I NEED your help. Scorpio woman (me) and Taurus man

Hello beautiful souls. This is my first post and I really need your opinion because I'm feeling sick of this story. I'm opening up with you because I feel there will be somebody there understunding.

I am a Scorpio sun, 2 decan, Virgo Moon.

Four years ago I fell in love with a beautiful and mysterious guy (taurus sun scorpio moon).

We met at the university and seen each othere mostly there. It was my first love, you know the sensation and not just an ordinary thing and I was 20 yo. I was in a very dark period, had a crisis in different stages of my life and I really saw in him a confident, someone who would be able to understund my nature. This is why I immediately let down my guard with him and showed me vulnerable, shared my . I hate myself for being so stupid in that time. A lot of things gave me hints about him sharing what I told him with his friends.

Anyway I was blunt with him on the fact that I really liked him, but he voiced that he was not interested. I felt very attached to him. Let me tell you that it was not mere attraction. There are a lot of people out there more handsome or even more intelligent but with him and with time we created a bond. He had something that kept me thinking about him. On his FB page he gave me hints through music, action on the fact that he was indeed interested in me. I saw in his eyes that. I am not that needy. I mean I always moved on if things weren't so clear or didn't go well for my sake.

I kept writing him in Fb through messages, did crazy things for him, voiced my feelings that even his colleagues knew me, went to his concerts were he played.

Sometimes he did open up on little things, others he made it clear that his priority was studying/work

This apparently finished 3 years ago with him blocking me on facebook because I wrongly (I swear) touched the phone button on Fb while reading our messages.

Although he blocked me, whenever he saw me he greeted me. He didn't ignored me completely and gave me that special look. That gave me hope in some way. He was like addiction.

2 years ago I blocked him to talk with him and I felt so humiliated. He looked at me in the eyes telling me that I was assuming wrong, that he got over with everything since he blocked me on FB and that he was sorry. It was like he was relieved telling me this or showing that he was running from me. A week after this, I gave him a present bought years before for his birthday and he was surprised, told him to go because I disn't want to waste his time. But again, after this whenever he saw me he acted like he was attracted.

I started ignoring him although I would have given a moon to talk and stay with him.

We ignored each other from that day and even today that I saw him after moths.



Now I feel so dumb and angry. I don't want to beg love, but I feel like he's the one. He wronged me, but I wronged him too in some way.

Rationally I would slap my mind because this isn't going anywhere. But then, even when I ignored him I accidentaly bumped into him several times, there were coincidences, there were some signs from destiny. And our bond was nothing superficial.

I spent a wonderful summer. When I retourned home after some weeks I began thinking of him out of nowhere, although I didn't see him for months. Then I got to know that in those days he deleted for the second time himself from the graduation list. I dream of him inviting me to one of his biggest day in life, to his graduation as there will be only his dearest one. But you know.. I saw him today and nothing happened, we saw each other but we were far and fortunately I didn't happen to bump into him, and honestly I wouldn't know how to act.

I'm not even feeling sad, just tired. So insecure about most things in my life.

I can't get over him, I can't see other men as something more than friends. I am conscious that I can find love, that there are people interested in me, but I am stuck on that one. I know I should be like: this s*it has to be stopped, but then I feel like ''what if'' and so on.

I even changed country for some months and tried to see that something in another guy, but it bored me and it wasn't so ''pushed from destiny''.

Friends have been so fed up of this matter. But I am a scorpio and that's my disgrace.

Anyway, if you've read it all thank you for your time.