Help please

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by BeautifulScorpion on Wednesday, November 2, 2005 and has 46 replies.
Well, you can. Does this seem kind of "stalkerish" or obsessive behavior? My Scorpio best friend, someone I value A LOT, is a bit clingy. To the point I literally get scared. When I am somewhere and she shows up she goes "Where you looking for me?" like she is just waiting for me to say "yes, where have you been all my life, I wanted to die without you!" and when I say "Umm... no. why?" She seriously gets mad. We were on the phone and I asked her who does she think about when she goes to bed at night. She said she thinks about me and what I'm doing at that moment, and what I'm gonna do the next day. She asked me if I think about her. I told her no, because I don't, she is way out of the question.
I hang out with her a lot, so when I'm with my other friend (aqua), she blows up my cell phone wanting to know where I am at. I remember she called me more than 10 times in 3-4 min. She gets mad when I am with other people and she says stuff like "I feel that you don't love me anymore." I ignored her at first, because I thought she was messing around. But then she keeps saying it when I am not concentrated on her or something. It scares me, because 1.) she is a female 2.) she is only my friend.
She tends to do every little thing that I do and she depends on me to do her thinking for herself. She gets pissed when I don't return her calls, pissed when I'm with my other friend, and pissed when I do for myself. She is not a little kid and I find this behavior sort of out of control. I do want to talk to her and tell her to cool down, but I do not wanna hurt her. I honestly think if I tell she will blow it out of proportion and just stop talking to me. I don't feel like I'm exaggerating either.
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Can i take her off your hands?
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^^ I'd expect you to say that lol

Anyways BS, I don't really know how you could help/consult someone that you don't have the slightest understanding of, that's seems near impossible - so it might be good for YOU to start looking into HER, and gently questioning her about the weird things she does. Start off by trying and prying to understand her moves and motives (it's for the best), and then confront her about it -

Hell, who knows, you may make her feel a lot better by trying to help her, rather than labeling her a psychotic scorpio (which is what some would do haha). She might have something interesting to reveal to you about her past, if you can just spend the neccessary energy to get to the bottom of things.
Keep me updated, I'll be cheering you on - and I would like to know the end result to whatever you choose to do!
Take Care, smile
Take Care of HER too haha,
Elliot!
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me would be a bit bewildered too is all i can give to this.
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You can't hog all the Scorpios Mr.Crabby, Moogle needs love too!!
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Beautiful, I think she's in love with you Tongue
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She's either a lesbian and may I say with issues because I wouldn't introduce her to any lesbian friends if I had any! And if not a lesbian then she is freaken crazy! She has major issues MAJOR! That is extreme and weird too.
Does she date men? you ever notice her looking at women? a glance? Take her to a female strip club and see how she reacts... I o no... weird.
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Yep, Stalker alert, I would say. Definitely gay (not that there is anything wrong with that.........)
And Elliot, have you ever had anyone do that to you? It's scary as hell, the last thing you want to do is "mother" them or show compassion! They are worse than starving stray kittens! Show em even the slightest kindness, and next thing you know they are living in your house raiding your undie drawer! Who needs that?
I suggest, cut her off at the knees, block her on every level and do NOT look back!
If she threatens you, (that would include a suicide attempt...I would put money on that one) call the cops. She needs a professional "seeing to". Not a thing you can do for her, you are not qualified. Boundaries are needed and NOW. And do not feel guilty about it either, that is the hardest part. Good luck to you, I hope you get it sorted.
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lol definately yatta im with you on this one!! hahaha shez in love with you!!! ohhh man u poor babe... i bet if u asked her... mayb u just need to wake her up from the lil fantasy shes got caught up.. you bein the fantasy... if not gay absolutly crazy...
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'And Elliot, have you ever had anyone do that to you? It's scary as hell, the last thing you want to do is "mother" them or show compassion!'

I think you'd be surprised. I'm sorry. but the art of healing usually consists in getting close to wounds and pains - haha regardless of how scary.
It's like I said, it can only be done if you're willing to put in the neccessary energy, otherwise you may as well forget about helping her..or helping yourself - but, obviously, I wouldn't recommend the easy way out. I'm not saying it's the simplest thing in the world though.
Anyways, my advice still stands.
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I don't think it's a good idea to go "getting close to wounds and pain" if you don't have the piece of paper to back you up. This person sounds like she needs therapy and meds. And I think YOU would be surprised, Elliot, at how invasive and damaging having someone like that around can be. As far as time and energy, I would bet this one would take ALL the time and energy you have and more. I would steer clear and let the pro's take care of her. My psychologist friend would definitely recommend establishing boundaries and sticking to them.
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And my advice stands and is clinically proven.
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Hah, okay, what I said wasn't meant to decimate in any way what you said. Only I believe that you can help people like that if you try, and I said you'd be surprised because I've been through plenty of things like this before. Sure it's dangerous, but I think there are a plethora of techniques that can be employed. smile I hope your clinically proven advice works well.
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No no no people it is so much simpler than that, find her a girlfriend Tongue Hmmm nope that doesn't sound simple either... An inflatable doll ... maybe ?
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No seriously I'm with yattayattahey, no persons issues should turn into yours. A helping hand is ok but making someone elses problems your own is definitely not the way to go. Maybe talking to her, really psychotic? then maybe guide her to a professional but that's about it. And actually I'm pretty sure that if she did attempt to deal with her issues your presence would be a negative thing. Anywho if you care enough you could even consult a psychologist on the issue yourself and if not just forget about her.
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Ok, I didn't mean to come across as combative here, but I've been through dealing with people with borderline personality disorder. Maybe your techniques would prove useful to many of us. Elaborate on them.
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'Anywho if you care enough you could even consult a psychologist on the issue yourself and if not just forget about her.'

See that's the only part I'm not willing to settle with! Like yattayattahey said, if treating the situation with caution and attention to dangers is neccessary, i'm very content with that. If consulting help, for her or for yourself, about the situation, such as a psychologist (tauruschic's suggestion), is the best means - then once again, i'm soo content with that. BUT, 'forget about her' I just can't settle with.
My intent would be to help, so why would I argue with other people's suggestions of dealing?? I feel the more to work with, the better. I guess leaving her alone might be a working advisement too (maybe that's what you meant) ...but forgetting about her, I do not believe is right. I would rather get closer to her, or keep a supportive eye on her, than to leave her in my dust. Right?
On a funny note, maybe finding her a girlfriend WOULD solve it all! And maybe that would be a new experience for you lol, to see the world realistically through the eyes of a lesbian (assuming she is a les).
Happy Hunting.
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lol ohhh man if u lived down mi way i culd hav hooked her up with a lez i know!!! hahaha shez quite hot got really dark hair lightblue eyez and really tanned hahaha she came on2 me once ohhh man i almost died but honestly im thinkin that this is the best option take her to a gay bar... hahaha gawd poor babe shez probably really confused
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^^ Hahaha

And one more thing tauruschic, I believe it also depends the way you look at the issues of human beings! One persons issues could well be your own issues with a little less fortunue or just a little more bad choices! The philosophies are endless I know, but mine says one human's war is all of humankind's war - that's why I could never do to leave that (weird) girl behind. That's all I'm saying here. I want myself to have that doctrine. That no 'issue' is sooo insignificant that it isn't worth my/your attention.
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Yes, not forget her, but set the boundaries, and boundaries mean no contact. At all.
It's a good technique for both parties, the sane one forcing the poor thing to seek some help in the only way that they really can.
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It's not about not having compassion, but more about not showing it, for their own good.
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Would you agree that sometimes the best thing to do is to stop helping people and make them help themselves though,Elliot?Sometimes it's the greatest thing you can do for certain people but yeah,you still have to be receptive to them to change or to simply see the error of thier ways which alot of people don't want to do however.
About this particular topic,I don't know this whole thing just sounds gay to me so I think clearing it up in some way is the best way to go with this or taking her to a gay bar,lol.
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'It's not about not having compassion, but more about not showing it, for their own good.'
^^ I can comply to that, even though it's just not me. I think Scorpios are both Highly Passionate and Highly Com-Passionate, it really just is ME to HAVE Compassion, and yes to show it too. But, merely showing it seems superficial to me - even though there's nothing wrong with showing it for the helpee's own good. I believe we've reached an understanding.


'Would you agree that sometimes the best thing to do is to stop helping people and make them help themselves though,Elliot?Sometimes it's the greatest thing you can do for certain people but yeah,you still have to be receptive to them to change or to simply see the error of thier ways which alot of people don't want to do however.'
Yes I agree Tia!! Everyone is composed of differing motivations. It would be Wise to know both when to help someone by pushing them, and when to help someone by stopping. But the intention in stopping must be to help, not to give up and forget - I understand that raw feelings can complicate things however, so one would do well to think with reason and compassion, not just one or the other.
BS, do the best you can with whatever you decide to do.
You Know,
Elliot!
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When do i pick up the scorp?
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To beautifulscorpion.
It's just an obsessive behavior and should be prompted directly, but ofcourse with caution. Like returting the question back to her, for example when she ask "Where you looking for me" just reply "Is there any reason for me to look for you" kinda sound arogant but effective. From her answer you should be able to start to interogate her without starting the conversation and having the upper hand of not answering or defining anything to her. From this point you should be able to know what exactly is her intention.
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^ Hahaha, I know what you mean.

And I believe partron's advice is good.
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Patron, forgive me, but that sounds like a bit of a mindf**k to me. I say, be honest and do what needs to be done, and extricate yourself from the situation. If she asked me "Were you looking for me?" my answer would be "No." And walk away.
Let her figure it out, if she can. Gotta be cruel to be kind, sometimes.
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"I guess leaving her alone might be a working advisement too (maybe that's what you meant) ...but forgetting about her, I do not believe is right. I would rather get closer to her, or keep a supportive eye on her, than to leave her in my dust. Right?"
That is because you CARE about this person. I did mention that was if you didn't care. Should anyone care is another topic.
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'Gotta be cruel to be kind, sometimes.'
You may be right, I'm not so sure that it's a pure mean of kindness, but yes it works sometimes, I understand.

And Tauruschic, I see what you're saying about caring/not caring, I believe I've developed some form of Unconditional Positive Regard (Carl Rogers) for human beings...and especially those who are freakishly disturbed or off-key. So now we're dealing with individual ways of dealing (that's all it is) - mine would be action through caring.
Plus I believe that Care is an essential to helping and healing, without it I believe that we are bound to fake the whole process. The means of Curing lose their authenticity without Caring involved. I strive to be more into helping and giving from the core of myself, not only to appear like I'm 'supporting' when I'm actually not doing so.
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Everything can be negative, even Caring. Sometimes when you lend a helping hand you can get pulled down if you aren't careful.
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'Everything can be negative, even Caring. Sometimes when you lend a helping hand you can get pulled down if you aren't careful.'
Yes I believe that too - anything and everything can be negative, anything, but this does not change the role of caring when it's involved in Curing.
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I still think that curing is best left to the pro's.
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A title doesn't make you right, well intentioned and/or competent.
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Quite true, Mr. Crabby, but I think that it is a less dangerous route to take considering the degree of abnormal behaviour. Better someone who has studied for at least 7 years and has experience dealing with this sort of thing than someone with nothing more than good intentions. Also, the relationship between a friend and a professional is totally different. The likelihood of the patient showing up on the doctor's doorstep or calling them at 4am is considerably less (although, in this field, I am sure that it happens).
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Gotta be cruel to be kind, sometimes.
Yeah its true, however this manner could add insult to injury or vice versa.
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"A title doesn't make you right, well intentioned and/or competent."
True but now imagine someone without a title! Tongue still your best bet...
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oooh... I had a couple shots of Patron last Saturday... YUM!!!
BS, however this issue is dealt with... it's gonna start with communication. That said, If I were you... I'd start by telling her how you feel about how she's treating you. Be straight, sympathetic, and understanding (even though she's the one who needs to do the understanding... you both do to some degree). If you're both under the umbrella of friendship, this talk shouldn't be a problem. The solution could be as simple as letting her know. Let me stress "could be"!
That's step 1. Step 2 pends on outcome of step 1!
Luck with whatever happens.
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'True but now imagine someone without a title!'
Haha, you're not wrong. Yet, even though someone may not appeal to credibility because they lack the status, position, or title - you would do well to not underestimate some people because of it. We all know that a civilized label in a certain field, has nothing to do with things once Natural forces such as a correct spirit, or correct intent (sort of what Crabby said) become a factor. In fact, sometimes a title can completely distort things. I pay attention to titles, but no more or less than I pay attention to the every day casual human being. I can't help but to see the bottom line - we're all every day casual human beings, and we'll have something to offer, with or without the position to offer it.
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But by her own admission, BS does not know how to approach this. And I think separation would be best. Now no one can make someone seek help, but I think there is danger to become embroiled beyond believe with this lil character here, and my concern is for BS, and her safety.
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wow that was a mess of typos, it's late
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Lol, it's okay, your point of concern could be as right as any.
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The thing with experts is that they have been taught things, they don't really use their judgment, just like any other pathetic human being. I've met some, and it's seriously not pretty. And they also believe they are right because they have a diploma, it's just a fake fest!
The medical doctors are still regarded as magicians sometimes, it's freaky. It's not 1260 anymore, there's a lot of information out there, read it. Schizophrenia is about to disappear, they've been calling it manic depression and not treating the schizo, nice eh? Well, they are experts who don't want to treat big cases, it's too much trouble. Take those pills and you should be better, see ya. How does that sound?
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Actually manic depression is called bi-polar disorder now, and I'm sorry that you had bad experiences with doctors. I still think it's a better way to go than trying to play at being one yourself. Some disorders are caused by chemical imbalances that affect the brain, much in the same way diabetes affects the body's ability to metabolize sugar. If a person needs meds, they need meds. A hug isn't going to relieve their symptoms.
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why are we thinking about mania & depression? I feel that it is a case of misplaced lesbian love that the girl has for beautiful scorpion. BS, can't you speak openly about this to your friend and gently show her that you are not feeling that way---assure her that you want to be her best friend in the good sense and so on. If she loves you to that EXTREME,i am sure that she would sacrifice her love to be close to you as a sincere friend. she would never want to lose you. And it would make things smoother.
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Well I really do agree with you both, Mr.Crabby and Elliot. What I meant is that a professional is still better than a person who might know nothing about curing. I definitely believe that there could be people out there without titles who have the capacity to help or even cure, however, how would you know who to trust?
That is why I think that a professional is still your best bet, because you do have the choice to choose the doctor that you most like, that you most trust and what better than choosing amongst professionals?
"The thing with experts is that they have been taught things, they don't really use their judgment"
If they're any good at what they do they will use judgment. Because they have been taught things doesn't mean that they have been turned into robots.
Like I said you can choose.
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People with chemical imbalance in the brain are exceptions. Depressive people generally do not have chemical imbalance, but are still treated like if they did. This is what Tom Cruise was trying to say months ago, but he's such a crazy sob now that it's hard to take him seriously.
If you didn't have parents, a pill won't change that, believe me.
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