I need help with a scorpio man!

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by mysticgems on Friday, March 13, 2009 and has 20 replies.
He is scorpio and I am Aqua with scorpio rising. We have been together for almost a year. He has been pulling the hot-cold push- pull thing with me alot lately. We will have a great time together and everything is fine but then it seems like he will pull away act completely uninterested and ignore me. I get so many mixed messages from him. He tells me he loves me and even said he thinks I'm his soulmate but then I don't hear from him and if I call him he sounds disappointed it's me. He always comes back after not seeing me for awhile but it's usually after he's been out all night alone.(he used to ask me to come with) I have been dealing with this behavior by pulling away myself and ignoring him back but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. We both hang out at the same place and I want to go out tonight but if he's there I don't want him to think I'm to availble or chasing him. What is the best way to handle this situation? Please tell me if anyone knows why is he acting this way?
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I know so many aqua girls and scorp boys who get together and there always seems to be a huge attraction, but unfortunately none of those lased and the aqua girl in those situations ended up with the broken heart. Not that yours is the same.
Note: If a scorp man is "in love with you" he will show it in every way, he may need space from time to time as we all do, but never should he act uninterested or disappointed to hear from you. They NEVER ignore you when "in love" with you. They can become rather intensly attached.
Scorp men can "Love" many friends and people like us scorp women. You need to find out if he is "in love" with you. If he was you would not have a need to ask you would feel it in your soul wether he was with you or not. Trust me!
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I wrote something similar in a previous post but I'll repeat it here. Scorpio men are scared to death of falling in love because they like to be in control of their emotions. Falling for you means they have no control. I don't know if you could tell right now that he is "in love" with you but I definitely think he is "falling" for you. To deal with this threat to his loss of control over his emotions, he purposefully pulls away and tries to act he complete reverse of how he feels. This happened exactly how you described in my relationship with a scorp man and so I have heard from other people I know dating scorp men. You will need to accept that things will be confusing and somewhat twisted when you date a scorpio man or else you will go insane. Part of his pulling away is also a test. He knows what he's told you ("He tells me he loves me and even said he thinks I'm his soulmate") but he wants to test how you feel about him so he pulls away. If you feel like you can handle this hot/cold game they subconsciously play, then figure out ways you can deal with it because now you know what to expect. The only way I stuck it out for years was to just tune them out whenever they talked about their emotions. Of course, it's wonderful to hear someone telling you that you are important to them, but when dating a scorpio man, it's not safe to listen to it because then you have to deal with figuring it out when they give you more mixed messages. I think it is best to really try to see them as a friend and avoid labels and discussing emotional stuff for a long time. They need time to figure out their feelings so just enjoy spending time with them. I don't think you should go to the same place where you think he may be hanging out (even if it's where you would normally go without him). You need to drop out of his sight completely while he is pulling this hot/cold crap. He's doing this on purpose because the only way to face his feelings is to be away from you and miss you. He wants to miss you... so let him. It's also giving him something to chase. If you drop out of his radar for a few days or a week or so, then he'll start to wonder what you are up to. Scorpio men like mysteriousness. I'm sure you can find another place to hang out where he won't be. If you're anywhere near him, it will only make it harder to deal with this confusion he's placed you in. You need to take back the control and let him be out of sight, out of mind. Don't worry, he'll call you eventually.
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Thanks for your posts. I think I knew anyway what is going on with him. Yes (scorpio rising) Im a snooper and I found a woman's silver necklace in his coat pocket. Its broken lol he probably ripped it off her neck! The last 4 times I have ben with him he has sucked so bad in bed. He doesn't even want to f*** me.He is cheating on me. He sees me out and happy cause i did go out tonight and I made sure I had a good time. He beeged me to come sit with him. BIG MISTAKE! I should have ignored him. he has accusd me of cheating but I don't. He is a player and it's so sad because I really love this man. Now I need advice where to go from here. My fiancee of 10 years died and my whole world fell apart. Im still triing to pick up the pieces. I got involved with this scorpio man. Total sex. I thought love too! stupid me. What should I do now?
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cut your losses, he doesn't want a relationship with you or he would be with you
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When a scorp man once was great in bed and now sucks, his emotions are tied elsewhere. Remember a scorpio man shows his love for a person through sex. It is so easy to tell the difference in how he initially makes love to you when you first meet or just casual (although in my experience was great) and how he makes love to you when he actually "falls in love with you" They will tell you, "baby I am so in love with you", "you are the love of my life", "I am really sprung and I feel stupid", etc. They mean what they say most of the time and when they don't, you can always feel it.
We scorps in general are mostly black/white. We don't do grey areas well so, you should know when we mean something because it won't change, unless the feeling changes.
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" You will need to accept that things will be confusing and somewhat twisted when you date a scorpio man or else you will go insane" ~ risingphoenix
In the context of loving someone -- if he loves you, he will tell you -- you won't be confused.
"... he purposefully pulls away and tries to act he complete reverse of how he feels" ~ risingphoenix
False. When in love or falling in love, scorpios want to spend every possible minute with the one they love.
MG, either talk to him and find out what you need to know, or let him go. I agree with Tiki. And as QS said, if the sex has changed...so has his feelings for you. It's not a test.
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He has no respect for you and doesn't see you as a FULL time anything, you are a convenience for whenever he needs you as long as you take it...been there done that but wouldn't take it!
My advice is to find someone that says and means it when he says he loves you...you'll know because he will be there right by your side! When it comes time to start a family you dont want some jerk that disappears all the time because he needs some time out...
These guys, alot of them Scorps but also I've seen them in alot of other threads are immature and players, you ladies/girls need to make a stand and STOP allowing them to lower your self esteem!!
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Hot and cold is NEVER EVER GOOD, he's not invested in you emotionally, stop ENABLING this behavior, you stop enabling it by not responding to it PERIOD, the reason your enduring this kind of push pull behavior is because you are enabling his poor behavior...This is the time to look at your values which many women fail to do, they end up making excuses for the bad behavior which enables it to continue. Realistically his behavior means he's not that into you
What do you value? Do you value consistency? Do you value feeling balanced? Then that is when you speak up, to keep me grounded I have to pull from what I value, my motto is if a man says or does anything that creates imbalance, confusion, mistrust, hurt in me it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to speak up about it or get treated like a doormat, you simply voice how you feel, say hey listen, I enjoy your company and I value your friendship yet it seems you value being able to come in and out when you please which is fine for you but for me that makes me feel XYZ and because I value a more grounded consistent kind of relationship I can't take a man that comes in and out of my life seriously, we have 2 different value systems, this won't work for me at least not how it is now and you see what he says (does he attempt to convince you his way is okay, does he attempt to fix it) if you give him a chance to mend things and things remain the same then you let him go. If he values consistency he will stop behaving this way or move on. It seems women value systems are being broken down or maybe they don't have any, they just seem to forget what's important for them in order to keep a man.
Mixed messages, hot and cold is saying I only want you when I want you, when it's convienant for me, if that is not the kind of behavior you like to tolerate than let him go, change phone numbers, discontinue enabling his behavior by putting up with it, ignore him when you see but yet be polite if he speaks, find new places to hang out. You can't change a man's attitude. He's either in or out...
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Posted by irishlibraiskatie
this does begin to seem like a man hating board sometimes....men are who they are...the women that are not on here complaining are just living with their men 'as they are'..and by example, who knows, maybe they soften a little


WOW@man hating
It seems to me all the women love there men or they wouldn't be here seeking assistance, women don't have to throw self respect out the door to keep a man, dumb down her values to have a man, if she does that well it just creates a more toxic situation for her and him, a man is who is who he is but that doesn't mean put up with it and be miserable...
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Posted by irishlibraiskatie
tikki...men and women are essentially differnt and always will be....if you (and others here) keep advising women that they need to do what is supposedly right for them and leave a man if they are not getting what they want....well, possibly womens' 'wants' are too much for the regular guy.......come on now, men and women have always been who they are....thnk about it....more men and women are alone now then ever before....is this a good thing...i think not



Well Irish you do what feels right for you, if you meet a guy that is a jerk and your okay with him being a jerk towards you, if that sits well with you, doesn't effect your self esteem and you feel just as loved as you did the day you met him a year from then that is your business. Each person has the right to stay or go, most of these women feel stuck, I know that feeling, there are things a woman can do for herself to feel un-stuck as she attempts to get a handle or situation, some women dont' get out, they find ways to deal with it and remain in it, were all adults, I know women have a tough time letting go of men due to her own fears of being alone, starting over again etc, there are things women can do for themselves as she figures it all out for herself, to do nothing is to accept and invite mistreatment, no one wants to be used and abused and strung along, no one I know.
I think I hear you saying you would much rather stay in a toxic relationship than do what's right for you...wow
I don't hear women saying I am not getting what I want so I'm leaving, I hear a lot of women say he's treating me like shit, he's undermining what we have so he can get what he wants, he's ignoring me, he's using me for this or that and I'm not sure what to do, I don't see too many women being that immature as to say I'm not getting what I want so I have to leave... that's childish... I hear them crying out for guidance on how to deal with highly difficult men and difficult situations.
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Posted by irishlibraiskatie
and tiki, i like you....i am not trying to start anything with you for sure....i have just noticed something and i just spoke out about it....i actually respect all that you say....but, the fact of the matter is is that men are men....were not, gratefully so!! and they should not act as we think they should, just as we should not act as they think we should...



hey I'm not going to disagree with you, you feel what you feel, I feel if a woman feels something isn't right with her situation and wants a broader perspective from women that may have been there done that or just an overall inspection of the situation than that is what we are here for, I'm not saying anything these women don't feel deep down inside
No one has asked women to see men as anything but who they are yet if she doesn't have her own best interest at heart than who will? No one can be responsible for her but her, only she can decide if her relationship is okay, if she comes to dxp then most likely it's not okay or she wouldn't be here asking for help.
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Posted by irishlibraiskatie
but, the fact of the matter is is that men are men....were not, gratefully so!! and they should not act as we think they should, just as we should not act as they think we should...



I have never once told a woman to change a man because that's beating a dead horse, it won't work, I say you (not you specifically) change and he will change his behavior towards you or he will leave if he doesn't want to respect her
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I apologize for my presumption, I guess were both being presumptious because you see as well as everyone else here that she's being mislead by herself or by him I dunno. So is she supposed to stay? Not sure were you going with this, in one breath you say she's being silly but in another you say your hearing men are jerks and should be dumped. So what should she do?
I can respect what you hear and I won't debate that, i'm not sure I get your point but I can appreciate your opinion
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I'm not familiar with QS's situation,
I actually did say a few post back that she should have that conversation with him, not the exact same words as yours but I did mention it.
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"qs....according to what pathfinder has said, if a scorpio man is declaring love and being in love, then he would want to spend every possible minute with the one they love, then how could he be torn between two women?"
Irishlibra - I think you are referring to my past situation with my scorp with this comment. When we met he wasn't with his wife or I with my ex husband. We didn't live with them. He was contemplating a divorce and so was I. So yes he spent tons of time with me and we dated. I got a divorce he didn't, his wife begged him to come home he didn't for awhile. After my divorce I dated someone else and he eventually tried again with his wife twice didn't work. He claims he doesn't want their daughter and his son to grow up apart in separate houses and he wants his kids to grow up in the house with him. They do nothing together, even work different schedules and barely see eachother. She found out that he was texting emailing and calling me (this was way after we stopped seeing eachother) and she went balistic. He said some really touching sincere things that he should be feeling for her (his wife) not me. He even mentioned some things about her and the difference in his feelings for us and she saw it all on his blackberry. etc. I am sure he was once crazy about her too, he still loves her, but says he isn't "in love" with her.
So I guess because we scorps have a tendancy to stay with a commitment until we have exhausted every possible resolution we keep trying. I did even after I knew my marriage was over until I was sure there was nothing else that could be done. He is "in love" with me, but I won't be involved with a man who is married and with his wife and there doesn't seem to be a divorce in site.
He was around me a lot and he did and still wants to be. We talk on the phone from time to time as he asked if we could be friends still, but we don't see eachother anymore.
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"qs...i do have to say that if all of his proclamations of love were true, he would be with you and not his wife....it seems that he just wants what he wants"
Irishlibra, he does love me. That I know. However, people stay married for different reasons. Or it takes them longer to decide for whatever reason. I know first hand you can fall in love with someone else and be married, now wether you act on it or not makes the difference. I never did in the experience I had. So it is very possible for him to be married and even love his wife and be "in love" with someone else. It happens all over the world. I know atleast two couples personally that stayed together because of finances, kids and other reasons. One couple even agreed to have their own lives on the side. So, Irishlibra it is possible, however it is up to the other person to accept it or not. Some women can be "the other woman" and have no problem with it and I don't judge them. I am just not that woman. So, this is why we aren't seeing eachother now that he and his wife had gotten back together broke up and back together again. When we were involved they hadnt' been together for awhile and I was separated from my spouse so that was a choice we both made and it served the purpose for that time. Now things are different so things change.
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"but in say qs's situation.....he is not with her, he is with his wife, so there is nothing to deal with or not...he has made his choice and so has his wife"
You are correct. This is why this isn't an issue at all. I stopped seeing him and yes he still wants to see me. Oh, did I mention that his sisters and mother know all about me. His sister helped him pick out the expensive Valentine's Day gifts he left outside my door. That he wouldn't take back. So, again, if I was the type to accept being with a married man then it would clearly still be happening but I am not. So ther is no issue here at all. This is very different than the chick on the side that is being hidden.
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Irishlibra, remember the Aries I dated for a short time? Yeah, the scorp went back to his wife while I was dating him not that that made a difference but he went balistic when he found out I was dating and that was his next move, shortly after the Aries and I broke up he left home again, it could all be coinsidence but it doesn't matter because my position stands.
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"but, when he went back to his wife, he made his decision and that is very clear to see...and all his declarations of love, etc., is just being well, silly and seeing what he can still have even though he made it obvious what he really wants"
I couldn't agree more... Hence, not seeing him.
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