buckdich
@buckdich
13 Years
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Is he trying to blackmail me? (Page 2)
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Ellybean - but Scorpios are supposed to be sex gods!! How do they resist FWB relationships?? 😛
Posted by DazedScorpPosted by buckdich
Hi Dazedscorp,
I know that people aren't harping on the poly idea, that it was about not being truthful. But that's exactly the mistake I realize I made. I know that it was the lying that got me into this pickle. My fault, 100% . I get it.
So when I acknowledge the mistake, it sucks to have people bashing me for it again and again and again...instead of focusing on what to do moving forward.
If we all tormented ourselves about mistakes we made rather than focusing on the future, nobody would get anywhere.
It's great that you realize your mistake.
But I also want you to understand, that this Scorps behavior is not going to change... At least for a rather long time. He doesn't trust you, but for whatever reason, he's willing to ride along.
1. You reinforce to this Scorp that you made a mistake, and that you were wrong to lie to him. You didn't mean to lose his trust, but that you will work hard to regain it.
2. You cut your loses and move on.
And I give you option two, because it could be days, months, or years before you regain his trust. And if you can't handle that, it's time to walk.
He's going to hold that mistake against you. Not everyone is willing to go through that, so ultimately... It's your decision. But please don't place blame on him for his actions. That's all I ask.
click to expand
I think the relationship is tainted now...there's no saving it. Do you think he'd be willing to stay friends though?
Posted by buckdich
OceanDeep and Ellybean both rock. 🙂 You're among the few who seem to understand the difference between constructive criticism and self-indulgent bullying...
Scorps seem to be tough for me to get along with, but I want to. I'm a true Libra, and want to get along with everyone! In real life, that is...this board may be a lost cause, for the most part.
I don't know about me rocking, but I will definitely co sign and highfive you that Ellybean does rock 🙂
I have found with dating Scorps, I'm better off as their friends. And I'm a waterbaby myself. We get each other, but I tend to mirror them and then all shit breaks loose. We are common in many ways, and it ends up being a disaster. I would love to date one, they tend to be the only men I understand without a hesitation or question. But, I'm growing to realize I don't know if I can handle one, and I don't know that they can handle me. I'm a Heinz57 in astrology, so I'm all over the board. But I tend to draw to them, and they to me. In fact, over the weekend I was drawn to this guy and we hit it off like we'd been friends forever ... turns out he was Oct 26th. In the last year, I'm meeting and drawn only to Scorpio men or cuspers/vice versa. Weird haha
Posted by DazedScorpPosted by buckdich
Hi Dazedscorp,
I know that people aren't harping on the poly idea, that it was about not being truthful. But that's exactly the mistake I realize I made. I know that it was the lying that got me into this pickle. My fault, 100% . I get it.
So when I acknowledge the mistake, it sucks to have people bashing me for it again and again and again...instead of focusing on what to do moving forward.
If we all tormented ourselves about mistakes we made rather than focusing on the future, nobody would get anywhere.
It's great that you realize your mistake.
But I also want you to understand, that this Scorps behavior is not going to change... At least for a rather long time. He doesn't trust you, but for whatever reason, he's willing to ride along.
1. You reinforce to this Scorp that you made a mistake, and that you were wrong to lie to him. You didn't mean to lose his trust, but that you will work hard to regain it.
2. You cut your loses and move on.
And I give you option two, because it could be days, months, or years before you regain his trust. And if you can't handle that, it's time to walk.
He's going to hold that mistake against you. Not everyone is willing to go through that, so ultimately... It's your decision. But please don't place blame on him for his actions. That's all I ask.
click to expand
OP, really really think about what Dazed has said here ^^^^^ I can attest there is nothing more of the truth than what he has said. I also would suggest do not suggest you remaining friends, I would let him make that offering to you first. At the very least, feel things out first. Even then I don't know that I would first. But don't do the cliche' I hope we can be friends. Often times what you see is NOT what is going on in the inside when it comes to Scorp men. Men of many faces, but few and rarely show the real man from inside.
@ Dazed ...
And you know I love you, and so get what you're saying. And at times, if only people realized how difficult it is to form words from our thoughts or feelings, at times, impossible from us waterbabies. I continuously contradict myself, which leads to my response to the 2nd portion of your 2nd portion to my 2nd portion that led to this portion of the thread.
I admittedly raise my hand that I have bashed. BUT I don't bully. And if I bash, it's because I've bashed my head over and over and over. And, too, I'm a Cancer. I've let things brew for a long time, and/or I'm there to defend people. But I don't outright berate people on a continual basis.
We all have bad days, we all take things out on people, and it isn't fair. It's those of and in amongst this group that continually put themselves on thrones, are holier than thou, or get off on putting people below them. That I cannot attest to, and will not say I do. And I do go below the belt, I know where to hit and generally it hurts and stings like hell, and then I feel bad.
The difference is, I will apologize when I know I've stepped over the line. And if I don't? An apology is not deserving. I remember one person I called out on the table who was bullying, I tried being diplomatic, she went below the belt so I went further. Called her out as I saw her, I went beyond the surface and really paid attention to her as a person, how she interacted with people both on here, and things or experiences she would tell teh board about. So when she attacked, I attacked back and I didn't back down, and I wouldn't apologize. I called her out for what I could see, and had read between the lines with her.
She showed her face about two months ago, under a different pen name. And proved exactly what I had said about her, that she was evil. I think one of your fellow Scorps will know who I'm referring to, and those of us who got to see her two seconds of fame before Duncan banned her over her bile nature and posts when she "revealed" herself as being who she was alll those months before, and came back. Proved even more she didnt deserve an apology, and she knew all those months ago what I was saying about her hit home and was the truth. People don't want my truth, when they hear the truth they won't like it. And I can say it with so much tact, it won't dawn on them sometimes til after the fact. That's why I bite my tongue to keep the peace.
And you know I love you, and so get what you're saying. And at times, if only people realized how difficult it is to form words from our thoughts or feelings, at times, impossible from us waterbabies. I continuously contradict myself, which leads to my response to the 2nd portion of your 2nd portion to my 2nd portion that led to this portion of the thread.
I admittedly raise my hand that I have bashed. BUT I don't bully. And if I bash, it's because I've bashed my head over and over and over. And, too, I'm a Cancer. I've let things brew for a long time, and/or I'm there to defend people. But I don't outright berate people on a continual basis.
We all have bad days, we all take things out on people, and it isn't fair. It's those of and in amongst this group that continually put themselves on thrones, are holier than thou, or get off on putting people below them. That I cannot attest to, and will not say I do. And I do go below the belt, I know where to hit and generally it hurts and stings like hell, and then I feel bad.
The difference is, I will apologize when I know I've stepped over the line. And if I don't? An apology is not deserving. I remember one person I called out on the table who was bullying, I tried being diplomatic, she went below the belt so I went further. Called her out as I saw her, I went beyond the surface and really paid attention to her as a person, how she interacted with people both on here, and things or experiences she would tell teh board about. So when she attacked, I attacked back and I didn't back down, and I wouldn't apologize. I called her out for what I could see, and had read between the lines with her.
She showed her face about two months ago, under a different pen name. And proved exactly what I had said about her, that she was evil. I think one of your fellow Scorps will know who I'm referring to, and those of us who got to see her two seconds of fame before Duncan banned her over her bile nature and posts when she "revealed" herself as being who she was alll those months before, and came back. Proved even more she didnt deserve an apology, and she knew all those months ago what I was saying about her hit home and was the truth. People don't want my truth, when they hear the truth they won't like it. And I can say it with so much tact, it won't dawn on them sometimes til after the fact. That's why I bite my tongue to keep the peace.
Posted by DazedScorpPosted by OceanDeep
OP, really really think about what Dazed has said here ^^^^^ I can attest there is nothing more of the truth than what he has said. I also would suggest do not suggest you remaining friends, I would let him make that offering to you first. At the very least, feel things out first. Even then I don't know that I would first. But don't do the cliche' I hope we can be friends. Often times what you see is NOT what is going on in the inside when it comes to Scorp men. Men of many faces, but few and rarely show the real man from inside.
I think that's a good point on the friendship offering.
But I will say, that even if she offers first... He's likely to dissappear in order to do some soul searching. We have to recover from that blow to the ego, but he may well come around evenually.
However, It's unlikely that a relationship would ever come of it afterwards... but only time would tell.
click to expand
Yes, you are so right *sighs, and kicks myself for no patience* hindsight is 20/20.
To OP, Dazed is right ... if you offer friendship, it's very well he'll need time to process.
I have two examples, the first one I thought he was fucking with me. In defense, I said lets just be friends. He immediately (or after that particular day) went MIA ... for MONTHS. The one I was telling you about that did the background searches during that time? Him. And he has NEVER let me forget the 'let's be friends' comment, even though deep down he knows exactly why I said it and he has no one to blame for it but himself, and in return I know I hurt him and I'll never be able to get that back with him ... breaks my heart still, I learned though, and I've jumped through many many hoops with him since.
Second example, 2nd Scorp wanted us to remain friends. I realized there was one of two things: he had alterior motives OR he was saying that just to be nice. In the end, he was having cakey cakey until I tried tactfully to point it out, or maybe go our separate ways. Needless to say, we no longer speak with one another.
Posted by DazedScorpPosted by OceanDeep
In fact, over the weekend I was drawn to this guy and we hit it off like we'd been friends forever ... turns out he was Oct 26th.
ruh rohclick to expand
I KNOW IT 😭
But, he's in a relationship ... which is the saving grace 🙂 haha
Posted by DazedScorpPosted by OceanDeepPosted by DazedScorpPosted by OceanDeep
In fact, over the weekend I was drawn to this guy and we hit it off like we'd been friends forever ... turns out he was Oct 26th.
ruh roh
I KNOW IT 😭
But, he's in a relationship ... which is the saving grace 🙂 haha
I know another Oct 26th Scorp, that's single... just sayinclick to expand
Did I mention I've been thinking of moving further south? 🙂
I'm only tugging back 🙂
Posted by DeadRingerr
@OD....YUP!!!
🙂
I hope things are going good? Any updates ... all good I hope?? 🙂
Thank you, blue ??_ I appreciate that, and it means a lot coming from you 🙂 Has life been keeping you busy? I don't see you around as much.
What would change things? Boy, where to start huh?! Off the topper, influence. God knows I'm not perfect, have a temper that has gotten me in trouble, and can be sarcastic fo sho :S BUT, I guess for me what hurts me is people more and more lack understanding, empathy, compassion, love, kindness. Without those things and people to influence those things breeds hate, oppression, ignorance, and lack of understanding of people (in general). I realize there are horrid, evil people so I'm not trying to make a sweeping generalization of all human beings and decency. My disclaimer there 😛 haha
Additionally for people to stop always thinking in the —me, my, and mine?? mentality all of the time. The ones that do it daily, and not just on occassion. Self centered maybe is a better descrip. Drives me up a WALL. I also realize though not everyone works or operates that way so I understand it and accept those people won't get it, and learn how to deal with them, which sometimes means to distance myself from them.
If people really, really paid attention to one another ... to stop and watch more, listen, pick up on things, does wonders. How people react to things, people, situations. I people watch. In DXP land though, I lurk 😛 haha I really think about what makes people tick. What would make someone do or not do something, to say something. It's stepping out of my shoes and box, and putting myself into someone else's shoes and box where you find answers to human nature, tendencies, thoughts, etc. Whether good or bad. When a person does that, it leaves room for understanding.
What people don't stop to realize is that understanding doesn't necessarily or always have to mean acceptance. What understanding DOES mean is that it allows windows to open for people to realize things more to life, people, society, etc. ... and in return it opens the mind up more in how to relate to people. Kind of like, —If I were them why would I do this or what would make me do, say, etc.?? Human relations was my fave and prob most influential class in college. I learned more about myself and others, and it opened myself and my mind up for personal growth, but more important understanding of others.
What would change things? Boy, where to start huh?! Off the topper, influence. God knows I'm not perfect, have a temper that has gotten me in trouble, and can be sarcastic fo sho :S BUT, I guess for me what hurts me is people more and more lack understanding, empathy, compassion, love, kindness. Without those things and people to influence those things breeds hate, oppression, ignorance, and lack of understanding of people (in general). I realize there are horrid, evil people so I'm not trying to make a sweeping generalization of all human beings and decency. My disclaimer there 😛 haha
Additionally for people to stop always thinking in the —me, my, and mine?? mentality all of the time. The ones that do it daily, and not just on occassion. Self centered maybe is a better descrip. Drives me up a WALL. I also realize though not everyone works or operates that way so I understand it and accept those people won't get it, and learn how to deal with them, which sometimes means to distance myself from them.
If people really, really paid attention to one another ... to stop and watch more, listen, pick up on things, does wonders. How people react to things, people, situations. I people watch. In DXP land though, I lurk 😛 haha I really think about what makes people tick. What would make someone do or not do something, to say something. It's stepping out of my shoes and box, and putting myself into someone else's shoes and box where you find answers to human nature, tendencies, thoughts, etc. Whether good or bad. When a person does that, it leaves room for understanding.
What people don't stop to realize is that understanding doesn't necessarily or always have to mean acceptance. What understanding DOES mean is that it allows windows to open for people to realize things more to life, people, society, etc. ... and in return it opens the mind up more in how to relate to people. Kind of like, —If I were them why would I do this or what would make me do, say, etc.?? Human relations was my fave and prob most influential class in college. I learned more about myself and others, and it opened myself and my mind up for personal growth, but more important understanding of others.
Little longer read here ??_ While lurking here the other day (LOL!!) I read in one of the threads where elle did a pay forward and how one son got it but her other son was like, whaaa? She influenced me. So thank you, elle 🙂 Damn DXP for not being like FB and I can tag her so she sees my thank you!! *shakes fist at Duncan for no thumbs up, nor tag alerts*
I was in Perkins about a week ago and it ended up being a bad night (whole story there) and this guy saw it and showed kindness to me, as well as my waitress (who happened to be his as well) showed me kindness. We both happened to be paying our bill at the same time, and our waitress was taking our money. She didn't want to charge me something because she knew the night I was having. So I paid forward. I offered to pay his bill, but he had already paid so I told him I was leaving the tip for his table. For our waitress, I doubled his tip as well as doubling my tip. And thanked both of them for being kind to me. The looks and smiles on their faces were priceless. Neither asked nor expected, they did nothing more than show human compassion and kindness, but for me that night, I needed it most. And it left me with such a good feeling.
Okay, now that Ive had two cups of coffee and talked an ear off 😛 I'm such a novice blue to charts ... which parts or portions would you like? General, houses? I wish my mind could wrap itself around those things. I don't know how to sort through confusion so it makes sense, and sticks.
I was in Perkins about a week ago and it ended up being a bad night (whole story there) and this guy saw it and showed kindness to me, as well as my waitress (who happened to be his as well) showed me kindness. We both happened to be paying our bill at the same time, and our waitress was taking our money. She didn't want to charge me something because she knew the night I was having. So I paid forward. I offered to pay his bill, but he had already paid so I told him I was leaving the tip for his table. For our waitress, I doubled his tip as well as doubling my tip. And thanked both of them for being kind to me. The looks and smiles on their faces were priceless. Neither asked nor expected, they did nothing more than show human compassion and kindness, but for me that night, I needed it most. And it left me with such a good feeling.
Okay, now that Ive had two cups of coffee and talked an ear off 😛 I'm such a novice blue to charts ... which parts or portions would you like? General, houses? I wish my mind could wrap itself around those things. I don't know how to sort through confusion so it makes sense, and sticks.
Perfect for this thread, or the turn it took 😉
Posted by buckdich
I've gone exclusive with a Scorp, and I'm already worried about his less-than-noble intentions...
He wants to know absolutely everything about me. Every little detail. And not just "about" me, but a thorough recount of everything I've done while he wasn't present. And if I answer, he never seems enthusiastic or natural about the conversation that follows.
The worst was when he wanted to look at my emails while I got up to use the restroom. At least I think...he told me not to sign out.
I won't let him snoop, and I won't give him any details or personal information that I wouldn't have already told him. And then he gets sulky.
Is he trying to find something juicy, something embarrassing/scandalous for him to air to the world out of sheer, malicious revenge?
He seems open about his own life...to the detail. But that could be a fabricated facade, to trap me into giving him juicy gossip.
He should trust you unless you have given him a reason to feel insecure.
You are entitled to a private life I might add, no should try to trip you up.
If their is no trust in a relationship then whats the point of putting roots down, I would tell him to either stop
snooping or its game over.
Posted by bluemoon9043834. Enjoy! 🙂
To the other message you wrote, OceanDeep...
Education and tolerance has always been the answer/solution in dealing with oppression, but to acknowledge that it is in our social and cultural elements is a start. Education is needed because of ignorance (and it can be so hard to not get mad at ignorance) and tolerance is needed because of intolerance (bigotry). But this has always been the slow solution to working with oppression. Since our government is choosing bombs over books, education is a huge societal problem in America.
This video cannot be embedded, so here is the
Darkness and hate are very easy, it is love that people are uncomfortable with. I dare anyone to challenge me on that. 😉 How many people do you see running and getting scared of love? But hate, nah, we are comfortable with that. People have no problems sharing their darkness either, it is love that they are uncomfortable to share.
Awww, it has me in tears blue!! Love, LOVE it!!! Thank you for sharing that... THAT'S exactly what I'm talking about! 🙂 And I'm having both my boys watch when they get home ... and it's going on my FB wall right now!! 😉 brb
Posted by DeadRingerr
@OD: You're posts are not long enough, IMO....for some reason yours seem to end to soon😉....I have read other long posts and it seems like an eternity, most of the time I stop mid-way through.
DXP is not any easy place to function...I don't know why I still post, to be honest.
(((HUGS))) DR 🙂 I'm glad you enjoy reading my thoughts, most times I figure people shut me off after the first minute haha
I hear what you're saying, and I take breaks. I've also learned to avoid topics and people I know I'll go cray cray over and on. So I filter those out. Sometimes though I'll read, to gain perspective of others. And there are times I've grown better understanding of others through their posts whereas maybe prior I didnt understand them better as a person.
And there are those areas of people of whom I grin and bear it or just plain shake my head at. I've had quite a few laughs too, out of the cheesy threads. I've learned a lot. And sometimes, it's the only form of socialization I get with the hours I keep. And you can't talk to crazy. So sometimes I'll throw something out there and without saying who or are intended for or that it's to one person/people but hope it makes them stop to think 😛
Posted by bluemoon9043834. Enjoy! 🙂
To the other message you wrote, OceanDeep...
Education and tolerance has always been the answer/solution in dealing with oppression, but to acknowledge that it is in our social and cultural elements is a start. Education is needed because of ignorance (and it can be so hard to not get mad at ignorance) and tolerance is needed because of intolerance (bigotry). But this has always been the slow solution to working with oppression. Since our government is choosing bombs over books, education is a huge societal problem in America.
This video cannot be embedded, so here is the
Darkness and hate are very easy, it is love that people are uncomfortable with. I dare anyone to challenge me on that. 😉 How many people do you see running and getting scared of love? But hate, nah, we are comfortable with that. People have no problems sharing their darkness either, it is love that they are uncomfortable to share.
I hope people read this, blue ^^^^^. You nailed it spot on. And it's everyone's responsibility to educate, and do their part. Influence kindness in others, and in yourself. No one's perfect, and it's understanding and being tolerant of other's misgivings in general. Bad days are one thing, bad attitudes towards people and life on a daily basis breeds contempt, and hate. It spreads like wild fire.
Im an empath and can sense negativity and negative people a mile away. I've realized this more and more as I've gotten older that I really have to stay away from and need to walk away from situations, people, filter out, etc. or at the very least, minimize my communication/participation with them.
Posted by bluemoon9043834
And heh heh, yeah, I've been busy... working hard, playing harder.
I've got a feelin there's a lot more behind that "heh heh" of yours, good for you! 😄
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