Apparently its that time again.

I hate February. Every year since I was 15, February has been full of nightmares, tears, and pain. Its like clockwork, I don't have nightmares, then all of a sudden its February and they start up again. My dad was murdered the 13th, when I was 15. Last night was another nightmare of my biological father (the perpetrator) trying to get back into my life, and when we reject him, killing my whole family except for me. This is pretty much what I'm afraid of in reality. he was acquitted (paid off the jury. money makes the world go round). he has since tried a couple times to get back in touch with me and my two siblings. I replied to the email he sent, and said if you would just apologize, I'd consider having you in my life. He will never apologize. He'd rather kill all of us.

I don't know why I'm posting this. To get it off my chest I guess. I don't like telling my family and friends about this, it just ruins their day.

I've been to therapy. At some point it doesn't work, when you've heard it all before. My dad was murdered in front of my house, I didn't SEE the actual act, but went outside minutes later.