I am Stuck in a Time Warp....

As the dust settles from my latest crash and burn I was propelled to look for more answers as to why I am at this junction once again. Here is what I have learned ...

I have a "double dose" of self worth according to my chart and apparently attract men that have low self esteem. They are drawn to me, I build them up, and then they look for greener pastures. Makes sense... I am not a simple woman to deal with, I get that.

I also am an INFJ personality, which sheds some light on the whole intimacy thing. As I am told, there is something I have that they just don't want to give up... hence, being strung along.

I have no shame, I am just me and am looking for a way to weed out the men with low self esteem vs the ones that are good for me. How do I go about making sure the man that is drawn to me isn't another ride down assclown road? I really am lost and of course on hiatus unless and until I can ensure this will not happen again.

Any thoughts?

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
what houses are your planets in? Any stelliums (three or more of a cluster in one house)?

any hard uranus aspects?

Here's what I have been told... I don't know if that's going to help though?
1- Your 2nd House (self-worth) is duplicated, and has Jupiter (planet of excess/abundance) within it. So, you'll not allow anyone to abuse you in any way.

2- And you have Scorpio intercepted (in 4th house of "psychological foundations"), together with Sun/Mercury/Neptune

3- I noticed venus because it's being hot by squares from several major planets. Youre lucky that houses 3 and 12 are weak houses, but your IC is there so I'm sure it's affecting your home life

4- "money sign" Taurus is intercepted in your 10th house (of career).

5- You have a Yod from Sun Uranus to the node and the way this relationship defines you is shown by the conjunction of the Node to the MC and the second Yod of Neptune/Pluto to the MC. You can see the two yods below.

On an 80% orbs setting BTW you do not have a 'hot' Venus with squares to 'several planets'. Just one square aspect for Venus.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
no, don't help very much. whomever gave you that made it really technical and not very practical. I'd ask for a clearer explanation.

1. a list of your planets and the houses they are in.
2. any uranus aspects (especially squares and oppositions)

you don't have to share them on the boards, but with those in hand....I'd google. things will start connecting themselves when you become familiar with that.

that's how I discovered my 12th house was over-occupied with planets in libra and why I attracted 'secret' relationships. once you realise what you are doing and why....the next step is sit down with yourself and put a plan together on how to avoid or redirect that energy to something that will work for you instead of against you.

I thought it was very technical and had to get them to try to clarify and even then I found it hard to understand.
Your guidance makes a whole lot of realistic sense. Thankyou I like the idea of pinpointing what it is I am attracting/doing that has me reliving scenarios that are bizarre on their own let alone repeating themselves.

So where is a good place to go to have my chart read?

Posted by tiziani
Well, all the Fixed signs are focused on self-worth. 2nd House yes, material self-worth I suppose. 8th House/Scorpio is emotional self-worth.

So, because I am a Scorpio and that sign is fixed that's what's giving me this double dose of self worth? Wouldn't that mean all Scorpio women would have the same dilemma? What am I doing wrong? This last time I was open, honest, genuine... I asked all the right questions specifically. I checked if we were balanced, he checked if we were balanced. Everything was awesome right up until he started having feelings for me. Then the shutdown began and I ended it before it got ugly.

Posted by Whatu
Stop resenting the situation and feel honored to be someone who can lift people up beyond their boundary's, and forgive them and forgive you're self for not being able to help them grow strong enough to do the same for you.

Maybe they will be able to help a weaker woman to grow stronger now, someone who needs that love more than you do.

That comment hit me pretty hard... I knew I was lifting them up but really had not considered it an honor. You are right I see, even in my pity that I have not gotten to keep one for myself...

Posted by tiziani
Also, people with a lack of earth in their chart or impracticality in their life style tend to benefit greatly from Fixed Water. It's like providing an thick sheet of ice for these individuals to walk on. They recognise the element easily (water/emotion) and have no problem walking all over it, for good or worse.


Maybe you need more Earth heavy people in your life.

He had a lot of virgo in his chart.. no cardinal signs and I think 7 mutables and 5 fixed or maybe the other way around 5 mutables and 7 fixed. I dated a Leo and that's my ascending sign but he turned diva during arguments and I tolerated it exactly 6 times. 3 times to figure out there was a serious problem and 3 times for him to try to correct.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
honestly, I wouldn't pay someone quite yet to read your chart for you. you don't have enough self-knowledge for it to make much sense to you and they can tell you pretty much anything (and know this). When you don't quite know what you are looking at, the person doing the reading can be a bit biased based on personal experience and that can lead you on a wild goose chase.

i would get some information under your belt so you can challenge them when you do have it read.

astro.com has some wonderful charts for free. (they even have pullen....which is a great one too...and a little different)

I did it this way.....

1. Researched each planet on its own so I knew exactly what they meant.
2. Researched each house....
3. Researched each major aspect (save the minor ones for later)
4. Researched each planet in each house

You will start to see a pattern within yourself when you read the research (scorpios spot patterns like nobody's business! 😛)

When you think you can carry on a conversation with the astrologer, instead of just absorbing what they are saying (which can be dangerous....*self fulfilling prophecy*)...then you know you should spend the money (if you still need to).

That's just my two cents though 🙂

That helps a lot, as I really didn't know where to start and what comes next. As a result I have a bunch of information with no way of knowing how to apply it. I took a pic of your post so I can start with that. Lol
I definitely know what you men by just trying to absorb what they are saying and there was no way of carrying on a conversation. They are speaking a foreign language to me. I do think that getting o the bottom of my chart will really shed some light on my chaos though.. I hope.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by Whatu
Stop resenting the situation and feel honored to be someone who can lift people up beyond their boundary's, and forgive them and forgive you're self for not being able to help them grow strong enough to do the same for you.

Maybe they will be able to help a weaker woman to grow stronger now, someone who needs that love more than you do.

that's a really hard place to be.

true.

but very hard to swallow. 😢

click to expand

I have been learning about ego and how it rules us. I have gotten to a point with it where I can control it to a certain extent. I have even accepted that although I would love to be perfect, I am flawed. This however? makes it very hard to maintain my self esteem and my hope for a future with a Man in a beautiful and lovingly balanced relationship. I am faltering, and really questioning my purpose and if this s my purpose I want to quit because I have had enough. I will say that with a smile through the proverbial tears...

Posted by tiziani

Posted by FixedWater

Posted by tiziani
Well, all the Fixed signs are focused on self-worth. 2nd House yes, material self-worth I suppose. 8th House/Scorpio is emotional self-worth.

So, because I am a Scorpio and that sign is fixed that's what's giving me this double dose of self worth? Wouldn't that mean all Scorpio women would have the same dilemma? What am I doing wrong? This last time I was open, honest, genuine... I asked all the right questions specifically. I checked if we were balanced, he checked if we were balanced. Everything was awesome right up until he started having feelings for me. Then the shutdown began and I ended it before it got ugly.

Scorpio Sun would be a self-worth placement yes. I don't know what the "double dose" part to, but it'd probably be more than just the Scorpio sun.

Anything in the Fixed modality is focused on self-worth. That can any planet of any sign that's located in the Fixed Houses chart (2nd, 5th, 8th and 11th) e.g. a Virgo Moon in 2nd House just as an example.... or any planets under a Fixed sign like a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or Aqua placement in yoru chart. And then there are aspects to take into account beyond that.

Was the shutdown on your part or his?

In fairness, I've read a lot of Scorpio experiences on here where they are the "healer" and then the other side says "thank you" as a changed person, then ups and leaves. It seems to be a common theme. But I'm not a Scorpio myself, so I can only imagine what that's like.

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He started shutting down about a month ago and I was patient with him even though I knew exactly where it was going. I gave him a beautiful exit on Valentine's that would have left him able to leave the relationship with all of his self esteem in tact and would leave me feeling "right" in how I handled it, with grace and love. He wouldn't take it, or didn't take it. In the last week or so since then more things have been withheld and it was starting to enter into our physical relationship and that's when I said no more. I didn't want it to end up ugly. I wanted to remember him with love, not with disgust or hate. I ended it officialy and without a doubt last night. He's been cleared from my

Sorry my computer is slow, and I got cut off.

Cont.... He's been cleared from my phone and I will not contact him.

This is what's happened. I fixed him up, and now he's good. I did ask the questions in the beginning to determine whether this was a possibility or not but he wasn't honest with me even though he said he was.... makes it kind of hard to fish out whether or not someone is dateable when they are not being honest.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by FixedWater

Posted by tiziani
Also, people with a lack of earth in their chart or impracticality in their life style tend to benefit greatly from Fixed Water. It's like providing an thick sheet of ice for these individuals to walk on. They recognise the element easily (water/emotion) and have no problem walking all over it, for good or worse.


Maybe you need more Earth heavy people in your life.

He had a lot of virgo in his chart.. no cardinal signs and I think 7 mutables and 5 fixed or maybe the other way around 5 mutables and 7 fixed. I dated a Leo and that's my ascending sign but he turned diva during arguments and I tolerated it exactly 6 times. 3 times to figure out there was a serious problem and 3 times for him to try to correct.

Ah, there goes my Earth theory out the window then 😛

Mutability is a tricky one in my experience. Then again, I'm mutable dominant.

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I really enjoyed the depth that he offered in the beginning. We had a wicked connection on many levels and were really mirrors of each other. We made a list of the things we had in common and are/were over 80. No joke, it's so bizarre and I have considered he is my Twin.

It was a great theory ! If not for the leo baby I dated I might consider another earth sign! 🙂

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Most Scorpios *know* when they get into a relationship that their healing energy is going to be channeled into their partner. Very *rarely* is it reciprocal. It is what it is. Maybe the key is requiring reciprocity? Healing each other. That might eliminate the weaker element. Shrugs. I have no idea.

I have never considered this, and have always looked for balance. It does make a lot of sense and that he needed my intensity is an under statement. He would not have worked at all with someone less intense. I do really think that it should only be fair that we all get to have that loved and looked after feeling by someone at least once in a lifetime. Honestly though, every relationship I am the healer... every one.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
The Pisces said, sometimes you have to go through the pain in a relationship to get to the other side. I thought that was very astute. When you get to the pain part its so easy to fly. I get that. Its harder to look at the pain, go through it and maybe come out the other side stronger. I don't know this is a thought of mine lately.

It is especially from my experiences because I have done it enough times now that I know the drill. The pain and how it comes in waves, when I am at my weakest and what to do when I am at my strongest. I time my breakups now so that my daughter is with her dad so I can be a mess. This is why it was so important she not meet him, or hang out with him. To me? The pain is almost easy and welcomed, like ok another one down, that's a relief. Isn't that sad? I do fly after, and I enjoy being single right up until something says "hey, go online and chat, you're lonely" then wham bam thankyou maam I am right back in it. 2 months of happy for what?

Posted by tiziani

Posted by FixedWater
Sorry my computer is slow, and I got cut off.

Cont.... He's been cleared from my phone and I will not contact him.

This is what's happened. I fixed him up, and now he's good. I did ask the questions in the beginning to determine whether this was a possibility or not but he wasn't honest with me even though he said he was.... makes it kind of hard to fish out whether or not someone is dateable when they are not being honest.

Well, I might be naive but how does someone go about asking questions to find out if someone will stick around? I mean transformation, pain and change (even the healing part) is a serious thing for anyone to go through. People can only be as honest as they believe themselves to be.


My only helpful suggestion is have you ever thought about it from your perspective looking outwards? you know what purpose you tend to serve in relationship, for better or worse. But have you thought about what you yourself need from relationships in order for it to be a fair deal for you?

Asking yourself this might narrow down the homework, because then at least you won't be checking the chart or background of every potential partner, but simply having to look further in depth at your own. Perhaps you have minority elements, or affinities with other energies that would be healing for you. Not necessarily healing in the ways you anticipated but in the ways you need, in order to keep being you.

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You really can't determine if someone will stick around. After all, it does come down to how two people relate with each other... their connections. You can however try to eliminate men that really aren't emotionally available. They are the ones that will say and do whatever they need to in order to get their needs met which at our age really comes down to sex. There are A-So many men that just want sex and no growth within a relationship -or- B-I attract only the ones that want sex and no growth within a committed relationship.
Yes, I know what I want/need from a relationship and that's why I have painfully learned to take the time to ask the questions that really are awkward and difficult to ask because it would insinuate that I want That Man in that way, when I don't even know that yet for sure... did that make sense? L

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
what houses are your planets in? Any stelliums (three or more of a cluster in one house)?

any hard uranus aspects?

Would this be more helpful?


Planet

Aspect

Planet

Orb/Value

Sun Trine Saturn 7.47 2
Sun Sextile Uranus 0.11 249
Sun Conjunction Neptune 3.54 292
Moon Trine Mercury 3.01 159
Moon Square Venus 0.16 -344
Venus Opposition Saturn 6.03 -54
Mars Trine Uranus 6.30 22
Mars Sextile Neptune 2.25 82
Mars Trine Pluto 0.43 83
Saturn Opposition Uranus 7.37 -11
Uranus Conjunction Pluto 5.47 67
Neptune Sextile Pluto 1.42 35
991 -409 582

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
honestly, I wouldn't pay someone quite yet to read your chart for you. you don't have enough self-knowledge for it to make much sense to you and they can tell you pretty much anything (and know this). When you don't quite know what you are looking at, the person doing the reading can be a bit biased based on personal experience and that can lead you on a wild goose chase.

i would get some information under your belt so you can challenge them when you do have it read.

astro.com has some wonderful charts for free. (they even have pullen....which is a great one too...and a little different)

I did it this way.....

1. Researched each planet on its own so I knew exactly what they meant.
2. Researched each house....
3. Researched each major aspect (save the minor ones for later)
4. Researched each planet in each house

You will start to see a pattern within yourself when you read the research (scorpios spot patterns like nobody's business! 😛)

When you think you can carry on a conversation with the astrologer, instead of just absorbing what they are saying (which can be dangerous....*self fulfilling prophecy*)...then you know you should spend the money (if you still need to).

That's just my two cents though 🙂

I started researching last night and found out right in my chart that it says I have mommy issues/abandonment issues. Which attracts people who will abandon... makes a lot sense! Just thought I would let you know how your advice helped me to make a really positive discovery that I can research and possibly fix within myself. Thankyou 🙂

I will research those first and I do love the "eye-opening" experience of it all. I have to say, Caf? Astrology is a much better site than the one I was on.

Is that the little chart under the big one? Is that what shows where they sit in my houses?

Astroloogia is an excellent site! Thankx TS, I have been on it for the last hour and learning so much more. It is so fascinating! 🙂

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by FixedWater

Posted by IrresistableScorp
The Pisces said, sometimes you have to go through the pain in a relationship to get to the other side. I thought that was very astute. When you get to the pain part its so easy to fly. I get that. Its harder to look at the pain, go through it and maybe come out the other side stronger. I don't know this is a thought of mine lately.

It is especially from my experiences because I have done it enough times now that I know the drill. The pain and how it comes in waves, when I am at my weakest and what to do when I am at my strongest. I time my breakups now so that my daughter is with her dad so I can be a mess. This is why it was so important she not meet him, or hang out with him. To me? The pain is almost easy and welcomed, like ok another one down, that's a relief. Isn't that sad? I do fly after, and I enjoy being single right up until something says "hey, go online and chat, you're lonely" then wham bam thankyou maam I am right back in it. 2 months of happy for what?

Fix water as much as we say it's one sided the healing we give it's not if I'm honest with myself each relationship gave me important lesson. I believe we come across someone n they are there until the lessons are learned n it's time to move on pain n all. Truth is nothing is permanent n everything is on borrowed time so enjoy the moment with each soul. Sometimes even when u do all the questioning to see if will last it is never a guarantee.

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Impulsv, I hear you... and all of what you say is true. I have really great days where my strength is high and all that unconditional love is pure and healthy. Then I have those other days when I feel like it's unfair to expect so much from someone. That at some point I sure hope the universe intends to allow me to keep one of them all to myself... Lol I laugh, but it's not really all that funny

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by FixedWater
Astroloogia is an excellent site! Thankx TS, I have been on it for the last hour and learning so much more. It is so fascinating! 🙂

thanks 🙂

It's been a year in the making and I have lots more work to do, but I'm happy with it thus far.

click to expand

Is that your site? It is so easy to understand! I have learned a great deal already. Good Job!

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Most Scorpios *know* when they get into a relationship that their healing energy is going to be channeled into their partner. Very *rarely* is it reciprocal. It is what it is. Maybe the key is requiring reciprocity? Healing each other. That might eliminate the weaker element. Shrugs. I have no idea.

It saddens me to read that, yes relationships are about healing one another.