How long? ;)
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by GemIKnow on Monday, December 5, 2011 and has 5 replies.
Ok, so I'm dating an EXTREMELY sexy Scorpio (Love, Love, LOVE HIM!). We've been great friends for a long while now, relationship just fell right into place flawlessly over the past few months.
He visits his two young daughters once a month on the West Coast (we're on the East Coast) and has just spent a couple of weeks out there for Thanksgiving. His Cancer ex has not stopped contacting him, reminiscent of times past, how great it was for their family to be together again, etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, the thought has crossed my mind that he may be playing both sides, but he's such a devoted boyfriend. He talks about his kids constantly, and I know how much he enjoys the visits. Never bashes the ex outright (which I appreciate- don't dog your past, it makes you who you are and appreciative of your present) but will say how negative a person she is, moody, etc. He & I have talked about it a few times. I'm not trying to come across as insecure by bringing it up, and I totally respect their past. He says he doesn't do anything to lead her on, he considers them friends & they have kids together. Fine with me.
So, my question I guess is this: How long does it take a Cancer to shake a Scorpio? They didn't have a very steady relationship. Were off and on for 4 years. He kept going back to work things out with the ex but it never worked out. I'm thinking he was trying moreso for the girls' sake then out of love for his ex.
While he could be leading her on (it's always logical to keep that a possibility) is it normal for a Cancer to 'read' into his actions toward the girls, doting on them & being in their lives regularly, as actions toward her, the Cancer? IE, way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Way to a Cancer's heart is through her kids?
Any insight will be most helpful. Thanks in advance!
He visits his two young daughters once a month on the West Coast (we're on the East Coast) and has just spent a couple of weeks out there for Thanksgiving. His Cancer ex has not stopped contacting him, reminiscent of times past, how great it was for their family to be together again, etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, the thought has crossed my mind that he may be playing both sides, but he's such a devoted boyfriend. He talks about his kids constantly, and I know how much he enjoys the visits. Never bashes the ex outright (which I appreciate- don't dog your past, it makes you who you are and appreciative of your present) but will say how negative a person she is, moody, etc. He & I have talked about it a few times. I'm not trying to come across as insecure by bringing it up, and I totally respect their past. He says he doesn't do anything to lead her on, he considers them friends & they have kids together. Fine with me.
So, my question I guess is this: How long does it take a Cancer to shake a Scorpio? They didn't have a very steady relationship. Were off and on for 4 years. He kept going back to work things out with the ex but it never worked out. I'm thinking he was trying moreso for the girls' sake then out of love for his ex.
While he could be leading her on (it's always logical to keep that a possibility) is it normal for a Cancer to 'read' into his actions toward the girls, doting on them & being in their lives regularly, as actions toward her, the Cancer? IE, way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Way to a Cancer's heart is through her kids?
Any insight will be most helpful. Thanks in advance!
Okay this could take a bit because there are quite a few things to address both as a Cancer woman, mother, and having had very deep seeded feelings for Scorps. I can honestly say both Scorps that have been a meaningful part of my heart will never go away. I can honestly say even if negative aspects drew us closer and bonded us more. We look beyond it, if anything even if it pains us we know it makes us more part of one another than any other sign, even my ex Cancer or too ex husband, who is father to my two children. I can't speak for your Scorp. If I went by my experience alone? He knows this too, and that bond. It's hard to break. No matter how bad or good, it sometimes is all the same it just makes it more there. Crazy is what crazy does, and when you get these two signs together it can get beyond words or comprehension to people. They can't relate or get it. As an ex to him, she may be playing on the fact that he is her ex and if she still loves him, etc. I can also say with the one Scorp I love and hate him all in one, and I can't trust him for nothing but at the same time if he walked through the door right now and asked me to marry him I would. And the man makes me want to pull my hair out!!! LOL BUT, the other Scorp who's in my life now? My soul mate I swear. I could only pray he would ask and I know that day will never happen.
I really don't know what direction to tell you to go because they do have a history, they do share children, he does want to be a part of their life. I can only tell you to trust him, but too and it seems you will, respect the fact that he may always love her and she him or that history they have, and no one can take that away from anyone. She too needs to know her boundaries, and as long as he knows where those boundaries are you are in good hands with him.
I really don't know what direction to tell you to go because they do have a history, they do share children, he does want to be a part of their life. I can only tell you to trust him, but too and it seems you will, respect the fact that he may always love her and she him or that history they have, and no one can take that away from anyone. She too needs to know her boundaries, and as long as he knows where those boundaries are you are in good hands with him.
I really don't know what direction to tell you to go because they do have a history, they do share children, he does want to be a part of their life. I can only tell you to trust him, but too and it seems you will, respect the fact that he may always love her and she him or that history they have, and no one can take that away from anyone. She too needs to know her boundaries, and as long as he knows where those boundaries are you are in good hands with him.
Thank you for the advice, and breaking it down. It makes more sense now- I know Scorpios & Cancers have deep emotional bonds, but not being one myself it's hard to see from that perspective w/out such detailed insight as you provided. Trust is the key. We'll see how mature and evolved a Scorpio he is, as well as how much he wants a future with me, as time progresses. As a Gemini who spreads her wings (albeit too quickly sometimes- act first, think later) if I get the gist he's not to be trusted and there's more going on then I'm in the loop about, I'm flying out. I'm all business when it comes to love, and I'd rather pull out than let my investment tank.
However, I really do respect the history they share, and I'm grateful he's not a dead-beat dad. I do respect the love they shared in their past. However, as more time progresses in my relationship, if things keep up and I have a stronger foothold, I will bring it up to him again regarding her pushing the boundaries. I've made it clear where my boundaries lie, what I will not put up with vs. what's acceptable.
And he's going to appreciate your support very much and honestly it will make him admire you more. Can I ask what boundaries is it that she is crossing outside of reminiscing?
I should've explained that better when I said I can't trust him. I can't trust how far he won't go to do things that he knows will hurt me. I hurt him all in order of protecting myself. I had every right, he knows this. I thought he was playing games. But when it comes to matters of the heart, it was a different story when it was his heart. So in the process of protecting my heart it was his that I hurt and so began everything you read about. And as weird as it is, I get it so much that it makes me love him more. In the end both our hearts were hurt, I tried and he retreated. This is where the craziness starts. There is no start or finish.We read each others minds, and I can sense when he's around, what he's thinking, etc. Each time he does this to me, I hate him more. I hate myself. At the same time, it brings us together more and deeper relationship because we get each other. The last time was a doozy, and I finally said enough. He did to me what I knew he was going to do, I predicted it. I prepared myself, or so I thought. He tried many ways to get me back in terms of paybacks, I was wising up more and more..able to stop it before it started but he came to me in another direction and by the time I realized what he did it was too late. He had stung me, and there was no going back because I hadn't covered all my bases. He won. I can read his mind, as he can mine. I had put trust into him once again. I finally said enough and told him to leave me alone. The next time I saw him I wouldn't look at him or talk to him. He expected I would. It was too much that I ignored him because he wasn't used to that. He's too fucking stubborn to say he fucked up let alone in those words, and too scared to let himself go.To be loved, and to go back. He won't ever. Ina few years he will, but it will be too late. This will be the most hurt he will have felt. Dumb fool. Both of us. It truly is a dance.
I should've explained that better when I said I can't trust him. I can't trust how far he won't go to do things that he knows will hurt me. I hurt him all in order of protecting myself. I had every right, he knows this. I thought he was playing games. But when it comes to matters of the heart, it was a different story when it was his heart. So in the process of protecting my heart it was his that I hurt and so began everything you read about. And as weird as it is, I get it so much that it makes me love him more. In the end both our hearts were hurt, I tried and he retreated. This is where the craziness starts. There is no start or finish.We read each others minds, and I can sense when he's around, what he's thinking, etc. Each time he does this to me, I hate him more. I hate myself. At the same time, it brings us together more and deeper relationship because we get each other. The last time was a doozy, and I finally said enough. He did to me what I knew he was going to do, I predicted it. I prepared myself, or so I thought. He tried many ways to get me back in terms of paybacks, I was wising up more and more..able to stop it before it started but he came to me in another direction and by the time I realized what he did it was too late. He had stung me, and there was no going back because I hadn't covered all my bases. He won. I can read his mind, as he can mine. I had put trust into him once again. I finally said enough and told him to leave me alone. The next time I saw him I wouldn't look at him or talk to him. He expected I would. It was too much that I ignored him because he wasn't used to that. He's too fucking stubborn to say he fucked up let alone in those words, and too scared to let himself go.To be loved, and to go back. He won't ever. Ina few years he will, but it will be too late. This will be the most hurt he will have felt. Dumb fool. Both of us. It truly is a dance.
Mostly I utilized the word "boundaries" because of what you had said: "She too needs to know her boundaries, and as long as he knows where those boundaries are you are in good hands with him." I think she needs to respect that he's in a new relationship, and not with her. With the distance, I honestly do not know if she has physically crossed any boundaries. Emotions are fine- we're only human and I know the struggles I had when my ex broke my heart. I was willing to bend over backwards to get him back, but after a lot of time and distance did I realize I mostly wanted him back to spite the girl he left me for- no real prize there. And I put my happiness and self-security on his shoulders, pretty much thinking I was happy with myself because of him. I'm happy with myself now, confident in who I am, what I want, how to get it. I've been working through the process of emotional growth.
You know, everything you've said about your personal situation w/ your ex Scorpio you can't trust makes perfect sense, and I have thought there's strong possibility my Scorp could be leading his ex on emotionally to set her up for a 'payback' as you put it. I don't respect that at all, and while he may not intentionally be doing anything that cruel, from what I've read of Scorps, and what I know of his sensitive side, I also wouldn't put it past him. Technically not cheating (though if I were doing something similar with my ex...tsk, tsk, tsk!) if there's nothing sexual involved. But get her to open up to be willing to trust him and vulnerable, and WHAM! Out of left field, "Btw I'm in a stable, loving relationship I wouldn't dream of jeapardizing. And you can't have me. How you like them apples?"
Granted, this is purely hypothetical. But all astrology aside, typically when a female acts a certain way around a guy, there's just cause for her actions. She could be crazy. He could be cruel. I could be reading too deeply into nothing, yet possibly even overlooking the obvious. Again, time will tell. But I understand the Cancer/Scorpio compatibility a bit more now.
I have the same mind-reading capabilities with this guy. It's crazy, b/c I normally don't take the time to focus that intently in my relationships. He's grounding me, toughening me up a bit and also opening my soul to let my full who-I-am emotions pour out. I love every minute of it.
You know, everything you've said about your personal situation w/ your ex Scorpio you can't trust makes perfect sense, and I have thought there's strong possibility my Scorp could be leading his ex on emotionally to set her up for a 'payback' as you put it. I don't respect that at all, and while he may not intentionally be doing anything that cruel, from what I've read of Scorps, and what I know of his sensitive side, I also wouldn't put it past him. Technically not cheating (though if I were doing something similar with my ex...tsk, tsk, tsk!) if there's nothing sexual involved. But get her to open up to be willing to trust him and vulnerable, and WHAM! Out of left field, "Btw I'm in a stable, loving relationship I wouldn't dream of jeapardizing. And you can't have me. How you like them apples?"
Granted, this is purely hypothetical. But all astrology aside, typically when a female acts a certain way around a guy, there's just cause for her actions. She could be crazy. He could be cruel. I could be reading too deeply into nothing, yet possibly even overlooking the obvious. Again, time will tell. But I understand the Cancer/Scorpio compatibility a bit more now.
I have the same mind-reading capabilities with this guy. It's crazy, b/c I normally don't take the time to focus that intently in my relationships. He's grounding me, toughening me up a bit and also opening my soul to let my full who-I-am emotions pour out. I love every minute of it.
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