asking for help

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R1g0rM0rT1s
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this kinda follows on from the panic attack thread cos this is the issue that brought it about i think. i'm having some serious financial difficulties and i recently lost a job that was looking like it was gonna sort everything out. i just couldn't do the job...too exhausting with school runs and antique paper systems (i do accountancy work sometimes).

for just over a year, i've done some private 'work' for a friend and his mother. they are extremely wealthy and i advise on their investments (i'm mainly an investment specialist). they are wonderful people who trust me a great deal and i've never sought any payment from them. this is because i have some kinda chip on my shoulder with really rich people and i feel like the poor relation so my pride kicks in and i have to pay the bill for drinks cos i'm paranoid they're gonna see me as a gold digger. they are constantly surrounded by sharks and sycophants and i don't want to be viewed as such.

anyway. they are both in spain for a week and although we've tried to meet up (i have some more work to deliver to them)..they've obviously been too busy to fit me in. i've been wanting a face to face meeting so that i can ask for some money. i am flat broke literally. i know i'll get some more paid work soon and that this is a transient phases cos i've been here before.

the problem is....i just can't spit out the words to ask them!!! i don't want to do the cowardly thing and write an email but we never get a chance to meet up. i don't want to ask on the phone cos the words will all come out wrong. i wanted to do it in an official and professional way....presenting them with my work and then asking if they can give me some money.

i am so tied up in knots about it. we're supposed to be meeting today but i already know something else will come up.

should i just see if today happens and then if it doesn't, send an email? i don't think i'm being greedy here but i also never intended to make them my clients....it just kinda happened as they got to trust me more.

if i don't sort this out i can see another panic attack happening. my daughter's home cos it's the weekend and i really don't want her witnessing this but tbh, i'm finding it too hard to put on a brave face right now.

sorry that was so long.

what should i do?
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kashieka
@kashieka
12 YearsGemini

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I know asking money from a friend is a really high risk but have you thought what they have always think of you when your not there? You can't wait for them to come back so you can ask for money, you have to think of ways to get yourself money during the time they are not present. And its not being brave but self preservation can you survive living this way if your financial situation and personal attitude towards life is incomplete opposites.

I'm not basing this on zodiac or horoscope sign but you have the skills and ability to succeed although the job market isn't good right now and the economy but you'll pull through. But stop selling yourself shooort and working for peanuts! I like the way you think of trying to be professional but its still underhanded if you try asking for them through business means its as if your faking friendship. Just ask them straight out tell them you need the money and tell them honestly that your going through a rough time and won't be able to pay back in time, you can't buy people through kind actions but you can win them through honesty and just being yourself.

My brother is a virgo and his very very very ultra nice he spent so much time being a video editor, recorder, and all around man for his female friend who was obviously using him because of his skills and equipment. Not once did she even gave out a certificate for his volunteering work even though the girl's family had an established business.

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R1g0rM0rT1s
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Posted by IntriguedScorp

I have never met so many ruthless people as I have when it comes to big money investment. These people are the dregs of society. I refuse to go there and feel the high road is the only path.

It IS possible to remain pure of spirit and motive in this crazy world but it takes alot of work. Good luck

true. the more money involved the more devious people get.




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R1g0rM0rT1s
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kashieka: you're right. i just have to bite the bullet. got no choice really. i've decided i will email them with a recap of what i've got for them and then move it along to the more personal issue. in all honesty i could've made a mountain out of a molehill with this anyway as they may be more than happy to pay me but aren't aware of my needs cos i haven't put them out there.

i have virgo rising which i'm sure is why this is making me so anxious.
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The Lady Scorpio
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Motto- K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid

Since Sneaky already clarified the logistic above, about how you could proceed, I'd only offer the below:

Do not think of this as a sudden request for money, even if you may have started off on the wrong foot. Life is simple, keep it professional, whatever is profession should be kept separate from what is personal. This boundary should have been drawn early on, but since it was not, it is time to do so now. Do not hesitate, be sheepish or have second thoughts, this will carry out in your demeanor which in turn will cause your 'client/friend/acquaintance' to question your credibility, honesty and everything which you hate.

Be firm, drill this phrase into your head:

"What is professional, stays professional. It is simple, everyone pays for for they get. If work must be done, give me in return what it is worth, my time and effort has been used. Nothing should come free, except for the helpless, needless, and the incapable."

Draw the boundary now, as soon as possible, be upfront, believe in your work and absolutely nothing else. It does not matter what they might think, or what other people might think, this is work, an understood although not drawn contract. Every one pays for what they get, you are providing a service for heaven's sake not taking their money for nothing. You deserve it.

Now go out there and meet them as soon as possible, best face to face if you can. No more hesitations, the more you think, the longer you postpone this, the worse it will get, quit making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Good Luck R1g0r 🙂
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OceanDeep
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You don't know for sure if something else will come up though, so try not to add to the anxiety with that.

Have you thought that maybe they are avoiding YOU because they know they should be offering something for your help? It surprises me they haven't offered you anything. That would say a lot to me about them ... who's taking advantage of who, here if you're worried they'll think youre a gold digger. Good friends won't think that, money or not.

Remember, money talks. So it's not a far off thought that they very well may be taking advantage of the fact that they do have money and have built an expectation of others because of it.
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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KISS...i like that. thanks for all your advice peeps. it's very much appreciated.

they mentioned renumeration before and were trying to sort me out with a car until spanish bureaucracy got in the way. they live in this rich person's 'bubble' and have absolutely no idea what it would be like to have no money and so i think they just don't 'see' my need for it although they do acknowledge their gratitude for my work constantly.

they called to see if i could see them tonight but sadly i had to take my daughter to her friend's play and so just didn't have the time today. it's been moved to tomorrow but i think i may send an email in the interim just in case it doesn't happen.

not sure....what do you think?

i guess growing a pair would be a good starting place 😢
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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Posted by Nemesis
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
KISS...i like that. thanks for all your advice peeps. it's very much appreciated.


they called to see if i could see them tonight but sadly i had to take my daughter to her friend's play and so just didn't have the time today. it's been moved to tomorrow but i think i may send an email in the interim just in case it doesn't happen.

not sure....what do you think?

i guess growing a pair would be a good starting place 😢




so given the choice of - taking your daughter to a friends play or the chance of getting money you obviously really need - you chose to drive your daughter around?

i don't understand your priorities. but i know what i??d have done.

click to expand




i'm trying not to let on to my daughter that there's anything wrong. she'd planned this night out for a while and was really looking forward to it. i have yet to tell her that she's missing a few days at school while i get her fees together which is gonna upset her and she knows how stress affects my health which also upsets her. i'm just trying to keep as much equilibrium as i can for her sake. she can't see me crumble cos we only have eachother here in spain.

i figured it was of more value to take her and see the people about the money tomorrow. they've confirmed that's cool with them too. face to face will be much better. interestingly my laptop has been ultra screwey lately....typing backwards and shiz and so i think i'm being told not to email but to get some backbone and ask directly for what i am worth.
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HouseCleaning
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Posted by geminicandlelight
Rigor, if there is one thing living in the USA has taught me, it is to treat everyone and everything like a business. Which sounds bad in principle, but actually is really clever. Think about it...you invest your time, your talents and it is only fair that you should get reimbursed for all of that because you have needs and bills to pay also!
So, maybe it's a cultural thing, like you can't make a friend pay you, and I understand that. I have talents also and I try not to make friends pay if I help them ONCE, but if they have the money to pay and it is a continuous thing, I do not feel bad. Money makes the world go 'round. Again, if they didn't have the money and were desperate for some help (let's say you were doctor and saving their life for free), then I understand the humanitarian approach. But they are making money off of your advise, probably lot of it, and it is only fair that you get a certain percentage.
Save coffee chats for when you guys are just hanging out...

Just tell them OPENLY and DIRECTLY, you cannot go wrong. They might even appreciate and respect you more😉



you reek of shit
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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awwww....can i have the shapei too?

gem: no it's not a cultural thing really. it's a wusspants thing. i am great at asserting myself in most areas...mostly in the presentation of my work but when it comes to negotiating its value i am complete shite. i ran an identical project for a hardcore jewish client who paid me less than a CLEANER for my services. i could have walked. should have walked really but noooooo...i did probably some of the best work of my career!

fortunately this new project for the swiss people is giving me a second chance to own the success of it a bit better....i know they respect and appreciate me and so i just have to apply that professionalism a little better and get my value!!!

the ludicrous thing is that i almost guarantee they will immediately offer me payment. i just have to clamp my mouth so that i don't end up telling them to put their money away.
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Jeremy Kyle, ahahah what a chode that guy is.
Yeh I can see how that goes well together with the ex-pats, can't fault their logic there.



jezzer is revered in this part of the world. his show is a constant reminder of why we left england. the people on that show give british dentists a very bad name don't you think? i rarely understand what anyone's saying though....they should deffo have subtitles.

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HouseCleaning
@HouseCleaning
13 Years5,000+ PostsGemini

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Posted by geminicandlelight
Posted by HouseCleaning
Posted by geminicandlelight
Rigor, if there is one thing living in the USA has taught me, it is to treat everyone and everything like a business. Which sounds bad in principle, but actually is really clever. Think about it...you invest your time, your talents and it is only fair that you should get reimbursed for all of that because you have needs and bills to pay also!
So, maybe it's a cultural thing, like you can't make a friend pay you, and I understand that. I have talents also and I try not to make friends pay if I help them ONCE, but if they have the money to pay and it is a continuous thing, I do not feel bad. Money makes the world go 'round. Again, if they didn't have the money and were desperate for some help (let's say you were doctor and saving their life for free), then I understand the humanitarian approach. But they are making money off of your advise, probably lot of it, and it is only fair that you get a certain percentage.
Save coffee chats for when you guys are just hanging out...

Just tell them OPENLY and DIRECTLY, you cannot go wrong. They might even appreciate and respect you more😉



you reek of shit



Oh is this a payback for that Russian mailman thread? Either give me a good contra-argument why you found my opinion shitty or GTFO! Stop derailing people's threads.
click to expand




get off the board troll
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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no nem....i have no fish in my chart. wish i did really. my bro's a fish and he's just so laid back about stuff even when in the midst of chaos whereas i'm the headless chicken screaming at everyone not to panic lol!!

i still haven't managed to meet with the swiss people. the guy called today as he was despairing yesterday that we always schedule for tomorrow and tomorrow never comes but he'd been swept away on business again even though it's sunday. they're not leaving spain 'til next weekend and he assured me that he would set aside a few hours before leaving to discuss 'the project'. that's the first time he's referred to the work as a worky thing lol.

trouble is....i'm in a desparate situation and i don't think i can hold out for another few days even and so i'm gonna email him tonight viz a viz the money issue. at least then i've spat it out cos it's eating me up.

i keep reminding myself that i'm not begging for a favour.....just claiming what is due.

yuk...sounds so mercenary 😢

don't know what's happened with my jew blood lately....my parents would be ashamed of me.
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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ok so i've sent an email. had to stave off some chest pains cos i could feel myself getting more and more tense composing it. i kept it friendly but formal...explained my needs...indicated the urgency of the situation and asked them to give the matter consideration ahead of us meeting later in the week.

now it's done at least. it's out there in the ether and out of my head which is a step in the right direction.

i'm going to try and get some sleep on the back of that. goodnight peeps and thanks for the input.....where applicable lol!
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The Lady Scorpio
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
the whole issue isn't helped by the fact that this guy's mother is the IMAGE of the queen of england!!! even speaks like her. i find it so intimidating although she thinks the world of me.



R1g, you need to start thinking the world of yourself. It does not really matter who/what/how these people are, you are professional, you have a worthwhile project to present, that is all. You will meet many different types of clients some more intimidating than others but you are a Scorpio, do not let anything phase you. At least do not put it on show.

Schweiz I see, those individuals often have a very clear cut mentality, I doubt they would mind having business as business on the side, that is their way of modus operandi actually.
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HouseCleaning
@HouseCleaning
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
the whole issue isn't helped by the fact that this guy's mother is the IMAGE of the queen of england!!! even speaks like her. i find it so intimidating although she thinks the world of me.



R1g, you need to start thinking the world of yourself. It does not really matter who/what/how these people are, you are professional, you have a worthwhile project to present, that is all. You will meet many different types of clients some more intimidating than others but you are a Scorpio, do not let anything phase you. At least do not put it on show.

Schweiz I see, those individuals often have a very clear cut mentality, I doubt they would mind having business as business on the side, that is their way of modus operandi actually.
click to expand




very black and white advice
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P-Angel
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Thread Title: asking for help

wtf? Even the title of the thread is a failure = being paid for services isn't equivelant to asking for a favor ... what the hell, are you expecting people to believe this?



You say you are a professional at finances, yet, you can't anticipate before you become broke that you're going broke ... you have NO insight into this?

You never saw that coming?



::: shakes head :::


At least make your next story believable
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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Posted by P-Angel
Thread Title: asking for help

wtf? Even the title of the thread is a failure = being paid for services isn't equivelant to asking for a favor ... what the hell, are you expecting people to believe this?



You say you are a professional at finances, yet, you can't anticipate before you become broke that you're going broke ... you have NO insight into this?

You never saw that coming?



::: shakes head :::


At least make your next story believable




ffs P....get a life will you?!?! i have been visiting dxp since 2006 and yeah, alot of shit has happened but i am NOT a liar.

i don't know what scorpius told you but i don't HAVE an uncle!!!!! i do have a rich auntie but she's not fucking stupid enough to invest in a stranger's business so i don't know what you're on. if you want to talk about liars...scorpius was class A in that department.

YES i am also a professional in finance but i am NOT able to look into the future and i don't know if you're aware but circumstances CHANGE—

i have never written a book and so i wouldn't brag about royalties that don't exist. i have been EMPLOYED as a writer however...you know - where you get a salary—

i didn't really want to dignify your ridiculous accusations with any comment at all but one thing i won't stand for is being called a liar.

call me a cunt if you like. i would prefer that as it's more in keeping with your twisted character but i would seriously avoid picking holes in anything i might write on here because i present myself HONESTLY and with CONSISTENCY which are two words that are probably alien to you.

besides. those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. even being called a liar is better than being regarded as a hateful, bitter and twisted monster which i believe is the majority opinion of you on dxp.

go fuck yourself. someone has to!
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Montgomery
@Montgomery
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Posted by P-Angel
Thread Title: asking for help

wtf? Even the title of the thread is a failure = being paid for services isn't equivelant to asking for a favor ... what the hell, are you expecting people to believe this?



You say you are a professional at finances, yet, you can't anticipate before you become broke that you're going broke ... you have NO insight into this?

You never saw that coming?



::: shakes head :::


At least make your next story believable



Unexpectedly losing a job can do that.

Those of us who read the OP are informed about the dilemma here, which is really just a lesson in humility; not humiliation.

Which makes you irrelevant. 😉

I'm guessing everyone already knew that; but I'm new.



lol





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P-Angel
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Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

explained my needs...indicated the urgency of the situation and asked them to give the matter consideration ...






You're a bumbling idiot who deserves to be broke, since you don't know anything about business.

A business woman knows the difference between asking for a favor and expecting payment on services due .... of course, you're too busy driving Ruby around, which I guess your car runs on your hot air, since you said you were "literally" broke.

You are far from a person who anything about business ... and the old-timers here remember all the boasting you did about being a business woman, and buying a salon.

And you did, indeed, brag often about your rich Uncle .. in fact, according to you, he bought Scorpius a business.


Of course .... you tell stories, so of course you don't remember any of that ... because a person rarely remembers lies they tell.

This is all bullshit, just another one of your stories .... you tell them all the time. Any person with any brain cells at all knew you were full of shit the moment you talked about being a financial professional, yet, can't manage your own fucking money.


lol ... you can bitch all you want to, and all of your flunkies can have your back all they want to .... but, any person with brain cells knew you were full of shit the moment you typed those words in.
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R1g0rM0rT1s
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

explained my needs...indicated the urgency of the situation and asked them to give the matter consideration ...






You're a bumbling idiot who deserves to be broke, since you don't know anything about business.

A business woman knows the difference between asking for a favor and expecting payment on services due .... of course, you're too busy driving Ruby around, which I guess your car runs on your hot air, since you said you were "literally" broke.

You are far from a person who anything about business ... and the old-timers here remember all the boasting you did about being a business woman, and buying a salon.

And you did, indeed, brag often about your rich Uncle .. in fact, according to you, he bought Scorpius a business.


Of course .... you tell stories, so of course you don't remember any of that ... because a person rarely remembers lies they tell.

This is all bullshit, just another one of your stories .... you tell them all the time. Any person with any brain cells at all knew you were full of shit the moment you talked about being a financial professional, yet, can't manage your own fucking money.


lol ... you can bitch all you want to, and all of your flunkies can have your back all they want to .... but, any person with brain cells knew you were full of shit the moment you typed those words in.
click to expand




well if you say i have a rich uncle.....i must have a rich uncle.

if you say said uncle bought scorpius a business....a kid in the us i've not even personally met myself....then OBVIOUSLY you are right and i am wrong. what do i know about my own life eh?

i almost bought a salon years ago until i looked at the books.

i don't drive my daughter around....WHOSE NAME YOU DO NOT FUCKING MENTION ON THIS SITE....as i currently don't have a car.

you clearly think you know more about me than you do. you have a habit of doing this to other people here as well....calling them out on what YOU decide is their bullshit cos you are the all fucking knowing one.

it's easy to hide behind nasty words on a screen which is why you are STILL here bitching about everyone. perhaps it's because you're own life is so fucking boring. do you actually ever interact with the real world P?

probably not. no doubt everyone in real despise