I completely give up !!!!

I just found out that my sweet, homebody, honorable suburban BF of four months that everybody loves and adores and tells me that I would be crazy to break up with has been fooling everybody. He has been e-mailing women on the internet for casual encounters. Wacking off to the computer whores when he has a classy, beautiful woman lying next to him that is more than willing and able to make all of his sexual fantasies come true.

HaHa!! What a laugh!! For those of you who have been following my relationship with this man you know that I have been putting up with his boring, no energy, couch potato, low sex drive man's ass because I thought he was a quality person that I should feel lucky to have found. Now to find out that he is none of those good things makes me feel absolutely disgusted that I ever even met him let alone slept with him. I knew he had a lot of problems, but a sex addiction—? I would have never guessed in a million years. I have been so sexually frustrated with his lack of interest in the bedroom because he is so tired all the time. He has been on anxiety pills that make him have all of these sexual side effects that other women have left him for that I have been so patient about and here he is online pretending that he is Mr. Studly. Lying to these women about his name and sending photos to them that are 20 years old and 20 lbs less. Talking about how he is hard all the time and wants to worship their boobies. I realize that this must make him feel more like a man to pretend to be this supersexed guy, but I really just don't get it. Why are men so fucking weak and self sabatoging? No wonder our world is such a mess. We have a bunch of weak ass dysfunctional men running it.

Needless to say I broke up with him yesterday, by e-mail. I couldn't even look at his disgusting face. An e-mail break up is all that he deserves. This happened to one of my friends with her BF and my BF was telling her how she deserved better and that he was obviously a sick man that couldn't be trusted and that she should not take him back and here he is doing the same exact thing.

ONE SEMI-NORMAL MAN!! Is that really too much to ask for?? Really??

OMG! GS, I'm so sorry to hear this 😢 How did you find out he was doing this? & have you heard from him sense you sent the e-mail?

"We have a bunch of weak ass dysfunctional men running it"

In a way.

The anxiety pills you mention, you mean like Paxil and those kind of drugs? The side effects are supposed to included sexual withdrawal or whatever the terminolgy is.

Well that sucks, but at least you found out before it became more serious or got married. And you've learned some signs to look for in the next liar that you might meet.

...So, how do you know who he has been e-mailing?

Right, right.

Men are scum! Down with penises!

Her reaction is pretty normal, she's been betrayed, of course she's down on men at the moment. Had she been in a lesbian relationship she's be down on women instead.

This is where the self-sabatoging comes in. He has always been like, use my computer anytime you need to. My snooping started off so innocently. I was at his house and he had left for work and I got a call from my boss needing something e-mailed to him so I went on his computer to send the e-mail and my attention got caught by an e-mail from his Mother with my name in the subject line. My curiosity got the best of me so I read the e-mail from his mother. He had sent a picture of me to her and she was saying how pretty I was. I wanted to see what he had said to her in response so I went into his send box and there was no e-mail to his mother, but there was about 15 or 20 e-mail answering womens ads for casual encounters on an internet site. He had carefully deleted everything from his inbox, but he forgot about his sendbox. Most of the e-mail was sent on August 29th, but one of them was just sent the night before about an hour before I showed up to his house telling some girl that he still wants to meet her for a sexual rendezvous. So I know his intent is more than just wacking off to strangers.

The pill he is on is Celexa and they cause him to have a really hard time having an orgasm. Most of the time he just isn't able to have an orgasm. Only about 1 out of every 4 times we had sex could he actually have an orgasm. Then he would feel so bad for me that I was trying so hard that it made it even worse for him mentally. After a while we just kind of stopped trying except on the weekends when he was more relaxed and we had more time to make it happen. It was sooo frustrating but I was being patient with him because he had made the decision to try to go off of the drug and handle his anxiety more holistically. He had just started lowering his dosage this and I was very excited that mabye we would be able to have a normal sex life and then this happened.

Gslove...first of all...a BIG hug for you.

Now get something to drink and let's figure this out.

First of all I want you to remember this is the internet we are talking about. And a Scorpio man. They don't see porn as anything other than educational or a toy so I doubt this internet thing is anything more than that.

And we are talking about a man here. Men, are perfectly capable of desensitizing women into mere sex things anyway. He isn't sleeping with these women, right? Ok. Then once the shock wears off and the dust settles...let's think this one out before you toss it all away.

People come into our lives to help us during specific moments. Maybe he is using these women as entertainment or feeding a bruised ego due to the medication he is taking that is surely affecting his role as Romeo in your life. I think that is all there is to it.

Just like we all gather here to help us find our way.

You are there with him. His choice. This internet thing is not on the same level. Before you strangle him, even if he deserves it, I want you to go to him and say what's in your heart. If for nothing else, then closure.

Tell him you felt betrayed when you read the emails.

Tell him that trust is now an issue for you.

Tell him you felt hurt at what appears a failure for you to be all that he needs and that this is important to you and the relationship.

And then give him a chance to explain why you are wrong. And I hope you are. You were one of the first people here to welcome me and help me keep from losing my mind over one of these guys. I could not ignore this thread because it involved you and seeing that you are hurt.

I'm certainly not making excuses for him. I just really know that everything is not always what it appears. You love this man. I bet it's cause he earned it. I want you to stand up for yourself and speak up and give it everything you have before you walk away. And I'll be right here waiting to help you any way I can.

And to answer your question, I have a read reciept on all of my e-mail and he read it last night at about 6:45 and so far no response. How does one respond to something like that??

"Yes honey, I know I'm one sick Motherfucker, but can you please forgive me—?"

This was my breakup letter to him:

DEAR ASSHOLE!! (I didn't really say that of course)

I needed to send my timesheet by e-mail this morning to my boss and I used your computer to do it. I'm sorry to say that I saw something that I should have never seen on your computer and I feel that I can no longer date you now. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I now see that we don't have the connection that I thought we did. I guess I was only seeing what I wanted to see. I'm looking for an honest and monogamous relationship and I thought you were too. I have sold the Dodger tickets for the weekend and I suggest you sell the concert tickets for next month or take someone else. I would appreciate you not contacting me again. It just hurts too much and there is nothing else to be said. Your actions tell me everything I need to know.

That's it. I didn't even sign it. Doesn't give him a whole lot to respond to.

Very mature email that you wrote, I don't think I could have been so polite so soon.

Thanks to everyone for all of your posts. You have made me laugh and feel better.

Libra Carrie,

I love you!! :-) Thank you so much for your thoughtful post.

I completely understand what you are saying and you are right, but I have been in the therapy business way to long to not see this for what it is. He has a problem and this problem won't just go away because he loves me. There is a whole lot more going on here then just having sex with women on the internet that stem back way before I came along. The reason that I got into the therapy business in the first place is so that I could get paid for helping people and I would stop having the desire to try to fix the men I was with. I refuse to try to be understanding with them anymore when they do this kind of shit that effects me and my wellbeing. There will be no second chances for this man. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and I have to really try to not be jaded by this experience. There has to be someone out there that is worthy of what I have to offer.

I dunno Carrie, I think GS did the right thing. The Internet is a valuable tool for someone looking to cheat so I wouldn't pass it off as nothing Just because it's ONLY the Internet. She did read a e-mail sent by him HOURS before she came over telling some skeezer that he wanted to meet for sex! WTF! So if he's making dates with women then it's NOT just harmless flirting. Also just because a man can look at a woman as nothing but a mere sex object doesn't make it OK. If someone cheated on me & then said "but it was only about sex, she didn't mean anything to me" that would be irrelevant. If GS meant anything to him, he would have never even went there. Yes he may have a bruised ego because of his problems in the sex department but it seems that GS was patient & understanding with him & THIS is the thanks she gets in return? Fuck him! what a ass. What's the point of talking this out? She'll have MAJOR issues with trusting him again, anyone would. I'm really sorry GS 😢 Your such a sweetheart to everyone on here & you deserved so much better.

"Very mature email that you wrote, I don't think I could have been so polite so soon."

Believe me, it took all I had to restrain myself of what I really wanted to say to him, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I wanted to do it with dignity and grace. Honestly when I wrote the e-mail I had such a numb and very non-emotional cold feeling inside. I still kind of do. I haven't even cried over him. What I have just told you guys is the first time the anger has come out. I guess I will go through the other stages of grief now too and then I will just move on.

GS, Honey....I'm so sorry. While I was posting, I missed that you had went back with another post and more details of what had happened. So he was actually making plans to meet another woman—

Shit.

I'm with you on the fix a man issue. I was soooooooooo into that it was huge to stop. But when I did, I went forth with such an opposite attitude that I may have made some mistakes by going too far the other way. That's what I was cautioning you about. Just put the brakes on the emotion and look at the black and white. Of course, now that you've shared more...I take that off the table.

You do whatever you feel you need to do. I meant what I said about backing you up. I'm right here. 🙂

I agree with Libra Carrie here.

Right now, you are in freak-out mode, which is perfectly normal .. however, the real truth has to be found for why he did this, as well as, you need to get out your true feelings, and not just the ones that are destructive.

If you are to heal .. then you cannot do this, for real, if the only thing you carry away with you are ones of this intense anger that will only hurt you and destroy you if you cannot find a perspective to put them in. In other words >>> you will AlWAYS have these feelings with you which will turn into destructive emotional baggage if you don't find some resolution.

You NEED to hear him say the words .. no matter what the message is, if you are going to heal.


A side note: You were paranoid already, about Aries thread about uncertainties .. you have to keep in mind that because you are a Scorpio, that you will have the inclination to FREAK out intensely over things that are a mole-hill. I'm not saying this is small, I'm saying that you might be making it a mountain, when it might be a mole-hill.

((( hugs to you and I'm sorry you're huring )))

"at least you know now...most people are oblivious to that sort of thing.........shame on you for snooping though,tsk tsk....."

I really wasn't proud of myself for my snooping but thank God I did. Here I was searching for a clue about how he felt about me by looking to see what he is telling his mother about me and wham!! Got slapped in the face with the other shit. I'm telling you guys there was not even a little bit of a suspician on my part that he was doing this. Makes me wonder what other boyfriends in the past have done that maybe I knew nothing about. I really am not a snooper, but from this point on I'm always going to feel like I need to do it. It makes me sick to think how much longer I would have been with this guy if I had not found out now. I'm lucky that I found out before I got too much more involved. I was thinking this guy was marriage material. I'm shuttering just thinking about it. I see why people hire private investigators to check out the people they date now. I thought they were just being paranoid.

My friends that have met my boyfriend are totally in shock. The can't believe that he would have done this. They keep asking "Are you sure you were reading the e-mails right?" "Are you sure it wasn't his son messing around on his computer?" Wow!! I have never been so fooled by a man ever. The worst part of this whole thing is how wrong my intuitions were about this man. How could I have been so wrong?

Aww.. sorry to hear that!

Oh believe me, I have already started with the revenge. I went back up on the dating site I met him on that I'm sure he will check soon to see if I'm there. I used a photo that HE took of me last weekend for my main photo and added a nice little comment on my profile about how I was looking for someone with some energy and not a couch potato. He will know that I'm talking about him when he sees that.

That is also the reason why I don't want to give him a chance to explain himself. That is part of the revenge. He has no idea about exactly what it was that I saw on his computer. His little mind is all over the place right now freaking out about how much that I know. He has probably been going through his e-mail inbox e-mail by e-mail trying to figure out what I know. He is probably sitting there scratching his head going what the fuck did she see?? He probably hasn't even thought about the fact that I saw his sent messages. LOL!!!
I like the thought of him being in agony of never really knowing what happened and that he never got a chance to explain himself. Maybe this whole experience will make him smarter in his next relationship, but somehow I doubt it.

Actually he's probably freaking out about things that you didn't see, I would have pulled a forensic investigation of his pc that would make CSI bow down and end their series. I'll bet there is some juicy stuff on that hard drive.

Note to people that want your private stuff to remain private...never leave pc without switching users and disable sharing of files between main user and guest user, rookies are irritating. 😉

You guys are making me laugh!! OMG!! Being a Scorpio, I scare myself with the thoughts that I have about getting revenge on people that hurt me or my loved ones. They mostly just stay fantasies in my head though. I don't act on my "humiliation" type revenge. It's enough for me to just fantasize about what I would like to do to them.

I think now would be a good time to explore my dominatrix fantasies though. I could really get off on flogging a few men right now. Any volunteeers?? LOL!!!

"OMG...I'd rip his heart out!"

Actually I was thinking of ripping off something a little bit lower than his heart.

Amazing the sheer number of evil thoughts that run through the mind without even trying isn't it?

I had one where I thought about posting naked pics in every section of craigslist personals asking for all manner of humiliation, you know bukkake, gangbangs and the like, then including the phone number and address.

Good thing I'm such a nice guy, but I'm still keeping the pics.

"I had one where I thought about posting naked pics in every section of craigslist personals asking for all manner of humiliation, you know bukkake, gangbangs and the like, then including the phone number and address."

I like that one. I have fantasies of posting his picture everywhere and warning other women against the sexual deviant.

I should have known he had problems when he lied and posted a picture of himself on his profile that was 10 years old and 20 lbs lighter and he was going by a different name in his username. He told me right away about the name thing though so I thought he was just protecting his internet identity from his son or something.

Nah, there's regular pron for that if need be Ms. Elena. They are just keepsakes like any photo or video....and insurance should they ever attempt anything underhanded themselves. 😉

I see you prefer destructive energy ... and the call goes out, then.


Again, it should find you ...

Involving his mother is going too far...why should she be made to suffer? It's about hurting him, once you involve innocents dark side you have reached and return you may never.

"i would have some mercy for him though given that he seems to suffer from some sextual hangups."

Yes, I do have that little devil on one shoulder that wants to kill him and the angel on the other shoulder that just feels very sorry for him.

OH NO! 😢 For goodness sakes, why do some men have to be such assholes———?

I will go on the record and say I'M SO GLAD YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM! GOOD JOB!!! So many women stay evern after KNOWING that the guy is not right for them. They put up with all kinds of bull-shit just because they don't know what to do. The fact that you broke up with him is a wonderful start something new in your life 🙂

You should always be taking notes, I've been giving away Scorp insider knowledge left and right around here, people would pay good money for this stuff 😉

It's all in fun though to cheer up gs. As a good friend once told me; it's better to break all contact and never speak to them again to send a message of how little they mean to you. Any type of revenge shows that you care no matter how you try to justify it.

Got this from a friend yesterday, might be relevant for some this week...


Brace yourself! This is your week to demonstrate just how calm, cool and
collected you can be. Monday's Full Moon will bring an association into the
glaring light of reality and a developing situation will need all of your
attention. However, randomly-emerging information could be useful and if it
proves challenging to connect the dots, remember that all the information is
not readily available. This week will be turn out to be of those important
turning points.


On Wednesday, Venus and Neptune have a romantic rendezvous but are not
playing for keeps. No matter if you are single or deeply in love, you could
develop a sudden attraction that will not last, but could be fun or at least
provide and ego boost. This mellow social vibration is also an excellent one
for reconnecting with old friends or doing something that makes you feel
good about life.


Authority figures or "experts" are your natural enemies and tend to rile
your feisty temper, so when the Sun and Pluto generate an electric charge on
Saturday, the smart Scorpion will keep his own counsel (it bears repeating:
Mind your own business!) and allow irritating words or actions to pass.


Your ruler, Pluto, the planet of transformation, is now encouraging you to
change or remove certain difficult or negative people from your life.


Holding onto people or situations too long is a Scorpio characteristic that
you need to overcome. You are now being offered an amazing opportunity to
move forward, but if you insist on dragging old baggage along you can't
expect to scale new horizons. You need not take extreme measures, and before
you go too far remember that all you need do is separate the wheat from the
chaff.

Well some of you would need someone else to hate and some of you would miss out on some candid chat from a sign accused of never revealing anything. Some of you would cheer...but they'd still miss me 😉

"Any type of revenge shows that you care no matter how you try to justify it."

Exactly and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing I cared that much. Or give him an excuse for what he did. He won't be able to justify what he did because I became some crazed revenge filled crazy woman.

He used a different name with these contacts?

He's more than happy to let you use this very computer?


Does he live alone?

Wow Scorpseekspieces!!! Was that written spefically for me or what—? I need to subscribe to that site where you got that info.

I don't know where it came from, a friend sent it, I can ask though.

Must not be a very bright cheater .. if doesn't know how to cover his tracks. That seems like it should be a cheater's #1 rule.

So, what does he do for a living?

Not anything that uses any common sense, I shouldn't think .. or anything really, that involves the brain.

"He used a different name with these contacts?"

He used the fake names Lyle and Jim. The pictures he sent of these women were definitely him though.

He's more than happy to let you use this very computer?
That's what is strange. I think he just trusted that I would not snoop! LOL!! It sucks not to be able to trust someone doesn't it asshole??

Does he live alone?

His 17 year old son is there on occasion and has a totally different login on his computer so they do not share.

I loved what I thought he was. That love is completely gone now and as I said in another post... It's not my job to fix him.

Elena, I really wanted to ask you to read his chart, but you were getting so bombarded by people asking you to do that I didn't have the heart to ask.

My guess is that he was really good in the beginning about covering his tracks just in case I did snoop, but then after a long time of me not doing anything like that he just got careless.

He's not that stupid. He knows what he needs to do!! He just doesn't do it. He would just rather wallow in his miserable life forever.

Negative ghostrider, she is a Scorp, she shall adhere to the stereotype as set forth in the dxp bylaws and crush him with the silent treatment, we are not put on earth to help anyone but ourselves.

Don't get me wrong!! I really don't believe that he is a bad person. He is a just being a bad person to himself. I know that he has a good heart, but his actions are hurting me and I let him do this once and it's shame on him. Let him do it twice though and it's shame on me and what does that say about the way I allow myself to be treated. Then I am no stronger than he is and I am being bad to myself. I won't sink to his level. I know I will also forgive him even though I will not take him back. I can't keep this anger in my heart for long. I won't be telling him about that forgiveness though. I will keep that to myself.

"scorps can be healers. not saying you should be but you can be."

Yes and that is what I am, a healer, but I heal people who want to be healed and are coming to my office and making that commitment to themselves and are making the effort. Everyone has to do their healing in their own time and even hypnosis can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do or are not ready for. I can tell him what to do until I'm blue in the face, but he will only do it when he is ready to do it. He is 47 years old and he has not faced himself in the mirror before so I don't really see him doing it anytime soon. This experience may make him think about it a little but from what I've seen of him he is to cowardly to face his demons. He would rather just take some medications and mask his pain with internet sex instead and continue to hurt the women in his life.

My only hope in all this is that once you get this out and are able to calm down ... that you have a desire to seek the truth .. so you can find real growth to carry forward, and not baggage. Already, you are doubting your past relationships based off of something you really don't know to be the truth .. rather speculation because you have become paranoid the last several days.

He has a 17-year-old son who has access to his computer. You don't really KNOW whether the boy knows his pass-code or not .. you just think he doesn't have it.

But, you don't really know ... you don't really know the truth.

Yes, FuckinA, I was thinking about those things a lot and I was even posting about them here, but noone is perfect and I saw a chance for him to change those things because he wanted to change them and if he could just get off of those pills that were causing this and get into eating right and exercising I thought those problems could be fixed. He was expressing a desire to do all of this and had started doing it. I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel until this happened. He was only hurting himself with those things. He was not responsible for my happiness. I didn't need him to get off of that couch to still live my life, but now he is hurting me and that I can't ignore. I could get an STD for gods sake if he is screwing every internet bimbo out there. I have already made an appointment to get tested because I'm so disgusted of what he could have done to me. Thank God that he at least never came inside me because of his problems with having an orgasm.