Card to my mother i have not seen in 1 year...

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Jakes7078 on Monday, August 4, 2014 and has 27 replies.
Hello I am a big fan of everyone here and dxpnet long time reader..
(I will explain the circumstances so that you guys can..understand everything and why I want to do
it.. please I know its long.. and you guys are probably at work or tired at home..so when you guys
can.. any advice you can give...please..)
Me and my mother have had a...hard..relationship...because of my half-brother... he has brought my mother to the point of bankruptcy 3-4 times.. and has done countless crimes... so after the 2 time
and going to the 3rd time I told my mother that I will stay at my dad (which the court has judged
ill fitted to be able to raise a child( he is away a lot and not the perfect role model )to ease
the financial strain on her (because of the transport to school and back (1:30-2h drive (1 way) )
She did not take this the best way...(she is a cancer[9july]and i am a scorp[15 nov])so we sort-of
had a fight and she did most of the talking.. (she ran away (fast passed walk)
so we didn't talk for almost 8-9 months..(our pride..nasty thing) after that my half brother
started being the messenger and we got back more or less..
After a few months my mom went to stay with her boy-friend near the ocean 626,9 km away...and with
a status I put up(BBM)..her reply..and our chat(the little that we did) I could tell that she still has regrets and worries about me and so when I visit her I want to buy a card with chocolates and
give it to her...but I want to gather the right words... so I would like your opinion..
"Mother...I love you... no matter the time that passes...
no matter the distance that is between us...
no matter if we talk past present or future...
that is the one unwavering feeling that is in my heart...
no matter what you do...
you will always be my mom and I will love you..."

Honest opinion please? I think i might be overly dramatic about it... or maybe... not the right words?
Please...any advice.. I have always been bad with words.. and can only show with my actions..but I want to do more this time...
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Jake,
Consider yourself a lucky fellow.
I thought about getting one of those "momma" tats
"Momma didn't love me"
"She loved cats more"
With a heart, of course.


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Posted by starlover
...i would consider him lucky if his mother had overlooked their differences and supported him more. i have fights with my son, i would never leave it that long to contact him



Well.... I guess you just had to be there.

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@starlover (first reply)
thank you.. I am really happy that I could..find a few words that represent..what I feel..
Thank you..
@IrresistableScorp
We were both stubborn and full of pride...but after that we acted as if it never happened..
but yes.. I will tell her.. (alone to avoid encase I start to tear up) that I regretted
every day since... and I have never had a grudge against her..
@starlover (second reply)
"we have where the love is purely unconditional...mother love that is"
Indeed it is...
"i think it is always up to the parent to salvage a r.ship with a son or daughter, not the other way around"
but I have had to grow up a bit faster... and re-evaluate
everything in my life... I can not wait for things to fall into place...
My parents and my friends are the most important and precocious things I have
and I need to fix what was broken..even if I have to rebuild our broken bridge
myself..
The chance that I can not mend what was broken before its gone.. would break what control
I still have over my emotions and then I will have a long lasting regret..
We were both at fault.. I was stupid..she was rash..nothing can be done.. I will treasure what
time I have with her...
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Posted by starlover
..but the mother is the more mature one Jake, well at least she i supposed to be. Wow for 19, you are very mature..my son is 15 and is the same way. is your mother a little immature maybe?
when are you going to see her?


In the following few weeks.. if I can get enough money from my part time job together.. fuel costs are considerable..but worth it.. my dad offered to take me down..but he has to come back up to work.. so its about R4800 total..
She has her ways...I always love her regardless of what she did...Immature or not..she is my mom.. smile
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Posted by starlover
Posted by IrresistableScorp
I don't know. Moms are human as well. Sometimes they need apologies just like everyone else. Especially as you get older, you can't always take your parents for granted. I don't see anything wrong with being open about regret with a parent. shrug



Yes i agree but the guy was probably only 17 or 18 when it happened...barely an adult
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16...
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But what does age matter...if you have to say sorry first to someone to keep them close..is it not worth it?
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My first time writing on the Scorpio board smile
This is what comes through with the little I know;
Jake, you sound like a very sensitive soul. Your mom has issues in dealing with her responsibilities, one being you. You sound like the one doing the parenting in your home. She can see that and deep down probably knows you will be OK. Don't beat yourself up too much on having left her to go live with Dad. You did what YOU had to do given your circumstances.
STOP THE GUILT
The letter is nice and sending it is not a bad idea. She expects nothing less of you. She knows you love her. It won't change her though, she will probably still "disappoint" you because she is human and flawed.
The key here is to detach from her problems and think about yourself but still being present in some way for her.
Good luck.

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"My first time writing on the Scorpio board "
aww thank you for the reply..
"Don't beat yourself up too much on having left her to go live with Dad. You did what YOU had to do given your circumstances."
What I tell myself...but to believe myself is another story haha.. But thanks.. you saying it as well
reassures me...some how... smile
"The letter is nice and sending it is not a bad idea. She expects nothing less of you. She knows you love her. It won't change her though, she will probably still "disappoint" you because she is human and flawed."
I know...but to clear the air between us...it will do...she is very loving and caring... just need
to clear the obstacle that lies before her...
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
One of the hardest lessons in life is the first realization that your parents are flawed humans. The letting go of the pedestal we children put on our parents is so very hard to acknowledge. I remember when I was in my early 20s and my mom admitted that she and my dad had a healthy sex life. I went into panic mode for a few days--I wasn't expect that==don't know why. But then??_wow. Good for them for having a great marriage. My mother and my relationship became more adult after that.
Also on the negative side this works out as well. The pedestal is beautiful, but sometimes knowing that our parents don't reside there on a permanent basis makes them eventually more accessible. This is when real friendship with your parents can come. My two cents. Not sure it even fits here but it came to mind. smile


Indeed... haha me and my mom has always avoided that side..but we both knew we had the necessary knowledge and avoided it as much as possible.. but it didn't change anything.. she was there
for me in a emotional support-ish way...
What you said fits in here as well.. thank you for sharing smile it has given me some idea to nudge
me and my mom in the right direction smile
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Posted by Jakes7078
"My first time writing on the Scorpio board "
aww thank you for the reply..
"Don't beat yourself up too much on having left her to go live with Dad. You did what YOU had to do given your circumstances."
What I tell myself...but to believe myself is another story haha.. But thanks.. you saying it as well
reassures me...some how... smile
"The letter is nice and sending it is not a bad idea. She expects nothing less of you. She knows you love her. It won't change her though, she will probably still "disappoint" you because she is human and flawed."
I know...but to clear the air between us...it will do...she is very loving and caring... just need
to clear the obstacle that lies before her...


Do what your heart tells you. She will definitely appreciate it.
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aquapiscescusp
IrresistableScorp
starlover
and even the left out MrFirebird
Thank you for you advice and replies.. I owe you all a lot...
I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day...
You have helped brighten my day a lot Big Grin
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Posted by Jakes7078
aquapiscescusp
IrresistableScorp
starlover
and even the left out MrFirebird
Thank you for you advice and replies.. I owe you all a lot...
I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day...
You have helped brighten my day a lot Big Grin




Oh... that's ok, Jake.
Quite used to that.
heh heh.
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Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by Jakes7078
aquapiscescusp
IrresistableScorp
starlover
and even the left out MrFirebird
Thank you for you advice and replies.. I owe you all a lot...
I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day...
You have helped brighten my day a lot Big Grin




Oh... that's ok, Jake.
Quite used to that.
heh heh.

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Well.. you are a more special kind of person... if I was with you.. and you noticed me having a bad day or something.. we would do 1 of the following 2 things
1. Fist bump and pretend it never happened (Yes people still do that..i think?)
2. You buy me a beer at the local bar...( although I would prefer coke )
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Jake you are a very lovely person. You give off such great energy. I hope life is good to you. Don't let the idiots bring you down. Always remember its not YOU. Its them. Stand tall in life. You seem very special to me. smile


Thank you smile I will remember what you said...and thanks smile those that are special draw others like them out Tongue
I have one last request to make..
Don't be a stranger!! Big Grin Tongue
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I am really happy that he doesn't need to..because he has someone like you smile please take care smile and I will smile
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yup Tongue
how do you know?
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Posted by Jakes7078
aquapiscescusp
IrresistableScorp
starlover
and even the left out MrFirebird
Thank you for you advice and replies.. I owe you all a lot...
I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day...
You have helped brighten my day a lot Big Grin




Thanks, you too --have a great day smile
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ah...cool Tongue wow your right... Sun Mercury Venus Jupiter Pluto all scorpio!
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Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by Jakes7078
aquapiscescusp
IrresistableScorp
starlover
and even the left out MrFirebird
Thank you for you advice and replies.. I owe you all a lot...
I really hope you enjoy the rest of your day...
You have helped brighten my day a lot Big Grin




Thanks, you too --have a great day smile
click to expand


I will thanks Big Grin Big Grin
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Opposite here-scorpio mom/dtr July 8th. Scorps are always mature as young ones. Always say what you feel cause anyday can be the last you see them. Live life w/ no regret, leave this world w/o whispering,"i wish I had."
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Posted by ScorpVulcan
Opposite here-scorpio mom/dtr July 8th. Scorps are always mature as young ones. Always say what you feel cause anyday can be the last you see them. Live life w/ no regret, leave this world w/o whispering,"i wish I had."


Indeed!! I could not say it better myself!!
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Posted by aquapiscescusp
My first time writing on the Scorpio board smile
This is what comes through with the little I know;
Jake, you sound like a very sensitive soul. Your mom has issues in dealing with her responsibilities, one being you. You sound like the one doing the parenting in your home. She can see that and deep down probably knows you will be OK. Don't beat yourself up too much on having left her to go live with Dad. You did what YOU had to do given your circumstances.
STOP THE GUILT
The letter is nice and sending it is not a bad idea. She expects nothing less of you. She knows you love her. It won't change her though, she will probably still "disappoint" you because she is human and flawed.
The key here is to detach from her problems and think about yourself but still being present in some way for her.
Good luck.



this ^^^^^^
be very careful of your expectations. better yet, have absolutely none because you might get your feelings hurt.
good luck!
click to expand


True i guess o.O smile
Thanks Big Grin
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Posted by starlover
Posted by Jakes7078
ah...cool Tongue wow your right... Sun Mercury Venus Jupiter Pluto all scorpio!


I have five planets too!! Mine are Sun, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter and Neptune, all except Merc in 7th (Merc in 8th)

Big Grin
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Scorpio sister!! Tongue welcome to the 5 planet club Big Grin lol
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lol cool Tongue don't forget the chip dip Big Grin
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Sure I don't mind answering, no he was her first marriage... my dad was the second marriage smile
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Nope smile he is in Pretoria atm working and my mom is at Cape-Town and the entire family is overjoyed because of it... it is a very bad thing to say..but they say they know my mom will recover and things
will go better with her.. smile (their example[my dads and my mothers side])
"your mom is a positive force but when your brother is there she becomes a amplifier for your brothers negative force... this is unfortunate circumstances"
We have a very..."special" sort of family bond here.. Tongue Big Grin
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