Have you ever...

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by TheLadyScorpio on Tuesday, May 21, 2013 and has 37 replies.
...felt this ON and OFF switch going into functioning mode, a click?

It has come to my notice, throughout my life, despite shedding the many layers of the 'self' whilst changing, growing and evolving. During such processes, the individuals and the connections that were once close, interlinked, for which mattered immensely to me, ones who I had cared very much for. Once that 'time' comes yet again, I find a part of my being shedding these very same individuals alongside that layer of whom I formerly was.
In hindsight, some might view it as cold, others view it as ruthless yet to myself, it seems like a necessity. Do I still harbor fond memories of each and every single person, I do. everything is still crystal clear as day, yet once that layer is left behind. No matter how much I may miss those connections, those feelings, I cannot bring my being to relight those flames so it may burn the same way ever again. Even if I may try, which in the past these attempts seem to only prove my intuitive guts- that it was never meant to be. As in my begin may want the best of what my 'past' self had but the 'current' self will deny me this delusional pleasure because inside me screams, this is false! Sure, there are time when one might reminiscent but as much as I would 'like' to make things as they once were again, I know that would be impossible because of who I am fundamentally, it is but changed as would be expected of other too. Once that OFF switch clicks, there is 99.99999999999% of no going back, really the point of no return.

Am I some serial monogamist in terms of platonic connections who always finds this urge, hunger, this need to continually re-invent oneself?
Do I simply crave intensity, a high?
What is this I ask myself...Each layer of individuals would not recognize the 'me' that they knew, if they put it side to side, comparing all those different 'self' with one another, constant metamorphosis?

Any other Stingers out there who could relate or anyone willing to shed some light?
(No, I am not talking about shedding/letting go of people that we out grow. That aspect is understood to me this is something else entirely...)
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
...felt this ON and OFF switch going into functioning mode, a click?

It has come to my notice, throughout my life, despite shedding the many layers of the 'self' whilst changing, growing and evolving. During such processes, the individuals and the connections that were once close, interlinked, for which mattered immensely to me, ones who I had cared very much for. Once that 'time' comes yet again, I find a part of my being shedding these very same individuals alongside that layer of whom I formerly was.
In hindsight, some might view it as cold, others view it as ruthless yet to myself, it seems like a necessity. Do I still harbor fond memories of each and every single person, I do. everything is still crystal clear as day, yet once that layer is left behind. No matter how much I may miss those connections, those feelings, I cannot bring my being to relight those flames so it may burn the same way ever again. Even if I may try, which in the past these attempts seem to only prove my intuitive guts- that it was never meant to be. As in my begin may want the best of what my 'past' self had but the 'current' self will deny me this delusional pleasure because inside me screams, this is false! Sure, there are time when one might reminiscent but as much as I would 'like' to make things as they once were again, I know that would be impossible because of who I am fundamentally, it is but changed as would be expected of other too. Once that OFF switch clicks, there is 99.99999999999% of no going back, really the point of no return.

Am I some serial monogamist in terms of platonic connections who always finds this urge, hunger, this need to continually re-invent oneself?
Do I simply crave intensity, a high?
What is this I ask myself...Each layer of individuals would not recognize the 'me' that they knew, if they put it side to side, comparing all those different 'self' with one another, constant metamorphosis?

Any other Stingers out there who could relate or anyone willing to shed some light?
(No, I am not talking about shedding/letting go of people that we out grow. That aspect is understood to me this is something else entirely...)


No stinger here, but I'd like to pitch in.
I never really go back. Too painful. It's not very healthy to keep phasing between indifference and resentment. True happiness comes to those w
details
Trues happiness comes to those who don't care enough to lose. If you care too much, the residue will bother you for a long time, even if you snap all ties. I don't "switch", but when I catch myself drifting too far into my past, I tether my mind. It takes a little time and effort, but I get there - eventually.
details
Posted by trine
Trues happiness comes to those who don't care enough to lose. If you care too much, the residue will bother you for a long time, even if you snap all ties. I don't "switch", but when I catch myself drifting too far into my past, I tether my mind. It takes a little time and effort, but I get there - eventually.


Well by the 'switch' I meant, like a light switch, at a flick of a hand, I go ON or I go Off, there exists no middle grounds. Once that OFF has been flicked then that is about it, all ties are cut, even if there are but a few strings left it would be held very loosely. By all means if those individuals were to enter back into my life, I would still be friendly and cordial, beyond it? Hardly, which leaves some disliking me, others hating me Sad
details
Posted by everevolvingepithet
The switch thing is easy, as is the emotional compartment of such an action, it's the reasons for/against that make the difference imo.


Do elaborate, I can not really tell what you mean. You are being all cryptic again Big Grin
details
I'm yet to get there. My "switch" is not absolute, so I'll have to cover a lot of ground. This is also why I can't be cordial - too many unresolved issues in my mind. Complete avoidance of the person is a must.
details
Posted by trine
I'm yet to get there. My "switch" is not absolute, so I'll have to cover a lot of ground. This is also why I can't be cordial - too many unresolved issues in my mind. Complete avoidance of the person is a must.


Cordial is me detaching or even detached (some call it aloof), the shedding of those layers, is exactly like a snake shedding its skin. Would it be possible for I to step back into those shoes, for a moment, to revisit specific memories, feelings etc.? It would be possible but those memories, would play before my eyes like a film set on play but I am now the commentary, a third person that exists within it but not 'in' it, it gives me the kind of objectivity which would be hard pressed to find during that moment live as it was. So then one might ask? What is the point, isn't one meant to relive memories as the lead character themselves, to relive from within it? Not I, I could do it but it is no longer necessary to me, what that lead character felt I already know, a blue print of all the thoughts/emotions/etc. carefully catalogued within my gigantic super computer system, a simple retrieval would get me what I require.
My self-awareness and my self-correcting behavior forces me to go beyond simply information gathering or simply feeling emotions, it asks for objectivity, it asks for analysis, it asks for understanding, it asks for change. Do you see its demands now?
Avoidance is never necessary for me once it clicks OFF, for all the emotions in the world those individuals could experience, even if my empathetic side would allow me, it merely reflects off of me, it no longer sinks in the way it once did. It is very hard to explain...
details
Posted by ellessque
I never realized how true this was until late last summer......
I traveled to see my son when my grandson was born......and he was living with his father. I haven't seen the man in at least 9-10 years....can't exactly remember, but it had been awhile.
Him and his girlfriend even invited me to stay.....but I politely declined and got a hotel room.
It was the weirdest most awkwardest moment in a long time....coming to him house and seeing him.
He looked exactly the same....but aged. Even his house "felt" like him. He hadn't changed one bit.
Me, on the other hand....felt like I entered another world of some sort. I was very out of place.
He was very uncomfortable with my presence. I could feel it.....and later it was confirmed with a bunch of drunken text messages I received from him a few months later.
Whether that is relevant to what you are saying...I don't know.
....but I am familiar with what you are saying and it's not just with exes either.
I can look back at my life and see many layers of "me"....and each "layer" is another group of people who were relevant to me during that time.


No, no Elle...what you had shared was relevant in its own way, similar to my experience yet not quite the same. Yet, thread after thread I hear other signs coming here bemoaning our kind, some were burned, some were left behind, some were etc. etc. but nobody bothered to let them in, on what 'we' experience. Now I am not here to say this is the same across the board for all Stingers, this is simply my personal experience which I am still trying to understand and grasp.

Have you ever found yourself, despite the obvious discomfort of others (past soul mates, past exes, past close friends and so forth), still walk on ignoring them, metaphorically and literally speaking. Even if you feel this immense pull to 'help' them, you core never allows you, the distance is there like a huge and heavy rock, a barricade even you, yourself can never cross again, even if you hate it, you know it is for the greater good for all?
details
Posted by seraph
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Once that OFF switch clicks, there is 99.99999999999% of no going back, really the point of no return.

this need to continually re-invent oneself?
Do I simply crave intensity, a high?
What is this I ask myself...Each layer of individuals would not recognize the 'me' that they knew, if they put it side to side, comparing all those different 'self' with one another, constant metamorphosis?

Any other Stingers out there who could relate or anyone willing to shed some light?
(No, I am not talking about shedding/letting go of people that we out grow. That aspect is understood to me this is something else entirely...)


I've got a Uranus in Scorp Singleton.
What's happening is that you're consistently transcending your former self. The re-invention that happens doesn't happen laterally. It happens vertically. If you consistently employ self-inquiry, such as the kind you're posting now, you'll not only re-create a different person, but a *better* one - not in terms of an egoistic recognition, but in terms of coming closer and closer to your true nature, from which *many* people tend to move far away in the everyday phenomenal world as they progress into adulthood. Some people were never close to it to begin with.
When you were born, that blank slate that is your "Self" got written on by everyone - your parents, friends, teachers, care-givers, society at large, and so on. It filled up right quick, with no place left for *you* to write. Self-inquiry helps us wipe the slate and write our own, authentic story.
click to expand


If I am not transcending myself in regards to egoistic recognition, then what is this precisely? My soul, my nature, my being, my core...?
Yes, I would admit so much as to say I am self-aware and self-correction but even despite all these questions which are asked of myself, why on earth do I feel unchanged, as if no progress has been made, no movement at all?
That completely baffles me...
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by trine
I'm yet to get there. My "switch" is not absolute, so I'll have to cover a lot of ground. This is also why I can't be cordial - too many unresolved issues in my mind. Complete avoidance of the person is a must.


Cordial is me detaching or even detached (some call it aloof), the shedding of those layers, is exactly like a snake shedding its skin. Would it be possible for I to step back into those shoes, for a moment, to revisit specific memories, feelings etc.? It would be possible but those memories, would play before my eyes like a film set on play but I am now the commentary, a third person that exists within it but not 'in' it, it gives me the kind of objectivity which would be hard pressed to find during that moment live as it was. So then one might ask? What is the point, isn't one meant to relive memories as the lead character themselves, to relive from within it? Not I, I could do it but it is no longer necessary to me, what that lead character felt I already know, a blue print of all the thoughts/emotions/etc. carefully catalogued within my gigantic super computer system, a simple retrieval would get me what I require.
My self-awareness and my self-correcting behavior forces me to go beyond simply information gathering or simply feeling emotions, it asks for objectivity, it asks for analysis, it asks for understanding, it asks for change. Do you see its demands now?
Avoidance is never necessary for me once it clicks OFF, for all the emotions in the world those individuals could experience, even if my empathetic side would allow me, it merely reflects off of me, it no longer sinks in the way it once did. It is very hard to explain...
click to expand


Very articulate. Wish I were as objective. I -am- the film everytime I rewind.
details
Posted by seraph
Posted by TheLadyScorpio

If I am not transcending myself in regards to egoistic recognition, then what is this precisely? My soul, my nature, my being, my core...?



You're developing into someone who is no longer affected by the slings and arrows associated with your former self and *that* former self's attachments and dependencies. In short, there is less that can touch you.
***Once less touches who I am- does this leave those around me further away (my unintentional push) or am I going further away form my own core?***
This doesn't mean you'll be happy about it - sometimes it's a sobering truth that you don't *need* to associate and identify with externalities like you used to. Those you leave behind can resent you for this. "Just WHO do you think you are?" "You're to commiserate with me or else!" And so on.
***Ay, happiness is another topic entirely. From this flipping of switches, happiness is not what I seek but some sense of inner peace, an understanding or even containment but certainly not happiness for that is another ball game entirely.***
Posted by TheLadyScorpio

Yes, I would admit so much as to say I am self-aware and self-correction but even despite all these questions which are asked of myself, why on earth do I feel unchanged, as if no progress has been made, no movement at all?


You're looking for a Hollywood-ride. An easy cruise at 30,000 feet in the 1st Class section, with grilled Arctic Char and spring veggies served. But that isn't how it happens. You'll sometimes hate your own growth and look wistfully at everyone whom you *think* has an easier time of it. But self-inquiry today, done diligently, will bear fruit in time. It's a process that can't be rushed.
click to expand


No, this will never be an easy ride, never expected so and never will, my head is too planted in reality to even desire a Hollywood-ride, inner growth will not allow this to even remotely occur.
It is a battle long fought and hard, rather than begin wistful, as much as my writing voice might carry it across as, it is more of frustration at myself, of why I cannot possibly beat these barricading beasts which are stopping me from fulfilling 'me'. That frustration is immense, back this u
details
...back this up with a will that is beyond dangerous, beyond powerful, an iron clad fist which wields but reaps no results. By simply writing this out without editing per se, allowed me to see, that I might possibly place myself against too high a pedestal, forcing my own expectations to be skewed too far into perfection? But isn't this demand of the self necessary, this drive, this push, in order to make the most of who we are?
Bah, my thoughts come out as if I had but only one breathe to say it all, hardly my actual mood seraph smile
details
(quoted above, forget to put them in the bold font)
***Once less touches who I am- does this leave those around me further away (my unintentional push) or am I going further away form my own core?***
***Ay, happiness is another topic entirely. From this flipping of switches, happiness is not what I seek but some sense of inner peace, an understanding or even containment but certainly not happiness for that is another ball game entirely.***
details
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by everevolvingepithet
The switch thing is easy, as is the emotional compartment of such an action, it's the reasons for/against that make the difference imo.


Do elaborate, I can not really tell what you mean. You are being all cryptic again Big Grin


It's not that cryptic lol.smile
click to expand


It was tongue-in-cheek dear sir smile
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
...felt this ON and OFF switch going into functioning mode, a click?

It has come to my notice, throughout my life, despite shedding the many layers of the 'self' whilst changing, growing and evolving. During such processes, the individuals and the connections that were once close, interlinked, for which mattered immensely to me, ones who I had cared very much for. Once that 'time' comes yet again, I find a part of my being shedding these very same individuals alongside that layer of whom I formerly was.
In hindsight, some might view it as cold, others view it as ruthless yet to myself, it seems like a necessity. Do I still harbor fond memories of each and every single person, I do. everything is still crystal clear as day, yet once that layer is left behind. No matter how much I may miss those connections, those feelings, I cannot bring my being to relight those flames so it may burn the same way ever again. Even if I may try, which in the past these attempts seem to only prove my intuitive guts- that it was never meant to be. As in my begin may want the best of what my 'past' self had but the 'current' self will deny me this delusional pleasure because inside me screams, this is false! Sure, there are time when one might reminiscent but as much as I would 'like' to make things as they once were again, I know that would be impossible because of who I am fundamentally, it is but changed as would be expected of other too. Once that OFF switch clicks, there is 99.99999999999% of no going back, really the point of no return.

Am I some serial monogamist in terms of platonic connections who always finds this urge, hunger, this need to continually re-invent oneself?
Do I simply crave intensity, a high?
What is this I ask myself...Each layer of individuals would not recognize the 'me' that they knew, if they put it side to side, comparing all those different 'self' with one another, constant metamorphosis?

Any other Stingers out there who could relate or anyone willing to shed some light?
(No, I am not talking about shedding/letting go of people that we out grow. That aspect is understood to me this is something else entirely...)



Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered sou
details

^^^^
Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered soul. As time passes, with more people on your bracelet, the more scattered
you become. The more people you intimately involved yourself with, the less of you is recognizable and
the vacuum that remains sucks in confusion like a black hole.
That's what you are trying to understand.
Mind you, it need not be a "relationship" possessing great knowledge in a diverse variety of things can cause a similar
problems.
What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
Does that help?
details
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird

^^^^
Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered soul. As time passes, with more people on your bracelet, the more scattered
you become. The more people you intimately involved yourself with, the less of you is recognizable and
the vacuum that remains sucks in confusion like a black hole.
That's what you are trying to understand.
Mind you, it need not be a "relationship" possessing great knowledge in a diverse variety of things can cause a similar
problems.
What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
Does that help?


you are not even close to understanding what she was saying.
click to expand


And you're not even close to understanding what I was saying.
Now.... tell us how you really feel.
details
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird

^^^^
Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered soul. As time passes, with more people on your bracelet, the more scattered
you become. The more people you intimately involved yourself with, the less of you is recognizable and
the vacuum that remains sucks in confusion like a black hole.
That's what you are trying to understand.
Mind you, it need not be a "relationship" possessing great knowledge in a diverse variety of things can cause a similar
problems.
What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
Does that help?


you are not even close to understanding what she was saying.


And you're not even close to understanding what I was saying.
Now.... tell us how you really feel.

click to expand


Mr.Firebird thank you for sharing and I completely understand what you are sharing but this is unfortunately not the problem that is at hand for myself, it is not the black hole nor the vacuum that is 'killing' me, possibly a few years back I would agree to as such but not anymore. This is another beast entirely...
details
Posted by IntriguedScorp
*sigh* The ON/OFF switch. Once turned OFF it is held in lock down never to be switched ON again. Its a bitch.


Haha, no sighing allowed. I kid, welcome unto the bandwagon Intrigued, you are not alone smile
Many a times, myself now and in the past, have wondered if it is my ego or the situation or my growth or that individual which caused the run of its course. Perhaps our ON/OFF switch is different which is interesting to add because this shows we Stingers really come in a whole wide range of flavors and not one. Personally if my OFF switch is flipped, even if it it is permanently on a complete lock down. My being does not feel jeopardized when I am around those said individuals, if I ever do come into contact with them. To them, I would seem friendly, polite, cordial etc. sure they could be acquaintances, of the distant sort, the OFF switch is within me they simply 'suffer' the ramifications of my choice, or so they say. No middle ground is required of me because, interaction when mandatory is still achievable but only with a husk of my full being, my social being not my soul nor my core.
Once ties are nearly but all dead and gone, those ties are bonds from my end. When I cut them others might not have, they are free to hold on to their end of the rope till the end of time but eventually and hopefully they will realize it is no longer tight and on the other end there is no longer life to sustain that necessary tension.
Sometimes it is a conscious effort, where I have planned and planned, dissecting which ever way path should go in life and what changes are needed in order to facilitate this process. Other times it is not 'impulsive' per se, but I would quite literally wake up and realize, a part of me came off, that 'layer of self' slipped off without my knowledge of it, perhaps there was a pending process up to that point which my mind failed to register as I was too busy dealing with fast firing emotions (which inconveniently consumes most of my being on a regular basis, ay the life of a water creature!).
Though for some reasons I sense your Venus, as part of the reason to the fence sitting. Over-thinking is hazardous, combined with other things it often proves to be a lethal concoction that kills no other than ourselves. Ay, way to go in our elite level of self-destruction and by god am I glad this rarely occurs these days.

details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird

^^^^
Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered soul. As time passes, with more people on your bracelet, the more scattered
you become. The more people you intimately involved yourself with, the less of you is recognizable and
the vacuum that remains sucks in confusion like a black hole.
That's what you are trying to understand.
Mind you, it need not be a "relationship" possessing great knowledge in a diverse variety of things can cause a similar
problems.
What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
Does that help?


you are not even close to understanding what she was saying.


And you're not even close to understanding what I was saying.
Now.... tell us how you really feel.



Mr.Firebird thank you for sharing and I completely understand what you are sharing but this is unfortunately not the problem that is at hand for myself, it is not the black hole nor the vacuum that is 'killing' me, possibly a few years back I would agree to as such but not anymore. This is another beast entirely...
click to expand


details
LS,
Yet it is still the beast. That's what you are trying to understand.
Perhaps, the lesson requires that you step back and take a couple readings on your personal life and retrace your steps
to determine how you got here.
details
Posted by MrFirebird
LS,
Yet it is still the beast. That's what you are trying to understand.
Perhaps, the lesson requires that you step back and take a couple readings on your personal life and retrace your steps
to determine how you got here.



True it is still a beast but I have many within me, some are yet to be tamed, some are yet to be understood, some are already chained.
"Perhaps, the lesson requires that you step back and take a couple readings on your personal life and retrace your steps
to determine how you got here."
Did, done, to death already.
Understanding is achieved to a degree, the past no longer provides me the answers for I have but squeezed out every single last drop of golden essence from it. No, the next step must occur, but what is that step? All I know is the direction is forward, onwards...

(Perhaps by taking a few reads back on the various 'monologues' which I had shared, it might shed idea on what on earth I am trying to achieve here or not achieve...still in deliberation)
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by MrFirebird
LS,
Yet it is still the beast. That's what you are trying to understand.
Perhaps, the lesson requires that you step back and take a couple readings on your personal life and retrace your steps
to determine how you got here.



True it is still a beast but I have many within me, some are yet to be tamed, some are yet to be understood, some are already chained.
"Perhaps, the lesson requires that you step back and take a couple readings on your personal life and retrace your steps
to determine how you got here."
Did, done, to death already.
Understanding is achieved to a degree, the past no longer provides me the answers for I have but squeezed out every single last drop of golden essence from it. No, the next step must occur, but what is that step? All I know is the direction is forward, onwards...

(Perhaps by taking a few reads back on the various 'monologues' which I had shared, it might shed idea on what on earth I am trying to achieve here or not achieve...still in deliberation)
click to expand


Sometimes, things are NOT understood, because they are not meant to be understood. Sometimes, trying to understand, makes it worse and you accomplish nothing. Yet.... in time, these things may all come back possessing greater clarity. Their importance put in their proper place. - Remember, sometimes the harder you work, the harder the work becomes.
When you get older, you'll forget an awful lot. And it is for a good reason. To remember everything is hoard your own life.
And hoarding cripples and immobilizes.
details
@ MrFireBird
Hmm, interesting.
Feeling, I have done a lot of 'feeling' already though it hardly gets me anywhere, at least not far in life. No one could hardly get anywhere without being self-aware, if one is not aware of oneself nor ones effect on others, one might as well blow themselves in the head. To a certain degree letting things be is another motto which I take on in life but hardly the only one to follow, it leaves one stagnant and I can never ever allow myself to be in such a position again, my soul dies in such a state.
At the end of the day, it begs the question am 'I' the problem or are 'they' the problem or neither or both? It is an instinctual need for me to fix, to correct, to improve. It is not conscious, well not too much for the most part MrFireBird, this is simply who I am and yes this is a need not a want. I question so therefore I know, if one never questions one might as well be as ignorant as a rock, to be ignorant of the self is a waste of space on this planet in my opinion. Get a grip and be responsible for who you are, in all its entirety is the key for any individual.
You are going slightly off topic yet on topic hanging by a thread, this is not about hoarding for heaven's sake, this is my wanting to understand why I do this ON/OFF behavior, what is my intent behind it, why I feel the need to do it, and how it relates to my being, its evolution etc.!
(The last thing you would have gathered from my extensive writing is hoarding, cataloguing yes, but that is simply my extensive elephant library which I have within my head, do I revisit each and everyone on a daily basis. Hell no, I would never have the time. It is trying to make sense of why 'my letting go' is seemingly causing such effect on others, must there be a compromised reach within or this seemingly selfish behaviour is correct? These are the examples of inquiry which I give myself.)
details
Posted by ellessque
Posted by MrFirebird

^^^^
Every time you engage in a relationship, especially an intimate relationship with a different person, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
That fall manifests itself as a scattered soul. As time passes, with more people on your bracelet, the more scattered
you become. The more people you intimately involved yourself with, the less of you is recognizable and
the vacuum that remains sucks in confusion like a black hole.
That's what you are trying to understand.
Mind you, it need not be a "relationship" possessing great knowledge in a diverse variety of things can cause a similar
problems.
What benefit is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?
Does that help?


you are not even close to understanding what she was saying.
click to expand


Unfortunately I am beginning to agree Sad
details
Posted by IntriguedScorp
What exactly are you trying to say LS. Can you put it all down in one sentence so I can understand? smile


One sentence? My thoughts do not come in one-liners unless if I am really pissed smile
Not really saying anything IS, sharing for the sake of sharing, throwing a floatation device out there in hopes someone, anyone will make sense of what this jumble is, that is in my own head because frankly on some days, I even question what these monologues give Big Grin
details
Posted by seraph
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
...back this up with a will that is beyond dangerous, beyond powerful, an iron clad fist which wields but reaps no results. By simply writing this out without editing per se, allowed me to see, that I might possibly place myself against too high a pedestal, forcing my own expectations to be skewed too far into perfection? But isn't this demand of the self necessary, this drive, this push, in order to make the most of who we are?
Bah, my thoughts come out as if I had but only one breathe to say it all, hardly my actual mood seraph smile


Nah, I'm glad this came out unedited. It's really going somewhere now.
click to expand


Perhaps it may be guilt though, as much a part of me wishes to have these binds which keeps me connected within 'the world' and society but at once I am contradictory because these very same binds, feel like the ropes which tie me down from soaring properly (which is required in our evolution). This have left many close to me, hurt, by looking back, I have realized this has caused more pain to others than myself yet I know this 'selfish' behavior as some would call it, is the essence which I need to have. Should I take on the responsibility of others and their emotions, or rather should the responsibility of the self far outweigh this? Are they intact in some ways mutually inclusive, by being responsible for my well being, knowing the good vibes I emit will be the very thing that keeps the emotions of others in place?
There, where is this rambling going? Hardly anywhere but in some sort of blinded spiral, hopefully upwards. Thank you seraph though, that last post really shed some light and very very true, do what one must do and allow the rest to fall into place, totalitarian control is not a necessity it only hinders smile
it has come to my conclusion either make others happy or make me happy and I choose the latter.
Clamoring about to better myself, there is this need which overwhelm all else, so much so if anyone were to get in my way to reaching my goals, as in the past, my entire begin of an army will obliterate whatever is in my path. For some strange reason, even writing that seems very volatile yet this willingness to battle, to be at arms is the singular most important thing to have. No?

details
Posted by IntriguedScorp
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by IntriguedScorp
What exactly are you trying to say LS. Can you put it all down in one sentence so I can understand? smile


One sentence? My thoughts do not come in one-liners unless if I am really pissed smile
Not really saying anything IS, sharing for the sake of sharing, throwing a floatation device out there in hopes someone, anyone will make sense of what this jumble is, that is in my own head because frankly on some days, I even question what these monologues give Big Grin


Girlfriend, I hear you. I like this thread though--its like a mirror into the mind of a Scorpio trying to figure out what the hell we are feeling. This thread could go on for days--or weeks. Seriously. :/
click to expand


It makes one wonder, if we can not understand what we feel, how on earth can others understand what we feel yet we expect that of others. Is that loopy thinking or what?
Days...weeks...it sounds like an absolute drainage of emotional objectivity where in logic will be stifled. LOL, cheer up y'all, the world has not exploded yet!
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
@ MrFireBird
Hmm, interesting.
Feeling, I have done a lot of 'feeling' already though it hardly gets me anywhere, at least not far in life. No one could hardly get anywhere without being self-aware, if one is not aware of oneself nor ones effect on others, one might as well blow themselves in the head. To a certain degree letting things be is another motto which I take on in life but hardly the only one to follow, it leaves one stagnant and I can never ever allow myself to be in such a position again, my soul dies in such a state.
At the end of the day, it begs the question am 'I' the problem or are 'they' the problem or neither or both? It is an instinctual need for me to fix, to correct, to improve. It is not conscious, well not too much for the most part MrFireBird, this is simply who I am and yes this is a need not a want. I question so therefore I know, if one never questions one might as well be as ignorant as a rock, to be ignorant of the self is a waste of space on this planet in my opinion. Get a grip and be responsible for who you are, in all its entirety is the key for any individual.
You are going slightly off topic yet on topic hanging by a thread, this is not about hoarding for heaven's sake, this is my wanting to understand why I do this ON/OFF behavior, what is my intent behind it, why I feel the need to do it, and how it relates to my being, its evolution etc.!
(The last thing you would have gathered from my extensive writing is hoarding, cataloguing yes, but that is simply my extensive elephant library which I have within my head, do I revisit each and everyone on a daily basis. Hell no, I would never have the time. It is trying to make sense of why 'my letting go' is seemingly causing such effect on others, must there be a compromised reach within or this seemingly selfish behaviour is correct? These are the examples of inquiry which I give myself.)

details
You were going to say something? smile
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
@ MrFireBird
Hmm, interesting.
Feeling, I have done a lot of 'feeling' already though it hardly gets me anywhere, at least not far in life. No one could hardly get anywhere without being self-aware, if one is not aware of oneself nor ones effect on others, one might as well blow themselves in the head. To a certain degree letting things be is another motto which I take on in life but hardly the only one to follow, it leaves one stagnant and I can never ever allow myself to be in such a position again, my soul dies in such a state.
At the end of the day, it begs the question am 'I' the problem or are 'they' the problem or neither or both? It is an instinctual need for me to fix, to correct, to improve. It is not conscious, well not too much for the most part MrFireBird, this is simply who I am and yes this is a need not a want. I question so therefore I know, if one never questions one might as well be as ignorant as a rock, to be ignorant of the self is a waste of space on this planet in my opinion. Get a grip and be responsible for who you are, in all its entirety is the key for any individual.
You are going slightly off topic yet on topic hanging by a thread, this is not about hoarding for heaven's sake, this is my wanting to understand why I do this ON/OFF behavior, what is my intent behind it, why I feel the need to do it, and how it relates to my being, its evolution etc.!
(The last thing you would have gathered from my extensive writing is hoarding, cataloguing yes, but that is simply my extensive elephant library which I have within my head, do I revisit each and everyone on a daily basis. Hell no, I would never have the time. It is trying to make sense of why 'my letting go' is seemingly causing such effect on others, must there be a compromised reach within or this seemingly selfish behaviour is correct? These are the examples of inquiry which I give myself.)


I am afraid you misunderstood. That's ok, My thought process is insanely deep and broad. - I speak in metaphors and allegories and parables - In part because I see things. (not good to get started on that subject)
Are you trying to grasp the soul itself? IF so, the way to do it, is to let go.
details
Not misunderstood, we simply speak different languages, which is fine by me. No, I would not doubt your thought process but neither should you doubt my own.
Grasp what soul? My soul? Not per se, more of grasps why I am the way I am and why such processes occur. Once the OFF switch flips, it is a complete shut down in regards to what ever I felt or associate with the said individuals. This is not even in the negative sense, by a click, everything refreshes back unto nothing, a void, a blank emptiness. On some days that frightens me, this ability in me to detach so completely, so thoroughly where I can even return back into that world a new, as if I never been there...
(My head is pounding with the most terrible of headaches, if I cannot comprehend you nor you me, that would be the probable reason.)
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Not misunderstood, we simply speak different languages, which is fine by me. No, I would not doubt your thought process but neither should you doubt my own.
Grasp what soul? My soul? Not per se, more of grasps why I am the way I am and why such processes occur. Once the OFF switch flips, it is a complete shut down in regards to what ever I felt or associate with the said individuals. This is not even in the negative sense, by a click, everything refreshes back unto nothing, a void, a blank emptiness. On some days that frightens me, this ability in me to detach so completely, so thoroughly where I can even return back into that world a new, as if I never been there...
(My head is pounding with the most terrible of headaches, if I cannot comprehend you nor you me, that would be the probable reason.)


You must relax. I am sensing that you are trying way too hard to understand yourself, before you are ready to understand
yourself - this is why you are "detached" - you are focusing too much on what is going on within yourself.
These things take time. IF you possess any artistic abilities, or even interests, you might try to channel yourself
in any one of those fields. Don't worry about whether you're good or not, the point would be to unload yourself into
an artistic expression. As for the headache, it could be that there is too much spinning thoughts going on in your mind
that are spinning too fast for you and you haven't quite managed to bring it under control. One can only imagine how
chaotic it must be for you at this time. Like I said, relax. Try to think about other things.
details
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Not misunderstood, we simply speak different languages, which is fine by me. No, I would not doubt your thought process but neither should you doubt my own.
Grasp what soul? My soul? Not per se, more of grasps why I am the way I am and why such processes occur. Once the OFF switch flips, it is a complete shut down in regards to what ever I felt or associate with the said individuals. This is not even in the negative sense, by a click, everything refreshes back unto nothing, a void, a blank emptiness. On some days that frightens me, this ability in me to detach so completely, so thoroughly where I can even return back into that world a new, as if I never been there...
(My head is pounding with the most terrible of headaches, if I cannot comprehend you nor you me, that would be the probable reason.)


You must relax. I am sensing that you are trying way too hard to understand yourself, before you are ready to understand
yourself - this is why you are "detached" - you are focusing too much on what is going on within yourself.
These things take time. IF you possess any artistic abilities, or even interests, you might try to channel yourself
in any one of those fields. Don't worry about whether you're good or not, the point would be to unload yourself into
an artistic expression. As for the headache, it could be that there is too much spinning thoughts going on in your mind
that are spinning too fast for you and you haven't quite managed to bring it under control. One can only imagine how
chaotic it must be for you at this time. Like I said, relax. Try to think about other things.

click to expand


In fact I am relaxed (even if my writing does not seem so), the headache has nothing to do with my thinking it has to do with other chaos, requirements of mind boggling life activities as of the moment smile
Thank you though, will keep your thoughts in mind, some of it is quite valid, although it takes shifting through in order for one to pick out piece by piece the valuable parts.
details
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by MrFirebird
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Not misunderstood, we simply speak different languages, which is fine by me. No, I would not doubt your thought process but neither should you doubt my own.
Grasp what soul? My soul? Not per se, more of grasps why I am the way I am and why such processes occur. Once the OFF switch flips, it is a complete shut down in regards to what ever I felt or associate with the said individuals. This is not even in the negative sense, by a click, everything refreshes back unto nothing, a void, a blank emptiness. On some days that frightens me, this ability in me to detach so completely, so thoroughly where I can even return back into that world a new, as if I never been there...
(My head is pounding with the most terrible of headaches, if I cannot comprehend you nor you me, that would be the probable reason.)


You must relax. I am sensing that you are trying way too hard to understand yourself, before you are ready to understand
yourself - this is why you are "detached" - you are focusing too much on what is going on within yourself.
These things take time. IF you possess any artistic abilities, or even interests, you might try to channel yourself
in any one of those fields. Don't worry about whether you're good or not, the point would be to unload yourself into
an artistic expression. As for the headache, it could be that there is too much spinning thoughts going on in your mind
that are spinning too fast for you and you haven't quite managed to bring it under control. One can only imagine how
chaotic it must be for you at this time. Like I said, relax. Try to think about other things.



In fact I am relaxed (even if my writing does not seem so), the headache has nothing to do with my thinking it has to do with other chaos, requirements of mind boggling life activities as of the moment smile
Thank you though, will keep your thoughts in mind, some of it is quite valid, although it takes shifting through in order for one to pick out piece by piece the valuable parts.

click to expand


I will tell you a truth. Sometimes you have to be completely taken apart before you can be restored.
details
< width="420" height="315" ="http:
details
Oh, I am well aware of that, though I do not see it as taking myself a part as once did, especially in my past. It seems now to more more of a continual shedding, layers and layers until we find our own pandora's box to unlock. During such processes, we die a little, the unnecessary parts of the diamond is shaved, even if we have but lost we only end up reaching the shining gem within, only after loosing a lot do we acquire it.
But I still can not help but think we are talking about two different subject matters here and even this has nothing to do with our respective language in which it is conveyed, for that is but a tool, two varying ideas are but like two bright stars colliding, amassing into an a greater anomaly, better to keep out of each others path so no explosion were to occur in space. Because now, it is simply diverging off into some unnecessary pathway on which I am not venturing upon nor is it my intent to do so.
Let us agree to disagree we simply have two different concepts of dying and rebirth, none of which is better than the other, it just is.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy