Can I win back my Scorpio's heart?

Ok, so I've been stalking about this forum for a while but I'm still pretty new to this whole thing so bare with me!

I'm a Libra, 26, who's been dating my Scorpio ex, 28, for the past 6 years on and off. For the last 2 years we've been more serious than ever before. We both in the past were in different places but in the last few years we just figured that it was time to make it work, and we did! After years of the whole "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you shpiel, he confessed his love for me one completely romantic night, and he spoiled me and loved me unconditionally since. Not to mention he is gorgeous...being with him was like a fairy tale.

Fast forward to about 7 months ago, I caught him lying to me. And I'm not talking about a white lie, I mean something huge. I did not catch him cheating, but the trust was DESTROYED. I couldn't see him or speak to him for a while after that and he was distraught, calling me and showing up unannounced to see me, totally outside of his normal aloof and relaxed demeanor. We made some compromises and I, with the promise that he would be an open book to me, agreed to get back with him rather quickly afterwards, which looking back was a big mistake.

The next few months went pretty much back to normal, we were very much in love...but I began to resent him. Everywhere he went I imagined that he was meeting with another woman or doing something behind my back. I continuously questioned his devotion to me and became very insecure, something I've never been with a loved one.

Everything came to a head on Dec. 23rd. He was out of the country with his parents for Christmas. I hadn't heard from him in about 3 days. I became agitated, I was hurt and I was restless without hearing from him. I sent him an email, simply saying "you want me to trust you, but not calling me for 3 days doesn't help". Well, unbeknownst to me, he HAD tried to contact me. I had missed over his emails somehow. Once I realized this, I tried to apologize, but the damage was done. He called me up and simply said "I can't do this anymore" and despite my pleas he just said he had to go and hung up.

Talk about devastated....I, was, a, zombie. Couldn't eat, sleep, function, BREATHE, it was embarrassing. Christmas was joyless. Our New Years plans we had made with each other were obviously canceled. I still went out and tried to have a good time, but when I came home that night the pain sunk in even deeper. I had lost my best friend...and it

was all my fault.

So I've rambled on enough... I'll make the rest of this short. Since really examining my behavior and stripping myself of all my ego and just opening myself to being a better person for him, I've commenced to calling him daily (sometimes to just say i love you/thinking of you...sometimes just to see how his day is etc). He was not ready to see me, but within the next week, I noticed that he was being much kinder to me! So I decided, maybe I invite him out to dinner? So in the midst of making dinner plans for this week, he mentioned that he was sitting at home just relaxing. GREAT. He offered that I could come hang for a bit, and I accepted. I went over there, and I finally got to look him in the eye and tell him what I had been mumbling over the phone for the past two weeks..that I was SORRY and really detailing how I was a FOOL to lose such a great man. We looked into each other's eyes in a way we haven't in a long time, and we simultaneously began kissing and hugging and well...

Ahem Ahem lol, so after some MIND BLOWING reconnection time, we lay there and he stroked me and told me that he was really thinking about us. And I told him, I have faith in us. And I know you do too. And I love you always. And after that, I got up and started preparing to leave. He called me a cab (paid for it...what a gentleman!) And then called me later to make sure I got home safely. **swoon**

So pray tell...do you think I have a chance at winning back his heart?? I feel pretty confidant in our love...but there is a small seed of doubt. I plan on taking him to dinner this week and I want to ask for him to take me back. Any ideas on how to brooch the subject?

**side-note: he has not yet so far been able to say the word "breakup" (although I'm POSITIVE it is a break up), but he always says things like "reflection period" "time apart" "break" or something like that. Do you think he's hinting that he doesn't think things are over for good??

Sorry for the length!

U are right, I'm new to this! And for a minute it felt like my whole life was exposed. I will repost

Posted by Rabbit
LOL I think she got scared 🙂

And to think I was going to say this sounds like a pretty normal relationship problem and was refreshing.

I have only shared this with one very wise older friend. He says the same. But in the midst of it...I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a very weak cliff!

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by LoverlyLibra
U are right, I'm new to this! And for a minute it felt like my whole life was exposed. I will repost

You sure about that? LOL

We be mean up in here 😛

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Hell yea you guys are evil as hell! But I don't know, if some truth comes out of it...maybe it could save a loving relationship? I messed up and I just want to be open and make things right.

I agree with what the men posted.

But on a side note; you say you and him have been "on again off again" for 6 years. I think it's pretty safe to say a pattern has been established, and more of this "break up to make up" stuff will likely be headed your way.

Is that a possibility you're okay with?

Posted by Andalusia
I agree with what the men posted.

But on a side note; you say you and him have been "on again off again" for 6 years. I think it's pretty safe to say a pattern has been established, and more of this "break up to make up" stuff will likely be headed your way.

Is that a possibility you're okay with?

Well, the first four years...I mean, we were idiots. We were both in college and drinking and being dumb. Something changed along the way though, and for the last 2 years at least we've been very committed. Haven't broken up since, and agreed that we would not continue the on and off again trend anymore.

I almost have to put my foot in my mouth because I don't want to be that couple that is so unstable that we routinely break up and get back together. But just the mere thought of us apart forever makes me dizzy and nauseous. So I guess no I'm not okay with that...but if a break up is constructive then yes?

I'm quite surprised at the positive responses here. Throughout the breakup, I was looking at advice given to other women on their scorpio breakups....and nearly all of the scorps insisted to "give him time to think" "let him breathe" or to try to move on in some way. I took some of that advice...straight from this forum, but I sensed that the more space I gave him, the more distant he grew from me. So I tried a different approach, and the more that I reached out to him and spilled my heart to him, the closer it brought us together. Any thoughts on that?

I'm betting some Libra bits.

LOL, hey! I'm just glad you people actually consider me rational AT ALL. I'll settle for the 60/40 split.

Rising Sign 28 Degrees Sagittarius
Sun is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
Moon is in 28 Degrees Pisces.
Mercury is in 21 Degrees Scorpio.
Venus is in 11 Degrees Libra.
Mars is in 28 Degrees Virgo.
Jupiter is in 07 Degrees Aquarius.
Saturn is in 27 Degrees Scorpio.
Uranus is in 15 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 01 Degrees Capricorn.
Pluto is in 04 Degrees Scorpio.

I have no clue what it means, but this is it :/

Posted by Rabbit
Melly is rational MOST of the time.

But she gets that boxed wine and those chimichangas in her and she gets all antsey in her pantseys.

Hahahaha I LOVE chimichangas! Melly teach me your ways!

Now. What's YOUR chart, Loverly? Do you have Venus in Scorpio?

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Hmph.

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Trouble?? He doesn't express himself AT ALL. And once I realized that it wasn't that he didn't want to, but that he just didn't know how...I tried to teach myself how to sense his emotions. And in the mean time, be as open as possible to make him feel more comfortable with being open as well. It hasn't been easy.

I can't lie and say that I haven't wondered if maybe we're too incompatible...but I'm willing to learn how to understand him better, so I'm still in this.

LOL @ the "MIND BLOWING reconnection time"....nicely phrased.

I'd will agree with what has already been posted, but I will add don't overdo it with the —dinner and whatever bells and whistles you have planned to win him back. Basically don't do too much back breaking work to make things —work?? again. If would read like you're trying too hard and disingenuous. Let it flow naturally.

Sincerely,
Not a Scorpio male.

Rising Sign 24 Degrees Sagittarius
Sun is in 21 Degrees Libra.
Moon is in 03 Degrees Leo.
Mercury is in 13 Degrees Scorpio.
Venus is in 06 Degrees Scorpio.
Mars is in 04 Degrees Libra.
Jupiter is in 25 Degrees Aries.
Saturn is in 17 Degrees Sagittarius.
Uranus is in 23 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 05 Degrees Capricorn.
Pluto is in 09 Degrees Scorpio.

This is mine

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Hmph.

Really? A one word answer?

😛

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I'm pondering what you wrote. There is some truth to it. When it comes to my feelings, I struggle. Anything else, I'm pretty good.

Posted by LoverlyLibra

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Trouble?? He doesn't express himself AT ALL. And once I realized that it wasn't that he didn't want to, but that he just didn't know how...I tried to teach myself how to sense his emotions. And in the mean time, be as open as possible to make him feel more comfortable with being open as well. It hasn't been easy.

I can't lie and say that I haven't wondered if maybe we're too incompatible...but I'm willing to learn how to understand him better, so I'm still in this.

click to expand

See.

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Hmph.

Really? A one word answer?

😛

click to expand

double humph!

Loverly- you guys seem to have some nice aspects- both sagi risings- fun! and the swapped venus signs...

As a couple of people have mentioned just take it easy at dinner, maybe even dont 'have the conversation' you want to keep him from scuttling back into the cave!

Speaking for myself (Scorp, libra venus & merc in scorp) I hate being overwhelmed/ chased... I want everything to happen 'as it should' if that makes sense... and I hate being ignored 🙂 so you seem to be doing well so far!

Good luck

P.S. M&M's I hope you are sharing that box of wine...

P.P.S. Rabbit- have you tried the Otago 'Mt Difficulty, Roaring Meg' Pinot Noir? Went to the vineyard/ cellar door on my holidays and delicious! ((Nice pinot gris too Melly!)

Posted by LoverlyLibra

Posted by Rabbit
Mercury in Scorpio....he's going to have trouble expressing himself. Keep that in mind.

Trouble?? He doesn't express himself AT ALL. And once I realized that it wasn't that he didn't want to, but that he just didn't know how...I tried to teach myself how to sense his emotions. And in the mean time, be as open as possible to make him feel more comfortable with being open as well. It hasn't been easy.

I can't lie and say that I haven't wondered if maybe we're too incompatible...but I'm willing to learn how to understand him better, so I'm still in this.

click to expand

I think you're actually doing quite well with him if this is your approach. I don't know what you mean by "teach yourself how to sense his emotions", but may I suggest you simply allow yourself to "be" with him. Pushing him to open up may make him shut up even more--I don't get the sense you do that, but air signs struggle with this part. I know for myself, I observe a lot and share as little as possible. Opening up comes after a lot of time (especially regarding emotions), but you will get a sense of how I feel when I am with you. I am assuming this is the case with your Scorp despite the gender difference. If you can attune to his emotions and respond physically (not to be confused with sexual--but the men may disagree 😛), he should respond warmly. Overall, expect more actions than words with this type of placement.

I'll share anything with my ladies!! *Except for my man and my panties.






*When applicable

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by PhoenixRising
LOL @ the "MIND BLOWING reconnection time"....nicely phrased.

I'd will agree with what has already been posted, but I will add don't overdo it with the —dinner and whatever bells and whistles you have planned to win him back. Basically don't do too much back breaking work to make things —work?? again. If would read like you're trying too hard and disingenuous. Let it flow naturally.

Sincerely,
Not a Scorpio male.

^^^^Yep, exactly.

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*I would agree
*It would read
...Scorp in Merc...I have trouble expressing myself 😛

I love happy endings! 😄

So, here's my thought as I silently cheer you both on from the sidelines because I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm uber sappy that way and love a great love story and want people to be happy: why do you keep falling into your own insecurity trap? You don't have to answer here, but give it some thought and some introspection on it and how it's played out in your relationship. If you can find the root of it and pick it apart with a fine toothed comb and some nice sterile lab equipment then maybe you can better understand it and head it off at the pass the next time those thoughts and feelings try to work their way in between you both.

And hold onto your hats, people! My super shitty emotional clusterfuckery of yesterday and the day before has finally released its grip after a long journey of me unraveling the whole tangled mess that set me off in the first place and my emotions have taken a decided upswing just now. Maybe it was reading this deliciously happy example of normal people fixing their problem and getting back together but hot fucking damn I'm in a good mood! Deedly deedle dooodly doo!

Good to feel, too. Yesterday was exhausting.

Posted by Rabbit
When it is applicable to share a man?

Maybe if something needs to be reached on a top shelf?

Meaning if I *have* a man, I won't share him. But I do not have one, so it's not a problem right now.

Posted by Rabbit
Meanwhile....

There's a 200 post thread about....nothing....still going on.

"Its like the thread that never ends, yes, it goes on and on my friends...
the agent started writing it not knowing what was what, and shes continued writing it forever just because, its is the thread that never ends..."

continue loop to the tune of:

I use to think it was because she couldn't control herself, but I actually believe it's a horrible attempt at bumping her own thread because she attention whoring. Anyway, that's the last bit if mental energy I am giving it and her.

Good luck Loverly. Cheers to one of the few sane threads on the board.

So, I'm not the only one mentally strangling the computer and shouting, "JUST PICK SOMETHING!!"

Oh goooooooody! That makes me SPECIAL. What, you don't find the mental computer strangling thing therapeutic?

You're such an environmentalist! How many miles to the gallon?

Posted by tiziani
I went through the same thing recently and I think it's about accepting the person you are today. Relationships don't go back, they move forward. So my advice is just not to make yourself a martyr trying to get back to the way things were. You both discovered things about your natural selves and if you can both move on to respect that and build something, that's ok.

Why people want to strip themselves of their own ego, I will never know. Your ego is there to work and grow with you.

Yea, I agree that the way things are now and the appreciation that I've gained for the relationship is something that I don't want to change. So I def. don't want things back the way they were. BUT.

I still don't have him BACK and yes, we've made lots of progress but I am still very skeptical about him agreeing for us to get back together. I am at a loss for what to do, and I see that everyone agrees for me not to go too far with trying to swoon him...but I can't help but feel that it would only take the grandest of gestures for him to give me another chance.

Posted by MoonArtist
I love happy endings! 😄

So, here's my thought as I silently cheer you both on from the sidelines because I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm uber sappy that way and love a great love story and want people to be happy: why do you keep falling into your own insecurity trap? You don't have to answer here, but give it some thought and some introspection on it and how it's played out in your relationship. If you can find the root of it and pick it apart with a fine toothed comb and some nice sterile lab equipment then maybe you can better understand it and head it off at the pass the next time those thoughts and feelings try to work their way in between you both.

Well, my insecurities stem from a few things, which I'm working on:

He is very attractive and pretty well off, and has always gotten attention from many women.
He is very private about the minute details of his life, whereas I'm an open book. I can't help but wonder if he's hiding something.
His friends are mostly all single and he spends lots of time with them partying/drinking.
He moves very cautiously in our relationship, as anyone should. But over time it has left me feeling like his interest level doesn't match my own.

These are just a few things I can think of right now. I do think that I have lots of great qualities as well though, so I still consider myself his equal.

Posted by Rabbit
The grandest of gestures would be simply to show him you still truly care for him and you can put it all behind you.

This makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you