Is this over?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by eyesofatragedy on Wednesday, April 23, 2014 and has 28 replies.
Scorp guy & I have been seeing each other for several months. We would go to the bar to play pool, have dinner, go to the park...casual things like that. He was texting me every day, several times a day and initiating us seeing each other also.
After three months in and only a few kisses I was starting to wonder if he was friendzoning me so I asked him for clarification. He stated that he felt women are more emotional about physical stuff than men & he didn't want to "upset" me or "lead me on". I explained to him that I respected his choice, thanked him for repsecting me/thinking of me & explained to him that for me, kissing/physical affection is a part of getting to know someone.
So we hung out that night at his place, made some dinner, watched some tv and drank whiskey then I went home.
When I got home I started thinking that maybe he was just giving me a lame excuse so the next day when he texted me I (went over board) & told him I didn't think I should see him anymore because I had feelings for him & I was worried he wasn't reciprocating those feelings.
His reply, "okay, if that's how you feel".

Two weeks go by, I lost one of my best friends to an overdose so I texted him while I was driving around & he said he was sorry, told me his door was open if I wanted to talk & that he wanted to hug me. So I went to his house.
He was very kind to me, hugged me, asked me to tell him stories of my friendship w/her, how I met her, he played me my favorite records and let me practically ruin his shirt with mascara.
I told him then that I missed him & that I was never at peace w/my decision to cut things off. I admitted I did it out of fear. He told me he didn't like it either and he thought of me everyday and thought of contacting me but wanted to give me my space. I told him I didn't want him to feel used by me coming over/contacting him about my friend's death - that I really did miss him and had been wanting to see him.
He kissed me for a long time and we laid in his bed talking. He said he didn't want a relationship bc he has been in a relationship his entire adult life & has been screwed over by cheating, lying bitches. I told him I felt I would be stupid to give him the benefits of being his girlfriend if he couldn't see things going anywhere between us. He explained that's why he didn't kiss me more, that as a man physically attracted to me he *wanted* to but he didn't want to lead me on since he is unsure of what he wanted
SIGH
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Several times he begged me not to leave, told me he didn't want me to leave and he didn't want us to not talk & that if we kept talking maybe we could come to some kind of "an agreement"
So I agreed that I also wanted us to be in each other's lives
Buuuut now he's acting strange, cold and distant
I called him out on the mixed signals and he basically just told me to chill. I told him I was trying to "talk" to him like he requested and he was being an ass
So he pops in occassionally and sort of asked to see me when he texted me two nights ago saying that I'd be the coolest person ever if I brought him some cigs?...(wtf) I wanted to but I was tied up so I didn't go and told him that I was busy
so the following day I invited him to the park and he said he had plans
This push pull stuff is exhausting. Is he over it? I want to believe what he said but at the same time his actions show me different
Is this typical Scorp behavior after they've been broken up with? If you have some, please give me some insight
thanks a ton

oh and happy Grand Cardinal Cross day lol (I have 5 cardinal placements, yay me)
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well that sucks.
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I would take what he says at face value and stop putting yourself in situations where you will end up in cuddly situations, therefore confusing you.
The whole "women are more emotional about physical stuff than men" bit is a bunch of bs. Yeah, there are men who don't emotionally connect that way, but do you want to be with a guy who can and is telling you he is able to disconnect emotion from "physical stuff"? When somebody says "people are like this or that" it is usually because they are projecting.
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mmmm...the never ending cycle
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Yes this is how you react when your dealing with a cylce.
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A unicycle?
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No cycle as in psychopath...
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I'm sorry- its a derailment... but OP every time I see your name this starts playing in my head...
< width="560" height="315" ="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiwDHHcHPh0"
make. it. stop. arrgh!
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Rights derails yourself out of this thread if you don't like my post. And that's song is horrible just like you.
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Lillilous got a peen ween.
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Posted by LilliLou
I'm sorry- its a derailment... but OP every time I see your name this starts playing in my head...
< width="560" height="315" ="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiwDHHcHPh0"
make. it. stop. arrgh!


Every time you see me post? That's funny as it's the first time I've ever posted ... Lol
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Posted by confusedInsane
mmmm...the never ending cycle


Is this the beginning of a cycle? He hadn't done this before
I guess I should have left it alone when I cut things off originally.
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Posted by Rabbit
Hmmm....
First off, I don't think it's "over" because I'm not sure it ever "was".
It sounds like you two connect well on a mental level, but not on an emotional level. I think you need to have both for a good relationship...you have to be friends as well as lovers.
I'm not sure he feels that emotional draw with you. It sounds like you two are capable of enjoying one another's company, and if I as a Scorp had that kind of connection PLUS an emotional connection...you're not escaping Winking


Well I def felt like we had a mutual emotional connection as well
He had opened up to me about his past relationships a bit and a few other personal things
I figured he was just mad at me for cutting him off then coming back later?
I don't want a "cycle" as some others have stated which is why I posted this
Before this happened what we had going on was quite consistent and communication was open
The physical part did confuse me though also which is why I asked him about it and the night I went back to him he expressed lots of physical affection, kisses, rubbing my hair, hugging/cuddling
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Posted by eyesofatragedyIs he over it? I want to believe what he said but at the same time his actions show me different
Is this typical Scorp behavior after they've been broken up with? If you have some, please give me some insight



????Over it??? There's NOTHING to be over. He made it perfectly clear you either be a friend, fuck buddy and nothing more. I got that in the first few sentences of your post. What is your problem here? ...and YES! Scorpio's for the most part WILL tell you up front exactly where you stand. He did exactly that, here is your "insight"---> HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU BEYOND FRIENDS. NO MEANS NO!!!!!
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Posted by eyesofatragedy
I figured he was just mad at me for cutting him off then coming back later?
The physical part did confuse me though also which is why I asked him about it and the night I went back to him he expressed lots of physical affection, kisses, rubbing my hair, hugging/cuddling


???He wasn't mad because you cut him off..in fact BEFORE you cut him off he told you this:
Posted by eyesofatragedyHe stated that he felt women are more emotional about physical stuff than men & he didn't want to "upset" me or "lead me on".


^^^^^Right from the beginning, he was up front and honest. He did not want to lead you on if it got more physical. That was his way of saying, if you want to push this further, it's NOT GOING TO BE A RELATIONSHIP. Then you go home it sinks in...and you decide to cut him off thinking it will cause him to change his mind..(typical). Instead that backfires on you and he respects how you feel as noted below:

Posted by eyesofatragedy
When I got home I started thinking that maybe he was just giving me a lame excuse so the next day when he texted me I (went over board) & told him I didn't think I should see him anymore because I had feelings for him & I was worried he wasn't reciprocating those feelings.
His reply, "okay, if that's how you feel".

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NO MEANS NO. Do you get that now?
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Okay, thanks
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Crikey dicks! (nz slang) sorry op! I didn't mean to make fun of you!!!
But anyway, serious stuff... I think the rabbit knocked it on the head- your man is just not there emotionally, and for a male water sign that is bad news!!! Move on to someone else, and good luck! Winking
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Crikey dicks! (nz slang) sorry op! I didn't mean to make fun of you!!!
But anyway, serious stuff... I think the rabbit knocked it on the head- your man is just not there emotionally, and for a male water sign that is bad news!!! Move on to someone else, and good luck! Winking
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Posted by LilliLou
Crikey dicks! (nz slang) sorry op! I didn't mean to make fun of you!!!
But anyway, serious stuff... I think the rabbit knocked it on the head- your man is just not there emotionally, and for a male water sign that is bad news!!! Move on to someone else, and good luck! Winking


Thanks smile
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Posted by Rabbit
I almost feel he's trying and wanting to make it work, but can't do it, and it's frustrating him.
There's nothing worse than getting along well with someone, being attracted to that person, but not connecting emotionally. Been there done that.
I might even have the tshirt somewhere...


That's what I thought too bc he flat out told me I'm a catch and that he's attracted to me on all levels
I told him that last night we were together that I feel that he's emotionally unavailable and he said he's been told that before
So I'm not sure he is allowing himself to connect to anyone emotionally
Meh
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Why is your screen name "eyes of a tragedy?"
This makes me wonder if you are even emotionally ready to engage in relationship type activities. Are you still getting over a past break-up or are you viewing this scenario as the "tragedy" or is it something else? :/


Eyes of a tragedy is from the lyrics of one of my favorite "a perfect circle" songs called "3 libras" smile
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Posted by Rabbit
There's any number of reasons he may be emotionally unavailable. It could just be he hasn't really found that one person who digs into his heart. He could be damaged in some way. He could just be emotionally immature.
In the end though it is his problem to deal with and fix. No one else can do it for him, and he's only going to allow another to help him if he feels connected.


Very true. Thanks for your insight. It is much appreciated.
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Posted by eyesofatragedy
Posted by Rabbit
There's any number of reasons he may be emotionally unavailable. It could just be he hasn't really found that one person who digs into his heart. He could be damaged in some way. He could just be emotionally immature.
In the end though it is his problem to deal with and fix. No one else can do it for him, and he's only going to allow another to help him if he feels connected.


Very true. Thanks for your insight. It is much appreciated.
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My main thing with all this was I knew where he stood - he told me- as pointed out here
But
He keeps contacting me and asking to see me
It's not like he's getting any, lol
I'll just be his friend then. I'm okay with that.
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Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Posted by Rabbit
There's any number of reasons he may be emotionally unavailable. It could just be he hasn't really found that one person who digs into his heart. He could be damaged in some way. He could just be emotionally immature.
In the end though it is his problem to deal with and fix. No one else can do it for him, and he's only going to allow another to help him if he feels connected.


platinum advice right here.
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Amen!! Big Grin
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Posted by eyesofatragedy
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Why is your screen name "eyes of a tragedy?"
This makes me wonder if you are even emotionally ready to engage in relationship type activities. Are you still getting over a past break-up or are you viewing this scenario as the "tragedy" or is it something else? :/


Eyes of a tragedy is from the lyrics of one of my favorite "a perfect circle" songs called "3 libras" smile
click to expand


Ha!!! I thought A Perfect Circle immediately when I read the name. Goooood song!!!
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Nope I'm a cancer
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Posted by eyesofatragedy
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Why is your screen name "eyes of a tragedy?"
This makes me wonder if you are even emotionally ready to engage in relationship type activities. Are you still getting over a past break-up or are you viewing this scenario as the "tragedy" or is it something else? :/


Eyes of a tragedy is from the lyrics of one of my favorite "a perfect circle" songs called "3 libras" smile
click to expand


Listen to Stink Fist instead. MUCH more liberating!
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