Insight to Understanding My Scorpio?
This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by GemIKnow on Saturday, May 26, 2012 and has 9 replies.
(Abridged version of previous thread-post)
I'm a Gemini female dating a Scorpio male. We've been friends a couple of years now, just started dating over 6 months ago. Lots of external drama, not sure what pertains at this point so I'll hold off on the complicated details til later.
We moved in together after dating for two months. Things were AMAZING! Easiest person I'd ever lived with, minor altercations due to different personalities, but pretty flawless in general. Fast forward two months: due to extreme drama related to false accusations from my family against him, he moved out for about 6 weeks. He has since moved back in about a month ago and things are strangely awkward I feel.
About 3 weeks after he was gone, he asked me a hypothetical question pertaining to the family drama: if it came to a court-scenario, would I lie for him in court if necessary? Seeing as there was no reason to lie, in addition to me being extremely honest, I said no, I wouldn't. He took that as I didn't have his back, he vehemently stated how treetrunked up that is since he would do anything for me, etc. You know the level of commitment and loyalty Scorpios are capable of.
Things cooled off with my family and he ended up moving back in.
Past 6 weeks+: Since he's moved back in, he goes through all of the same motions, says all the same things, but it doesn't seem his heart is in it anymore. He has yet to sleep in our bed more than a handful of times (falls asleep in the man cave), the VERY few (especially for us) sexcapades occurred when he rolled over in his sleep for action, didn't even know it was me, just knew it was "someone (he) loved." He does sweet things, takes care of me and does things just to put a smile on my face, but barely gives me more than a peck of a kiss, if that. Pinches my butt daily, flirts around, but when I go to kiss him 9/10 times turns his head so I get his cheek.
Now, me being a Gem, I'm a problem SMASHER! I wrack my brain to figure out every possible solution to a problem at hand, try to fix it immediately. I hate to sit on butter, carry baggage to the next day. Makes me depressed, and boy have I been depressed! May be immature of me, or maybe it's in my nature, but I judge how well my relationship is by how great my sex life is.
I'm a Gemini female dating a Scorpio male. We've been friends a couple of years now, just started dating over 6 months ago. Lots of external drama, not sure what pertains at this point so I'll hold off on the complicated details til later.
We moved in together after dating for two months. Things were AMAZING! Easiest person I'd ever lived with, minor altercations due to different personalities, but pretty flawless in general. Fast forward two months: due to extreme drama related to false accusations from my family against him, he moved out for about 6 weeks. He has since moved back in about a month ago and things are strangely awkward I feel.
About 3 weeks after he was gone, he asked me a hypothetical question pertaining to the family drama: if it came to a court-scenario, would I lie for him in court if necessary? Seeing as there was no reason to lie, in addition to me being extremely honest, I said no, I wouldn't. He took that as I didn't have his back, he vehemently stated how treetrunked up that is since he would do anything for me, etc. You know the level of commitment and loyalty Scorpios are capable of.
Things cooled off with my family and he ended up moving back in.
Past 6 weeks+: Since he's moved back in, he goes through all of the same motions, says all the same things, but it doesn't seem his heart is in it anymore. He has yet to sleep in our bed more than a handful of times (falls asleep in the man cave), the VERY few (especially for us) sexcapades occurred when he rolled over in his sleep for action, didn't even know it was me, just knew it was "someone (he) loved." He does sweet things, takes care of me and does things just to put a smile on my face, but barely gives me more than a peck of a kiss, if that. Pinches my butt daily, flirts around, but when I go to kiss him 9/10 times turns his head so I get his cheek.
Now, me being a Gem, I'm a problem SMASHER! I wrack my brain to figure out every possible solution to a problem at hand, try to fix it immediately. I hate to sit on butter, carry baggage to the next day. Makes me depressed, and boy have I been depressed! May be immature of me, or maybe it's in my nature, but I judge how well my relationship is by how great my sex life is.
Now, to me, no sex = No relationship. Just glorified roommates.
I've brought up to him numerous times how his pulling away has affected me emotionally. I hate how we are now.
Granted, and this is important to share, he's had countless sexual encounters, a handful of true relationships, and God only knows how many girls he's actually been with. (To share some insight, he was a promoter for the Bunny Ranch for two years, ran with a hardcore celebrity party crowd, lived life my extreme opposite.) I was homeschooled, am from a large conservative family, etc. Did my rebelling, found my comfort zone owning a business that caters to strippers and dominatrixes...However, I can count on one hand how many people I've been with sexually (not to say I'm inexperienced...ahem
), and I have some pretty conservative views altogether. Basically good girl with an open-mindedness toward sex.
When we first got together he did make a point to say that all of his relationships have been about sex, problems were "solved" with sex (get off and move on, not solve the problem) and he wants a real relationship with me, emotions & day-to-day stuff, sex would come later. And when it did, the sex was of course out of this world. Now I'm cut off, and I've never felt lonelier in a relationship (and I've been through deployments!), especially since he's physically present every day.
Thing is, and we talked it all out, I feel I didn't do anything wrong and he's holding it against me. And in the ways we disagree (we fight a lot more now) I feel he's trying to break me down the only way he knows (also, I'm the first girl he's dated that stands up to him and calls him out on his BS, doesn't let him mindtreetrunk me or manipulate) to get me to break to his will in the things we disagree on.
I've brought up to him numerous times how his pulling away has affected me emotionally. I hate how we are now.
Granted, and this is important to share, he's had countless sexual encounters, a handful of true relationships, and God only knows how many girls he's actually been with. (To share some insight, he was a promoter for the Bunny Ranch for two years, ran with a hardcore celebrity party crowd, lived life my extreme opposite.) I was homeschooled, am from a large conservative family, etc. Did my rebelling, found my comfort zone owning a business that caters to strippers and dominatrixes...However, I can count on one hand how many people I've been with sexually (not to say I'm inexperienced...ahem
), and I have some pretty conservative views altogether. Basically good girl with an open-mindedness toward sex. When we first got together he did make a point to say that all of his relationships have been about sex, problems were "solved" with sex (get off and move on, not solve the problem) and he wants a real relationship with me, emotions & day-to-day stuff, sex would come later. And when it did, the sex was of course out of this world. Now I'm cut off, and I've never felt lonelier in a relationship (and I've been through deployments!), especially since he's physically present every day.
Thing is, and we talked it all out, I feel I didn't do anything wrong and he's holding it against me. And in the ways we disagree (we fight a lot more now) I feel he's trying to break me down the only way he knows (also, I'm the first girl he's dated that stands up to him and calls him out on his BS, doesn't let him mindtreetrunk me or manipulate) to get me to break to his will in the things we disagree on.
I realize I'm making myself out to be much more shallow than I really am, all about sex. I hold our relationship in much higher regard than just how we are sexually, and I enjoy the day-to-day stuff.
But I'm very independant, don't need a man's approval for my own self-esteem. He did mold me to be more lovey-dovey, dependant on him and embrace the "I want to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep next to you every night" mentality he initiated when we first moved in. It didn't take a long time for me to adapt. I'm a pleaser, and also being a Gem I easily adapt to create a balance in the relationship. I keep feeling thrown off balance though.
Now it's so different and I don't know if I should blame myself for having done something (but what?) wrong, or just understand it's a Scorpio thing and he came on so strong initially to 'win' me, puts me on the backburner now that he has me.
He needs his space to ponder, he's enjoying the quality not quantity of time we have, or he's waiting to see if I prove to not leave him if a situation arises. Or, he's hurt over an incident that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN and he's begrudging me that.
Also, he's going through a no-sex phase...? Not the first, but the more hurtful. I'm the fucking girl...not used to the guy cutting ME off, lol. And I'm EXTREMELY SEXUAL!!! Shallow I guess in that I do base my self-esteem on my sex life...count that up to daddy issues. Guess in a way I do need a guy's approval for my self-esteem (contrary to what I typed above) but I'm damn sure not used to being turned down.
Also, in that I keep feeling thrown off balance...so I adapt, k, normal Gem thing. You prefer to be dominated? Great, I can do that. You prefer to dominate? Awesome, let's get it on. Dress up, dress down, cook you dinner naked, choking, s...he's the first guy I've dated that has no limits sexually. Maybe I set myself up, or maybe the timing isn't right, but the dynamic I know we're capable of isn't happening, and it's really disheartening. We moved super fast in the beginning. Now things are slow as all hell, and I don't feel we've moved forward really. Plus, I'm impatient. This is where the flighty Gem bit comes into play. It's hard for me to focus my attention on you if you're not putting the attention I need on me.
I just need that sexual connection (the only time I can see into his soul anymore) to know things are fine, and I can understand his need for space. Argh. Running out of batteries too.
But I'm very independant, don't need a man's approval for my own self-esteem. He did mold me to be more lovey-dovey, dependant on him and embrace the "I want to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep next to you every night" mentality he initiated when we first moved in. It didn't take a long time for me to adapt. I'm a pleaser, and also being a Gem I easily adapt to create a balance in the relationship. I keep feeling thrown off balance though.
Now it's so different and I don't know if I should blame myself for having done something (but what?) wrong, or just understand it's a Scorpio thing and he came on so strong initially to 'win' me, puts me on the backburner now that he has me.
He needs his space to ponder, he's enjoying the quality not quantity of time we have, or he's waiting to see if I prove to not leave him if a situation arises. Or, he's hurt over an incident that DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN and he's begrudging me that.
Also, he's going through a no-sex phase...? Not the first, but the more hurtful. I'm the fucking girl...not used to the guy cutting ME off, lol. And I'm EXTREMELY SEXUAL!!! Shallow I guess in that I do base my self-esteem on my sex life...count that up to daddy issues. Guess in a way I do need a guy's approval for my self-esteem (contrary to what I typed above) but I'm damn sure not used to being turned down.
Also, in that I keep feeling thrown off balance...so I adapt, k, normal Gem thing. You prefer to be dominated? Great, I can do that. You prefer to dominate? Awesome, let's get it on. Dress up, dress down, cook you dinner naked, choking, s...he's the first guy I've dated that has no limits sexually. Maybe I set myself up, or maybe the timing isn't right, but the dynamic I know we're capable of isn't happening, and it's really disheartening. We moved super fast in the beginning. Now things are slow as all hell, and I don't feel we've moved forward really. Plus, I'm impatient. This is where the flighty Gem bit comes into play. It's hard for me to focus my attention on you if you're not putting the attention I need on me.
I just need that sexual connection (the only time I can see into his soul anymore) to know things are fine, and I can understand his need for space. Argh. Running out of batteries too.
I'm pretty certain this is his natal chart. I don't know the time he was born, nor am I certain of the exact town.
Sun Scorpio 13.50
Moon Taurus 27.09
Mercury Libra 27.25
Venus Sagittarius 3.32
Mars Libra 18.43
Jupiter Aries 22.12 R
Saturn Sagittarius 19.09
Uranus Sagittarius 24.29
Neptune Capricorn 5.56
Pluto Scorpio 10.05
Lilith Leo 8.52
Asc node Aries 1.36
Sun Scorpio 13.50
Moon Taurus 27.09
Mercury Libra 27.25
Venus Sagittarius 3.32
Mars Libra 18.43
Jupiter Aries 22.12 R
Saturn Sagittarius 19.09
Uranus Sagittarius 24.29
Neptune Capricorn 5.56
Pluto Scorpio 10.05
Lilith Leo 8.52
Asc node Aries 1.36
He's feeling overwhelmed and senses that sex is compensating. My Scorpion and I went through a period like that too.
You have to meet him in the middle but most importantly don't emasculate him by giving him pressure with sex - then it'll be a long term issue if the relationship lasts.
Gem.. try to be intimate with him without sex. You'll see into his soul - work on that and I promise you will if you give your heart into that effort. It's so worth it
You have to meet him in the middle but most importantly don't emasculate him by giving him pressure with sex - then it'll be a long term issue if the relationship lasts.
Gem.. try to be intimate with him without sex. You'll see into his soul - work on that and I promise you will if you give your heart into that effort. It's so worth it
Ellybean, as always, has raised a good point.
And as for her elaborations with being intimate without a sexual goal.. I'd like to level with you, OP. I used to use sex to fill a void in everything I did - before my current partner. I didn't find anything wrong with it, until my fiance came into my life. After 3 years, I'm still trying to bring myself back to being intimate instead of relying on not-so-great ways of emotionally connecting. We're open and quite kinky, yes - and we both value alone time (we're both Scorpion moons actually. My Sun in Leo and his is in Scorpio).
BUT I don't think your Scorpio would mind if you came in after he's having alone time after about 40ish minutes... gave him that soft smile that I'm sure he loves - and without saying a word, just ever so lightly ran your nails through his hair/across his scalp (for whatever hair length). Just smile and admire his handsome if he questions, but he won't for long - trust me. Stay for about 10 minutes and if he's comfortable his eyes will be half shut if not completely. Subtly stop, give him the lightest kiss on his forehead, and slip out as quietly as you came. Don't do this often during his alone time because that's HIS recharging period. But every week or so, or every other. You'll find that he'll come out of his shell a bit more and will come seek you sometimes during his alone time.
Just suggestions that have helped me too. I've actually gotten the advice with being intimate without sex from this samne forum a couple months ago. It's helped us tremendously.
And as for her elaborations with being intimate without a sexual goal.. I'd like to level with you, OP. I used to use sex to fill a void in everything I did - before my current partner. I didn't find anything wrong with it, until my fiance came into my life. After 3 years, I'm still trying to bring myself back to being intimate instead of relying on not-so-great ways of emotionally connecting. We're open and quite kinky, yes - and we both value alone time (we're both Scorpion moons actually. My Sun in Leo and his is in Scorpio).
BUT I don't think your Scorpio would mind if you came in after he's having alone time after about 40ish minutes... gave him that soft smile that I'm sure he loves - and without saying a word, just ever so lightly ran your nails through his hair/across his scalp (for whatever hair length). Just smile and admire his handsome if he questions, but he won't for long - trust me. Stay for about 10 minutes and if he's comfortable his eyes will be half shut if not completely. Subtly stop, give him the lightest kiss on his forehead, and slip out as quietly as you came. Don't do this often during his alone time because that's HIS recharging period. But every week or so, or every other. You'll find that he'll come out of his shell a bit more and will come seek you sometimes during his alone time.
Just suggestions that have helped me too. I've actually gotten the advice with being intimate without sex from this samne forum a couple months ago. It's helped us tremendously.
Thank you ladies for all of your insights. I realize I rather suck at "abridged" versions, lol. But to address your advice:
Huntress- you're completely right and I have felt the pressure I've put on him sexually...I'm not as in tune to his internal struggles yet as I'd like to be. While he automatically senses when something bothers me (which I TREASURE!) I know when something is eating at him, but have difficulty figuring out what. So with no info from him (and me being a pleaser) I assume it's me. At the end of the day he comes out of his 'shell' and is greeted with an exasperated, depressed and hurt girlfriend...he doesn't understand where that came from as it isn't my normal happy-go-lucky self. Result? He retreats further into his shell...he has a tendency to ignore what he doesn't want to deal with. Or maybe, as a Scorpio, put off what he needs to figure out until he feels ready to make his move per his life game/war plan. Whichever is more fitting.
Exoskeleton- I have felt tested and tried. I can deal with that because I'm in it for the long haul...but without communication I lose sight of the end goal. Flighty Gem bit. We've been talking a lot more since I originally posted on Cake's thread. Hashed it out last night. He did mention that he is hurt that my family doesn't like him, never gave him a chance. They know certain details about things he's done, but not the stories behind the actions. Plus, being the Gem I am, they don't know fully the many sides that combine to form me, so they don't fully understand the attraction.
And bf did lead me to believe exactly what you said- he fears I'm going to leave him. My parents put me in a spot to choose him or them, and I made my choice. While I want everyone to get along, I still made my choice. He just doesn't trust how long-lasting it is, knowing my flighty tendencies.
Huntress- you're completely right and I have felt the pressure I've put on him sexually...I'm not as in tune to his internal struggles yet as I'd like to be. While he automatically senses when something bothers me (which I TREASURE!) I know when something is eating at him, but have difficulty figuring out what. So with no info from him (and me being a pleaser) I assume it's me. At the end of the day he comes out of his 'shell' and is greeted with an exasperated, depressed and hurt girlfriend...he doesn't understand where that came from as it isn't my normal happy-go-lucky self. Result? He retreats further into his shell...he has a tendency to ignore what he doesn't want to deal with. Or maybe, as a Scorpio, put off what he needs to figure out until he feels ready to make his move per his life game/war plan. Whichever is more fitting.
Exoskeleton- I have felt tested and tried. I can deal with that because I'm in it for the long haul...but without communication I lose sight of the end goal. Flighty Gem bit. We've been talking a lot more since I originally posted on Cake's thread. Hashed it out last night. He did mention that he is hurt that my family doesn't like him, never gave him a chance. They know certain details about things he's done, but not the stories behind the actions. Plus, being the Gem I am, they don't know fully the many sides that combine to form me, so they don't fully understand the attraction.
And bf did lead me to believe exactly what you said- he fears I'm going to leave him. My parents put me in a spot to choose him or them, and I made my choice. While I want everyone to get along, I still made my choice. He just doesn't trust how long-lasting it is, knowing my flighty tendencies.
Sorry, my laptop died.
Ellybean- thank you so much for the insight as well. I appreciate the suggestions so much. I have a hard time differentiating between intimacy and sex. I know the difference to give suggestions to other people, just have difficulty taking my own advice I'm realizing. I'm so freaking insightful and creative! Just with other people's problems. Argh.
I've pulled his natal chart before, but it seems there were more Scorpio placements then. I called his mom and found out the exact location/time he was born, so the website I used (cafeastrology) was as accurate as possible.
It's nice to hear from another Scorp that the sex-crazed reputation isn't 24/7. I just get in my own bubble and my mind fires off a mile a minute when I don't get the communication I so desire. When I filter in all the sexcapades he's been part of, I start comparing myself and what am I doing differently/wrong? I just want to understand him without words needed, I want to give of myself to top any experience he's had before me, I want him to possess me til I can't give anything more. I want the same of him. And we're capable of all of that- just isn't happening. All in due time I guess. And I know I need to shake the insecurities to be more of myself and less doubtful. Again, that's not the real me.
Huntress- I feel understood. Thank you for leveling with me, and also adding that you've received the intimacy-without-sex advice from DXP as well. Feels like I'm in the right place. And now that you mention the alone-time scenario, I realize he does the EXACT SAME THING to me when I'm taking a break. Just stops in, asks what I'm doing, kisses me on my forehead and leaves the room. Just enough to let his prescence be known. If I'm hiding out b/c I'm going over a problem in my head I tend to surface and bring it up in conversation not long after. May I ask what were the not-so-great ways you tried to emotionally connect before? I'm not sure what's not great in another's eyes, though I realize everyone is different. I was married for 5 years, ex & I just spent more time apart then together (military) and grew apart. I felt we had an amazing sex life, and we did, but we didn't ever have intimacy I realize looking back. So now I'm curious to see if my methods were similar to your old methods...and the suggestions you ladies are offering are giving me more intimate options. I don't care about the sex so much anymore, just miss the connection.
Ellybean- thank you so much for the insight as well. I appreciate the suggestions so much. I have a hard time differentiating between intimacy and sex. I know the difference to give suggestions to other people, just have difficulty taking my own advice I'm realizing. I'm so freaking insightful and creative! Just with other people's problems. Argh.
I've pulled his natal chart before, but it seems there were more Scorpio placements then. I called his mom and found out the exact location/time he was born, so the website I used (cafeastrology) was as accurate as possible.
It's nice to hear from another Scorp that the sex-crazed reputation isn't 24/7. I just get in my own bubble and my mind fires off a mile a minute when I don't get the communication I so desire. When I filter in all the sexcapades he's been part of, I start comparing myself and what am I doing differently/wrong? I just want to understand him without words needed, I want to give of myself to top any experience he's had before me, I want him to possess me til I can't give anything more. I want the same of him. And we're capable of all of that- just isn't happening. All in due time I guess. And I know I need to shake the insecurities to be more of myself and less doubtful. Again, that's not the real me.
Huntress- I feel understood. Thank you for leveling with me, and also adding that you've received the intimacy-without-sex advice from DXP as well. Feels like I'm in the right place.
And now that you mention the alone-time scenario, I realize he does the EXACT SAME THING to me when I'm taking a break. Just stops in, asks what I'm doing, kisses me on my forehead and leaves the room. Just enough to let his prescence be known. If I'm hiding out b/c I'm going over a problem in my head I tend to surface and bring it up in conversation not long after. May I ask what were the not-so-great ways you tried to emotionally connect before? I'm not sure what's not great in another's eyes, though I realize everyone is different. I was married for 5 years, ex & I just spent more time apart then together (military) and grew apart. I felt we had an amazing sex life, and we did, but we didn't ever have intimacy I realize looking back. So now I'm curious to see if my methods were similar to your old methods...and the suggestions you ladies are offering are giving me more intimate options. I don't care about the sex so much anymore, just miss the connection.Also, my Mars & Saturn are in Scorpio. Not sure how it relates to his chart, and I'm not sure what that really means altogether, never really had much astrological advice til DXP. Look forward to learning more.
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