How do you know?

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herlimbicmind
@herlimbicmind
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 162 · Topics: 39
I feel so silly not taking it for face value, but I have been talking to this wonderful Scorpio/Sag cusp man (I'm a Sag female) and for over a month we've talked to each other EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every night we facetime and it is amazing. I'm crazy about him. He lives states away and we've talk about getting together this summer but we have to work it around our kids' schedules so we have free time for each other only.

There are times that he seems really into me and then there are others that he seems distant. If I ask him something directly about feelings or anything then he makes a sarcastic remark that I'm "fishing" for compliments. I'm not.

But anyways, he tells me I'm beautiful and makes time to talk every evening and I feel foolish for even asking, but is he really into me or is he just entertaining himself?

He tells me he enjoys talking to me and that we are building a friendship which could possibly lead to more... I came from a horrible relationship, as did he, so I guess I have a lot of fear that he'll bail, which he's mentioned a fear of also, him "driving" me away, so I guess I just want something to be sure of without coming off as insecure. I'm not.. I just haven't felt this way about someone in a really, really long time and he gets me and just hits all those little places in my heart that I haven't told anyone about.

How do I know if he's totally interested?
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happyface1
@happyface1
10 Years500+ Posts

Comments: 4 · Posts: 936 · Topics: 1
Posted by herlimbicmind
I feel so silly not taking it for face value, but I have been talking to this wonderful Scorpio/Sag cusp man (I'm a Sag female) and for over a month we've talked to each other EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every night we facetime and it is amazing. I'm crazy about him. He lives states away and we've talk about getting together this summer but we have to work it around our kids' schedules so we have free time for each other only.

There are times that he seems really into me and then there are others that he seems distant. If I ask him something directly about feelings or anything then he makes a sarcastic remark that I'm "fishing" for compliments. I'm not.

But anyways, he tells me I'm beautiful and makes time to talk every evening and I feel foolish for even asking, but is he really into me or is he just entertaining himself?

He tells me he enjoys talking to me and that we are building a friendship which could possibly lead to more... I came from a horrible relationship, as did he, so I guess I have a lot of fear that he'll bail, which he's mentioned a fear of also, him "driving" me away, so I guess I just want something to be sure of without coming off as insecure. I'm not.. I just haven't felt this way about someone in a really, really long time and he gets me and just hits all those little places in my heart that I haven't told anyone about.

How do I know if he's totally interested?
If you both just came out of horrible relationships. At different times. And may have problems trusting. WHY start a long distance relationship. That's hard to do for people in love sometimes. You couldn't find anyone in your state ?
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herlimbicmind
@herlimbicmind
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 162 · Topics: 39
We didn't just come out of horrible relationships, it has been a while but we were both in relationships that lasted a long while.

It wasn't about finding someone in my own state. We were pretty close in high school and came back into each other's lives six years ago when we were both at odds in the relationships we were in and then went our separate ways and then recently came back around to each other again. We've always been able to talk about things and he says that he wants to take some time to get to know himself outside of his relationship with his ex, which I completely understand, and to focus on his kid and I am in no way trying to cloud that or complicate that. I think it is a great plan.

But things are so amazing between us and I'm not looking to start a relationship immediately because I'm finishing school up here and he's in school also...

I might be willing to relocate to where he is, but not immediately.

It depends in the night, but he says that I like to have things defined and that I over explain myself ( a habit formed in my last relationship).

Last night I asked him if he looked forward to our nightly phone calls, because I do. And he smiled and said, "Fishing." To which I said, "Curiosity. If I want a compliment, I'll tell you I want one, thank you."

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pb
@Peanutbutter
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 2284 · Topics: 58
Posted by AriesLove
Well your question was "How do I know if he's totally interested?"

He's not totally interested...he told you he wanted to find himself and focus on his child. Meaning he is taking it slow and you shouldn't ask him how he feels every time you announce how you feel.

He obviously enjoys talking with you and maybe needs a close friend. Close friends also have great convo and enjoy each other's company. Just go with the flow like I said before keep your emotions to yourself sometimes and allow him to tell you how he feels instead of you throwing it on him. Guys are making it very clear what they want but women come up with their own conclusions. Stop talking and start listening.
This. Yes hes interested but has some unfinished things to take care of. Patiennnnnnce my friend lol.
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herlimbicmind
@herlimbicmind
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 162 · Topics: 39
Thanks guys.
I don't throw my feelings at him all the time, when I said something about emotions, I don't mean my feelings for him. We've been very upfront with each other since day one about intentions and feelings. I throw my feelings at him all the time. We do talk about it occasionally, but usually when we've both had a couple drinks.

The problem is the last relationship I was 10 years long, so was his, and in both of these relationships the people we were with didn't really compliment us, and there was a bit of emotional abuse, etc. We've talked about that quite a bit. But I do compliment him a lot and I make it a point to tell him he's amazing and how thankful I am that we reconnected, or thank him for something he's done or said... because I think that is important and he knows that about me and accepts that.

I just struggle with compliments about myself and stuff and sometimes I get into my head and I don't want to take a compliment the wrong way, like romantically, if it isn't intended that way. We've talked about getting together, but are cautious about having the kids around because we aren't sure we can keep our hands to ourselves and we aren't ready for the kids to see that kind of affection between us when we want to feel it out first..


I think I just get into my own head that I can't possibly be deserving of something so great and that is sad.
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pb
@Peanutbutter
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 2284 · Topics: 58
Posted by AriesLove
Posted by Peanutbutter
I think if you guys have already talked about being all over each other that would in some way or another imply that this could possibly be a romantic thing and not just a friend zone type of situation.
Yes I agree there is a sexual attraction but being romantic with someone does not move you up from the friend zone. There has to be a mutual understanding.
Posted by AriesLove
Posted by herlimbicmind
Aww, thanks!
I think he's into me too. But again, he has stuff he has to work out before we can get there officially.

He doesn't like it when he thinks I"m talking to other guys though... lol He's made a comment or two about that. Not in a controlling way. But it was cute.
Of course he doesn't like it when you talk to other guys he hasn't hit it yet. He wants to be next. Just move slowly if you really like him. Being a friend is more important than being a romantic fling in the long run if this is the guy you want.
click to expand

True true, I agree w everything you posted.

I think men are only romantic to people they are attracted to in one way or another yes? What I meant with my comment was that he will only take as much as you give him and as a woman if you want a real relationship you get to know the person first (as friends, set boundaries, have standards, etc.) so you can know what you will potentially be getting yourself into. Men can be romantic and still be in the friendzone but obviously she is attracted to him too, so OP take things slow, feel him out as friends.