How do I reign in oversexed Scorpio guy
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by LeoninePrincessa on Friday, August 22, 2008 and has 43 replies.
I am a Leo woman, late 30s, seeing a younger Scorpio man. his intelligence and attentiveness drew me in but lately his incessant sex talk has been turning me off and I've told him bluntly to cut it out or I walk. He is now intermittently speaking to me. The last straw was two days ago when he called me early in the morning as I was on the train to work. I thought it was a sweet gesture to call and say good morning. Then he went on to say that he'd been lying in bed thinking about me and that got his cock hard and hearing my voice was making him horny. Then he actually started masturbating, or so he said, he sounded like he was. I hung up. He called right back and asked why I did that and I said it was crude and nasty for him to turn a sweet phone call into some one-sided phone sex deal. He said he thought it would turn me on to hear him pleasure himself. Um ... NO, what man thinks that? He also thought it would turn me on to hear him announce he is "coming" when we have sex as if I need to know that, just do it, don't announce it. The sex is fine it's just that he seems to be all about it and treating me like his jerkoff toy. He's not called me since the masturbation incident and I have tried to call him, I know he is ignoring me and I'm about to cut him off. I just don't like investing in something like a relationship to have it disappear. Is this a Scorpio thing or maybe an age thing? Is there a way to "de-sex" him so that he's not always calling me up and breathing heavily on the phone?
I'm not sure that there is anything exactly wrong with what he is doing and there is nothing wrong with you getting offended by it. You each just have two very different thoughts about sex and how it is displayed in your relationship. I don't think he would be happy curbing his sexual "creativity" and I don't think you would be happy trying to change the way you think either to please him so it would probably be best to just let it go and look for someone who is a little more respectful to your wishes.
You really don't think there's anything wrong with a man calling his girlfriend, who is on a public train, and masturbating into the phone? Really?
i'm a scorpio w/ an aqua moon so i enjoy a bit of mental stimulation. if my guy called me up in the morning and started doing all that i'd probably be getting wet in the panties, it would give me something xxx to think about throughout the day. personally i don't think he did anything wrong, he's your bf not like he's a stranger. you guys just have different style s as 'gslove' stated.
I agree with gslove on this one.
lol....ME 2!!!!!!
Yeah me too!! But, I would not like it if it was someone I just met. That would be creepy. He would need to break that stuff out a little gently after we have had sex a few times.
princesa, i was in a similar situation with a scorp once. and i know why it bothers you. as far as what you can do, i have no clue. i thought spelling out the reasons it bothered me as clearly as i could would do the trick, but it didn't really help at all.
i think the other ladies on this thread may be right, and that it comes down to a difference in sexual style . BUT i definitely don't think you should put up with behavior that makes you feel unappreciated for who you are. if you're more then FWB, he should be able to respect your boundaries. and he should be willing to give you the non-sexual affection you crave.
i think the other ladies on this thread may be right, and that it comes down to a difference in sexual style . BUT i definitely don't think you should put up with behavior that makes you feel unappreciated for who you are. if you're more then FWB, he should be able to respect your boundaries. and he should be willing to give you the non-sexual affection you crave.
Yay!! Someonespecial we agree on this one!!! 
AM2 You are funny. Thumbsucking Cancer man. LOL!!
AM2 You are funny. Thumbsucking Cancer man. LOL!!
"Is there a way to "de-sex" him so that he's not always calling me up and breathing heavily on the phone?"
the only thing that just occurred to me is that maybe he just needs some time. if you haven't been seeing each other long, maybe he thinks about you a lot and is excited by the prospect of being with someone new. BUT...i wouldn't necessarily count on that. as the other ladies have said, it may just come down to a difference in sex style s.
the only thing that just occurred to me is that maybe he just needs some time. if you haven't been seeing each other long, maybe he thinks about you a lot and is excited by the prospect of being with someone new. BUT...i wouldn't necessarily count on that. as the other ladies have said, it may just come down to a difference in sex style s.
"he should be able to respect your boundaries. and he should be willing to give you the non-sexual affection you crave."
In a perfect world yes he should be able to do this, but I would be afraid that even if he stopped doing it that he would have to do it with somebody because that is just his sexual personality. I think this is why some men do phone sex or online stuff because they have to get those desires out somehow if the partner they are with is not into it. I would much rather he be doing it with me than someone else. If a guy did something sexually that I didn't like and it seemed to be really important to him I would have to seriously think about if he was the right person for me. I don't think it works to try to change his oversexed ways.
In a perfect world yes he should be able to do this, but I would be afraid that even if he stopped doing it that he would have to do it with somebody because that is just his sexual personality. I think this is why some men do phone sex or online stuff because they have to get those desires out somehow if the partner they are with is not into it. I would much rather he be doing it with me than someone else. If a guy did something sexually that I didn't like and it seemed to be really important to him I would have to seriously think about if he was the right person for me. I don't think it works to try to change his oversexed ways.
I simply want him to stop being crude. I dont like that the man who can talk to me about Jungian philosophy and global politics can then turn around and say that he loves seeing my t-ts bounce when I'm on top of him while we're making love - and he never uses that term, it's always "fucking." I don't like that a man who knows I love lillies and not roses and who can and has cooked me near-gourmet dinners can call me when I'm on a crowded train to describe in detail how he is getting off by thinking about "doing" me doggy- style . He is inconsistent - a dream guy the one minute and a crass frat boy the next and it is bothersome. I don't want to move on but I may have to.
if he is some kind of nympho, then you have a point. he will either get it from her, or he will look elsewhere. but that wasn't really my point. i think she would be more willing to indulge him if he showed more interest in her as a person. call me crazy, but i think it should come naturally to express affection and appreciation for someone you like and care about in a non-sexual way.
lol!!! i know you're frustrated princesa, but that last post was funny.
and yeah, if you've already told him how you feel and he doesn't stop, you might have to let it go. you already know you can't change him.
and yeah, if you've already told him how you feel and he doesn't stop, you might have to let it go. you already know you can't change him.
Nympho is for girls, silly. For guys it's satyromaniac.
lol@'makin love'
lol@'makin love'
Also, that guy sounds cool.
He sounds like the perfect man to me. LOL!!
Seriously though, why do you think that it bothers you so much?? What exactly is it that you don't like? Do you think he just sees you as a sexual object?? If he wasn't doing any of those other sweet things I would agree with you, but I think he does respect you and he is just being a man. Everyone knows that the perfect woman for most men is a lady in public and a whore behind closed doors. I know this sounds crazy, but I think you should see it as a compliment. Sounds like he thinks you are perfect for him too except that he wants you to be a bit more of a whore in the bedroom.
Seriously though, why do you think that it bothers you so much?? What exactly is it that you don't like? Do you think he just sees you as a sexual object?? If he wasn't doing any of those other sweet things I would agree with you, but I think he does respect you and he is just being a man. Everyone knows that the perfect woman for most men is a lady in public and a whore behind closed doors. I know this sounds crazy, but I think you should see it as a compliment. Sounds like he thinks you are perfect for him too except that he wants you to be a bit more of a whore in the bedroom.
mah bad. 
What do you think Yum?? Do you agree with me on this one?
so LeoninePrincessa,
are you opposed to "talking dirty" or is a just a wrong place wrong time thing? I'm all for phone sex/dirty talk in and out of the bedroom but I think it's best to test the waters with your partner first before you dive in. I really agree that it's a matter of sexual style though...I may be a lady but I don't mind being a lil whore with my man...lol
are you opposed to "talking dirty" or is a just a wrong place wrong time thing? I'm all for phone sex/dirty talk in and out of the bedroom but I think it's best to test the waters with your partner first before you dive in. I really agree that it's a matter of sexual style though...I may be a lady but I don't mind being a lil whore with my man...lol
Pretty much.
he doesn't sound cool, yum. he sounds icky.
damn gslove, I was using "lady" and "whore" right when you were...lol
for the people who don't understand why princesa is turned off by this, it's because it seems like it's on his brain 24/7 and comes up at inappropriate times. that's not a turn on for everyone, and i guess if you don't get it you just don't get it.
Yes, gslove, I do think he sees me as a sexual object, again, because of the crudity of his remarks. if he said something like "I get so excited when I think about you, I can't help but want to touch myself," that'd be one thing, but this whole "God, my cock is so hard, I wish you were here but you're not so I'm stroking it thinking about your t-ts bouncing ..." just is a turn off. I respect you and others might not find it so, but it wounds my pride to be seen as a piece of meat and not to be romanced. Leo women LOVE to be romanced. We love sex, but it can't be crazy, crude, porn sex, at least not for me. And I am beginning to feel he is doing the sweet things as a "quid pro quo," i.e., he is sweet so then he feels he has carte blanche to start in with the porno talk.
"he doesn't sound cool, yum. he sounds icky."
I'm being 'subjective'. It's all the rage in Paris.
I'm being 'subjective'. It's all the rage in Paris.
for instance, "my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "it's ok darling, have i told you your tits look fabulous when you ride me?"
Someonespecial, I am opposed to his turning sweet moments into porn talk. He calls in the morning to wish me a good morning. GREAT. FINE. Very sweet. But then it segues into his hard cock and I start feeling like the sweet good morning message was a ploy for him to talk about his hard cock. So I feel like he's using sweetness as a vehicle to talk about the sex in a crude manner. And honestly I don't like dirty talk, I think porn is disgusting.
Wheelhomies, EXACTLY. That's exactly what it feels like to me. That he is sweet and disarming and when he feels the coast is clear, he starts in with the porno words.
"I start feeling like the sweet good morning message was a ploy for him to talk about his hard cock. So I feel like he's using sweetness as a vehicle to talk about the sex in a crude manner."
i seriously know what you mean. maybe it's a leo-scorp thing? idk.
i seriously know what you mean. maybe it's a leo-scorp thing? idk.
i would say to turn it around on him and see how he responds. but i have a feeling he would like it too much for it to be effective. :/
"for instance, "my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "it's ok darling, have i told you your tits look fabulous when you ride me?""
No see, that's a bad way of doing it. You need to do it more smoothly.
"my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "I'm so sorry, it's just horrible when a pet rolls over and dies. Speaking of rolling over, how about I get on my back and we'll play cowgirls and Indians? It makes your tits look fabulous."
No see, that's a bad way of doing it. You need to do it more smoothly.
"my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "I'm so sorry, it's just horrible when a pet rolls over and dies. Speaking of rolling over, how about I get on my back and we'll play cowgirls and Indians? It makes your tits look fabulous."
yum, shame on you for making light of princesa's dilemma.
LeoninePrincessa and wheelhomies,
That's understandable and respectable. It's a matter of sexual tastes.
"for instance, "my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "it's ok darling, have i told you your tits look fabulous when you ride me?"
lol...that's sexual healing
Seriously, he may be willing to tone it down for you. I hear that scorps are all about pleasing their partner, but he may also have a higher sex drive then you and that could be a bigger problem.
That's understandable and respectable. It's a matter of sexual tastes.
"for instance, "my cat just died (boooo i'm sad)" "it's ok darling, have i told you your tits look fabulous when you ride me?"
lol...that's sexual healing
Seriously, he may be willing to tone it down for you. I hear that scorps are all about pleasing their partner, but he may also have a higher sex drive then you and that could be a bigger problem.
I also have to admit I might be colored a tad by the atitude of my Capricorn ex-husband. He was very straightlaced in bed and I rather got used to that as the "norm." I wouldn't be averse to experimenting, but his talk seems incessant and it just makes me wonder if he's just in it for the sex.
Also, I love sex. If I could make love to him for hours every day, I would and we HAVE done it for hours on end *blushing* But I want it to feel like lovemaking, not like I'm an actress in a porno tape.
I doubt if he's just in it for the sex but sex is probably a HUGE part of how he expresses his feelings for you and his desire for you as a whole.
"Also, I love sex. If I could make love to him for hours every day...But I want it to feel like lovemaking, not like I'm an actress in a porno tape."
Have you expressed this to him? This is a great example of constructive criticism.
"Also, I love sex. If I could make love to him for hours every day...But I want it to feel like lovemaking, not like I'm an actress in a porno tape."
Have you expressed this to him? This is a great example of constructive criticism.
princesa, i know i've said this a lot, but i know what you mean. it doesn't really have a lot to do with sex drive, but the way it's expressed in. the way he does it is demeaning and makes you feel like a piece of ass. i get it, it's not hard to understand. and if he won't stop, that's just not cool.
It is sex drive if one person thinks about/needs sex more than the other.
Sounds like he definitely treats you as an object ( or meat whatever )during the act ...But maybe thatz the way he enjoys it the maximum. Doesn't sound too healthy if it starts encroaching upon other hours of the day though.
Hi Leonine Princessa,I would like to mention that I feel similar to you regarding sex just because a person is highly sexual doesn't mean they have to be a fan of porn or sexual conversation....because I am not either and my Leo and I are very sexual with eachother but at the same time I feel like it's more in a romantic sense....we turn eachother on just by looking into eachother's eyes but everyone is different...I would suggest finding someone who is more compatible for you ....just don't ever change you're morals for anyone.
Again without reading all the posts (so forgive me if this has been said) He is a scorp man for christ sake, me being a scorp woman would probably enjoy that little dirty talk on a public train. What is wrong with it really? If you can't take the kinkiness and the sexual explorations a scorp man loves than maybe you should settle for someone less sexual.
My God Girls ! it is a scorp thing. Scorps are very very sexual.. i would love it from my man...
yes, as queen said it, if you cannot enjoy his kinkiness, then you are on different pages sexually, coz a scorpio expresses his/her love through all the dirty talk. He would never talk like that to someone he has no connection with.
Being a scorp woman, I can talk all dirty to my man, but not to any other. That does not mean that I am disrespecting him....it is coz of my extreme connection with him.....even when I start expressing love affectionately, it just jumps very soon into ............
but then that is the way it is :shrugs:
yes, as queen said it, if you cannot enjoy his kinkiness, then you are on different pages sexually, coz a scorpio expresses his/her love through all the dirty talk. He would never talk like that to someone he has no connection with.
Being a scorp woman, I can talk all dirty to my man, but not to any other. That does not mean that I am disrespecting him....it is coz of my extreme connection with him.....even when I start expressing love affectionately, it just jumps very soon into ............
but then that is the way it is :shrugs:Related Topics
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