Interesting predicament

Hi all,
I'm new here and need some advice. It's an interesting situation. Recently an old friend of mine contacted me, after 35 years, yes, I said 35 years. We were very close friends when we were young and extremely comfortable with each other. He is a Pisces and I am a Scorpio. We are still very comfortable with each other and can tell each other just about anything. There was never any romantic connection, although, I admit I wanted it then. He went through a very painful divorce and now seems to have lost all faith in people and relationships. He has the "nose to the grindstone" mentality lately, and while he is still the same person that I knew, he has an edge. I told him that and he said it's his defense. We definitely have a strong chemistry between us and I find that my old feelings for him have returned, only stronger. Yes, I want to help and protect and be there when I can, but, I'm married. My husband is a Cancer, and we really haven't been "together" for over 10 years. So, my question is, anyone had experience with a Pisces man that has lost all faith? Is there any way to restore it? He tells me that he goes home at night and sometimes drinks to the excess. That worries me because he lives alone and quite a distance from me. He was always a very special person in my life and obviously I was in his also, because he said he's been looking for me since his divorce, which was 24 years ago. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and nice meeting you all.

Get a divorce, then give it a go.

Wow, 35 years gone and still pining for you! That is interesting.

But, if he is still reacting to a divorce after 24 years time, I'd say he's a member of the walking wounded among us. I dont know Pisces character well enough to know if its common for them to hang onto a grudge like that for so long?

I wouldn't even know where to begin with this one ... I guess I would start with addressing the fact that because he has been looking for you for 24 years, added to you not being happy for the last 10 years in your marriage, added to the fact that eventhough you haven't been together really in your marriage YET stayed with him, I guess for security reasons, added to this chemistry you are experiencing with Pisces man at the moment, added to you having a sense of wanting to protect or heal this Pisces man, which would give you a purpose in life to make you feel valuable ........ all of those put together spells ..


You are looking for something to save you, looking for a reason waiting on the other side to go to, in which to change your life because on the other end, you are wanted in a way you need to feel wanted ...


Pisces is NOT a safety net !!!!!!!!

He is capable of drifting out of your life as fluidly as he drifted in. If there is chemistry there and you want to embrace it for what this feeling is worth, then I'd never tell someone that experiencing something good in their life is wrong. However, I don't sense this is the reason for the attraction as it is presented at this time.

It appears to me that you are searching .. if you've stayed in an unhappy marriage for 10 years then it's obvious to me that you wouldn't make a break from security unless you knew there was something solid to hold onto on the other end .... and I'm just being honest with you, here ...

Pisces people are NOT secure ... we can swim out of your life without any indication, even if things are going Great!!, and the relationship is filled to the brim with love and tenderness and respect ..

... we can just turn-fin and swim away at the drop of a hat ......


Again, if this is right for you, and you have no fears or concerns about being abandoned, and are willing to embrace whatever quality you can share with this man .. that's great, go for it .. but, IF you need security in your life .. Pisces isn't it.

No, to answer a question of yours, and also addressing tollbooth's response ... Pisces do NOT pine away for people.

We are dis-connected from feelings .. so this prevents us from being able to pine-away.

We are simply experiencers .. we can swim in and out of a persons life repeatedly over a life-time to experience this person at different stages of evolution and personal growth .. and then dis-connect from the emotionally and swim away.

I look for many of my past ex's and friends that I've lost contact with, but, this doesn't mean I experience any kind of longing for them .. because Pisces people don't do that = our emotions are detached.

I concur with P-Angel...I knew someone else would say it better.

lol, thats what I was thinking SF^

I dont get what you call pisces being 'detached' from emotions. How so..?

My suggestion to you would coincide with Lady's ... divorce first ..

.. then get stablized on your own, be able to exist unattached to any person intimately .... once your are free and independent, then proceed to move closer to P-man .. because I'm telling you ...

.. we are NOT secure, you will not find this in him, quite the opposite, in fact ..

.. he has presented to you a situation within him where he lives with hopelessness .. meaning, his life is so miserable that he drinks himself to numbness every night ... he has presented to you that he is hopeless in an ability to trust anyone again .. he has presented to you the typical Piscean mind-set of doom and gloom in which he doesn't know where to turn, or how to cope with his life.

HE is looking for a safety net .. HE needs security.

Lady, Starfish .... I mean we can detach at any time .. not that we are all the time. I guess I worded that wrong.


This is how we can just swim away .. we can dis-connect from how we feel about a person and bail on them without any further concern.

He clearly isnt secure, pisces or not, he's a bit of an alcoholic.

I say get a divorce, because getting a divorce will make you realize...is it all worth it. Is this unstable man with whom I ready start an "affair of the heat" with worth. Not necessarily leaving the security of the marriage, just being with a guy who has issues period. Will it be worth it in the end.

"This is how we can just swim away .. we can dis-connect from how we feel about a person and bail on them without any further concern."

Ok, I get it and I agree.
SF is right as well true love will haunt you if not addressed properly.

It all sounds fun, new, and exciting...but we have to be practical and adult (you have no excuses with that age) here.



I am so tired of people being 'connected' with everyone else (the neighbor, the waiter, the dog walker, the gynecologist), BUT the person they decided to marry.

lol .. I can envision that actually .... dreaming along, to-to-do, butterflies are so pretty, I wonder why we can stand up and not fall, remember that man who was carrying that thing that had something on it that looked like a thingy ....


Ooooopppppp .. it's 2008 .. wtf?

Wow - I don't know where to begin. Firstly, I wouldn't say he was pining for me, like I said, we were very close friends and he told me that before he got married, he came to my house, which was around the block from his, to make sure he was doing the right thing. I had moved to CA at the time, so I wasn't there. I must say that really shocked me. As far as my wanting security goes, I am OK. My husband is a nice person and I think that our age difference, I am 7 years older, maybe brings out the caring motherly person in me. I don't want to hurt him at all. He has had issues with drugs/alcohol pretty much throughout our marriage. Emotionally abusive but never physically. Since my contact with my friend, I have seen him 4 times in 2 months. We have talked about everything under the sun, and it is just so nice. At the end of our time together, I usually hug him goodbye, but, this last time, he actually kissed me goodbye. Not a long passionate kiss, but a nice little kiss. Ok, so I've wanted that for a really really really long time, and it was very nice. As far as me being "needed", I don't know if that is what it is, I truly care for this person and would do the same for any close friend. Yes, he is a little more cynical now, but, he is still the same in so many ways, and I would want to help out any friend that is hurting. He seems quite content in his daily life and I know he is not looking for a relationship. Maybe he is one of the walking wounded and will never recover. That is what I'd like to help him with, wherever our friendship goes.

"how can one be so damn mindlessly selfish to hand deliver the unbearable fears of abandonment at any given time without a warning at the drop of a hat to the ones the truly love—"

This is completely the opposite of me. If I love someone, the only reason I would abandon them is if they hurt me terribly. And if that is the case, they would most likely see it coming. I do everything I can to make a relationship work, unless something has been done that I simply can't forgive.

"wow so pisces ppl do not experience longing— i'm sorry P. i just can't comprehend such an alient concept. i'm not angry at all but i'm shocked if this is the truth."

I've experienced longing so terrible and painful, it can't even be put into words. I also have a lot of trouble detaching. Even in a relationship that has been mostly shit, if I really cared for the person, it will be years before I can fully let go and be there for someone else.

I can give the appearance that I've detached, but on the inside, it's not true.

Why stay married to someone if you want to be with someone else?

Go after your happiness. Don't stay with someone for convenience. But be careful.

I am so tired of people being 'connected' with everyone else (the neighbor, the waiter, the dog walker, the gynecologist), BUT the person they decided to marry.






That's why now a days people don't get married as easily as they use to.

It has to be a sure thing.

----how fxcked up is that— please don't tell me most pisces do this to their true love. that's the opposite of having true wisdom which i thought pisces are capable of. how can one be so damn mindlessly selfish to hand deliver the unbearable fears of abandonment at any given time without a warning at the drop of a hat to the ones the truly love— talking about bringing your love to heaven and then drop her/him to hell for no good reason. how irresponsible. how much more selfish can it get? ppl who are capable of this is not capable of love in my book.

"We are simply experiencers .. we can swim in and out of a persons life repeatedly over a life-time to experience this person at different stages of evolution and personal growth .. and then dis-connect from the emotionally and swim away."
"I look for many of my past ex's and friends that I've lost contact with, but, this doesn't mean I experience any kind of longing for them .. because Pisces people don't do that = our emotions are detached."

wow so pisces ppl do not experience longing— i'm sorry P. i just can't comprehend such an alient concept. i'm not angry at all but i'm shocked if this is the truth.

puuullleeeaazzeee, i beg other pisces to come and say otherwise.----

Sagigoat I object to it. I experience longing to the speical people in my life. I long for my scorp all the time! I want to be with him all the time! But for friends it is defferent. I dont love friends like the love i have for my scorp. There has only been one friend in my life that i would be hurt if i lost her. for the other friends in my life i do do what p-angel said, i siwm away and then come back and then swim away again. But for my scorp i can be secure for him. I dont know if my deffeintion of secure is different, but I would NEVER abandon my scorp. Whats mine is his. If he needed some money, I will help out. He needs something, anything, I am there to help. Still even with friends i wont completely abandon them. If they were in trouble, I will help them out. But friends of mine know that Im not alway dependable, but they know if they are in trouble, they can always ask for help from me and i will be there. its basically, you can not keep a leash on me. I will not obey.

From my experience, I would not ditch a Cancer for a Pisces.

I would find a way to spark again with my husband before I would let so many years (and vows) slip away.

If you want the initial rush of attraction, thats what you are going to get. A Scorp and Pisces are a heady mix, but they will not last. The Pisces is much too co-dependant for a Scorp. We like to be needed, and are possesive, but a Pisces will smother you eventually.

I would give my husband an honest shot at trying to make the romance come alive again, before I'd ever throw away the commitments he's made to me.

Believe me, the guilt you will feel, and the mistakes you will regret are not worth it. Try making your marriage work before you throw it all away for nothing.

SC

your welcome :p

It is true, SG .. people who have had relations with us have experienced this within us. To just abandon someone like that doesn't necessarily have to be in physical form .. it's also on an emotional level. We often just dis-connect how we feel about something and leave the partner hanging to figure life out without our input.

You know, SG .. people don't like to hear their bad sides, and will defy against it, and say it isnt true because we don't want to believe this in ourselves. But, you know I'm not that kind of person ... any bad quality or flaw in myself, I won't fear facing and say it isn't true.

If you talk to people in here, or RL, who have had a relationship with a Pisces person, male and/or female, they will all tell you exactly what I said ... that is their experience with a relationship with us. EVERYONE of them. So, if people have experienced thier Pisces just swimming away (emotionally and physically) at a drop of a hat, and just detaching from honoring or dealing or coping or fixing or any part of relationship development ... then how can this NOT be true of us?

We do that ... as you can see, you'll be hard-pressed to find a Pisces saying they are like that ......... but, ex-partners of Pisces know it to be true, no matter how much we lie to ourselves about it.

Go to the Pisces board and read how many people come in to say that we just vanish, no calls, no contact at all .. and wonder off without any concern about informing our partner what's going on. We get accused of disappearing all the fucking time, and distancing ourselves when an issue arises in the relationship ....

.. and we get accused of this because it's true.

"i understand P's view very well in theory i just cannot believe it is infact doable to the ones you love."

It is by some, but not just Pisces. I have known several Pisces who do this, with no reason or warning (most likely to avoid confrontation), but I've also known several Scorpio's, an Aquarian and a Gemini who've done the same thing. Just disappear. No warning, no reason. Sometimes they reappear, sometimes they don't.

Have I done this to people? Sure. But as I mentioned before, they all have one thing in common - they've really pissed me off or back-stabbed me and I didn't want to continue the relationship. Still, it hurt with some of those people to let the relationship go. It seems to me if anyone detaches from another person, there is always a reason, even if that reason is just you're not into that person anymore (or never were). Now, whether or not the other person knows the reason is what leads to the confusion. It is very easy to forget that the perception of others is very different from our own.

I agree with you SS .. and I agree that other people of other signs can do this as well.

However, when I posted this thought originally .. I was basing this common characteristic of the Pisces off of what the other was saying about how he has lost hope in people, and turns to drink to escape the harsh realities.

And this abandoning trait that Pisces people own, if not conquered, is apparant with this particular man.

I don't do that either .. I honor my commitments as well .. however, this IS a trait of ours if we haven't overcome it in life. We will repeatedly swim away from anything we don't want to face = insecure.