't speak clearly and explain himself--you have your answer.
Oops, strike that comma
"I know it's late, but I really want to see you. I've been thinking about you all night. I don't know... I really like us and where we are."
So do I, but where are we exactly?
Posted by VirgAnne
Another thing that threw me off... When I expressed my disappointment in him that he seemed to "minimize me" in front of everyone, yet seemed to be able to tell me anything, he got angry, saying he "HAS" to be this way because he's an entertainer and needs "fans" and can't make it look like he's in a relationship... Also because he's afraid the divorce will get ugly if the ex thinks he's with anyone. I said, "I don't even know who you are right now. You're not who I thought you were. You're arrogant, like you're pushing me away." And he said, "Who am I? I'm YOU. You love this in me. You love it when a guy calls you out. I'm you. You met your match."
(He then claimed he was just angry and didn't mean that, but those were some pretty crazy words)


I don't know how to even respond to this. I personally call BS when I see it and that is what this is.
First, the man is "hiding" your "relationship".....what else needs to be explained?
Second, people can say anything; will say anything. Just because the man was telling you his life story (which I question....), this does not mean you've reached a particular level in the "relationship". All it means is he shared a bunch of stuff. Nothing more. No deep spiritual connection, a conversation that's it. At the end of the day, his actions need to match the "deep connection" he claims to be feeling and that goes well beyond four walls in a secret hideaway.
Third, "fans"?... "He can't make it look like he's in a relationship"? Do I need to tell you that this is laughable? I also don't need to tell you, he told you his intentions loud and clear right there.
Four, I would have stopped listening after "fans" honestly. Isn't the point of the divorce to move on and "be with someone else"? So the ex excuse it tried and true BS.
Posted by Rabbit
Lured?


To a degree, yes-- maybe "lured" isn't the right word-- how about "led on"?

Posted by Rabbit
Pffft.
You give us too much credit.
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Nah-- I didn't say it carelessly.
And it isn't only Scorps; other signs can be enchanting or charismatic, as well... but it is kind of their forte.
Winking

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Oh I agree Monty. He liked what HE was getting out of it. I was merely pointing out the scorp/man speak. He never said he even liked her. In his mind he's vindicated. Big Grin
Sometimes we hear what we want. I think Virgo here did that. If it was me, I would listen like a scorp and question all the actual words and meaning. Make the guy be specific.


Agreed-- and any man (or woman, for that matter) who still hasn't finalized the divorce--
That's just too sketchy.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Oh I agree Monty. He liked what HE was getting out of it. I was merely pointing out the scorp/man speak. He never said he even liked her. In his mind he's vindicated. Big Grin
Sometimes we hear what we want. I think Virgo here did that. If it was me, I would listen like a scorp and question all the actual words and meaning. Make the guy be specific.


Not a fair statement exactly. You know how to listen like a Scorp .
^^^I'm teasing btw. I know you meant she should listen like a Scorp. Easier said than done though (as most of these threads demonstrate)
Posted by Rabbit
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Rabbit
Lured?


To a degree, yes-- maybe "lured" isn't the right word-- how about "led on"?

Posted by Rabbit
Pffft.
You give us too much credit.


Nah-- I didn't say it carelessly.
And it isn't only Scorps; other signs can be enchanting or charismatic, as well... but it is kind of their forte.
Winking




There's nothing enchanting or charismatic about me. I demand that you add that disclaimer to your statement. -_-
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No.

Your comments are all greatly appreciated. Some extremely fine points have been made here. I don't want to single anyone out by quoting any comments, so I mean this toward each of you. What you've said has opened my eyes to the fact that I was seeing what I was hoping for, not what really was. I feel as though I have failed myself in this. While he always credited me for being so empathetic and wise in my ability to see into him because I'd challenge his excuses the whole way, he'd also say I give him things to learn within himself as to why he's doing what he's doing. He would "lead me on" and I'd tell him so, and he'd say "I can see why you'd feel that way. Once again you've got me figured out spot on. I love that about you." Instead of seeing the red flags, calling a spade a spade and running, I might have been holding on because I mistakenly thought this meant he was "growing" toward me, realizing I knew him so well. I always felt the rejection, yet any time he'd call me late and want to see me, I'd say no, knowing it would be a big mistake if I gave myself to him with all these red flags. He always thanked me for not heeding his invitations, and he'd always say I was right and he was wrong.
What you guys have done for me here is give it to me straight without error. It's funny; I always pride myself in being tough, I can see a rat coming from a mile away, I'll call out anyone if I suspect deception, and my walls are up. He saw that, too. He claimed "got" me, and loved that I "got" him. Wow, now that I see all these words written by complete strangers, and take them in, I see I'm not as stupid as I thought when I perceived that he could be poisonous to me. Yet, I see also that I need to stop thinking I have to stay in it like a rock in hopes he'll see that I'm loyal and tolerant and worthy of his love. In fact, I'm probably going to learn a lot for the next time just by your words, and hoping that this will be the last time that my need to be loved will cause me to sacrifice so much.
I wish I could take you all out for a drink to show my deep appreciation for your unselfish giving, as you've helped someone whom you owed nothing to. You've all stopped me dead in my tracks and even made me question who I am and what lies beneath. I don't know why, with every time I challenged his ways, I was not able to just walk away and just face the truth.
Thank you very much for what you've given. While some was tough to hear, I openly received it and am g
*and am going to have to face the fact that I've done this to myself.
Posted by VirgAnne
*and am going to have to face the fact that I've done this to myself.



hogwash...you both played a part. he was a sucka and lameo for not being upfront when he demands it in return. you laid all your cards on the table and sorta kinda maybe could be almost laid his out.
dont let him deter you from laying your cards out in the future. there will be someone who is deserving of that.
dont let this bad apple ruin any more days.
Posted by cunninglinguist
My rule is to NEVER assume you're in any real relationship unless he *asks you to be his girlfriend*. Verbatim. At HIS initiative, NOT your prodding. He HAS to ask you directly. No trying to pick and piece together things that you perceive to be in line with the conclusion you want.
If u stick to this rule like superglue, u should be able to avoid most issues like this. Works almost 100% of the time for me.



totally agree with this
Posted by DMV
Posted by VirgAnne
*and am going to have to face the fact that I've done this to myself.



hogwash...you both played a part. he was a sucka and lameo for not being upfront when he demands it in return. you laid all your cards on the table and sorta kinda maybe could be almost laid his out.

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He did say a few times that he just wanted to be friends when I "called him out", and usually he'd use the opportunity as a way to suck me back in, emphasizing that I know him so well & that I'm usually spot on recognizing his behavior. Then, he'd seem to reach out to me even more, building it up higher, asking me for generic favors, watching me, hugging me a little longer, etc... just in general creating the illusion of closeness.
No, I don't think it was my fault for allowing him to continually advance his daily game. I think I was at fault for letting the game become my own. If this whole thing was some kind of test, it's an evil one. I do believe he knew exactly what he was doing. He doesn't deny it, but rather he says, "Why can't you just forgive me & see that's the way I am?"
I told him on the phone last night that I wish him well. He seemed to panic, and said "We will be fine. Give it some time and you'll be ok, and we can be friends again. You just need some time without seeing me and we'll be fine again." I told him "No, you don't understand. We will not be ok. These feelings run deep, and a couple months without seeing you won't erase what I'm feeling because you branded yourself in my head and I can't go back to what hurts." He said "No no, come on... just give it some time. We'll be fine... I know it," and I said "I can't." He went silent. I think he thought we could pick up where we left off next week. When I said we can't, I think he froze and never saw it coming. He wants me to be ok and continue this whether it hurts or not. That's what has me so bewildered.
You all really have helped me with this. I needed to hear the truth.
I don't know what time he was born. I only know date and approximate location.
It said
This is what I saw when I ran his chart with no time of day noted:
Sun Scorpio
Moon Gemini
Mercury Sagittarius
Venus & Neptune: Scorpio
Mars, Uranus & Pluto: Virgo
Jupiter Leo
Saturn Pisces
ASC node: Taurus

Mine is:
Sun Virgo
Ascendant Scorpio
Moon, Mercury, Uranus & Pluto: Libra
Venus Leo
Mars Gemini
Jupiter Aries
Saturn Cancer
Neptune Sagittarius
ASC Node Scorpio
If I have 3 things that say Libra, but my sign is Virgo, but my ascendant is Scorpio, which one of these things could create a problem that I think too deeply, and then I fear getting hurt so much, and that I get extremely angry & nasty if I get "led on"? I don't know much about how the planets screw me up.
Or could anyone help me figure out what is *most* in my personality, based on my chart? The Scorpio ascendant thing... How much does that affect me?
Posted by VirgAnne
It said
This is what I saw when I ran his chart with no time of day noted:
Sun Scorpio
Moon Gemini
Mercury Sagittarius
Venus & Neptune: Scorpio
Mars, Uranus & Pluto: Virgo
Jupiter Leo
Saturn Pisces
ASC node: Taurus




Knew there was some Sag in there. Straight Face
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by IrresistableScorp
...Scorpio doesn't like to lie so we word things specifically.
"The last woman who did the things for me that you do... Really special things... I married her." Translation: I am pointing out a fact in my life. No where am I saying that I want to marry you. I wanted to marry HER.


You're right, of course. smile
But the implication here is heavy: 'I married the last person who did the things that YOU do'.
No doubt delivered with penetrating, unwavering eye-contact-- what woman, who is already half-smitten, would not be at risk of reading more into that?
Technically, yes-- he was only stating a fact.
But this should not be confused with fair play; it was nothing of the sort.
I'm not saying the intent was malicious-- but it was cruel, nevertheless.
Some Scorps have the ability to mesmerize, and pull others into their orbit-- but to whom much is given, much is required.
And that ability should not be misused for idle personal gain, at the expense of others.
Just my opinion, of course, but I don't think it is totally inaccurate to say that he "lured her in" to this "relationship." smile
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+1