Help again
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Mamma_Roz on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 and has 7 replies.
I'm back with more questions on how to understand and work with my scorpion boyfriend. We are getting to the point now of talking about the next big step in our relationship. Moving in together. We have been with eachother for a little over 6 months and are doing pretty good. One of our major issues is the fact that we only see eahother on the weekends, due to work and school. We are hoping to alleviate that issue when we move in together. Here is the problem. His scorpio secrecy is rearing it's ugly head in our moving plans and it is really starting to irk me. This is a situation where we both need to talk everything out and plan ahead what we want to do.
I currently have partial ownership in my townhome and he rents an apartment. logic would say he should move in with me. He however wants to buy a home. He has not discussed this option with me, but has informed me in a round about way. We went to look at houses and he spent the afternoon suggesting why a move to that side of town would be nice. Nothing was discussed about us actually buying a house, he just started looking and took me along. A few weeks later moving was casually mentioned again and he acted like I should have just known this was the plan. He also mentioned that I would not be listed on the title if we moved into a "new" place. I promptly shot down his idea of keeping me off of the title of the house i would be living in and explained that I will not live in a home that I could potentially loose. I have a daughter to think of and I am not banking her or my home on a relationship that could end leaving us on the street because it is "his" house. I want a bit of security that I am not going to be out on the street with my daughter if things happen to end. He dropped the subject after that. I think he understood my logic, but was not happy with my demanding to have ownership and equity in a house "we" live in.
Here is the thing, we were planning on moving in together in october/november, but have not discussed the who, what, when, where, & why, details of this move. Shouldn't that be the first step so we both know what we are doing. He has his own plan I am sure, but hasn't clued me into it. How do I go about getting him to clue me in on his "plan", so i things don't become last minute.
I currently have partial ownership in my townhome and he rents an apartment. logic would say he should move in with me. He however wants to buy a home. He has not discussed this option with me, but has informed me in a round about way. We went to look at houses and he spent the afternoon suggesting why a move to that side of town would be nice. Nothing was discussed about us actually buying a house, he just started looking and took me along. A few weeks later moving was casually mentioned again and he acted like I should have just known this was the plan. He also mentioned that I would not be listed on the title if we moved into a "new" place. I promptly shot down his idea of keeping me off of the title of the house i would be living in and explained that I will not live in a home that I could potentially loose. I have a daughter to think of and I am not banking her or my home on a relationship that could end leaving us on the street because it is "his" house. I want a bit of security that I am not going to be out on the street with my daughter if things happen to end. He dropped the subject after that. I think he understood my logic, but was not happy with my demanding to have ownership and equity in a house "we" live in.
Here is the thing, we were planning on moving in together in october/november, but have not discussed the who, what, when, where, & why, details of this move. Shouldn't that be the first step so we both know what we are doing. He has his own plan I am sure, but hasn't clued me into it. How do I go about getting him to clue me in on his "plan", so i things don't become last minute.
"logic would say he should move in with me. "
Sure, logic would say this, but have you mentioned this to him. Your points are valid with being a single mother with property ownership. If he can't accept this or understand it, you may want to reconsider the next step.
Sure, logic would say this, but have you mentioned this to him. Your points are valid with being a single mother with property ownership. If he can't accept this or understand it, you may want to reconsider the next step.
duck tape lol...
he might enjoy being taped down sexually though...this tactic could backfire...
"Number one...a house seems too early...the whole point of the next step is that it is a step...not a giant leap...buy a house together? Not on your life."
I completly agree with you DB, that is why I expected him moving in with me to be the logical step. I already have property and a home he could easily fit into. I am trying to figure out what his other plan is and he is not comming right out with it. that is the part that is bothering me. How do I really get this man to come out with it so we can discuss it properly. Even if he moved in with me it is a huge change for both of us.
"and do not put yourself in a situation of depending solely on him...not yet.."
Note the equal property ownership and protecting me and my daughter comments. I depend on no man. Learned that lesson after I split with my x-husband. I have my daughter to think of and protect, that is my job not his.
I completly agree with you DB, that is why I expected him moving in with me to be the logical step. I already have property and a home he could easily fit into. I am trying to figure out what his other plan is and he is not comming right out with it. that is the part that is bothering me. How do I really get this man to come out with it so we can discuss it properly. Even if he moved in with me it is a huge change for both of us.
"and do not put yourself in a situation of depending solely on him...not yet.."
Note the equal property ownership and protecting me and my daughter comments. I depend on no man. Learned that lesson after I split with my x-husband. I have my daughter to think of and protect, that is my job not his.
a very close friend of mine is a single mom - i have tremendous respect for her and all she goes through to ensure her daughter has the best life she is able to provide.
"How do I go about getting him to clue me in on his "plan", so i things don't become last minute."
here are the list of concerns i'm hearing:
- oct/nov date isn't that far away and you don't want to be rushed into anything
- your daughter's wellbeing is topmost on your mind, and uprooting her without first ensuring a stable environment for her is obviously troubling for you
- your financial independence is important to you
i know he doesn't want to move into your place permanently, but would he consider moving in temporarily until you get all the important details sorted out?
it would buy you some time to get him to open up about his plan, and for you to evaluate. it eliminates pressure and can also give you a preview of what living all together would be like, in an environment your daughter is comfortable in.
if he is eager for all of you to start your lives together in a new house, you can agree to a specific deadline.(how about the new year? new year, new life, new house...)
one of the things your scorp probably loves about you is how much you love and protect your daughter. am sure he'll understand and respect that some measure of financial input/control/autonomy is essential for you to continue providing for your daughter, and you can come to a fair and equitable agreement.
hope things work out - good luck
"How do I go about getting him to clue me in on his "plan", so i things don't become last minute."
here are the list of concerns i'm hearing:
- oct/nov date isn't that far away and you don't want to be rushed into anything
- your daughter's wellbeing is topmost on your mind, and uprooting her without first ensuring a stable environment for her is obviously troubling for you
- your financial independence is important to you
i know he doesn't want to move into your place permanently, but would he consider moving in temporarily until you get all the important details sorted out?
it would buy you some time to get him to open up about his plan, and for you to evaluate. it eliminates pressure and can also give you a preview of what living all together would be like, in an environment your daughter is comfortable in.
if he is eager for all of you to start your lives together in a new house, you can agree to a specific deadline.(how about the new year? new year, new life, new house...)
one of the things your scorp probably loves about you is how much you love and protect your daughter. am sure he'll understand and respect that some measure of financial input/control/autonomy is essential for you to continue providing for your daughter, and you can come to a fair and equitable agreement.
hope things work out - good luck
Thanks scorp5pt0, I appreciate the input. Yes using my place as a test to see how well we live togehter is a good Idea. I think he would appreciate testing the waters before diving right into a whole new place together. I think the new year is a bit soon, but setting a date to really start looking of "our" new place is a good idea as well.
Now I just have to get him to talk to me about all of this.
Now I just have to get him to talk to me about all of this.
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