Have you ever kicked someone out of your life?

Scorps, I hear can be very mean and act out too agressively sometimes when they are pissed. Just wondering for sake of conversation if any of you have blasted someone right out of your life, and regretted that move? I always have room for forgiveness, and I think some see this as weakness. Can you swallow pride enough to apologize? Or would you rather do without that person before sacrificing pride?

I have kicked people out of my life... Have I regretted it? Yes, on some level. But, not to the degree that I would apologize, for the regret I feel has nothing to do with me having done anything wrong. I do not irrationally kick people out of my life. On the contrary, I quite rational kick people out of my life. Unfortunately, logic and reason do not always agree with emotion. What I did was right, whether it hurts or not...

I agree with alcheme. if logic and reason are right...and it is better for you in the long run. Its ok if it hurts to kick people out.

nope never...but theres still time.

Wait I have...then I let them back in. Trust they've never messed with me again.

"But only after being emitionally abused on a CONTINUOUS basis. And only after repeatedly expressing my discomfort.

That, or betrayal."

Same here.

"only after being emitionally abused on a CONTINUOUS basis"

First the scorpios will aggravate their own lives by being capable of exhibiting complex, unexplained and unreasonably unpredictable emotional behavior and then they will accuse others of blasphemy.

Betrayal definitely..I don't give many second chances so the continous emotional breakdown is kinda out of the question...

With my ex-husband, it was after years of dissatisfaction, continuous expression of that, but being ignored. I do not speak to him when I see him....he gets none of my energy now.

Having learned my lesson, I now much more quickly kick people out of my life if they threaten me or my family in any way.

Example:

1. A girlfriend who was two hours late bringing my daughter home from a playdate...never called....

2. I will not be friends with a family where the dad teased my daughter about being his son's girlfriend in front of her. (My daughter was three at the time -- how gross is that?)

"What's on the lung, comes out on the tongue."

People show you who they are in many ways. I didn't care so much about the weirdos when I was younger, but everything changes when you have kids to protect.

Gaurav_Aries"First the scorpios will aggravate their own lives by being capable of exhibiting complex, unexplained and unreasonably unpredictable emotional behavior and then they will accuse others of blasphemy. "

I was kind of suprised no-one responded to this.^ I appreciate your answers. Sounds like what most of us do, just push people out if we reach a certain limit. So we are all alike here from what I can gather. I thought maybe there may be some regret in turning people out that you realized later you may still want in your life. That maybe you mis-judged or jumped the judgement gun. It seems it's not the case.

No like, get in a heated argument and tell them to get the F out of your life. Then realize you didn't mean to be that harsh, but now you've gone and done the damage.

Of course you COULD. But I posed a question on PRIDE for that reason. We are able to do MANY things, but some obstacles keep us from doing them. Pride is powerful.

To me there is negative pride and postive pride.Just like ego. Negative pride is when you can't find the strength to do what you know is right, because it will shine a bad light on your person (or your ego) whichever way you see it. Or to be just so full of yourself, that you fail to see another point of view.

I know I have had issues with pride where I just couldn't LET myself make an apology (as if it were a weakness). I also know some people who would rather have a nail in their foot, than say they are sorry.

And maybe getting that person back might seem easy because we have a mouth and ears but that other person may feel too damaged to COME back.

o.k. What if someone WAS hurtfull to you, and realized it. Since you told them to get the F out of your life, they feel like you are unaprochable now. Like you would not accept an apology anyway. Now, I am not talking just casual aquaintance, but somebody you were very close to. Would you consider even saying "get the F out of my life" if you REALLY cared for a person?

Could you put down your pride and YOUR hurt for the sake of reconcilliation? That's what I'm getting at?

The only need is to be civilized, don't really have to be enemies. You hold a grudge, you're only holding yourself back from moving on, a prisoner of your own emotions.

AMEN to that!

"you can't reconcile if your hurt.. you can only be civilized even if your hurt."

Now that is the answer that makes things clear to me. I am different in this way. I CAN reconcile when I am hurt. The healing process will still take time, but it is moving in a positive direction. I find it personaly very hard to be at odds with people I care about. I mean it bothers me BAD! But I'm not sure if I'm bothered because someone didn't LIKE me (and therefore hurt my pride), or if it bothers me because of the severence of a friendship, or both. I lean toward both.

I mean make up and forgive, and make room for laughter again between the two.

It's more of a case of "mutualLy" doing wrong. One retaliated for another's initial wrong, and it became a seperation between the two. So there you have both feeling justified in being mad at each other. But I think you are right "If they done you wrong, and then you shut them out.. I guess your love for them is not as strong.. "

If pride is more important than recomciling then it would not be worth the apology.

O.k. you lost me a little in the scenario, but the last part I agree with. You can't BE hurt if you don't give a damn. Yes you Can be pissed and still LOVE...haha...just ask my brother! Thanks Tanya

I have kicked a few people out of my life. Friends, boyfriends, even my own father. But not without alot of emotional hurt involved. When someone has hurt me so bad it feels like they ripped out my heart, I call them on it. If they are not remorseful or try to "heal" the problems with me they are GONE! And no, once I have made my decision, it is final! The only one that I would let back into my life is my father. But he is just as stubborn as me. So he'll never try to fix our problem. Oh well, his loss.

No remorse!

Burn me once-shame on you.
Burn me twice-shame on me.

Words I live by.

Really? If someone hurts you emotionally, to the point of it being crippling, do you give them a second chance? Ok, say you give them that second chance. Sorry, it won't happen again, blah blah........Then boom! They hurt you again! That's what happens when you give someone a second chance. They can hurt you again. Then it's shame on me for allowing it to happen again.

It's happened so many times. That's why after being hurt twice by the same person they are done. They are cut out of my life. No remorse!

Two chances only! I never give a person a third chance to emotionally cripple me.

Tanya, it's just a saying. I've heard it many times in my life. It's kinda like a guideline to live my life.

Not really shame on me.....just a way to put it when someone hurts you more than once.

Is it ever a good lesson "not to forgive?" To carry that with you is like an man who has been through many wars carrying all the old canteens, army boots,and fatigues he's ever worn. They get very heavy on the journey. When all he had to do was put that down, and carry on into the future without the load. Unforgivemess weighs us down emotionally,, and affects our physical state as well as mental.

I mean especially with family like your father juwanapla. What happens when he or you are on your deathbed, and you finally realize after all the struggles in life, that it all came down to love and compassion. Do you want to leave a legacy of unforgiveness behind you? Does your dad? I wish you could find peace with him. I know I don't know reasons, but I hope forgiveness wins out.

All situations are so different yes. So are people so different. So we have so many different people reacting to different situations. Should a rape victim forgive her/his attacker? Should the mom of a murdered son make her way to the prison to say "I forgive you" to the murderer? Most people would say HELL NO! But there are people who do this.

Hmmmmm... I try to give the people in my life that I care about (and even just the general population) "the benefit of the doubt" in regards to the way they act / treat me. None of us are perfect. We all have bad days. We all have underlying issues that we let affect unrealted parts of our lives, and I am no exception. To kick someone out of my life is to come to the conclusion that they are "harming" me and either doing it because they do not truly care about me and the effect their actions have on me or that they are doing it purposefully. I do not want to think "badly" about the people I care about (or people in general, it just drags me to an ugly place that I do not wish visit, much less live in). To this extent, I will give people second chances, third chances, and so on and so forth. It is only when all doubt has been removed that I go to the extreme of "kicking them out of my life". At that point, when all doubt has been removed, your are not talking of merely one action, but also the plethora of other actions for which you previously gave them (at this point) unwarranted benefits of the doubt. Atleast in my case, they get chance and chance and chance again, and when their chances are over, they are over. Not only have they "hurt" me, but they have betrayed the trust that I gave to them by believing that they gave a damn and were a good person.

These are not little "slights"... I only kick someone out of my life when any interaction with them would be harmful to me. A good example would be my father (paraphrased for brevity)... For the first ~8 years of my life, my father was a regular part of my life (even after my parents divorce when I was 1 1/2 yo), and I worshipped my father. Unfortunately, after receiving custody of my brother (different mother), he all but dropped out of my life, only visiting me when my paternal grandparents had me (and invited him to family get-togethers). Up until I was 14 years old I had a great deal of emotional issues related to that. I thought that I must have not been good enough or that I must be a very horrible person inside to make my daddy not love me anymore. I spent a great deal of time between the ages of 8-14 trying to "redeem" myself, trying to be perfect so my daddy would love me again. At the age of 14, I realized that I had done nothing wrong (though, unfortunately, the years prior had already left psychological scars that affected my life for a long time) and endeavored to "hurt" my father they way he hurt me (by being as good as I could be and as a result making him want to be a part of my life and refusing him). At the age of 18, I realized that any interaction with my father and allowing him in my life in any way was psychologically harmful. I have not spoken to him in 10 years, and he has not put forth any effort to rectify the situation. It is not my place to apologize or to make myself more open to him. I did nothing wrong and I did not deserve the emotional turmoil he forced upon me. It took me a long time to get over the emotional issues tied with that to the point in which it did not affect my relationships or my feelings and memories of him. I am now at a point in which I can say that I love my father and if he wanted to be a part of my life I could handle that, but it is not my place initiate that. If he wants to be part of my life, then the least he can do is put forth the effort and step up. I deserve atleast that much...

And, to answer jwalker's question, if / when he (or I) is on his deathbed and we still have not reconciled, then so be it. Even on his deathbed, he has a choice. I don't want to be around people that don't care about me. And, if he doesn't put forth any effort, then obviously he doesn't really care. If that is the case, then I will have no regrets.

"All situations are so different yes. So are people so different. So we have so many different people reacting to different situations. Should a rape victim forgive her/his attacker? Should the mom of a murdered son make her way to the prison to say "I forgive you" to the murderer? Most people would say HELL NO! But there are people who do this."

It is every person's right to forgive or not... Should a person forgive? Should they not? It is not for us to decide, but for them. And, whatever they decide is right, for them, which is all that matters.

Such things are subjective. And when it comes to other people we have no ability to truly subjectively understand them in such a way that we can judge whether their decision is right or wrong... We can try to empathize. We can try to understand. We can try to offer advice. But, in the end, the true decision is theirs, as it should be and we have no right to judge it because we just do not have the ability to TRULY understand.

"alcheme - I'm sure it hurts to not have your father in your life. We are expected to love our parents no matter what - but they DO have an obligation to us as well. I think you are perfectly right (deathbed scenario or not) to keep your distance when and if he wants a relationship with you. Sad."

Ah, it is merely a fact of life now...a growing experience. I was blessed by having one of the greatest mothers ever, so I was not without... 🙂

Besides, there are many others who had it far worse, either objectively or subjectively (or both)... We all get the lessons we choose. Perhaps there is something in there that I thought I needed to learn.

EmGEM....Could it be (not that it was) that his new wife was like a little birdie on his shoulder saying "don't go get them, it's not your responsibility" or something like that. Maybe she was pushing him into a corner where he had to choose one or the other. People do that to each other. Put you in between two that you care for, and make you choose. Of course in this case he would HAVE to choose new wife over X-wife. Now if this WERE the scenario, you can't blame him! He's got to live with her. She may have wanted that type of "friendly" service discontinued. Perhaps under the cool surface, was a green eyed monster..Just a "MAYBE"...everything is not always black and white.

I think that happens a lot. We get hurt. We expect a certain behavior and whammo, someone disappoints us. To THEM they did nothing wrong. To us well...they just took a dagger to our back. EMGEM the reason I say it may have happened like that is because I've been there in between the two choices. And DAMN taurus can be so snide. Here you are already hurt, and his remarks make the wound deeper. (They know what to do to get that reaction). If there were a lightbulb over his head, the caption next to it would be: "I'd rather her hate me for being a 'selfish man' than have her think I'm pussy-whipped". Then flex his muscles in the mirror! 😛 J/K

I have definitely (once only) by a jealous person.

hahaha it's actually funny you brought that up because I've done it a few times, I never knew it was a scorpio thing.. if someone does anything that I would consider disloyal or pisses me off continuously.. I definitely completely block them out of my life.. People think I overeact but I just don't like tolerating or having people around that don't treat me how I feel I should be treated, NO we can't just be aquantances or anything. I completely shut them off. Maybe it's too much pride? Maybe it's being really sensitive? I don't know. I have regretted it before.. But I would never, ever, ever go back to them.

Two chances only! I never give a person a third chance to emotionally cripple me.

Juwanapla what do you mean by that statement? Just curious...

As for me-I never kick people out of my life without reason. Normally it is emotional reasons. Scorps leave people alone that damage them emotionally. Because that is how we become better how we evolve. With you still in our lives that is going back into the same dark hole and that makes absoultely no sense.

"Scorps leave people alone that damage them emotionally. Because that is how we become better how we evolve. With you still in our lives that is going back into the same dark hole and that makes absoultely no sense."

Would you agree that being damaged "emotionally" is sometimes for your good AND your transformation into a higher place? Someone can damage me emotionally, and no, I don't like it, but they may open my eyes to something I failed to see in myself and help me to conquer self-defeating behavior. I don't know how many times when I was a teen-ager, me and my best friend would get into arguments, only to come out wiser and more tolerant of each other. I think that should carry over into adulthood. We never should stop growing.

If it's a person who just keeps dragging you down, and does not have your best interest at heart though....they gotta go. No matter how much we care about them, they will always be a detriment to our growth. It takes time to see that in someone.

Ya EMGEM..There isn't any "victory" in that...sometimes just a necessary thing. If you really take the time and effort to forgive, and rectify and resolve, and still you can't get through to a person....well...it's like trying to save a drowning man who only panicks and kicks. He's going to take you with him unless you let go.