days of capricorn chill

...start today. i ended it with the scorp. long time coming. but i tried with everything that i had AND more to tolerate his lesser qualities. he says he tried too to improve them. i believe he tried ...a little. everyone has imperfections, i'm well aware. i dont expect perfect, i just expect one's flaws to not cut so deep every time. many times i was good humored and could make light of him, but too many times was his attitude a complete failure. but at any rate... in the last 2 weeks i've become so resolute that it's scaring me. i laid it all out this weekend and well, yep...

i told him i wanted zero contact. that isnt my usual... it's just special for him because i still have some small amount of feelings, enough that would warrant a warm friendship. BUT i just know i will lose my last bit of sanity when he starts making the changes or giving me what i ask now that it's too late. I *will*not*be*able*to*handle*it. even if he moves on and makes those changes with another. i will be completely disgusted and it isnt even a jealousy thing. it's - i really dont want to be right, but i know i will be - kind of disgust.

therefore... i'm going to keep it movin. sans him. pretty unfair? i believe so and i'm sure thats what many will think. i've tolerated enough though. I have nothing left for him except a shadow of loving memories. this makes me really sad. im thinking of me now.

back to the drawing board and it'll be a long while before i start acting on anything. it might be a long time before i can even care on that level.

he was shaking his head and said, "i dont believe you"

famous last words of everyone i've laid a big surprise on.

ME TIME!

Creepy, (et al,) Sorry to hear this.
I don't know your whole story other than what you posted here, but, for what it's worth, remember this:
IF you look for problems and the negatives, you'll surely find them. - Everyone has flaws. What makes any and
all of us better is when we can overlook those flaws we see in our loved ones. IF we cannot do that, then we
cannot rise above our own limitations.

The one thing, I think, that causes break-ups, is that of disappointment caused by our own standards -
When you romantically love someone, you are setting that person up to a higher standard than you would a
friend or member of the family, than they can meet. You "raise the bar" and when they cannot meet your
expectations, they fail. Is that truly fair to your man? Is truly fair to you?

I think what I just described occurs on the subconscious level, and manifests itself when you go from
looking for those things that were good and positive, the things that caused you fall for your man, in the
first place, to searching for the bad and negative in that man and finding them and feeding the appetite
of disappointment, sorrow, and hate. In that day, you run from the same man you once ran to.
I think if you look inwardly and reflect all that went down and look at yourself, when it was you began to
"judge" him, you may find those flaws you see in him, may reflect flaws you loathe, deep down, within yourself.
Killing happiness and joy and replacing them with sorrow and anger.

Within every girl and every woman, there hides Cinderella, yearning for her Prince Charming.
My advice for Cinderella is not to chase off Prince Charming with obscenely unrealistically high standards
that no man can achieve, let alone maintain, forever, without the art of compromise.

Listen to this song several times, and reflect on what I said. You may find the missing page or two, somehow.

thanks all sooooo much. i really appreciate the thoughts, ideas, comfort A LOT.

...

but again in my defense... i'm only willful when a sense of decency and respect has been crossed.

i've been over it and over it many times in my head. "where i could have done better to make him understand?" there are many things i've come up with. i have an answer to it all. but i'm so over it, i feel nothing. i could not cry about it if i ran my toe into a sharp corner. :/

and btw... his best friend recently told me he was hoping i'd calm him down because (his words) "someone needs to"

good luck to him. unfortunately that's all i have in me towards him. it's so sad.

i'm at that point where i feel like i've lost more of myself than i had gained. and as more time goes by i'm going to see more of it.

if there's a future... most epic IF of all time ...that could be months down the road, possibly years... and i'm talking about a future friendship.

The only person we have power to change is ourselves.

Take are of you, doll. Im tossing you a pair of my BGP's **TOSS**...

Huggies!!

Posted by tauruscancerdelight

Posted by everevolvingepithet

ME TIME!

This should be 2013's buzzwords!

Yeah, I dig ^^!

Creepypants, what happened? Weren't you going snowboarding or something?

Anyways, he is about to get a dose of his own ice chill that only Capricorn is able to deliver. I wish you best of luck in the world in your process. Stay strong, if I can do it you can do it.

I am amazed how many scorpio break ups recently...seriosuly...just look at those boards and stuff. Is it that saturn in scorpio putting an end to things?

click to expand

Yea we did! Had a good time even, but there were a couple instances where he was getting worked up about our group of friends. by the second day i finally tried to calm him down so he could have fun but I had my face verbally slapped for it. I hardly even reacted. In fact I didn't... I just took off for the lifts and continued with my steep learning curve on the slopes 😉 but the whole while i was thinking... it's that same underlying principle that has been the common denominator with all of our issues. And I'm not sure what happened but it must have been the grain of rice that tipped the scale. my heart for him just seemed to flat line.

it's almost as if he thought i would always always always give him my full devotion no matter what... and took advantage of that. i'm not saying it was all bad... not at all. but this was a small issue that he couldn't adjust to save his life... and it's just enough that any self-respecting person wont tolerate. im trying to think of when things started spinning in this direction and it seems like ever since we had our break late last summer... things slowly got worse. like a long drawn out death. these last 4 or 5 weeks got really bad.

i laid it all out as i was driving back. i wasnt even planning on it. it just happened. it was a 3 hr ride. i got it all out in the first hr and the other 2 hrs were essentially silent aside from his occasional hurt puppy confession of how he knows his character flaws and that he's sorry. i simply didnt have anything to say or know what to say. more importantly i wasnt concerned with responding... i'd said everything i needed to say the prior 12 months.

Posted by BullGem
I'm so sorry, creepy. 😢

Was it the gemini moon? We can be assholes sometimes! Don't be afraid to let us know!

But, do your thing. Get some 'me time!', heal and who knows. Try to think of all the positive things you've learned from this relationship. Turn those sad feelings into opportunities for growth. Avoid bitterness at all costs; you'd hurt yourself for nothing.

Best of luck, honey.

gemini moon? if you are suggesting a gemini moon makes you a callous asshole to people you should be treating especially nice... then yes. perhaps it was the gemini moon.

but no. joking aside, i dont think it's the gem moon. it's someone who's immature enough to allow themselves to take advantage of others. he has another bff that he treats the same way. doesnt make it okay... but they'll be bffs forever. they get to hang out a handful of times out of the year in settings where there are tons of friends around. good for them to be able to have that kind of dynamic and still keep things hunky dory. not me... not your supposed "love of my life" (his words).

i checked him for a while. i must have burnt myself out. i stopped. he got worse and worse. it felt very unloving despite all the other loving things he'd do. it couldn't make up for how scathing he was roughly 25% of the time. and perhaps it is a character flaw not necessarily directed at me. fantastic. while he's notoriously pissing everyone else off... i'll hopefully be involving myself in real relationships that bring love and growth. heaven knows i tried to bring him that. when it starts to break me down... i'm out.

i'm patient, understanding, forgiving, but i have feelings too and a need just like anyone else to feel loved and respected.

Thank you BG

Mr. Firebird... oh did I ever take those words to heart through the entire relationship. I had never been pushed to compromise and self-reflect as much as I had with him. I really did. So much it hurts.

Mmmhhmmmm... mkay fine there are some waterworks going down I guess *grabs the clean corner of jynja's blanket*

...He compromised and changed too. But I think after so many times of being put through the ringer about compromising and coming back together to each other... I really feel like he started to believe we would always be together. Actually he'd said it a few times.

I think he got a overly confident and just assumed he could act however he wanted to act.

the standards i held him to are the one's i held myself to. and i wasnt asking for perfection. there are many other flaws about him that i may still adore. i just wish he'd treated me the same way.

i really thought even with all of the imperfections that we were in it for the long haul... but this is the one thing i'd been asking him for months to change. i drew the line there. i even warned him. i guess it didnt matter? what else am i to think?

Creepy


Props to you for taking care of yourself! So many of us get into relationships, completely lose a sense of self, and forget to tend to our own needs.


Girl powah!


This feels like one of those nights when you buy ice cream, rent a good chick flick, and talk girl talk all night. It's cool that you're comfortable enough to talk about it...

LIB... yea, that reading was pretty spot on. I have little time or energy to waste where it clearly isnt wanted. thank you for sharing that. despite hamster powered dxp servers 😛

Jynj, Capgirl, exo QS... thank you dears!

exo, i feel as though some small part of me simply wishes that i could hope for that.

3m... i dont do the gray area much either. but i will admit that in the past, i've always at least managed friendship... plutonic real friendship. I can't offer him that right now. I'm too angry. he thinks i'm bluffing. *shrugs* i'm not trying to be spiteful. i'm not trying to be a thorn in his side. obviously it'll sting him to some degree. it stings me.

my aims are to move the hell on. he's a 5 scorp stellium. he easily gets bitter. and i'm not an idiot... we would inevitably have and foster possessiveness over the other. maintaining a friendship is a slippery slope.

BGP... **CATCHES** ...thanks girl 😛 I'll be neeeeding these!

Ellybean, your words are so wise and comforting... *sigh* thank you 🙂

Posted by MidniteStar
Blah..I don't like stories like these, but it sounds like you did all you could to make it work. That's all you can do. Now it's time to make YOU happy! You sound like a very strong lady. So I know you'll be just fine, but I'll give ya the *hugs* anyway! 🙂

yea... 🙂 I am on that path. I'm looking forward to better times. Seriously *hugs* xoxo

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Creepy


Props to you for taking care of yourself! So many of us get into relationships, completely lose a sense of self, and forget to tend to our own needs.


Girl powah!


This feels like one of those nights when you buy ice cream, rent a good chick flick, and talk girl talk all night. It's cool that you're comfortable enough to talk about it...

thanks luv... Ikr? i dont get how people can get lost so deeply in someone else. that ol phrase "how empty of me to be so full of you" I admire the dedication, but it's like ditching a map and a compass and choosing a tempest. and talking about it... releases it. this thread... has made me feel a gazeeeeeellion times better 🙂

glass of vino lololol, epsom salt bath (cuz snowboarding kicked my ass 😛) any good chick flick recommendation?

Posted by Chance11
sorry to hear that creepy..sounds like you went above and beyond to remedy the situation. unfortunately, scorps on the wrong path are on their own timetable..not fair to you to postpone your happiness until they figure it out..if they ever do. you're a great girl, we all recognize that..the sooner someone deserving to enjoy your awesomeness 🙂

thanks so much chance ... i really hope so. but for the time being, he has just about taken up all of the hope i had. hope is on back order.

lol... on the bright side... i'm working out some work deals and really leaving nothing to hope, cuz i dont have any left! 😄

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Creepy


Props to you for taking care of yourself! So many of us get into relationships, completely lose a sense of self, and forget to tend to our own needs.


Girl powah!


This feels like one of those nights when you buy ice cream, rent a good chick flick, and talk girl talk all night. It's cool that you're comfortable enough to talk about it...

thanks luv... Ikr? i dont get how people can get lost so deeply in someone else. that ol phrase "how empty of me to be so full of you" I admire the dedication, but it's like ditching a map and a compass and choosing a tempest. and talking about it... releases it. this thread... has made me feel a gazeeeeeellion times better 🙂

glass of vino lololol, epsom salt bath (cuz snowboarding kicked my ass 😛) any good chick flick recommendation?

click to expand

Yesss, a glass of wine and epsom salt bath sounds mahhhvelous! Hmmmm, "Little Women"? I always enjoy curling up with a blanky and watching (or reading) "Little Women" when the mood strikes. Also, "Pretty Woman"? "Dirty Dancing"? "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". "Steel Magnolias". "Volver". I've been meaning to rewatch "Amelie" too. All of the above are classics, of course. Take your pick, doll!

Thanks NovSun... your comment was really reassuring.

You ladies are hardcore... gawd. I couldn't come remotely close to a romantic title right now LOL. I was thinking The Thing... not exactly a chick flick, but close enough for me! 😛 I've been wanting to watch some of those movies too. Like Under the Tuscan Sun.. I love Amelie. That movie still makes me want to move to france and be a caf? waitress lololol.


ugh... i'm making dxp my emotional kleenex.

thanks for lending your attention and advice all

XOXO!!!!!!!

it happened just a couple days ago and im still sorting out what im feeling which is oddly a shocking amount of relief.

the sooner im able to make sense of what's going on... the sooner i have a grip and can carry on with life.

How about Titanic?
It would seem apropos.
You know.. hitting an iceberg in the winter time. Sending your Scorpio man to the bottom, living to a ripe old age
then... tossing your lifelong Blue "Heart Of The Ocean" into the sea and... then... diving after it.
Seems more Sagittarian than Capricornyism.

You can never go wrong with "The Thing" and zombies.

I just came across this quote tonight and it seems appropriate to drop it here, even though it sounds like you have a good handle on things. Good luck with everything, fellow Cap.

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened ... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
— Tupac Shakur

Mr. FB... Titanic might actually work ... except i almost have the whole thing memorized lol

NovSun... lmao! you know what i'm saying? .... it's about SURVIVAL!

FMN, i like that quote a lot... oh tupac

Who am i kidding... I cant stay away from him.

We were hanging out over the weekend with some friends and someone i'd just met came up to me and said, "You two look like you belong together"

We hadn't even been standing around each other. We were both talking to other people.

Sure we bicker. Yes, he's tough to handle. I admit, I am too, but we also have such a good time together. It tugs at the heart, I tell ya. Doesn't mean we're back together. We are still two single people, but we're more respectful and appreciative. This is a great course right now.

Be careful. Im thinking if he called it quits he'd mean it, and would probably try to erase you out of his life after. You sounded pretty adamant and its as if you are slowly letting him lure you back in. Before you know it you are back together, and its a pattern with him pushing boundaries each time. Im sure he makes a mental note of it all.

"Who am i kidding... I cant stay away from him."

If the heart is in it, this is where we mess up. We never leave allowing the other person to pull the plug after they've gotten everything they've wanted out of us. I know yall arent back together, but again, be careful. Dont make it all so easy for him.

Yea, you are right. We're def not falling back into a relationship. We're mindful of the new arrangement, but to say we'd never talk or be around each other was just as stupid. And I'd say there's equal amounts of "giving in" between he and i. In fact, he's actually following my lead right now. Not saying a whole lot... we've talked on the phone and went out Saturday night and Sunday day along with many friends.

I thought I would be pissed that things are better. Turns out I'm just happy about it.

libraCUSPscorpio, thanks girl. it's good to know people understand.

aanchalp...thank you! you are really speaking my language.

the news is getting around more. some people think i must be really sad and well... yea it's sad, but shyt... the worst part is over and things can *only* get better from here. i'm not all that upset. lol i'm not sure if i should be worried about that. i love him to death and i wish there might be a chance down the road... dunno how far down or not far, but i do. I guess he hasnt told his family yet with the exception of his sister. He's been a lil weird lately. I'm trying to understand him, while not trying to think so much about him all at the same time lol. my pisces moon makes me really sentimental too, so i'm trying not to get lost in 'what was' but just appreciating it. *sigh*

honestly the toughest part right now is just forcing myself out the door to go have fun. I'm kind of in a cap work mode, so i wanna 1. save money and 2. work on some stuff. but i can't exactly hide in my cap cave right now 😛 that's just asking for misery. any other time, i'd be down for the capricorn dungeon... just not presently. i could be looking at another wild phase in the near future. all in good fun.


the support here is amazeballs...