Can't get each other out of our systems - help/adv

Ok...I'll try and make this as brief as possible. This is complicated not only by signs (him - Scorpio. Me - Scorpio Rising) but also by an age gap of 21 years, me being the older one. He was the handyman for the apartment building I was living in lol. I met him June of 2011. The minute he walked through my door, there was an undeniable "click" that neither, it seems, can get over. We were on fire for the first 3 months solid but we fought a LOT. His jealousy was almost more than I could take. I'm an aqua sun so my space is very important to me. Apparently, he was "in the neighborhood" working and scoped my house out more than once. Nevertheless, I fell head over heels for him and the sex..? AMAZING! All night, toe-curling type of amazing. We've never gone more than a mo or so without seeing each other since then. I wanted to commit and it felt like he did too, but I believe that his family would probably not approve of the age gap. The last time we saw each other was the weekend after Thanksgiving. At that time it had been the longest since seeing each other...ever. I tried sooo hard to ignore him! I live in a gated community and my son had the key so he climbed the fence! haha. It was very romantic. When we finally kissed and I pulled back, his eyes were closed and he came close to bumping into me he was so..."lost" in the moment. It's always like that and for both of us it's this comfortable feeling that just "fits". Before coming over, we talked over the phone for more than an hour and that is very unusual for him. He went on about how he still dreams about me and said (and reminded me) of a lot of things I had no idea he even remembered. *sigh*

So, the dilemma is this: I will always love him but as it looks like there is no actual future with him, how do I cut it off in order to move on? It would feel like cutting a piece of myself away. Seriously. I have not moved away from the town I live in because of him.

Help!

TIA...

Posted by grafixgrl
Ok...I'll try and make this as brief as possible. This is complicated not only by signs (him - Scorpio. Me - Scorpio Rising) but also by an age gap of 21 years, me being the older one. He was the handyman for the apartment building I was living in lol. I met him June of 2011. The minute he walked through my door, there was an undeniable "click" that neither, it seems, can get over. We were on fire for the first 3 months solid but we fought a LOT. His jealousy was almost more than I could take. I'm an aqua sun so my space is very important to me. Apparently, he was "in the neighborhood" working and scoped my house out more than once. Nevertheless, I fell head over heels for him and the sex..? AMAZING! All night, toe-curling type of amazing. We've never gone more than a mo or so without seeing each other since then. I wanted to commit and it felt like he did too, but I believe that his family would probably not approve of the age gap. The last time we saw each other was the weekend after Thanksgiving. At that time it had been the longest since seeing each other...ever. I tried sooo hard to ignore him! I live in a gated community and my son had the key so he climbed the fence! haha. It was very romantic. When we finally kissed and I pulled back, his eyes were closed and he came close to bumping into me he was so..."lost" in the moment. It's always like that and for both of us it's this comfortable feeling that just "fits". Before coming over, we talked over the phone for more than an hour and that is very unusual for him. He went on about how he still dreams about me and said (and reminded me) of a lot of things I had no idea he even remembered. *sigh*

So, the dilemma is this: I will always love him but as it looks like there is no actual future with him, how do I cut it off in order to move on? It would feel like cutting a piece of myself away. Seriously. I have not moved away from the town I live in because of him.

Help!

TIA...

You're 50 years old, talkin' like a 20 year old, smoochin' with a 71 year old,
now asking how to cut it off.

Shouldn't you know the answer to that by now??

Oh crap!
I read that wrong!
You're a cougar!
lol

Where did you get 71?? I'm 50 and he's 27. I said *I* was the older one..?

lol...right!

You're 50? Wow! You look fantastic! I'm still stuck on that part! What's your secret?

Yep. The 21st of this month. Thanks 🙂

@MoonArtist - Would it be possible sometime this week to get "unstuck" from the mesmerising, 50yo Scorpio Rising that is ME...in order to help me with my original question? lol

JK...blame it on the Scorpion!

J

Have you considered why you might be attracted to much younger men?

MrFirebird - I hadn't really thought about it...until my last marriage

Posted by grafixgrl
@MoonArtist - Would it be possible sometime this week to get "unstuck" from the mesmerising, 50yo Scorpio Rising that is ME...in order to help me with my original question? lol

JK...blame it on the Scorpion!

J

Well, a little insight is that it's always fun and super exciting to have a that kind of chemistry going on. Now look at it this way: There's a pretty big age gap which means there's a huge possibility that you two won't have the same goals in life or even the same views of many things because of the age gap. It's all fun when you can have the fantastic sex and then be on your merry way afterwards. What happens when you both get your fill and the honeymoon stage ends? What if you lived together? Could it last for a year or more? Would the differences start to be annoying? Just some thoughts.

MoonArtist - I hear you. You haven't said anything that I didn't say to myself. Honestly. The bottom line is that I have been through SO much shit in my life that I "never" wanna look back and say "what if." Maybe it's because of my age that I have developed that feeling of "maybe the next 25 years won't be like the first 25" so at the end what can I say to myself but other than I TRIED. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. All we have is today and today we love each other. Everyone else can go to hell. If it ends in a year...two...10...or even 15 years from now. We gave it a shot. End of story.

Posted by grafixgrl
an age gap of 21 years

Posted by grafixgrl
I'm 50 and he's 27.

click to expand

Half a century old. Can't do basic math.

Lilytree - Moving on is as much for him as it is for me. I feel that the "relationship", as it stands, has gone downhill to the point that now it feels to me like it's "just" about sex and that is not what I want. So, I need to move on because if I don't, then neither will he. I know he won't and I don't want that for him. There's much more to the story than the small(ish) opening paragraph. We have spoken about these things many, many times so not only is this not a left turn out of nowhere, but this decision will certainly not be a shock to him. I'm just weak where he's concerned. Can't help it :/

"MrFirebird - I hadn't really thought about it...until my last marriage don't judge me lol) where my husband was/is 15yrs my junior. First time that had happened to me. I just saw him and not his age. Ya know? We were married for 12 years and have a biological daughter together who is 13 and he raised my (then) 2yo..who turns 18 this month..and gave him his last name. Since then men my own age just seem so...OLD to me for some reason. Idk how else to explain it."

Do you consider yourself a domineering woman? Did you tie your lovers to the bed? Perhaps tie yourself in bed as well?
Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
Perhaps a subliminal thing having to do with power?

Posted by MrFirebird
Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

ROFL

Posted by Damnata

Posted by MrFirebird
Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

ROFL

click to expand

It's a legitimate question.
You know... red.... hammer and sickle.
Flying in the breeze.

I'm Romanian, I know communism. Just didn't expect to see that comment in this thread 🙂)

Ok. I thought this was a Scorpio forum. I saw that others had posted romance issues and I felt compelled to do the same. My story just has another twist in that it was an AGR. That shouldn't matter to any of you though so I don't understand why this thread has gone down this path.

Posted by Damnata
I'm Romanian, I know communism. Just didn't expect to see that comment in this thread 🙂)

Always expect the unexpected.

Posted by grafixgrl
Ok. I thought this was a Scorpio forum. I saw that others had posted romance issues and I felt compelled to do the same. My story just has another twist in that it was an AGR. That shouldn't matter to any of you though so I don't understand why this thread has gone down this path.

It's ok. How old is too old for you?

PS, what's an AGR?

Age Gap Relationship?

AGR = Age Gap Relationship. It wouldn't matter to me how old a man was as long as he was young at heart and could keep up with me. Age is just a number.

Posted by Damnata
Age Gap Relationship?

Ok.

I've heard there is an apparent trend of young women getting involved with men twice their age.

Well, you seem to already know that there's nothing more to be had in the relationship and that there's no future but then you say that you can't let go of it. Look at it this way: how selfish or unselfish do you want to be and are you comfortable with being? If you have decided that there's no future then graciously let go. I'm not saying it's easy or won't be painful, but if that's what you feel then why are you confused about holding on or letting go?

Posted by grafixgrl
AGR = Age Gap Relationship. It wouldn't matter to me how old a man was as long as he was young at heart and could keep up with me. Age is just a number.

Ah, but what if he were young at heart but his heart wasn't so young?

If age is just a number, then slowing down is just a fact of life.
I wonder if there isn't something else at work, here.

MoonArtist - This is exactly the problem!! I'm a Scorpio Rising and with us it's forever! I. Cannot. Let. Go. Even when I KNOW it's what's best. How do I "graciously" do that when everything that is inside says HANG ON?? That possessive side of both of us is just not letting that happen.

Then you could see it through to the end and there could be several outcomes. You could end just as fast and furious as it started but mutually so. You could live long and happy together and it all works out. You could live long and end up bitter towards each other. It could just fizzle out once the newness wears off. Neither of you have been in this very long so it's not like you REALLY know each other fully and you certainly haven't worn each other out and gotten bored yet. I think they say it takes about 2 yrs. for the puppy love stuff to wear off.

Posted by grafixgrl
MoonArtist - This is exactly the problem!! I'm a Scorpio Rising and with us it's forever! I. Cannot. Let. Go. Even when I KNOW it's what's best. How do I "graciously" do that when everything that is inside says HANG ON?? That possessive side of both of us is just not letting that happen.

grfx,
I think you had better listen to what you KNOW is best and not what you want to be best.
Sometimes, what you want isn't necessarily what you need.

One question I must ask

Why are you letting go and holding on?

MrFirebird - I agree.

mfwb55 - I want to let go because a)I need to for my own sanity, b)as things are now it's not healthy for either of us, c)if I don't move on neither will he and it's what's best for him too, and d) it's the right thing to do.

Every time I get this determined frame of mind I "swear" he senses it and then here he comes! The texts and phone calls start and if I don't answer he just ramps it up! And not just with the calls and texts..he's not beneath driving by my house either. Inevitably, everything I thought was best just crumbles under the onslaught :/

Posted by grafixgrl
MrFirebird - I agree.

mfwb55 - I want to let go because a)I need to for my own sanity, b)as things are now it's not healthy for either of us, c)if I don't move on neither will he and it's what's best for him too, and d) it's the right thing to do.

Every time I get this determined frame of mind I "swear" he senses it and then here he comes! The texts and phone calls start and if I don't answer he just ramps it up! And not just with the calls and texts..he's not beneath driving by my house either. Inevitably, everything I thought was best just crumbles under the onslaught :/

Noting what you said to mfwb, I think you already know what you need to do.
Keep in mind, IF you want a relationship that will last, you know that it cannot be superficial.
I am led to believe that this is your situation and your instincts are already telling you this,
but at this point in time, your in a catch-22 state of questioning yourself.
You have to make up your mind to terminate and move on. I think you may be on the brink of it.

Thanks, MrFB for your insightful reply. I think you understand exactly what is up with me and have given me hope that I can be strong and just do it.

damn you are 50?!?!? damnnnnn

There is this site called baggagereclaim and it might give you some clarity in regards to the reasons behind the push/pull. It's very detailed and may give you more than one 'aha' moment. Making the break from someone like this is a real test of will power. Scorpios do have a limit and when that line is crossed your heart will close to him, for forevor. That is the most peaceful way. For me, it was my kids. This man I could not close off to, crossed my mamma line and it was done. Just like that.

Thanks FixedWater - I will def check that site out.

Posted by MoonArtist
You're 50? Wow! You look fantastic! I'm still stuck on that part! What's your secret?

There's this wonderful product called sunscreen. Call it your new best friend.

Oh I have to wear the 100% spf and stay out of the sun from 10-3. Otherwise it triggers a lupus attack. See, vampire!

Posted by CreoleGeisha

Posted by MoonArtist
You're 50? Wow! You look fantastic! I'm still stuck on that part! What's your secret?

There's this wonderful product called sunscreen. Call it your new best friend.

click to expand

Lol

Moon..that's horrible! The Sun is not my friend either. The last time I sunbathed I was in my mid 20's. A few years ago we took a cruise to the Bahamas and I had to use the SPF 50 and still burned. I forgot, of all places, the tops of my feet and I was seriously burned there. Oops :/ Lesson learned!